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Reviewed for the ‘Galazy’ thingy.
Hi Ineke. This was definitely dark - lingering painfully on the few moments after Draco’s wife has passed. Regardless of how I – as a reader – feel about Draco as a person, you do a wonderful job of making me empathize with him. As a parent, I feel what he feels – a need to reach out to his child; to somehow make this better…or at least more bearable.
I appreciate how you have Draco know he should say something or do something, but there are no words. There are no ‘things’ that can ease the pain they are both going through.
The real *moment* for me was the next to last paragraph. It’s one thing to be sad over not hearing the laughter of the one closest to you, but there’s a deeper connection and a deeper sadness in missing the person even when they were angry and upset at you. It’s clear that Draco deeply loved everything about his wife and that it will take a long time…or maybe forever…before he heals.
This was short, but incredibly moving. Thanks for capturing this so realistically and with almost brutal honesty.
-Drew
Hello. I'm back :)
Oh God, you're going to break my heart with this one, aren't you? That clock, bringing this story around in a circle, how the ticking corresponds to the pain that Draco is feeling; the pain that is multiplied when he looks at his son and doesn't know what to say or do :( In a way, Draco's reaction here shows up some of the shortfalls of his own childhood; perhaps if he'd been allowed to express emotion more freely he'd be better placed to help both himself and Scorpius right now.
Your descriptions here are so vivid and heart-wrenching of Draco and Scorpius silently grieving in this room by Astoria's side. The way that Draco still clings to Astoria's hand even though she's gone. That he's simply unable at that moment to comfort his son even though he wants to. And it takes Scorpius's exit to trigger Draco into action, handing out comfort in the way that he knows by permitting him to invite Albus to the funeral. I'm glad he reached out to his son in some way, even if he couldn't bring himself to physically hug him. Maybe he was terrified of completely falling apart and this is the only way he can hold himself together.
This was such a beautifully-written but so bloody heart-breaking piece. I am in bits.
Meera <3 (galazy review)
Hi, I am here to review this for our swap!
I have never read Drastoria, but I have garnered a sudden interest in luxury and legacy and death :/ So here we go:
That first paragraph already has me gripped by this story. I feel so intensely what Draco is feeling. I also find a sense of his character in the descriptions of the time passing. Mocking, slipping away, shattering, it's all very Draco of him—like he is still unable to be in control :( And just watching Scorpius come to terms with it, again unable to help. (I always have felt that post-Astoria's death, Draco would become very detached because he didn't know how to deal with it) I can't even fathom how it would be to feel guilty that you couldn't explain your wife's death to your son.
AH. That really struck me in the heart, allowing Albus to be there for Scorpius. Whether 'best friend' be the term that Draco uses for his son's boyfriend (I'm not sure if that was the intention or not) or if he just doesn't want to see Harry Potter's son, it is a really touching thought.
'Every second that passed was another second without Astoria' NO that was too sad. Reflecting, I think he lets Scorpius go to Albus because he has just lost his support system. He finally is able to realize how important it is to just be with the ones you love (romantically or otherwise)
Thank you for this great piece of writing, even though it is fleeting and painful
Catherine
This was utterly heartbreaking!
Ugh, the imagry of the clock ticking away and just chasing after him was wonderful (in a geesh Ineke thanks for breaking my heart kind of way!) And the struggle of Draco trying to find words, but not wanting to say the wrong thing and make it worse was just - ahhhhhh!!!!!
This line here though was what broke me, "That he would never see her smile again, or laugh, or get hell from her whenever he got things wrong again." That idea that when people leave us we miss even the worst parts of them or the broken parts of our relationships because those are a part of them too.
Another one!
Going from a sweet couples story to this was like incredible whip lash. Draco's agony at losing his wife and the hollow way he feels is pointed out so incredibly. The opening about the ticking of the clock captured a moment like that so perfectly, and the feeling that you wish it would just stop. This made me feel for Draco in such a strong way after everything he goes through, and then the introduction of his son almost blossoming slowly into the scene through Draco's focus. It's amazing. He's trying so hard to be a good parent in a really tough moment, so it's understanble he's struggling. This was so beautiful!!
- Mel
Hi Ineke, here for our swap and the broom racing as well!
I wanted to read a Drastoria from you because I saw in the Novel Nest you were planning to write one for this JulNo. I should've better prepared for what was awaiting me in this story.
