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Hi Joey! Here to leave you some holiday cheer! I hope you have an awesome year ahead of you!
Hahaha, Albus loving the dramatic. I love it. Plus i can feel the scene itself, like, the dungeons are always a bit oddly lit and it certainly gives off some kind of charm!
FOR MORE THAN SEVENHUNDRED YEARS. Yeah no thats not true, unless albus doesn’t know and/or you ignore canon there, because people certainly had. Love the idea of the interhouse parties though. It’s definitely needed.
Always easy if you immediately know who to ask
Oooh what happened between them? was it simply a matter of growing apart or is there something else happening between them?
I;m sorry that albus isn’t enjoying it as much as he should, to be honest.
YES TALK TLAK IT ALL OUT MAKE IT ALL MAKE SENSE AGAIN
oh my god what happened who died did someone die or what happened goodddd?
OKAY NO WHAT HAPPENED SERIOUSLY?
Seriously? Were they present or something? If they need outsiders?
oh yeah no that works to, kissing one another. sure, does make you feel close
oh i know those kind of people, theyre amazing
THE FOURTH MEMBER WAS DEBATED? Damn how heated did those debates get?
It must be amazing to be included in a group like that
what on earth happened to make someone lie in the patch with paste smeared over them?
ok i feel for scorpius
and what does scorpius want?
did scorpius notice them leave? walked in on them?
oh yeah its hard if youd had a secret for so long because then it becomes terrifying to tell it, especially if its something frowned upon. you risk losing everything and i can only imagine how hard it is for albus right now
excellent start of the story though! I need to come back for it to see how it all plays out!
Hi Joey, I’m here with one of your (extremely belated) prize reviews from my Broadway Musical Song Challenge! :)
Okay so chapter two fleshes out more things, but Scottie & Albus still continue to flit around speaking this boy’s name that has clearly caused them a significant amount of pain and grief. Clearly this is someone who was very good friends with the both of them for many years, but now he is gone, and they’re trying to figure out how best to get on with things without him, but also still regretting the things they never got around to saying or doing with this mysterious friend. The mystery is killing me, Joey! Seeing these two find time to themselves though to just be together is so sweet! And Albus is a songwriter? Oh please tell me he writes a song for Scottie eventually! I know I’ve told you this before, but you’re a very talented songwriter yourself and I love the little verse you’ve written into the story here. Having Scorpius happen upon Albus at this time was filled with tension and awkwardness and man I can’t wait to see how you explore that in future chapters. Great second chapter, Joey! :)
~Madi
Hi Joey, I’m here with one of your (extremely belated) prize reviews from my Broadway Musical Song Challenge! :)
Wow, what a great start to this novella! I’m very curious to see if you’re going to delve into the development of the relationships/friendships between Scottie, Albus, and Scorpius in later chapters, because I am interested in that for sure. Furthermore, I’m intrigued about this grief that both of them have -- was it a fellow student who is no longer there through graduating or worse means? What did he mean to both of them? WHO was he? I need to know!! And then we have this little friend group of what I assume to be mixed-House students, which is great! #HouseUnity bro! The dynamic of the group is really well done here, even as it’s just barely being introduced and described. Albus being so scared and concerned about his secret (and by extension, Scottie’s) getting out before he’s ready for it to. I’m looking forward to the second chapter, so I’ll see you there! :)
~Madi
hey joey, i'm here for the hc opener!
i thought albus was incredibly cute and adorable in his insecurity about being openly gay and going on a real date with scottie. i think it's a truly realistic portrayal of someone who is coming to terms with his sexuality, being in a relationship for the first time and being accepting and open about it - i loved scottie in this chapter because he was so understanding!
there was no judgment of albus, no trying to rush him into things or getting angry or annoyed at his insecurity. instead, he showed albus he cared for him, showed him a place where they could comfortably be together (hog's head as that place made me smile but i also loved the idea of aberforth making a safe space for queer kids be his bar. from what we know of him in canon, he does seem like someone who would do that) and he also charmed albus' friends!
which did annoy albus a bit but i think that, to his friends, it's fairly obvious that scottie is his boyfriend but they're trying to keep quiet about it until albus feels comfortable enough to tell them himself (when i remember their reactions in how long? i smile at albus' annoyance and worry hah).
kris
Woo, chapter three!
