Name: inmyownlittlecorner (Signed) · Date: 07 Oct 2021 07:40 PM · For: In the Moonlight

Hi Aubrey! I'm here for prize review 3/5 :D

 

I feel so so bad for Attil. I can't believe Hogwarts would deny him entry. Oh wait, I do believe it. They're pretty dumb about who they insist on keeping out. 

 

I'm guessing Attil's mother inisted on going into the Owl Post alone so that she could avoid actually mailing Attil's letter. But he should get to mail the letter, darn it. Make that headmaster write him an actual reaason why he can't go to Hogwarts.

 

And now Attil is finding out the truth of his parentage in the worst way possible. And the way it drives him to run off--and then be attacked, I'm assuming by a werewolf--this is so tragic. His mother spent his whole life trying to keep the truth from him, only for the truth to come out and basically cause him to become a werewolf. That's some amazing irony and poetic justice there.

 

Your descriptions of Attil lost in the forest and being stalked were so good. I got the shivers.

 

Yours,

Noelle

Name: cambangst (Signed) · Date: 12 Apr 2021 11:50 AM · For: I am Fenrir

Hi, there! I saw the link for this story go out in the FFT twitter feed a week or two ago and it seemed really interesting. I'm so glad that I decided to check it out.

 

This is definitely the best "origin story" for Fenrir Greyback that I've ever read. More generally, it's one of the better origin stories I've read for any character. You have a real knack for finding a setting, a motif and a context that works beautifully for the character. It's plain that you've done a lot of research on the culture and the mythology that surrounds young Attil. The background story feels broad and deep and complete.

 

Your choice of words is impeccable. I really like the way you build sentences and paragraphs. It makes your writing flow nicely for the reader. 

 

The twist at the end where Attil's mother turns against him was the final nudge he needed to embrace the beast. She was his whole life, by her own design. She deprived him of everything else that might have served as a bulwark against his descent into savagery, so it really shouldn't come as any surprise to see him go that way. It was a really clever way to set the stage.

 

I enjoy exploring the character of Greyback because I think he was placed in the books partly to serve as a contrast to the sort of quiet dignity with which Remus manages his affliction. It's important because it shows us what Remus could have become if so many people hadn't stepped up to make it possible for him to live a more normal life, but it also leaves the character rather underdeveloped and marginalized. Stories like this one step into that void and fill it with rich detail and emotional depth. 

 

Great job!

-Dan

 

Author's Response:

This is such a kind review, thanks! You're definitely one of the more experienced writers here and your praise means a lot. 

Name: Noelle Zingarella (Signed) · Date: 28 Apr 2019 09:19 PM · For: Wolf-Child

Hi! I am here to review for the April 2019 Capture the Flag team Gold.

 

I felt quite disoriented as I started this chapter, but the clarity of your writing style made me feel as though I were in good hands. I was happy to read through and let the story unfold and pick up the elements as you handed them to me. And, almost immediately, I wanted to know more.

 

Who is Attill’s father and where is he? My guess is that he is in Azkaban. If so, how did Attill’s mother get wrapped up with Attill’s father? It’s so sad that she has created this fantasy father for Attill—although understandable. But I wonder what will happen when he realizes that it is not true. Or, at least, not entirely true.

 

Attill sounds like a sweet and smart boy. I love how curious he is and how open hearted he seems in this chapter. He makes a great point that perhaps if the gods had been kinder to Fenrir, then Fenrir would not have become a threat. It poses the larger question—do we have free will or don’t we? Is everything fated to be before we’re born, or can we change the course of history?

 

You handled the telling of the Binding of Fenrir so well. I know the story, but I was riveted reading it told afresh. I also loved how Attill kept interrupting (that is so true to life) and that he and his mom wind up in a philosophical discussion. I am constantly amazed at the things that my children say, and you’ve written that really well here.

 

Now my final questions—why is Attill not going to Hogwarts (I guess so that he won’t be beholden to whatever his father did). But also, why does he think he is going to Hogwarts? How is his mom going to deal with it when he finds out he’s not going?

 

I really enjoyed this chapter! I’m so curious to know more.

 

Yours,

Noelle

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 28 Apr 2019 08:39 PM · For: Wolf-Child

 

Hey Aubrey!

 

I thought this piece was really interesting concept and I'm already looking forward to seeing what you're going to do with it in future chapters because this chapter offered so much but it really got me asking questions and questioning motives of the characters.

