Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 18 Feb 2022 11:41 PM · For: Of House Elves

Hi, Anapenoxx,

This was ultimately a sad chapter as Claire is facing what she thinks to be her only possible future, the future that her mother has laid out for her. Marriage to a Death Eater and a family of children as a way to be excused from actively participating in the Death Eater activities of the pureblood families, especially the men.  What a horrible position to be in.

Such an interesting conversation with Regulus in the kitchens.  I'm not surprised to see Regulus there, considering how the Marauders were frequent visitors to the place.  Regulus is just following in his brother's footsteps, but I notice that Regulus is friendly and considerate with the house-elves, and they react to him in kind, whereas I seem to recall that Sirius was not so kind or considerate with Kreacher when Kreacher was living at the house in Grimmald Place.

Claire is pretty much satisfied with haandsome, attentive Evan as a suitor, and she is happy to think that a match with Evan would make her mother glad.  The only problem seems to be that Regulus thinks that Evan is a thoughtless, spoiled brat who will get himself killed.  Just a little matter, right?  I like her thought: "Regulus had no idea what it was lilke to be me, or why I had chosed Rosier..."  That entire paragraph, near the end of this chapter, is a good summary of where Claire is, at this moment, looking for security, wishing to comply with the wishes of her family and her place in society.

This is all very interesting and well analyzed.  I am enjoying reading it.

Vicki

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Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 18 Feb 2022 11:14 PM · For: Of Speeches

Hi, Ana penoxx,

That's quite the party that the Slytherins are putting on, isn't it? It is interesting to see how Claire is torn between her Hufflepuff Housemates, who are actually her friends, and the members of Slytherin House, who are the pyrebloods she's supposed to be associating with.  Now it's the beginning of her final year at Hogwarts, and she still hasn't resolved this split in her alliances and loyalties.  I can see that it will be harder and harder for her to just sweep the matter under the rug for another year.  Sonn she will have to make some sort of commitment.

I enjoyed her thoughts about the robes that the girls were wearing to the Slytherin party, and the differences between the wardrobe choices of the various girls according to their position on the social scale.  I see that Claire still goes along with her mother's opinions on what is suitable to do, wear, and think.  And she's not an unfeeling girl, just a naive one.

It's hard to know what Evan Rosier's plan is, why he is treating Claire as well as he does, even though she is, inexplicably, not a Slytherin.

And then we have the party room draped all in black as a symbol of power, and the unabashedly elitist speech of Evan to all the party-goers.  I guess we could have expected smething like that from him.  Regulus is going to play an important role in this story, but I don't yet have a good feel for where his alliances lie.  Still, he's obviously not impressed with Evan.

A good story.  This scene was colorful to the mind's eye (even with all that black).  You are doing a good job in making each scene visually interesting.

Nice job.

Vicki

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Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 18 Feb 2022 10:44 PM · For: Of Warnings

Hi, Anapenoxx.

Things seem to be becoming more ominous now.  Perhaps the heavy rain as the students arrive at the castle is a metaphor for the Gathering Storm.

I like how you used the scene of the ride in the carriage to add background and plot elements.  Claire and Regulus are each shwing off to each other, in a serious way, that they can see the Thestrals because each of them has witnessed death.  Sine Regulus's dark mark is old, we assume that he has been a Death Easter for a while and might well have seen death.  But now I am curious as to what death Claire has seen.  Obviously not in the course of doing the Dark Lord's bidding, as any Death Eater might have done.

I like the part where Regulus tells Claire that her father is well and that the Dark Lord is pleased with the work that Mr Nott has done.  My lord, what kind of work is that? But Claire is happy to know that her father is in the Dark Lord's favor and that he praises her to his Death Eater colleagues.  I can only imagine what kind of awakening is in store for Claire.  We generally don't see stories told from the point of view of the naive children of Death Eaters.  Interesting.

I like your description of how the four Houses were behaving during the feast, each House exhibiting its unique personality.  Among the Slytherins there's a duality: the boys are talking Death Eater politics and the girls are focusing on their gender roles: engagement, marriage, babies. *big sigh*

The  discussion between Claire and Anabelle was particularly interesting to me because I am working on a story involving a wizarding family who are part of an agricultural community.  Some readers have wondered whether wizards really did pursue agriculture as a career, so I am glad to see that you say that they do!