I've heard Moonlight is pretty sad, so I definitely believe that you have been faithful to your challenge prompt, but I have to admit that I want more! I want to watch Albus come into his own and share himself more fully, and I want to know the backstoy with Scorpius!!!!
You have written some incredibly compelling characters here, Joey! I feel for Albus so much. But in addition to Albus, Scottie is a fun character. They contrast interestingly with each other. Their experiences of being queer are so distinct, and I really wish Albus could have what Scottie has. But it's kind of frustrating, because he probably coul dhave it, if he would trust in his friends' love for him. But it's awfully hard to believe others will aceept you when you don't accept yourself.
The idea of the Hog's Head as a gay bar is fabulous and I wish I could steal it, but I won't. :P Really, though, Aberforth must've know about his brother's romance with Grindlewald and it's nice to think that he didn't care about that at all, and that maybe he honor's Dumbledore by supporting the queer community and being a great ally. Love.
As far as the literal writing goes, in addition to wonderfully captured characters, you wrote really stong dialogue in the story. *bows down* You also have some lovely prose in the first chapters, though not as much in this one because it's more dialogue heavy (which is fine).
This story is not marked completed. DOES THAT MEAN MORE IS COMING? I sincerely hope so!!
Thank you so very much for your entry. I hope you enjoyed writing this. I certainly enjoyed reading it!
xoxo Renee
Hello Joey! I'm finally, at looong last, getting around to my challenge reviews.
I will leave a longer review on the last chapter, but I wanted to let you know that I really enjoyed this! I never did get around to seeing Moonlight, but this definitely has some Perks of Being a Wallflower vibes. And I'm loving your characterization!
See you in chapter 2!
~Renee
Joey! What can I say -- you've done it again. This is a beautiful piece.
You do an excellent job situating us in the Slytherin common room and evoking both the bacchanalian vibe of the party and the hazy hungoverness afterwards. And all the while you succeed in filtering description through character (I love the idea of Albus as a drama queen, BTW -- not unlike his father). It's just awesome.
I love the detail that now there's more inter-House mingling. The problem of House segregation is explicitly discussed in the books, but it's left unresolved.
So, you have an unparalleled ability to pack information and feeling into short, graceful scenes. The scene between Albus and Scottie is just gut-wrenching. You do a beautiful job capturing the feeling of trying to have a private moment in a loud, public setting, and of (first) hinting at and (then) gradually unveiling the substance of the tragedy that's come between these characters. Although their conversation is short, it's so rich with subtext -- it really packs a punch. I love the push-pull between Albus and Scottie when they first get to the dormitory. It's hard to put my finger on it, but it feels like each is trying so hard to give the other space to grieve he ends up bottling up his own suffering, and the mutual discomfort that results is just exquisite. The kiss at the end makes me really intrigued about their history (especially since this is a prequel to how long?).
I already love all of Albus's friends, and I'm really impressed by how you've delineated them via their group-dynamic. I especially love this line: "‘So there I was, face down in the vegetable garden, paste smeared all over my chest, and my cousin's just over there dying laughing like it's the first time it's ever happened.'" It just gets funnier and funnier with every subsequent phrase.
I am so excited that you're writing this story! I'll be onto Chapter 2 ASAP.
Jane
Also, this has already been mentioned, but I also totally thought "Seigfried" was a typo :P
here for EvS, team emerald! ^_^
aww, albus is adorable in his nervousness and his insecurity, especially when he realises that scottie is walking towards him – i totally giggled at that! it’s also very realistic, the way you wrote albus, not just because of general nervousness one might feel but since he’s not out yet, at least not to everyone, it’s an added worry.
and the conversation about how albus is confused and was it even real, omg that’s so…in character for him, at least the way you wrote him up until now. i love how he also doesn’t have an issue telling scottie he does like him, i think it says a lot about albus that he gets over his worry quick enough to not let it interfere too much with his (potential) relationship.
scottie’s confession that he liked albus ever since they were kids was cute and awesome, especially since finally they’re on a same wavelength and they like each other and are together! i can’t imagine how happy he must be feeling :D
scorpius is really amazing, you’ve written him as such a good and nice guy, i love him and the fact that he appreciates albus and wants to make him realise how good he is, is absolutely wonderful!
kris
JOEY HI! :D I did say I'd stop by (though I don't blame you if you never thought I would do - my follow-through on this stuff is actually terrible :P)! ;)
(Not going to lie to you - just because I saw the mention in the author's note - I did originally wonder about the spelling. It seemed odd to me to misspell Siegfried, though not impossible :P but it being to do with the song makes a lot more sense (though it still reads wrong to me, haha, my brain wants to correct it!))
