Name: Renacera (Signed) · Date: 29 Jan 2019 07:28 PM · For: I

Aww, this was so wonderful! Thank you for writing it!

I love the plot of this story. I think it's definitely hard for our society to confront domestic violence, but you did it so well here! I really love how you show Marlene's journey from abuse to freedom, and I'm so happy that she had Dorcas to support her through it all. I think Marlene's difficulty leaving was really realistic. I think I've read that it takes a person in an abusive relationship five tries or something to actually leave, so I really hope her attempt here lasts. Even knowing she doesn't survive the war in canon, I want her to be happy.

Your characterization of Marlene and Dorcas was amazing as well. I loved that Dorcas never guilted Marlene for not leaving, but tried to encourage her to do so because it would be better for her, not just because it's what Dorcas would do in Marlene's position. And their friendship just seemed so real. The ending made me "aww" out loud. I can imagine an entire story just of them living together while Marlene begins to heal from her experience and Dorcas helps her move forward with her life.

Wonderful job with sensitivity to Marlene's self harm. It didn't feel glorified or out of place at all, and I really appreciate that. All-in-all, this story was really well done.

Great job!

—Emily

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 29 Jan 2019 10:42 AM · For: I

Hi!  Here for RvG and the Magical Menagerie.

 

This was a really beautiful and poignant story!  I love reading about minor characters from the Order, but I always feel like their stories tend to focus on their role within the Order and the challenges they face as part of that, so I love the fact that you've taken Marlene's character and done something very different with it.  It was difficult to read her struggling so much, but I thought you dealt with the themes in this story really well.

 

I thought you captured Marlene's character brilliantly in this story.  The despair, the lack of hope - the depression that's shrouding her as a result of the abuse that she's suffering from her boyfriend.  I just wanted to reach through the screen and give her a hug.  Nobody should have to deal with that.  But I thought the way that she responded to Dorcas's concerns at first was very believable - denying that it had happened, denying that it was a regular thing, pretending that she was fine, not wanting to seem weak and trying to protect the person she loved... they're all very characteristic responses of abuse victims, but I was glad that Dorcas made sure Marlene still got help and medical attention, and gave her a way out of the situation, too.

 

We never see the boyfriend in this one-shot, but I think the story's actually more effective for that.  With the shouts and lines of dialogue in italics, the way that Marlene tenses when she's worried it's him arriving home... all those details help to build up a sense of the fear and tension, and I think the fact that he's faceless and nameless contribute to that.

 

The ending was brilliant, though.  I love Dorcas, and I'm so glad that Marlene has a friend like her to help her through this situation, someone who's able to organise everything to get her a way out of the terror when Marlene isn't able to.  I'm always here for female friendships and women supporting each other, and this was great!

 

Sian :)

Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 14 Jan 2019 06:25 PM · For: I

Hello! I'm here for the Magical Menagerie.

 

I'm a little overwhelmed by feels from this fic. On the one had, it's horrible and tragic that Marlene has been in an abusive relationship, that she's depressed and self-harms. And the terror of the war around her cannot be helping.

 

On the other hand, Dorcas is wonderful. What a supportive friend. It's not unusual for a friend to care, but it is unusual for a friend to follow through this way, to check in and help in the little ways that feels so big when you're struggling like Marlene is. I love her for that, and then of course for volunteering her own home. It's SO lovely and made me so happy at the end of this story.

 

Given the subject matter, I confess I did not expect the happy ending and I'm very pleased.

 

I know it usually takes several attempts for someone to permanently leave an abusive relationship, but I am really hoping that with Dorcas' help, Marlene can be free from that monster forever.

 

I thought the dialogue in this was quite good, and I enjoyed the narration. I was a little confused by the italicized thoughts that started each section, because they seemed to shift in perspective and I wasn't sure when they were met to take place. That sort of effect is always difficult for me, though.

 

Thank you for writing this very touching story!

Name: MegGonagall (Signed) · Date: 13 Jan 2019 03:53 PM · For: I

2019 HC Magical Menagerie Review! 

 

Hey there! 

 

Poor Marlene. This was truly heartbreaking to read. I’ve been in a similar position to Dorcas before. It’s never easy knowing that your close friend is living with an abuser. You feel so helpless. You try to help and give advice and beg them to leave, but you still feel helpless.  Because, they do truly believe that they can’t leave. Their abuser convinced them that they can’t, because either no one else would want them, or the abuser would find them and harm them. And poor Marlene was so scared. But it’s good that she had Dorcas. At least she had some sort of light in the darkness, to help her make the right decision. 

 

I really liked the friendship between the two. You can see how much they care for each other, and how important they are to one another. You need people like that in your life. Especially when you feel like giving up. It’s helpful to know that there is someone there for you, no matter what. That really came through strongly here, how much they loved one another. 

 

Dorcas is such a great friend to her. Offering suggestions on how Marlene can be safe, and going as far as speaking with Dumbledore to ensure that she would be safe. And getting Marlene to join The Order again, so she can focus on something, and to get her to live again. Even though we know that being in The Order will eventually cost her her life. :( But it was so sweet that Dorcas was the one who Marlene ended up living with. Of course she’d be able to recover the most, and be the happiest living with her best friend. This ended on such a hopeful note. It made me feel that Marlene would eventually be alright. 

 

This was a great piece. Very emotional and heavy. I enjoyed reading it! Thanks for sharing! 

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 13 Jan 2019 11:01 AM · For: I

 

Hello,

 

It's nice to see that you're writing again!  It's nice to see you back, I picked this piece because I was really interested in the blurb bit. I thought the characters would a good combination too. 

 

So I like how you opened with the scene in the rain. I can understand how Marlene feels in the rain. Rain is somehow so peaceful, it's loud yet still. I agree with her because that. I really thought that imagery was really rich. 

 

I thought your description of her wounds really well done. It's like she is cataloguing her injuries to herself. The language you have used is really amazing at building up a really vivid picture. I feel so much for Marlene here, it is just a huge battle that she is in without herself. 

 

I thought how you used the italic lines was clever especially how the next paragraph explains that 'quote'. Dorcas seems like a really good friend, it's really difficult to be a friend in a situation like that but Dorcas comes across like such a good person. I think we all need a friend like that in a time of need. So Marlene is very lucky that she has that support system there for her. 

 

I think you've done a really good job at Marlene's thought process that it some way it's so realistic especially when she says 'he'll kill me' and how she thinks she doesn't have a choice but to say. That's true of a lot of victims that they don't see a way out like they'll be stuck in this vicious circle. Marlene was very strong in the end, you portray her strength so well in that scene. Well done for this piece covering a difficult subject.

 

just a quick note: I know you read this for the HC but I think it would be really fitting for the 'Women supporting Women' challenge on the forum so maybe think about entering it into that. 

 

- Abbi xo

 

For: Magical Menagerie