Your description of Draco's emotions is unbelievably vivid, you display his inner world and turmoil like a painting, and while it's beautifully painted, it's also very painful and sad. What could it be in such a life situation? I think you've describe the absolute agony of losing someone so well, also the inability and point blank refusal to let that person go because life without them just doesn't make sense, doesn't even seem possible.
It was so sad watching him struggle reach out to Scorpius, but the fact they reached a connection and an understanding was the one thing that made me feel sort of happy here, and I'm glad Draco wants to be a different dad to his son than Lucius might've been to him.
The last paragraph was heartwrenching, reading about the passage of time that will forever be haunted by Astoria's absence. Very well-written one-shot and amazing description of the instant grief someone feels at the hour of their loved one's dying.
Eli
Dear Ineke,
I'm just as emotional rereading this to leave you a surprise review as I was the day I narrated it for a podfic. You have such a unique blend of agony and love and pain and comfort here that I just can’t cope. The beautiful portrayal of Draco struggling through his own grief to try to find ways to comfort his grieving child. The paralysis and helplessness that overtakes him as he’s trying to reach out. I just can’t imagine going through that, but at the same time you’ve painted it so vividly that I feel it deep in my bones. I love that despite this crushing grief he’s able to encourage his son to reach out to someone who can help even if it’s not necessarily the person he wants. Parents can’t be all things to our children even if we want to. I’d like to think that Astoria would be proud of him despite the guilt that he’s feeling that he’s trying. I love the way we revisit the way he’s clutching her hand through all of this and he just can’t let go. God, I’m heartbroken all over again. You’re such a good writer and the imagery you’ve selected in this piece is just so perfect for the story.
<3 Paula
Alrighty I am here for second swap? If you aren’t feeling up to it - no worries! I am kinda going nuts inside and need to do something and reading/reviewing is better than mindlessly watching 6 seasons of a tv show - even if I did just do that. Balance? Anyways, I’m ready to dive headfirst into what will surely make me want to cry!
Okay wow, right at the start and it’s focusing on his son. Low blow, Ineke, it’s so heart wrenching. The description in the entire first paragraph is just absolutely mind blowing perfect and beautiful and melancholic (I think those are also all words I used in my last review - is this your niche? Because it totally could be by how amazing it is).
And of course, wanting to know how to help and not knowing. Having been on both ends, I don’t know which is harder - being in immense grief or trying to comfort someone you love who is grieving so intensely. Although, then again maybe it’s a middle ground where you’re grieving but you still have to comfort someone - like the position you’ve written Draco to be in.
Aw and the little details about how Draco wanted to make sure Scorpius could come to him. I’ve always imagined Draco to want to break the cycle of poor parenting I’m sure led a bunch of people into becoming Death Eaters, and this is just such a perfect showing of it, even if it’s happening at a terrible time for them.
I’m v glad that Draco tries to do whatever he can, from letting Scorpius have a moment to himself, to making sure he knows that Albus is absolutely invited to the funeral if Scorpius wants/needs him there.
This was just heart wrenchingly sad but a really wonderful story and you weave your words so well that the scene feels so real.
Thank you so much for writing this Ineke so that I could read it!
Lo <3
here for our swap
thanks for tearing my heart out of my chest, v appreciated, so kind of you, how are you so cruel
wait hold up i'm going for relative coherence here aren't i motherforker
so here's the thing, you capture So Much Emotion here - i think it's in how much depth you put into describing the physical experience of their fear and grief and uncertainty, bc really, that shit really is a physical experience? you (or at least i) don't necessarily process what i'm saying anywhere near as much as i process what i'm doing and feeling - and in some ways, if you're talking, you're actually kind of better off bc you're not experiencing it alone
if that makes sense
goddamn this was fucking brutal
i knew i was setting myself up to be sad the moment i clicked on this story, but OUCH MY HEART.
you’ve captured so many different and powerful emotions in this piece. the most obvious is draco’s grief, which permeates every single aspect of the story, and manifests itself in so many different ways. the fact that he can’t let go of her hand, the fact that he half expects the world to come to a halt when she dies because… well, she is his world after all, and perhaps most prominently, the way it almost paralyses him when it comes to scorpius. you’ve made it abundantly clear here that he really loves his son and really wants to be that supportive person for him, but at the same time, he’s so caught up in his own feelings as he’s just lost his wife that he CAN’T. he can’t be the person scorpius needs right now, which makes it even more heartbreaking because we can see that he’s kind of beating himself up for that.
