Name: inmyownlittlecorner (Signed) · Date: 05 Oct 2021 07:37 PM · For: How Can I Note

Hi Aubrey! I'm here for prize review 2/5 :D

 

I can tell all the love and care you put into building this AU. The characters are recognizable, and the interactions betweeen them are familiar, but in this new amusment park setting its fresh and new. 

 

I thought the best part was how you gave Lily and James that moment in the House of Horrors where James is slightly less arrogant and actually helps Lily, and then how he tries to take all the blame for it. It gives us a moment that we never got in canon that would explain how Lily went from calling James an arrogant toerag to marrying him. The fact that they are also going to be stuck in detention together all summer also makes me think it won't be long before they're dating.

 

Nice work on this!

 

Yours,

Noelle

Author's Response:

Thank you for the review. This was one of my favorite things to write. I loved creating the universe for it and drawing parallels.

Name: you-make-me-wander (Signed) · Date: 22 Jun 2019 12:38 PM · For: How Can I Note

Hey Aubrey. Here for yet another of your winning reviews!

First of all, I didn't know I needed a muggle high-school Jily fic until just now, much less at an amusement park, so thanks for making my day. What a crazy/great concept. I have so many thoughts on this story!

To start, it was both nostalgic to think about their field trip, and totally true about boys naggind the girls' patience throughout. I really don't blame Marlene for being annoyed with them, especially when it was her the boys were bothering and it was Lily they were trying to get a rise of. In general, i just loved reminiscing about the cool parts of high-school (it wasn't all bad), particularly the adventures that some field trips were.

Then, the second I read that Flitwick was gonna go with them, I kinda thought (in a bit of panic, I'll admit) that he'd get lost amongst the crowd like kids sometimes do lmao. He's just so tiny, it can't be easy to keep up with his students there, for sure.

I'm not sure where you stand about Snape, but I liked the way you portrayed him in this story. I'm not a fan of him as a character (at all. One could say I passionatey dislike him...) and I feel like you translated reall well who he is in canon to what he would be like if he was a muggle highschooler. Same with the Marauders, to be honest.

And on that note, I couldn't stop laughing at their antics, they were hilarious throughout the story. Poor Mrs. McGonagall. And by te way, it's so weird not to call her Professor? :o

I absolutely loved that Lily called both Snape and James out on their wrongdoings. All the more power to her, putting them in their place!

Last but not least, it was sweet (and totally James) to go look for Lily and make sure that she was okay. Plus, your description of James making his way into the House of Horrors was hilarious and reminded me (fond and embarrassingly) of my own solo adventures into haunted houses.

Such a great story and characterization, I loved it!

Once more, thank you for participating on my Take a Wizard to Work Day Challenge, and congrats again on 2nd place!

Susana

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2019 09:19 PM · For: How Can I Note

 

Hey Aubrey

 

here for ctf

 

I love the setting of this piece! I think it's such an interesting and unique idea to theme it around a theme park day out. I think it's so cool that you've managed to bring in some many cool feminism themes into this piece too. It wouldn't be something you put together but it really works!

 

I love Lily, she is amazing in this. I think you've done a great job at crafting her into this strong female character which we could all do with more of. I like how she isn't afraid to stand up for herself and Marlene when she needs to. I think she know about her that she's feisty from canon but you really gave that a purpose and developed upon the general trope to make her character so much more layered which is just amazing work. I think one of my favourite thing is seeing her take down the 'boys will be boys' myth which is like worst thing ever. Lily just slays. I can't say enough about her characterisation.

 

I thought the dialogue between the marauders was so good to like it felt really natural fun banter and really developed them as friends! I know you said you wanted to write some witty banter and I think you pull it off. I thought when James was talking to Lily was funny to. This bit ' He's like... bacon wrapped brussel sprouts? Greasy on the outside, ew on the inside. Combined effect just makes me want to barf.' it had me really laughing because it was just so over the top and dramatic. I think this piece was so good because it felt like the characters all learned something from their day out. 

 

Abbi x

 

Name: poppunkpadfoot (Signed) · Date: 30 Apr 2019 09:07 PM · For: How Can I Note

Hello there! I'm here for CTF :)

 

I don't think I've ever stopped by your AP before, so this event is a good opportunity! I really like Jilys and there are so many different takes on the pairing, so I was very interested to see what your take would be.

