Name: 800 words of heaven (Signed) · Date: 28 Mar 2019 03:23 AM · For: Breathe

Hello, hello! I'm here for a belated Niffler review. They might have left HPFT, but they are still pestering me!

 

It's so cool to be reading one of the first stories on the archives! That's so awesome that you wrote something to celebrate such a huge moment in HPFT's (very young) history.

 

I love how this drabble can also be read as a poem. I've been reading a lot of poetry on the archives recently, so I've got a new-found appreciation for it. The structure and rhythm of this piece was very poetic. It's awesome that you're playing with that line between poetry and prose.

 

One of my favourite things about reading this story was that I couldn't quite work out if the person was feeling depressed or anxious (until the end). To me, that was a great way of exploring the relationship between the two mental health conditions, and how they're really two sides of the same coin. I actually really enjoyed that. After reading the entire thing, I'm leaning more towards feeling sad because of heartbreak.

 

The repetitive use of breathing was also great. It reminded me a lot of my experience with mindfulness and medidative exercises. I'm pretty good at setting up a rhythm and focusing on my breath, but between breaths, these thoughts sneak in that I can't quite control yet.

 

This was a great read! Awesome work :)

 

xx 800

Name: TreacleTart (Signed) · Date: 29 Jan 2019 11:06 PM · For: Breathe

Hey there!

 

I'm here with a review for the Magical Menagerie Review Event as well as the Gryffindor Red vs Gold Review event for January 2019! It's been way too long since I've dropped by your author's page, so I figured I'd rememdy that by leaving you a quick review.

 

Wow. This was deep. Heartbreak can be so incredibly rough and I think you've captured that incredibly well in this piece. You can really feel how much suffering and sadness went into the words of this. It really makes me wonder if this was based on a personal experience. It has that feeling of authenticity to it.

 

I like the way you have Breathe In. Out Breathe between the different verses. It added a really nice affect to the poem. It kind of helps you to visualize how much the person in the story is struggling.

 

I thought the flow of this was really lovely and smooth. All of the short lines made if flow really quickly, like a stream of feelings would. Very nicely done.

 

It's also impressive that you conveyed so much feeling in so few words. I mean each line is just packed to the brim with the emotions of the main character.

 

Good job!

 

~Kaitlin

 

Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 03 Dec 2017 11:59 PM · For: Breathe

Hey!

 

So, this was a really powerful little peace. The idea of having to wear a mask to conceal your pain, a smile to hide the sadness, is so intense and extremely sad, but something a lot of us feel like we have to do a lot of the time. Even when those closest to you know something is wrong, a lie to push their worries off sometimes seems like the better idea because, though life might not have any meaning right now, you breathe and move forward, trying to make everyone believe that you're unfettered. This is extremely sad and so intense and you did such an amazing job writing it!

 

-Rumpels

Name: Dojh167 (Signed) · Date: 03 Dec 2017 11:26 PM · For: Breathe

Ooh this piece is really neat! I really like the structure, which makes it almost feel like poetry. It really feels like someone talking to themself internally, but in a very mechanical way. It almost feels like a command list for a computer or something.

 

I have so many feelings for the speaker. I don’t want her forcing herself to pretend to be happy when she’s not, but I’m also proud of her for not giving in, and for working hard to fight. I just wish that she knew that she didn’t have to be so alone.

 

Ew, there’s a Him. She should definitely tell her friend so they will beat him up.

 

This was really well done - nice job!

 

Sam.

Name: Archer Rose (Anonymous) · Date: 14 Aug 2017 01:29 PM · For: Breathe

Hey Tasha,

 

 

So I love how you've constructed this piece! It has a powerful impact and you've used the repetition perfectly and it really packs a punch. I'm so impressed with what you've created here using so few words too!

