Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 06 Aug 2019 12:23 AM · For: an ode to broken glass

Hi Joey! I’m finally here for the swap I flaked on last week.

 

I’m noticing that time and the experience and meaning of time is a theme that runs through many of your stories. I’m really fascinated by that, and the way that you explore it.

 

I don’t know that I’ve ever received a letter as amazingly romantic as this letter that Cian has written for Demelza. I feel that I can see the way that Sonnet 55 has influenced this entire story—from the chapter title to the section titles that evoke the idea of decay—which the beloved will never feel—to this letter that Cian writes to immortalize Demelza and this particular moment of love—to all the imagery that you use in section two—the dust and the window and the cracking—I just…Joey, I’m having trouble even articulating my thoughts about how dense and beautiful this story is. Even if I didn’t know that you were a poet as well as a prose author, I would be able to tell by the way that you handle words and put them together just so. You have an ability to wring every ounce of meaning out of the words that you chose and how you weave them together—and I admire it very much.

 

This line here: “I cannot--will not, and could never be persuaded to--live independent of this instant.” 

 

I feel that this line encapsulates the entire story—and perhaps your interpretation of Sonnet 55. There are moments that are so perfect that we feel we would be able to live in them forever—that the moment would be enough. Incidentally, this is the traditional Catholic idea of Heaven—that the saints spend eternity with God, seeing Him face to face—because that perfect moment is enough. And the idea of any moment being enough speaks to the idea of existing outside of time—outside of this endless duration and in something bigger and perhaps more comfortable. 

 

And these lines: “If I’d gotten my way from the very beginning, we’d not have crossed paths. I did not come here in search of you, but I will not leave without you.”

 

I’m deeply curious to know more about the events surrounding these lines—and I hope that they will be treated elsewhere in more depth eventually. 

 

And this line: “Your name danced off beat over my tongue the first time I spoke it.” 

 

I love how playful and earnest this line is.

 

And this whole final paragraph of Cian’s letter: All I can say is that I hope that Demelza returns Cian’s affections—he’s quite a catch, at least as far as I can tell from this letter!

 

I wasn’t sure how you would be able to follow such an impassioned first section, but I adored the introspective second section. The mature view that Cian is able to have of his traumatic year at Hogwarts—that he can find good in it—is amazing. He can find pride in the fact that he has done as much as he could to help the right side. And he has found this young woman, who he might never have met otherwise. And his confidence that, whatever might happen to him, she will live on and shine on and be beautiful—because she can none other—it’s so breath-taking. 

 

So many perfect lines in this section too. A few of my favorites were: 

 

“Death must march through me before it may behold your likeness.”

 

and 

 

“There is a nonchalance to your posture, your body held as if a living shrine.”

 

And the whole final metaphor of the “window into the soul of this year.” 

 

This story was truly a lesson in how to use words well, and also in how to evoke the sensation of what a thing is and who a person is—rather than what a thing or a person looks like.

 

Joey, really brilliant job here! It’s always such a pleasure to read your work!

 

Yours,

Noelle

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 22 Jul 2019 02:41 PM · For: an ode to broken glass

Hi Joey!  Here to review the entries for my Shaking Up Shakespeare challenge - sorry you've had to wait so long for this!

 

I think that I said when you chose to use Sonnet 55 as your inspiration that I was really hoping someone would pick it.  It's such a wonderfully evocative poem and I've always thought it would tie in really well with the world of Harry Potter, especially the events that take place through the novels and earlier.  The way that you incorporated the sonnet into this piece was really brilliant.  Reading this, I could very easily see the influence of the original poem - some of the phrasing and imagery, the adaptations of some of the lines - and yet I didn't feel like you were just taking the poem and modernising it.  You definitely made this your own.

 

This era truly lends itself to the ideas in Sonnet 55, doesn't it?  The themes of immortality and war running side by side - strange bedfellows, maybe (look at me, going all Shakespearean), but also perfectly natural in a time that's so dangerous and terrifying.  I think that it's human instinct to not want to disappear after death, to think that you'll have made some sort of impact and there'll be something to remember you by when you're gone.  You captured that sentiment really well in this piece, especially with the way that Cian was thinking about Demelza in that way.  It's kind of heartbreaking to think that really, these two are just children who are in love, but their lives have much higher stakes than they should.  No child should have to think about that, but it's very natural that Cian would, in times of war.  It's almost the only thing that either of them can do for the other if the worst happens.

 

I really enjoyed your choice of characters in this - Demelza is one of my favourite minor characters and it's nice to think of her finding someone she loves, even if that relationship is overshadowed by the war.  Cian's voice came through really clearly here, too.  I haven't read your novel (yet) so I might have liked a little more background on Cian or how he and Demelza met without the need for the information in the author's note, but this has also made me want to read more about them, so I guess that's probably worked out quite well :P

 

Anyway, I thought you captured their relationship really well in this - there's something almost inevitable about the two of them coming together, which leaves an edge of worry in my mind for what happens to them, especially with the bittersweet tone of this poem.  You also captured the sort of desperation that's come from their love - the way that Cian wants to find a way to hold onto Demelza, whatever happens (not in a possessive way - at least, that's not how I read it here, but hopefully you know what I mean!).

 

The imagery and tone of this piece were really beautiful.  I loved the way that you took lines from the sonnet and wove them through the story, adapting them so they were your own but still evoking the original.  'Should memory of me crumble to the sea, you will shine on' was probably one of my favourite lines.  I also really loved the mention at the end that neither of them were from powerful or well-known families, that they weren't particularly notable as far as the rest of the world is concerned.  It reflected the anonymity of the sonnet - just because you're not named, or known, or powerful, doesn't mean that you don't deserve to live on in memory beyond death.  I thought you captured that so well.