but even still, you’ve managed to capture that… despite feeling like he’s not enough in this moment, he’s still such a good father. the fact that he so genuinely cares for scorpius and wants him to find comfort in this time - even if it means inviting someone who he may not necessarily like to his wife’s funeral - is just so different from his own experiences with his own family. you can definitely see how his upbringing has affected him - the fact that he doesn’t really let himself cry until scorpius is out of the room is evidence of that, i think, because i’ve never gotten the impression that lucius malfoy would’ve shown much emotion around his son or made expressions of emotion seem like an acceptable thing, so you’ve still got that aspect of draco’s character, but still. he’s a good father, he’s just really struggling right now with what’s maybe the biggest loss he’s experienced to date.
i also really love how little dialogue there is in this piece, because… well, in this sort of moment, there aren’t words. there’s not much anyone can really say in this situation - they’re far more lost in their own thoughts than anything, and i think that really speaks for itself.
ugh someone needs to give draco a hug. thanks for breaking my heart with this one - it was such a powerful little piece. <3
-taylor
Hey, there, Ineke!
I'm trying to catch up with some last minute FROGS voting, so here I am!
And I just wanted to stop by very quickly to let you know that I think you truly did an amazing job with this! You really broke my heart with this piece, and the fact that you did so with so few words is very impressive... I really wish Draco would've just hugged Scorpius, but I can sort of see why he was feeling unable to do so... all his doubts made me so sad... they are both just so broken and I really just want to hold them both...
Such a lovely job on this! Good luck on the FROGS!
Snowball hug,
Chiara
Hi, Ineke!! <3
THIS MADE MY HEART VERY SAD INSIDE, I AM SO EXTREMELY HEARTBROKEN RIGHT NOW INEKE. I already knew that my emotions would be reduced to this state from the story summary alone, but somehow as the story progressed it got sadder and sadder! How! is that possible!!! I genuinely cannot comprehend writing angst, so anyone who manages to gut-punch me with a thousand kilograms of feelings is incredible to me. <3
There are so many little moments in here that do so well to communicate Draco’s expression of grief -- the fact that he won’t stop holding onto Astoria’s hand (SOB), or that he can’t find the words to speak to his crying son (SOB), his final tears (SOB SOB SOB). Just from this little one-shot, I get the impression that Astoria was perhaps the truly engaging force between her husband and son; of course Draco still loves his son, and vice versa, but I have a feeling that Astoria made communication easier between the three of them. So the gaping absence of her lost in this one-shot feels devastating, and I can’t even begin to imagine how grief-stricken Draco and Scorpius must feel.
Your story was well-written, and seeing how you described Draco and Scorpius’s grief made me think about the differences I’ve heard people tell me between losing a loved one suddenly, and losing a loved one over a long period of time. Draco and Scorpius fall into the latter, and though they had time to prepare themselves for her death, it doesn’t decrease the loss they feel when the inevitable happens -- and that’s so difficult to read about.
Draco wanting to comfort Scorpius afterwards, ahh!! It’s just the most beautiful representation of the love that exists between family members, because Draco is suffering an unbearable amount, as the love of his life just passed away, but the first person that he thinks about is Scorpius. It’s just such a quietly selfless thought, and I think this kind of selflessness defines parenthood, and I just love love love that it was featured so prominently here.
He really does understand his son, despite all the difficulty talking to him after such a horrible day in their lives. I think it’s unbelievably sweet when he suggests that Scorpius invite Albus -- it really, really warmed my heart. BUT THEN the contrast between that moment of warmth and the subsequent moments of devastation as Draco mourns her for himself, aw. It hurts to think about. I felt a really painful twist in my heart when he thought about all the ways Astoria made his life better -- that ending part was so so well done. <3
<3
Love,
Eva
Hi Ineke!
So I know I nominated this story for the FROGS, but that was mostly based on my remembrance of reading it for you and helping you come up with a title for it, so here I am with a review! I’ve still not seen Cursed Child, just read the play script, but I think your love of the show and the source material really shines through in this piece, even though it’s not something necessarily covered all that much in the show. Even though you might beg to differ, you have a really really good grasp on the character of Draco in this context, especially as it’s at the funeral of his wife, and he’s an adult with changed morals from his school days. The detailed descriptions of Draco’s feelings through the different senses of his body (touch, hearing, sight) is executed very well. Of course though, his son is the one who breaks first, because he’s a child unused to seeing death, and of seeing the death of someone he’s so close to at that.