 

As I'm a very huge Marauders fan (and very, very Sirius-obsessed) I always cringe a lot when I'm reading a story like this where they... well, act like huge jerks. Sadly it is in character though, as that's definitely how they acted as teenagers. I was also glad that you didn't go the route of portraying the Marauders as jerks, but Snape as simply tragic and misunderstood (which is a route I see taken a lot). Sneaking into an office and stealing permission slips is a very Snape-like prank imo, and it showed that this is a back-and-forth situation where neither party is really innocent.

 

it was an interesting choice to trade anti-Muggleborn discrimination for sexism/misogyny, I thought it worked well. Irl misogyny is the sort of thing where there are lots of men who overall are very sexist but who have one or two female friends who're "not like other girls" or whatever. So that seemed realistic to me. Also, ew @ Mulciber, why was he allowed to even go on the trip? Good job handling that subject matter.

 

I love Male Feminist Ally James Potter, hahaha. Even though he's shown to be a total jerk sometimes, I would've really been taken aback if you'd portrayed him as sexist, because that's definitely not how I imagine him to be. So I'm very glad you went in the total opposite direction! It was sweet that he went and rescued Lily from the House of Horrors (which... I'm not even scared of clowns and it sounds capital-T Terrible). I have to admit, I had a good laugh at his fright while he made his way in. And it was heart-warming how he helped her out without being condescending about it. 

 

I thought all the little references and callbacks to canon were very clever and helped ground the characters a lot despite the AU setting. Also, I'm not sure if this was intentional, but the scene where Remus goes and gets a park map and the Marauders are all huddled around it made me think of the Marauder's map! So if that was intentional I thought it was very clever :D

 

This was fun to read, thanks for sharing!

 

-Kayla

Name: Bunbury (Signed) · Date: 01 Apr 2019 11:48 PM · For: How Can I Note

Hey! Here for our swap :) Sorry it took me so long! Finishing my chapter took way longer than anticipated. . .

First of all, I loved the flow of this piece. It has a really great start-of-summer high-school vibe throughout. You build great anticipation for the amusement park when they're on the bus, and great momentum with the Snape's Worst Memory scene, Lily's fight with Snape, and then the denouement in the House of Horrors. And your foreshadowing is awesome, setting up Lily as a feminist from the start (you go, Lily!), and hinting at House of Horrors shenanigans.(And of course the peanut book-ending :D) It was a real pleasure to read. 

I love how you adapted the magical elements of canon into the amusement park AU (the Marauder's Map, the Shrieking Shack, even the Patronuses all make appearances). I especially liked how you replaced blood supremacy with misogyny -- it's ingenious. 

And I loved how you handled group dynamics! This is really hard to do, but you pull it off so well. All your characters are clearly delineated right off the bat, and their relationships shine through their banter. 

You asked about which bits were funny -- there were lots of hilarious moments, but here are a few that stood out: 

-- "The girl doesn't like peanuts. We'll try cashews next time." (great line, and so in character!) 
 
-- "Lily's greasy shadow" is such an apt description of Snape.
 
-- "Ah, you're right. That would be too scary." (great punchline! a clearer dialogue tag would help, though)
 
-- the imaginary duck?! I have no idea where that came from, but it is hilarious and whimsical
 
-- "James' heart ached at the sight of her. But instead of melting into a heart-shaped puddle, he decided to play it cool with a shrug." (this might be my favourite line -- so good!)
 
-- "He's greasy and smells like stale brussel sprouts. He's like. . .bacon wrapped brussel sprouts? Greasy on the outside, ew on the inside." (cruel but very funny)

-- "He wasn't sure which was causing his heart to race more: the impending terror of clowns, or the nearness of Lily. . ." (aww -- snort)

Overall, I thought you did a great job keeping it light and humourous while also tackling some more serious themes. 

I loved the chemistry between Lily and James in the House of Horrors scene! James might initially seem like a clueless meat-head, tossing peanuts at Lily and the like, but -- unlike Snape -- his heart is ultimately in the right place. 

Two small bits of CC: 

Some of the slang was a little jarring (this might have been intentional, in which case ignore me!), e.g. "fiddlesticks" and "malarky". Most of the dialect sounded contemporary, so these words stood out as outmoded. 