 

This was a really wonderful piece and a brilliant use of Sonnet 55 to inspire your story.  Thanks so much for entering my challenge!

 

Sian :)

Name: down-in-flames (Signed) · Date: 02 Jul 2019 02:09 AM · For: courtship as a public affair

hi joey, here with your challenge review!

 

trying to avoid being married off by one’s parents is perhaps the most logically sound reason to fake date someone, tbh. I don’t blame andromeda in the slightest, and I think this is definitely something I could picture her character doing just to escape the judgment and expectations of her family. and god, avoiding being married to lucius malfoy is the most IMPORTANT reason to fake date someone (I also love the added little detail of narcissa not being the first choice among the black sisters).

 

I love your benjy as well, he’s such a devoted friend and is so willing to go along with andromeda’s plan even though there’s nothing in it for him. plus, he's got all sorts of sass and personality even in this short little fic and i adore him for it. and I love the gentle teasing between him and andromeda in this chapter - their friendship is super evident here, and I love it!

 

and I know this review is technically for my challenge and not for the collab, but I just have to acknowledge that the little ‘take me home’ line in here was a perfect way to tie in the theme.

 

woof, andromeda’s family really is the worst. I mean, I didn’t expect much given that they’re the black family and don’t exactly have a track record of being welcoming people, but wow, druella is nothing short of cruel. it’s clear that she’s intentionally trying to scare benjy off or make him uncomfortable, even in their brief interactions. and then narcissa is just as self-absorbed as i’d expect her to be at that age, and it’s very evident in even their very brief interactions that the two sisters don’t get along at all.

 

but good for them - this is actually one of the rare instances in fic where a fake dating plot actually goes according to plan, no one develops feelings, and they’re able to actually call off the whole thing a few weeks later with no harm done. it’s a fresh spin on the trope, and you did it excellently! I love this friendship pairing so much.

 

awesome work on this piece, and thanks for entering my challenge!!

 

-taylor

Name: juls (Signed) · Date: 26 Apr 2019 01:11 PM · For: an ode to broken glass

Ahh, Joey, I'm here to review your story as reward for your placing third in our Wrong Owl Challenge. I'm so glad you decided to join our challenge!

 

This story was an amazing tribute to the Bard, Shakespeare. I love how you intertwined your characters into his writing style, but still made it your own. (The name Demelza reminds me so much of one of my favorite period dramas, Poldark, also. *smiles*)

 

Your imagery throughout is fantastic! It makes me feel as if I am walking through the rain with them. His pain over not her by his side later, and the resignation over of their time apart until he is again home with his Demelza.

 

This was beatiful, and I'm so glad that you chose this as one of the ones to be reviewed as part of your reward for placing in our challenge.

 

Thanks!

 

<3 juls

Name: beyond the rain (Signed) · Date: 23 Apr 2019 05:30 PM · For: an ode to broken glass

Hey! I'm here for the emerald vs silver review battle! This fic sparked my interest when I realised it was inspired by a shakespeare sonnet rather than one of his plays. I know of the plays and general plots, but I have to be honest with you - outside of the famous pieces, I know very little about Shakespeare's sonnets. After reading this, I think you can really see the inspiration - and the beauty in what you've written. 

 

Sonnet 55 gives me an impression of imortality and war, which are two very juxtaposing things...but they do go hand in hand. I mean take the wizarding war for example. It resulted in so much death, but in the HP world it will always be remembered. The faces, the soldiers - have been imortalised through death. 

 

Your piece really makes me think about that theme immortality.  The little lines like "should memory of me crumble to the sea, you will shine on; a singular beacon" and "I will climb through the cavity, a tourist returning to the place they call home. My dear Demelza - you will not end." those are just a few that really remind me of the sonnet you chose. 

 

I love all the metaphors, how they're so beautifully constructed, so descriptive and telling without really saying much. This definitely has a shakespearean aura to it. This has really made me want to know more about Cian and Demelza. He holds her in such high esteem it seems, she must be worth reading about.  

 

You should be proud of this, it's probably the most creative and beautiful piece of writing I've read. 

 

Bex

 

 

Author's Response:

Wow, Bex. This review just brightened my day so much! Such a wonderful surprise to return to.

I’m not an expert in Shakespearean works--I know them and I’ve read them, but I’d never consider myself any sort of authority.

My choice to use Sonnet 55 came down to the themes of it lining up so perfectly with one of my main novels that I felt I almost had no choice but to use it. Writing about the time period covered in Deathly Hallows makes basically any romance story a little bit bittersweet. You can hardly date like normal teens in the midst of the kind of horrors they went through that year. That sort of hardship can inspire a person to take a step back and look at the totality of life and truly comprehend how fragile it can be. The sonnet definitely went along with my ideas in that sense.

I love a good extended metaphor - they can be a balancing act, trying to make sure that the intent is clear, but not too spelled out. I’m glad that you felt I got what I was trying to say across in a way that might have been beautiful even. Cian and Demelza, before I wrote this piece, were destined to be fairly minor characters in my novel. But now, I’ve expanded both of their roles because I’ve come to like them quite a bit. So I suppose it had that effect on both of us haha.

And as for the last line of this review, I’ve got no words. I just screamed when I read that and haven’t really stopped. Thank you so much, that means the world to me!

 

Joey