Still, I'm so excited for this story - it's so good to see you back writing in general - but the whole premise of this is so interesting and so cool and promises to be so so good. There's a whole heap of 'good' coming-out stories, where people come out and obstacles are overcome and significant other's acquired or understand and so on and so on, and where introverts just... become extroverted? so it's gonna be so lovely (if that's the right word?) to see a story where those things aren't so easy and don't change so quickly, and where coming out is more of a process than an event.
I love the way you've written Albus in this so far. I've seen a few introverted Albus's (Albi?) but there's something wonderful about the way you write him in this: he seems so vulnerable, almost fragile, but really complex - with how he has these secrets and parts of himself which he doesn't really want to share with his other friends. It's so much a thing people do (at least, I know I do) and there's something so real about it, about how nervous he feels and how he needs and wants time to think things through himself. His loneliness as well, is something I love how you've written it: how he was the last person to join the group, how it meant so much to him to join it. That kind of loneliness really does feed into how you behave around other people, what you say about yourself and what you keep to yourself. You've always written lovely, complicated, deep kinda characters and I love that so much.
I love as well, how you don't actually tell us what happened between him and Scottie beyond that Scottie kissed him - we're kinda left to work it out ourselves. The lead up was so sweet - how Albus just blurted out how he wished they could be close again, how Scottie chose to interpret that perhaps not exactly how Albus thought he meant it - it's such an impulsive, brave sort of thing to do, and it worked so well. Their whole conversation - their whole friendship - is so so good. I love how you hint at this whole big thing we didn't get to see: someone's dead or gone somehow, a third friend in their group, and neither of them is really coping with it and they can't quite work out how to get their friendship - the two of them - back on even ground after it.
This is just such a great start - you have such a wonderful gift for plotting and pacing a story and the mystery in this is so intruiging. I really, really can't wait to see where you go with this from here :)
Laura xx
Author's Response:Hello Laura!!
I assume that Frank had his reasons for spelling the song title that way, he certainly would know the correct spelling, (and even if not, someone would tell him) but I’ve no clue why. The song itself though, was too perfect for this chapter not to use.
This story’s premise is such a odd blend of elements from both of the films its based on, as well as entirely new things that I’ve thrown in to tie everything together. A large portion of the actual plot is of my own creation, and it was actually a bit of a challenge to plot this, in contrast to a great majority of my stories.
While the one-shot was largely fluffy and easy-going for Albus, this story is where we get to see how difficult things were for him before they got good. He certainly will not be turning into an extrovert any time soon.
I’m so happy that you found Albus complex and realistic - I didn’t want it to feel like he was just freaking out for no good reason. You’ve totally summed it up. He feels his loneliness deeply, and can’t quite shake it even though he does have those friends that he loves.
I had a tough time working out how to write that scene, I’m glad you liked the direction I went with it. It’s still very difficult to write things like that for me haha.
Their friendship did absolutely crumble after their third friend left the picture, because I thought it’d be much more interesting if it did and that was something they’d have to come to terms with in this story. The backstory they share will come into much clearer focus further in the story! I’m over the moon that you enjoyed reading, thank you so much for stopping by, it’s so appreciated!
well hello there, here is a review from your not so secret snake finally in a non-anonymous form :P i'm here for EvS, team emerald!
you know i absolutely loved how long? so when you mentioned you were going to write this story i was really excited!
i've got a ton of questions already - who is the person/boy albus and scottie are talking about? (i didn't watch moonlight or the perks of being a wallflower so...i'm basically blind here :P ) it seems like all three of them were really close and now one of them is gone (dead?) and scottie and al drifted away. before this happened, were they together? it didn't seem like this was the first time they kissed...but i loved the way you described al's inner musings and fidgeting and thinking about how did they even end up sitting on the floor and then scottie taking the initiative - it was realistic and very cute.
i do feel sad that al feels the way he does, like he has to live with a secret, like he can't come out to his friends but then again, it's understandable and not something people should be forced to do if they don't feel comfortable. but! i know that he eventually does come out and it ends up being too cute for words and his friends are all supportive so i can't wait until we get to that part of the story...and to find out more about scottie and his relationship with al! and scorpius obviously knows there's something up between the two of them!
kris
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