Name: StarFeather (Anonymous) · Date: 30 Apr 2019 10:36 PM · For: A Hospitalable Proposal

 Hi! I stopped by checking what you wrote as your second fic, mate.

 

 I wonder if you created an original character, Jimmy Teague after searching the name among HP fandom wiki. I couldn't find the name, so is it your original?

 He lived in the nearly same era as Dumbledore and Slughorn. They knew him very well. You depicted him as a wild character compared with intelligent Dumbledore and Slughorn. His words are different from the other students...dialect?

 

 Phineas Black was knocked down by him. I enjoyed the slapstick-y script between Phineas and Teague plus Heather. You created a quite unique world based on the site - wide story challenge theme, teen pregnancy.

 

Heather is also written as a strongly resolved woman. She is the ancestor of Pansy Parkinson, right? I enjoyed the gap, too.

 

The first lines are very impressive with the wedding photo in which the groom sported a black eye and the radient bride was visibly pregnant. And the era was nearly the same as the time when Oscar Wilde, the famous literary person from Ireland lived!

 

 

K

 

 

 

 

Author's Response:

Yeah Jimmy's my own creation. The Teague family name comes from my dad's family history and I actually have an ancestor called James Teague so that's where Jimmy's name came from.

In the story Jimmy and Heather are in the same year as Dumbledore and Slughorn- they're both born in early September 1880 so they're 18 in the story.

In my headcanon for this story Jimmy is very much like the third Musketeer of the trio of him, Slughorn and Dumbledore. He's 'wild' because he grew up in a remote part of rural Gloucestershire in England and refuses to lessen the strength of his natural accent.

The thing with Phineas Black is that he's so haughty in canon that he comes across quite comedic so the slapstick tone just fitted the scenes.

Heather was always going to be a strong resolved woman to be Jimmy's wife , she's inspired by my grandma to an extent.

Heather's a relative of Pansy Parkinson's certainly.

 

The Oscar Wilde reference was intentional, in regards to Dumbledore himself being a gay man in the same era

 

Glad you enjoyed it.

 

Northbound24

 

Name: Renacera (Signed) · Date: 29 Jan 2019 06:49 PM · For: A Hospitalable Proposal

Hi there!

I'm excited to be here to read and review for our sitewide Collab! I'm so impressed with all of the Ravenclaw stories, and this one is no different!

This is such a unique time period to choose to write in! It's so cool! I've honestly never seen a story set in this particular year at Hogwarts with OCs, and I love that. Great job with the originality!

I love your characterization of Heather and Jimmy, as well as Professor Black and Madam Dearborn. Heather seems so calm despite the situation, and Jimmy is great in how protective he is of her and his family. And you hit Phineas's characterization on the head! He's so haughty! And Madam Dearborn is so sweet. I'd like to have her as my nurse. :)

You've also done a really good job nesting this story within the greater image of the couple reflecting on their wedding and their engagement. I like that structure a lot, and I think you've been successful with it. I can definitely see this story as one that Heather and Jimmy might tell to their kids or grandkids in the future! They seem very in love, despite having to sort of rush their marriage given the circumstances and the expectations of their era. But I think they seem like they'll last, which is really nice.

Overall, this was really sweet. I think you did a great job portraying a unique time period with fun characters. I enjoyed this. :)

—Emily

Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 28 Jan 2019 08:27 PM · For: A Hospitalable Proposal

A review prompted by the Magical Menagerie, but a pleasure to write for its own sake.

 

I love the way you have packed so much content into so few words.  Everything is concise, brief, pithy.  Many stories I read are so clogged with "filler" sentences that it is a chore to sort out the storyline, and my fingers automatically reach for a blue pencil, but that is not the case with your story.

 

Despite its spare format, your story is full of delightful hints of unseen vistas, fascinating-sounding occurrences, implications of wider complexities.  I noted that Black acknowledges that Jimmy's father is a professor (of Ancient Runes), but a few lines later Black says, "So Obadiah and Rebecca [Teague] have some good qualities after all."  Obviously there's no love lost between Professor Black and Professor Teague.  That must have made for some interesting staff meetings!

 

Then Madam Dearborn makes reference to "someone else's son I could mention", implying Professor Black's son, who apparently behaved less honorably in a similar situation.  What do you suppose happened there?

 

The next-to-last line is another tantalizer -- what were Al and Horace right about, the thing that Jimmy will never be able to live down?

 

I read your previous story also, "A Hallowe'en Wake", and I like this story better.  It is strengthened by having only four characters present, so the story remains well focused.