The "mama's boy" insult was a little weird coming from Lily (given her politics). 

Overall, I thought this was a really fun, enjoyable piece and a fresh take on the material with great moments of humour and budding romance! 

Thanks for the swap! I'll definitely be back to your AP before long :)

Jane

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 30 Mar 2019 04:04 PM · For: How Can I Note

Hi! Here with your requested review :)

A+ for Lily’s retort to the phrase “boys will be boys” (a phrase I also hate).

Referring to Severus as “Lily’s greasy shadow” is the most apt description ever XD

Despite being in a totally different setting - muggles at an amusement park - the personalities of the  characters are very much the same as canon. I am not surprised it was Remus who finally gets the others  to stop bickering and, as the practical one, finds them a map, and is the one who keeps an eye on the time  and when they’re supposed to be back. I also really loved the way you characterized Peter - afraid of the  big rides but has some reasoning based on something he was told about proper digestion and makes  everyone else wait with him haha. I also loved the “moth to the darkness” thing - which made no sense at  all, of course, but I loved that you gave Peter this quirky personality and strong adherence to his own  ‘facts’. I think his personality often gets left out of a lot of fics but I really got a strong sense of it here. I  really enjoyed reading all of the interactions between the boys and all of their bickering, which felt very  true to their characters.

The idea of clowns twerking is so disturbing haha I would hate this amusement park XD Poor Lily, I feel  for her here!

The nonmagical spin you put on the Snape’s Worst Memory scene and the lead up to it worked really  well in this context. And how Snape fails to see how his friend’s behavior is so abhorrent, it just rang  really true to the current state of how society views sexual harassment, unfortunately. And then how after  that he tries to make Lily feel guilty for not wanting to sit with him and goes as far as grabbing on to her  (!) I’m glad she set him straight on that one.

 

One thing that kind of threw me off was the switch in POV, actually. It starts off from Marlene’s in the first section, and then for the rest of it switches between James and Lily. I think it would feel more  cohesive if the first one were Lily, possibly, because then it would fit with the rest of the story (where  Marlene isn’t present as much). Otherwise, the flow was really good.

I didn’t get the sense that there was anything falling flat that you had tried to make it funny. I found the  clowns more creepy than funny, but I suppose many people do :P 
.
Overall, this was a great story and a creative AU! I appreciated the themes you explored and the way you  successfully put these characters into a very different setting, and how you kept it light despite being concerned with a fairly heavy topic. I also noticed all these little nods to canon - like how Lily’s carousel animal is the doe, and you compare James to a stag running through the crowd, which were references I  enjoyed.

You did great with this story – thanks for requesting!

Name: adorably cute (Signed) · Date: 26 Mar 2019 08:56 AM · For: How Can I Note

Hey Aubrey! Here with your requested review and for March RvG!

 

I really liked this first scene! I think this was quintessential Lily and James! It was a great way to show that James drove her absolutely crazy still in this Muggle world, even without magic to hex people. It's also a great introduction to a lot of the characters. Even Snape- he never actually makes an appearance, but we still get a feel for how greasy he is from Marlene's cringey-ness about him and Lily's denial.

 

I think it is the most Flitwick thing ever to go "123 eyes on me" and no one to listen and McGonagall to just come in and grab everyone's attention immediately. Another great little character-building detail.

 

The scene where the boys are talking about Snape stealing their permission slips and which rides they want to go on was great! I think you did a great job at bringing each of their personalities into that scene. Sirius wanting to get back at Snivellus for stealing their slips. Peter being scared of the fast rides! I'm loving all these little details you've thrown in here that make these the characters we know and love in this universe you've created!

 

I was totally NOT EXPECTING a Snape's worst memory-esque scene in this! The amusement park setting made for an interesting backdrop to it but I think you made it work with everything going on! Once I realized what was going down, I was curious what Snape was going to call Lily! Her fight with him after the fact was great! I loved that she was finally seeing him for who he really was. She'd said early on that "boys will be boys" isn't something that should be tolerated and girlfriend is waking up to her friend's nonsense.

 

LIKE AN AGILE STAG OMG, I cannot, that's low key the greatest thing I've ever seen.