You’ve done a stellar job too of making Draco realize he doesn’t really know how to comfort his son about his grief, or how to even confront his own grief in the first place too. With his own father, Draco had to hide any pain or grief or weakness he felt because of the upbringing he had and the situations he was put into as a sixteen year old, so he’s got an emotional barrier he doesn’t know how to lift all the way. His and Scorpius’s usual mediator, Astoria, has left them, and so now they have to figure this out on their own, but neither of them really know how to do that.
The minimal amount of dialogue in this piece speaks to how well you know Scorpius and Draco, but also how the words that *are* spoken will have a much heavier weight to them than if there was a lot more dialogue in this story. And of course Scorpius asks if he can have Albus come to the funeral -- he needs that support while there, because then his mother’s death is final, she’s officially gone, and that is too much for Scorpius to bear alone. But we end with Draco finally releasing his pain and grief and crying like he needs to, and there’s a certain peace to that. Fantastic job with this story, Ineke! <3
~Madi
CMDC Round 3
Hi Ineke! I’m here for CMDC Round 3 :D
This story is so sad! I expected it to be, considering the subject matter, but it’s just so heartbreaking. I love that you kept coming back to Draco’s hands—he keeps wanted to do something with them, but there’s nothing at all that he can actually do in order to change the events, save his wife, or even comfort his son.
And that’s the worst part of grief—how it can alienate you from the very people who might understand best what you are going through. Because Draco is dealing with his own hurt, he can’t really help his son with his. At least he understands enough to suggest that Scorpius invite Albus to the funeral.
And Draco is such a solitary figure—who even are his friends? In losing Astoria, it seems like he’s lost pretty much his only friend—and so who is there to support him through this time? :(
Nice work!
Yours,
Noelle
Hi Ineke!
Ah, this was such a heartbreaking story! I know that Astoria's death is now technically canon, because of Cursed Child, but it's something that I generally like to ignore and pretend doesn't happen at all. I definitely feel like the Malfoys deserve better than this, but regardless of that, you wrote this wonderfully. Every sentence felt like it was saturated with grief. It was so heartbreaking to read, but I think you captured how much pain and loss both Draco and Scorpius are feeling at this point, having just lost Astoria.
The silence at the start of this piece was so effective - the fact that the clock was just ticking away and there was no other sound said so much about what had just happened. Astoria wasn't breathing anymore, but the fact that time was still continuing was torture to Draco. That fits so well with grief - it doesn't feel like things should be able to carry on like normal when you've lost someone, but they do, and it's so hard to deal with.
I really liked the way that you showed how Draco and Scorpius had different reactions to Astoria's death in the immediate moments afterwards, too, with Draco frozen and Scorpius restless. I think that's another thing that makes grief so hard - everyone deals with it differently and those reactions don't always work well together. It was so impressive to see Draco able to reach out and try and be a dad before anything else here, though. He knows he can't make it better for Scorpius but he does his best to put his son before himself, and that says so much about who he is as a person and how much he's grown.
I'd much rather that Astoria hadn't had to die, but this was so poignant and heartbreaking, and you did a wonderful job of capturing Draco and Scorpius in this moment!
Sian :)
Hi, I'm here for the CMDC, round #3. Congratulations on your nomination, Ineke!
The first paragraph was amazing in description, the continual ticking of the clock driving a knife deep very well done and it really set the tone. Even though you never said it directly in the first paragraph, I could still visualize a husband and son standing over the mother’s body. Of course, you confirmed it in the second paragraph and I saw a side of Draco I question if he’s ever shown before-grief.
Then you turned to focus on Draco and Scorpius and my heart went out to both of them, particularly Draco. To be upset about something is definitely one level of despair, but to see that grief in another and know it’s your responsibility, yet you don’t know how or can’t approach it it an entirely new level. Yet there is hope at the end. He’s willing to allow a Potter to be part of their grief if it will help his son.
Nice wrap up with the ticking clock again. Again, it sets the reminder that although there is hope, it will still be a very long road to recovery.
Hi Ineke! Here for CMDC Round 3!
Gosh, this is such a sad scene; I wonder what happened to Astoria?? (btw, I have not seen Cursed Child -- yes, I know, shock and horror! -- so if this has anything to do with CC I ay be at a disadvantage when reviewing it). But still, a loss is a loss, and grief is grief.
You’ve brought a lot of humanity to Draco here, making him a true family man, even if he does doubt himself or doubt how well he’s doing at it. I’m sure there must be nothing so difficult as trying to comfort a child after the death of a parent, especially when it’s your own child.