 

I also agree with what your other reviewers said, so no need to repeat those praises.  Good job.  Vicki

Author's Response:

Thank you so much for this review Vicki,

The hints to wider complexities were intentional as though this one shot is mainly focused on Jimmy, Heather and Phineas Nigellus Black I dropped in references to the fact there is an entire school and world under the surface of this little moment between these three. 

The relationship between Obadiah and Phineas is fun to think about as we know from canon that Phineas Nigellus was the most hated Headmaster Hogwarts had (until Umbridge reared her head of course) so he can't have been popluar as a teacher either by staff and students alike. In my next piece we may get some ideas as to why there's friction between Obadiah, his wife Rebecca and Phineas.

The son Madam Dearborn referred to is Phineas Nigellus' eldest son Sirius (the namesake of the more famous one in canon), as to what happened I've got a good idea what it was but I may hold off on it for a while.

 

Oh the thing Al and Horace were right about? It's nothing overly dramatic but given how intelligent those two are in canon I just see Jimmy hating proving his friends right on principle

 

Thanks again for this review,

 

Dave

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 28 Jan 2019 07:13 PM · For: A Hospitalable Proposal

Hello!  Here for RvG and Magical Menagerie.

 

This was a really interesting one-shot!  I love minor characters, or characters who aren't actually canon but tie into historical canon periods, so this was great.  And I really liked your spin on the teen pregnancy theme that you were assigned (guilty) for this challenge; I think it would be really easy to write a modern day teen pregnancy story, but I liked that you touched on the fact that so-called teen pregnancies have been happening for hundreds (if not thousands) of years, in and out of wedlock, and it wasn't necessarily that unusual for it to happen at Hogwarts, either.

 

I liked the way that you started the story with the wedding photograph and then took us back in time in their story and built up to the engagement.  Although there's a story behind the wedding photo that I still want to know!

 

Jimmy was a brilliant character!  I liked the way that you wrote his accent in this so he came across as exactly the sort of "ruffian" that Phineas Nigellus Black would have been disgusted by, but he was so lively and fun to read.  And as unpolished as he might seem, it's really clear that he's got a heart of gold and I loved seeing him stand up to the professor - especially when he punched him in the face and knocked him out cold xD  I shouldn't be condoning that sort of violence, but it's kind of satisfying to see after Phineas was treating both Jimmy and Heather so horribly throughout this one-shot.  I bet Sirius would have loved to know that a pupil once knocked his ancestor out :P

 

The little tie-ins to canon and references to canon characters that Jimmy and Heather were at school with were great, and I loved the proposal that wasn't exactly a proposal at the end - it suited the pair of them exactly, and made me smile.  I want to read more about this pair!

 

Sian :)

Author's Response:

Thank you for the review.

I'm happy you found the story interesting to read as I found it equally interesting to write. The Teague family as a whole have been a set of characters I've being working on for a long time and this theme and challenge finally helped me find Jimmy and Heather's personalities by making them teenage parents. The 1898 setting for the story allowed me to build up where the relationship started from and there may well be more stories to tell about the early days of the marriage and of course the wedding.

I did the Phineas getting punched/knocked out twist because I can't imagine him not getting punched at some point given the type of personality he's known to have in canon. Whether Sirius knows about the event in my canon..well it'd be cruel if he didn't.

Again I'm glad you enjoyed this story.

 

Dave.

Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 28 Jan 2019 03:59 PM · For: A Hospitalable Proposal

If we could roll our eyes at any of the portraits on the Headmaster’s office walls, there is no doubt that Headmaster Phineas Black would be the winner. As a portrait he was rude and obnoxious bigot and you’ve done an excellent job pulling him off that wall and breathing more life into the him giving the now 3-D character more depth. I’m sure there were so future headmasters who would loved to have been in Jimmy’s shoe and punched him in the nose themselves, but alas breaking your knuckles on a canvas isn’t quite as satisfying.

I also like how you’ve given some of our favorites a small cameo appearance: Ollivander, Slughorn and of course, Dumbledore. You also did a good job with accents. It’s difficult to keep those consistent in writings-nice job.

You said that this was a prequel. Is Eddie the wee baren about to be born?

Author's Response:

Bringing Phineas Nigellus Black to life was actually one of the reasons I wrote this story as I felt I needed an antagonistic figure and he fitted the bill and given the timeline of the canon series he would have likely taught at Hogwarts when Dumbledore was a student there. I found him very easy to write which was a surprise in a way but I suppose because he's so bigoted even in portrait form there was a route to how he would be as a human being so I'm happy you like his characterastion.

 

Eddie isn't the baby due to be born, it's his great-grandfather

 

thanks for the review

 

Dave