 

This House of Horrors sounds actually terrifying. I'm totally with James; no wonder it close. OH MY GOD I ACTUALLY JUST REMEMBERED LILY'S SCARED OF CLOWNS! WHAT'S HAPPENED TO HER?

 

Ok, she seems at least relatively okay, and then they have this cute scene where she sasses him a bit about his hair and still gives him a bit of a hard time when he's telling her how perfect he thinks she is and it's actually so perfectly them.

 

This end is so cute! James taking the blame for them being lost is so him! And of course they get detention together (and they'll fall in love all the more, right? RIGHT). Anyway, to comment on what you asked me to comment on, I thought you did a great job with the characterization! They were all totally believable and they definitely came to life in this! You did a great job putting a unique spin on this! You definitely made this your own and I think you did a great job with it!

-Sarah

Name: starbuck (Signed) · Date: 22 Mar 2019 04:13 PM · For: How Can I Note

hey aubrey, i'm here for our review swap!

 

i really loved the whole concept of feminism and lily standing up to snape because of it so much! she's just such a strong girl (woman) and i feel like when she finally truly realises snape's true nature and that he actually does think about girls as...well, lesser (?) the reason she runs away is not just because of wanting to get away from snape, it's also because she might be feeling the tinies bit of guilt for making excuses for him over the years, even if he was her friend. maybe i'm overthinking it, but it seems like something lily would feel, you know?

 

the conversation she has with marlene at the start of the story when marlene says 'boys will be boys' is also a very powerful moment. i've always, always absolutely hated when someone would say something like that or when someone would say something like that's for boys, not girls (or vice versa) that i adored lily's reaction. she's not overreacting, even though people may think so (and even marlene seems to sort of think so? a tiny bit?) - she's reacting the way any person should react to something like that. and if everyone did, then that saying wouldn't be considered a normal thing...i obviously have a lot of feelings about this and IRL i'm well known in my family and friend circle to be extremely vocal when it comes to boy only/girl only talk which has caused me numerous verbal fights with people but i would never in a million years accept something so discriminatory. so i'm so so glad you decided to twist the scene with lily&james&snape into this.

 

i thought there was a lot of chemistry between james and lily when they were in the house of horrors - their banter was really fun to read. and i also loved the way james finally decided enough was enough and it was his turn to get angry at lily for constantly refusing to see past the image she had of him constructed in her head. of course he had to be all noble and chivalrous at the end, i wouldn't have expected anything else from him but i think it also showed lily what sort of a person he really was, not just an arrogant quarterback :)

 

kris

Name: StarFeather (Anonymous) · Date: 16 Mar 2019 10:58 AM · For: How Can I Note

Hi, I stopped by from the review request thread. 

  Firstly, I was very impressed by your imagination. You set the popular romance of Harry Potter world, the well known episode in American high school drama. The triangle relationship, Lily-Snape-James is successfully well written. The climax how Lily parted from Snape fits very well in the House of Horrors under construction. When James started searching for Lily, I was afraid that the worst thing might have occured to her, or someone might have attacked her. Then I was relieved to spot she was just depressed.

  Though you couldn't use the term, 'Mudblood' in your setting, you did a good job while focusing on Snape's despise against girls. 

 

   I smiled at your idea, James Potter's mother doesn't forget to urge her only son to have his handkerchief. And Lily must have thanked for his handkerchief after she cried so hard!

 

 It's very creepy when the nursery song is played again and again when you are stuck in the broken House of Horrors and in the darkness. If Lily had not felt so sad, she would not have chosen to enter there. Sadness let her lose her mind. She even broke the rules.

From the first scene to the last, you used the plot, chucking peanuts wisely in the story. Peanuts or peanut butter let us imagine this fic as very American one not British, in that meaning, you did great. I smiled again at the idea which was Sirius Black's suggestion towards James who had been desperate to ask her a date.

Keep writing as you have imagination. Your writing is very colorful and musical like a merry-go-round.

K

 

Author's Response:

Thank you for reviewing even though it wasn't a multi-chapter story!

 

I'm glad you liked it and that you thought it was creative and that I have a good imagination. I always strive to have my writing be different, so I'm glad those things stuck out to you :) And I will definitely keep writing!