 

 

The characterisation in this piece is something special, we know nothing about this character not even their name but I feel I know everything about the character! It's amazing because I feel in the headspace of this character that I don't need to know more about them because I feel a connection to them and their experiences even though it's not something that I've experienced myself. It's honestly really a master stroke that you've pull it off, it's a perfect example of the impact 2nd person narrative can have when it's done well.

 

 

A break up can be a huge emotion event in a person's life and you've really captured this in your writing. The emotional toll on a person, it's beautiful storytelling. I loved how it's an snapshot into someone's thought process. The character's depression is well played here, it's overwhelming but somehow still being subtle. The balance is done just right for me. I'm really rooting for them, I hope tomorrow will be better day for them because I think they deserve that.

 

 

It feel like a really personal piece for you because I feel like the emotions are really raw. If, I'm right then I'm really impressed that you've managed to use that emotion and turn into something creative and positive. You may have noticed the amount of times that I have used the phrase ‘I feel..' in this review which I think highlights how much this piece has got me feeling and thinking. To get your readers to stop and think about something so deeply is real skill. Great job on this Tasha!

 

- Archer Rose

 

xo

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 25 Apr 2017 11:10 AM · For: Breathe

This surely struck a chord. How many times we suffer in silence, pretend everything is fine, smile in the face of people while inside you feel only despair...

 

I loved the repetition here. "Breathe. Smile. Laugh." Over and over again. Day after day after day. It's so evocative, so effective. This is truly so incredibly powerful. I so love it, as painful as it is.

 

Once again, I love the style. The short sentences, the broken rhythm, it's very effective. You don't use anything elaborate, but you don't need to, because the rhythm itself gives this sense of haunting, it's so brilliantly done.

 

I love that there is a point of hope as well, the belief that maybe tomorrow it will get better. This will to go on, despite everything, because maybe tomorrow things will appear different and the pain will be gone. It's actually heartbreaking that that is the only thing that keeps them going. Everyone should experience at least a bit of happiness everyday.

 

One last thing I'll mention (I only just reflected on it, actually) is how effectively second person worked for this piece. It's a perspective that can be tricky to use, but here it worked so wonderfully.

 

Another great piece, I'm so very impressed.

 

See you again soon.

Love,

Chiara

Name: ShazaLupin (Signed) · Date: 25 Apr 2017 10:51 AM · For: Breathe

Hey there, here for CTF!

Hmm, so this is an interesting piece, reminds me of doing English literature at school for some reason.

The way it’s written is rather interesting as it makes the piece faster but also rather disjointed which helps to keep it more paced. The repetition of the words ‘breathe’ and ‘in.out’ were almost making me want to breathe and copy her rhythm, which i think matched the pac of the story so that was really well done, weather it was intentional or not lol.

This is an interesting concept though, especially since we don’t know who the person is. It leaves me feeling as though the piece isn’t finished even though I know it is, because I want to find out who the person is and why they’re feeling like this. It seems to be some sort of party, or group gathering or meeting, I feel like it’s students or someone at Hogwarts because of their best friend being there but maybe not.

It’s kind of killing me that I don’t know who this is or why they feel like this but I suppose that’s part of the mystery and adds to the unique way this piece is written.  Really nice job.

- Shaza :)

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 26 Jan 2017 08:12 PM · For: Breathe

This is another powerful short piece, and I think you were able to convey the narrator's depression very well, particularly about going through the motions when nothing has meaning anymore. that's such a perfect description. I also love the way you used the fractured, short sentences kind of as an indication of the narrator's emotional state. And how you intersperse the smiling and laughing, but each of those are short, whereas the more negative feelings take up more space - in the words of the story and in the narrator's head. A lot is hiding behind the mask the narrator puts up. You conveyed a lot of feeling here in only a few words, which is really impressive. Wonderfully written!

Name: abhorsen (Signed) · Date: 18 Nov 2016 11:34 PM · For: Breathe

I loved this! You did an amazing job of capturing the experience of people who are just struggling to tred water. Breathing is a perfect lens to see it through, both literally and figuratively. Overall, amazing job. <3