Name: TidalDragon (Signed) · Date: 11 May 2020 04:01 PM · For: Chapter 1

Howdy Pix and Kaitlin!

 

This piece was an awesome examination of appearance versus reality. On the surface, the Hargraves obviously looked like a dream come true - a way to make everything she wanted work out. Obviously that doesn't turn out to be the case, but the way you got us there was really special.

 

I think it would've been easy to write this a mere progression focusing on Becca and just examining the situation from a more internal perspective, but while those inner thoughts are critical to the piece working, I think you added and incredible amount of value by presenting them in the context of conversations with Ina, Frank, et al.

 

I really enjoyed the ending too. Becca looking back at what happened and realizing that her decision to go to Hargraves was wrong, but viewing it as a setback rather than something that destroyed her life and goals left things on a very positive note and was rather instructive instead of just your normal ending.

 

Thanks for sharing!

Author's Response:

Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!

~Kaitlin

 

Name: StarFeather (Anonymous) · Date: 30 Mar 2019 12:46 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hi, Pixi and Kaitlin！

 I really enjoyed reading this one shot like I saw a movie in the theater. What a coincidence, one company's conspiracy movie hit in my country, the title of the film, 'The Seven Conferences' in which the top of each company tries to put blame for what they have done to the others. I remembered that when I spotted Becca's name was everywhere on the donation receipts.  It's hilarious and I thought it wonderful when you have so many beta readers to support you. I am very proud of you two as the old Gryffindor.

 

 The protagonist's angst between 'earning money for her poor life and her family' and 'her study completion' is well written. It's good you set the other important characters like the villain, Gretchen (  the name itself sounds fishy) and Ina with Frank. I came to conclude that there must be the golen rule "the trio rule" to make the story interesting : in Harry Potter, Harry and Ron with Hermione. In the film I mentioned above, the nearly veteran company officer (the protagonist) and the young officer with the 'nearly thinking quit the company' female officer after bitter love affair with the married man.

 

So many kudos on your work, Pixi and Kaitlin!

 

K

 

 

 

 

Author's Response:

Hi Kenny!

Thanks for reading our challenge story.  It was definitely a challenge to write an original fiction piece.  As you know, I love to get as many beta readers as possible before I post.  Mostly because I am insecure, but also because I want all the major issues fixed before everyone else reads it. That way, readers have the best experience possible.  Haha, I didn't think about the trio playing an important part in the story. It was more that people need people, and it's good to help one another out in life.  That's always a good rule.

Thanks so much for the review!

Pix

Name: BookDinosaur (Signed) · Date: 29 Mar 2019 03:17 AM · For: Chapter 1

Hey Kaitlin and Pix! Here for part 1/4 of my swap with Kaitlin ❤

And right away you've managed to get me interested in what's going on. Hargraves Industries seems like a godsend at first, but by the second section they're already seeming kind of sketchy -- you introduce the little hints really well, and get me feeling uneasy, and then of course it all culminates awfully. It’s really awful that so much of modern life depends on having money, student loans and increased cost of living, and that kind of thing will draw people like Becca into situations like this :(

But my thoughts on society are for another time :P My thoughts on Hargraves, though, I think that’s fair game. And holy carp are they some scumbags >:( I hate how they claim to be so community-focused and then immediately sacrifice those values when it means it’ll bring them more profit. And it’s even worse because it’s behaviour we can recognise in companies today.

But then, to balance it out, I really enjoyed Becca in this story -- I love that we are able to see her taken in, at first, by this company, and then slowly realise that something isn’t right. And then, most importantly, to stand up for what she believes in when that realisation comes. A good way of working in a back from the brink, think, only this time the brink is between morality and immorality. I’m very glad she came back from it :’)

I noticed two little motifs that appeared in relation to her -- that wide-screen television she bought with the money from Hargraves and then got rid of after the whole debacle, and then the comfortable jeans that she’s in both times that she’s talking about the job with Ines. Those two touches really brought the story home for me, I really enjoyed them ❤

Stylistically, the skips between sections (and writers) seems so smooth and seamless -- you two have done a really wonderful job with this fic, and I really enjoyed reading it!

❤Emily

Author's Response:

Hey there! Thank you so much for the review! It truly made my day! I wish I could write you a longer response, but I've gotten so bogged down in review responses lately. I hope you know how much your words mean to me and how much I appreciate your support, encouragement, and critique. Thank you!

~Kaitlin