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 16 Mar 2019 05:24 AM · For: How Can I Note

Hello, dearest! Here with your requested review, and sorry if it took me so absurdly long... *couch*

I actually read this yesterday evening, but then it was late and I was too tired to review... hopefully I'll remember this well enough to review properly. ;)

Okay, I'm gonna get the "bad stuff" out of the way immediately, so then I can just gush about the story (and please, keep in mind that any concrit is just my personal feeling, so if you disagree feel free to just ignore me... :P)

I felt like this was a bit too long? I mean, some parts seemed to drag on a bit slowly, if you know what I mean... especially the House of Horrors sequence... I loved the tension you built, the descriptions were super good and seeing a scared James was fun (he deserved it... :P) but I would've preferred if it was a bit shorter, it tired me a little...

Also, another thing I'm a little conflicted about are the scenes that retrace most closely the Snape's Worst Memory/Prince's Tale bits... like, it was so interesting to see how you played with them and reshaped them to fit in your story... and the parallel between the discrimination of Muggleborns and "male superiority" was interesting too... but for some reason (and I'm not really sure why myself) the use of almost the exact lines of dialogue disturbed my reading a little? I don't know... as I already said, ignore me if you think this is rubbish...

But now into the bits I loved! :D

The pullman scene! That was hilarious and superbly done! James is the world's biggest idiot (of course I knew that already but, you know...) and the chuncking peanuts at Lily is absolutely what he would do! And related, the explanation we got later when the Marauders were talking at the entrance... oh, my Merlin... how are they such idiots? No, honestly? But I love them anyway!

Back to the pullman... Lily's reaction was gold! And Remus making his friends sit down again... thank Merlin for Remus, I guess. :P And Flitwich and McGonagall!!! Oh, Merlin! I adored McGonagall! Your characterization of everyone was perfect. so so well done!!!

Aww, Peter... of course his friends would want to go for the super adrenalinic stuff and he would be like, can't we go for something quieter? And then immediately denying when accused of being scared... my poor, little Petey... looks like Sirius loves to make fun of him in this universe, too... but I love that Sirius got teased a little in turn, too. :P

The lunch scene... part of me feels sorry for Snape (James and Sirius are so bad when it comes to him... they truly are bullies... I know they don't see it that way, but... you don't just try to throw a schoolmate into the trash, no matter how dislikable he is...) But I also have very little sympathy for Snape, the way he treats Lily, like she belongs to him... that's not how it works? She's her own person and she doesn't owe you anything. I love how, in this story just like in canon, she draws a clear between James' stupidity and Snape's friends disgusting behaviour. I wish Snape got the message, but of course he doesn't... and then, when he tries to apologize to her later... he's such a possessive git... I mean, I get that he really wants her forgiveness, but you don't physically hold someone back that way? But enough of Snape now!

James running to Lily's rescue! Of course he would! He really loves her so much... I don't understand why so many people dislike Jily... (well, I do understand, but there's so much more to James than the immature bully he can definitely be, and I love that you showed that). I loved that they sort of bonded in that little adventure, how Lily had to trust him and maybe even appreciate him... and of course his constant boasting... he will never change, but it was nice to see Lily feeling amused by it and not annoyed, for a change. :P And his whole passionate speech about women's rights... that's what I love about James Potter, he's an idealist and would do anything to stand for what he believes in. Of course, he should reflect before acting sometimes, but he's still precious. :)

And the end. I love that James got angry at Lily for once because as soon as she "didn't need him anymore" she was back despising him... which she obviously didn't, but at that point it must have been like second nature? Still I loved that momentary reversing of roles, and I think Lily needed to feel that bit of guilt I think she felt. It was such great dynamic, and so perfect for those two! And then James taking the blame, "Hermione with the troll" style... that was so sweet! I wonder how those detentions will go? I have a feeling they'll help build something between my OTP... :P

One very last note and then I'll shut up... I loved the bit about moths attracted by darkness... :D Ah, Peter... honestly, I can't fault his logic... (except I do...) But that was such a Peter thing to be convinced of... I love that you didn't completely ignore him and that you gave him a few hilarious lines (sorry, I'm obsessed with Peter, I guess you knew that already...)

Anyway, this was a great read! Thank you so much for requesting!

Lots of love and snowball hug,

Chiara

Author's Response:

I readily accept CC, so no problem! I welcome it.