An odd ending --  Evan Rosier, the Slytherin, sneaking up on Claire at the entrance to the Hufflepuff residence, but we're not exactly sure why he is there.  And then Regulus, also a Slytherin, appears on the scene, but at least he's a prefect and has a reason to be patrolling all parts of the castle.  Something is obviously up, but you are not telling us yet what it is!

An intriguing story.  I am enjoying it.  Thank you for writing.

Vicki

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Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 18 Feb 2022 09:38 PM · For: Of Dark Marks

Hi, Anapenoxx.

I  am enjoying reading your story, "Sunshine."  It is very smoothly written, and the prose flows very wewll.

"Look, Daddy!  I'm you!" declares the little girl.  What a great opening for this tale of a girl who grows up to be less sure that she wants to be her daddy. That little section, a prologue, if you will, suggests a double meaning for the word 'sunshine.'  It refers to the little girl, her father's pet name for her, but I also wondered if it would refer to what she is yearning for (and hopefully achieves by the end of the story) -- a way out of the darkness that is enveloping her society.

But for now, Claire's feelings are only 'uneasiness'.  You convey this very well, though I'm predicting that they wil become more desperate as the story and the school year proceed.  How to keep herself out of the worst of the involvement, even if it means marrying and having a baby as soon as possible.

I very much like how you handle the final section of the story when the young men are showing off and comparing their dark marks and engaging in subtle oneupmanship about who is the more experienced in the service of the Dark Lord.  Subtle but telling.

And Claire's frank thoughts about her assumption that purebloods are superior to Muggleborns and that Muggles are vindictive and cruel --  she has a lot to learn!

An excellent start to what promises to be an insightful story! Thank you for writing.

Vicki

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Name: blackballet (Signed) · Date: 18 Feb 2022 09:08 PM · For: Of Dark Marks

Hello, I am a voyager for the galazy event!

 

Okay, who is this Claire??? And Rodolphous and Rabastan??? Is this a new generation, or a new character for Regulus to be *friends* with?? I am already so drawn in. Of course, she is being set up for a marriage, and hopefully we know who ;).

 

Oh, she's a Nott, okay I have a little more context. It is nice that she's proud of her Hufflepuff status, and that is actually quite a Hufflepuff trait :) I guess when they're all getting married off, they'll all be flirting!

 

So she is not aligned with Voldemort...that will cause problems. And I like her solution, the only way she can escape is by having children. Though that also has its own set of problems and a problematic nature. 

 

Wow....I really like that ending. You are setting up a great little experiment, with him recognizing her dislike for the Mark. But Claire is also kind of multi-faceted, in that she is still very prejudiced. 

 

What a cool beginning! 

blackballet

 

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 17 May 2019 07:01 PM · For: Of Betrayal

Hi, Anapenoxx,

 

I have read these first six chapters, and I must say that this story is worthy of a review.  You depict so well a pureblood, family-status-concious young woman who has a basically good heart but is so naive about how her upbringing has shaped and warped her thinking.

 

We often see passing references, especially in Slytherin-centric stories, about the pressure on pureblood girls to make early marriages with socially acceptable men, but you explore this topic more thoroughly than I have seen before. :)

 

I was impressed by the two-track story arc -- Claire making an effort to establish a friendship with Annabelle, then abandoning it in revulsion over Annabelle's contact with a Muggle (great shower scene), and Claire's growing attempts to snare Evan Rosier into a marriage proposal.

 

You write very well.  The characters are well drawn but original, not the tired old depiction of snarky, pseudo-sophisticated seventh-year students.  You set your scenes well, just the right amount and type of detail to make them vivid while you propel the story arc forward.

 

There are obvious sub-plots -- the fate of Claire's father, the enigmatic warnings from Regulus -- that are going to enlarge as the story progresses.  I say "obvious" because they are not obscured by layers of pointless dialogue and action that goes nowhere (as one often sees in stories).

 

Your apparent premise of a naive pureblood who slowly realizes the falsity of her beliefs reminds me of another story on that same theme, Stolen Magic by coolh5000 (Hannah) on Mugglenet Fanfiction (rating below 'M').   It was well-received; you would probably enjoy it.

 

This is a great story.  Thank you for writing.

 

Vicki