I like how you’ve stretched out this moment, concentrating entirely on this moment in time and how Draco is experiencing it. His life is shattered, and the gravity of this moment is amplified by the way you begin and end this story with the ticking of the clock -- those were my favorite parts, and in my opinion some of the strongest parts of this story. Time is moving forward even though Draco, right now, is not, and probably feels almost incapable of it.
Great job painting an emotional portrait!
Melanie
Hey there!
I'm here to leave you a review for the CDMC event - Round 2 - Incantations!
Oh no. This sounds like it's going to be a heartbreaker of a story. Yep, that's a confirmation.
I think it's so sad to see Draco doubting his own parenting skills. I know he wishes he could be more vocal in his support of his son, but not everyone works that way and I would imagine that Scorpius understands. Furthermore, he too has lost someone incredibly dear to him and he can't be expected to have the words to comfort his son when he can't even comfort himself. As time passes, he'll find ways to convey his feelings a little bit better.
I also liked the focus with Draco on how letting go of Astoria physically was paramount to letting go of her emotionally as well. It's like a bit of denial...as if if he justs hold on long enough, she'll somehow come back to him. But he knows he won't and eventually he will have to let go and embrace his child. It will be a very difficult task for him, but I know he'll find the way.
I am really glad though that he both recognizes what his son needs and recognizes the value of Albus Potter in his son's life. He isn't the same man he was in school and the action of telling Scorpius to invite Albus shows that. It is a small act of love, putting his own comfort below the needs of his child. He knows that Albus can provide a source of support that he doesn't have the capability to give at this particular moment.
I also really like that he gives a lot of thought to the hole now left in his life in Astoria's absence. It sounds like she was a very positive influence to him, someone who pushed him to be better and to keep growing. I know right now feels confusing and he feels lost, but as he heals, I think he'll use her memory to further motivate himself to be a better person.
And a little review for the podfic...I really enjoyed listening to this as a podfic. Paula did a lovely job of bringing it to life. I thought her timing was really good and the way she enunciates the words make everything very clear and easy to follow. She really made me feel for Draco and Scorpius and their struggles after Astoria's death.
Great job to both of you!
~Kaitlin
Hello again!
This story is crushing. Fortunately I haven't experienced it with a parent or someone this close to me, but I've seen it firsthand and the inability to mentally/emotionally accept the person's death and even physically to let go of them is very real - even to the exclusion of sharing comfort or even feeling with others. These things are abudantly clear here.
I am glad that Draco was ultimately able to say SOMETHING to his son, even if it was of little comfort in the moment and even if it feels like it was passing the buck on comforting Scorpius to Albus. Him saying absolutely nothing would've been much worse, despite his obvious grief.
I love the clock. It's maybe a horrible thing to say in a story focused on death and grief - that you love something about it - but it's such a perfect use, even tick a reminder and not just that, but another deeper and sometimes even distinct wound.
I think this was very well-handled. Thanks for sharing.
Hi Ineke!
Ahh, this was so sad but so good! I forgot about your love for Cursed Child until I read this, so I shouldn't be surprised that you wrote Draco and Scorpius, and their relationship, so well! My heart broke for Draco in this, and how he was trying to be there for Scorpius but also needing to deal with his own grief--that's hard! And poor Scorpius, feeling like he can't show his sadness in front of his father :( Y u make me sad like dis, Ineke? But Draco getting Scorpius to invite Albus to the funeral is really sweet. Draco is a great dad, but he can't often show it, or shows it in different ways, and I really think that's what you've captured here! I loved it!
Hi, Ineke!
This was a really heavy hitter. I could really feel the emotions in it, and I felt so much for Draco and Scorpius. It's so hard to lose a loved one, and I can't imagine how much harder it would be to know it would be coming and just watch as the day comes closer and closer. I guess it would be a bit like cancer, but even with cancer sometimes there's a small chance of fighting back to hope for. With Astoria's blood curse, there'd be none. She died for something that had nothing to do with her, and that's so extremly unfair and tragic.
It's good that Scorpius has Albus to go to, but I have to wonder who Draco has? Of course he has Scorpius, but I'm not sure if he would be able to say everything he wants to his son. It's different when you're supposed to be the strong one, and that's what it seems like he would probably see himself as being a parent. That he should be there for Scorp and not the other way around. Hopefully in the years since the war he's found someone he can be open with.
This was a lovely oneshot, if a heartbreaking one, so congrats for writing this. Thanks for the good read!
~Kat
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