 

Someone else mentioned that the story was too long, or at least that it needed to be tightened in some spots. And they were the spots you mentioned, so yes, I can see that now. Especially when they were leaving the House of Horrors. Thank you for noticing that and mentioning it.

 

It's one of my deepest desires that when writing I achieve accurate and believable characterization, so I am very happy to hear that you enjoyed my take on the characters.

 

I'm glad you phrased it as "reversing of roles" because that's exactly what I was going for!

 

And the Peter and the moths phrase, I'm glad you thought that was funny. That was one of those things where I was like, "I think it's funny, but I have no idea if others will too" but you did, so yay.

 

Thank you so so so so much for reviewing and giving CC!! 

Alwynse~

Name: Chemical_Pixie (Signed) · Date: 09 Mar 2019 11:37 AM · For: How Can I Note

AUBREY I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS FIC FOR SO MANY REASONS BUT FIRST I SHOULD PROBABLY DECLARE MARCH RVG. 

 

Okay. I'm still internally shouting but I have turned off caps lock... for now. ;)

 

This Jily AU is adorable. I loved reading through the story. You capture the happy-go-lucky, buzzing energy (and hormones) of many teenagers. It's light and fluffy when it needs to be. It grows serious at the right points--but comes back to the cuteness and the happiness and all the fluff. I think the shifts in mood really work in this story, because, having been to many a theme parks myself, the whole day is an emotional roller coaster (pun intended). You have your hights of pure excitment and adrenaline, your low points of frustration and fear, your anticipation moments of what to do next (or how to get out of that creepy clown house, omg). These mood shifts at an amusement also perfectly capture your themes, too. Aubrey, what I'm trying to say is that the way you've written the mood of this story is INCREDIBLE and MASTERFUL with your themes, characters, settings, and conflicts.

 

YOUR THEME OF FEMINISM: I LOVE IT SO MUCH! I love how you have Marlene acknowledge "Oh, I've never really thought about it in that way" when Lily points out her disdain over "boys will be boys." It's such a powerful moment between women, sharing new perspectives and challenging the ingrained toxic masculinity that pervades our culture. I LOVE IT. I also love how you have Lily make such a big deal over Snape's "I don't need help from a girl!" We're almost inclined to think that Lily is OVER reacting to this remark BECAUSE SOCIETY HAS NORMALIZED THIS INSULT TO THE POINT WHERE IT NO LONGER FEELS LIKE AN INSULT. I admire Lily SO MUCH for standing her ground here and pointing out everything that is wrong about a statement like that (and then who Snape surrounds himself with, ugh Mulciber and Avery). To have someone you trusted and liked reveal their true colors like that is heartbreaking. Poor Lily (but I'm glad James finds her and their whole relationship develops, honestly, so cute). Speaking of James, I like how he's all for standing up for Lily over that comment, but he also has some growing up to do--and I'm not only talking about how he treats Snape. When he lets out an "unmanly" scream at the clowns--it shows that while he has these feminist intentions, he still hasn't shaken away society's expectations of what is considered to be "mascline." I do like how you have him say "I sounded like an 8 year old" and NOT "8 year old girl" because he's not completely gendering his fear response... but he still has room to grow. It's just... wow. I really like how you have that in there.

 

Lily and James's chemistry was OFF THE CHARTS. I love how James teases her. How Lily stands up to him, surprising him. How they show each other their vulnerabilities. How they endearingly tease each other. Amazing. Can I convince you to write more Jily? ;) 

Author's Response:

ABBY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW AND SUPPORT!!!!

 

I'm glad you picked up on the "unmanly scream" line. I intentionally put that in. I love flawed characters. So while James has many good qualities, yes, I wanted him to not be perfect. 

 

I'm so so glad you thought the chemistry was good!! The thing I focus on the most is believable and realistic characterizations. So I'm glad that part went well :)

 

And can you convince me to write more Jily?! Abbyyyyy. Well. Actually heh I'm writing a piece for Kris' and Juls' owl challenge that's going to be Jily ish. Not so much Jily, but more James, Sirius, and Snape, with Lily as a kind of a side character. And then I really want to write chapter 8 of I'm not a Hero. And then, after that, we'll see ;)

 

Aubrey~