 

I think Attill is a delight of a character in this chapter. I think you've played his age really well. It's kinda difficult to get children right especially dialogue and working out ages but I thought you did really well with this because he is really adorable, I love how animated he is about the story that I think you've really captured that child like wonder in Attill very well. He does kinda have this honesty about him like only children really do. They see things as black/white like everything is so simple 'what aren't they nice to him?' etc. which is quite true really. 

 

I think the mother is rather interesting as she is obviously hiding from Attill probably to protect him. I think from the context that his father is probably in prison or he is well known to the public for a negative reason. I'm not really sure though. I've kinda gathered that Attill is future Fenrir (omg, how tragic he's adorable now! I sense major forshadowing with the story in this piece!). I thought that Fenrir was his father. 

 

I'll try and come back for next chapter but I love that cheeky cliffhanger that you've left there! what happens next??

 

Abbi xo

 

Name: Unwritten Curse (Signed) · Date: 09 Feb 2019 06:45 PM · For: In the Moonlight

AH! This is so intense! I hung on to every last word. Chills.

 

SO I was totally off-base in the first chapter. Attill is Fenrir, and his father is another Greyback who was arrested for the murder of children. How awful, but then--it really plays into Attill's backstory. As he discovers more about his father, I'm sure it will shape who he is even further, perhaps harden him a bit and make him the ruthless Fenrir we all know and love/hate. And now the teasing has begun. His mom tried to protect him from it, but it eventually caught up to him, especially now that he isn't going to Hogwarts. When he wrote that letter to Headmaster Dippet it about broke my heart.

 

Reading about his backstory just makes me so sad for him. I understand how he became what he became. He was so young... It breaks my heart. The ending was so intense. I loved the pacing of it. The slow approach of the wolf. The uncertainty. The fear. And then, the acceptance. The last line is eerie as you pull the camera back and so we know what happens without seeing it. Really well done.

 

Thanks so much for entering my challenge! I enjoyed reading this piece.

 

-- Gina

Name: Unwritten Curse (Signed) · Date: 09 Feb 2019 06:34 PM · For: Wolf-Child

Hello! Here finally to review your entry for my challenge. :)

 

Oh man, is this interesting! I love how you throw us in right in the middle of a scene and introduce details as we go. It's a cool technique and it made me so curious to discover who these people are and how they're connected to the "Anti-Protagonist."

 

I love how this chapter is focused around the story of Fenrir. That was a good move on your part, because it set up some Dramatic Irony where I, as the reader, now understand that Fenrir is Attill's mysterious father figure but it's clear that he doesn't know. I found it interesting that both Attill and his mother had different interpretations of Fenrir's character in the tale. That Attill found Fenrir to be sympathetic is very telling, and I really liked his mother's response--that it was because of Attill's big heart that he was able to feel for Fenrir. (I particularly liked this line: “Maybe it was because they treated him so poorly that he became bad.”)

 

I am nervous to know what will happen when Attill discovers who his dad is. Will he resent his mom? Will he be happy? Upset? Will others bully him for it? I'm off to the next chapter to see what comes next!

 

-- Gina

Name: ReillyJade (Signed) · Date: 28 Jan 2019 07:20 PM · For: Wolf-Child

Hi there! I'm stopping by for the Magical Menagerie!

 

Oooh, this was haunting. I've never read Fenrir as a main character before, much less as a child, so this new perspective on him was very interesting. We know what he turns into, of course, but to see him so innocent here makes this a very chilling story. It serves as a sobering reminder that even the worst villains begin as innocent children, and that at some point, something happens that turns them. This story humanized Fenrir, and it made my skin crawl. (That's a compliment, I promise!)

 

I must say, you wrote Fenrir as a child exceptionally well. Kids are very challenging to write (at least they are for me), mostly because they tend to ramble and aren't always cohesive, and I think you struck a good balance between making his dialogue readable while still having that childlike quality to it. His mannerisms and eagerness for the story all boosted this, too.

 

I'm definitely intrigued by the Greyacks' family history here. What, exactly, did Attill's father do? Obviously it has tp be something horrific, seeing as his mother practically took him into hiding and is worried about how he'll be treated at school. I'm curious to see if Attill learning about his father, in addition to being bitten, contributes to him turning so evil.

 

This is a very intriguing piece so far. Well done!

 

Cheers,

Reilly

Author's Response:

So I am super duper into realistic characterization, so I'm gonna take what you said as a compliment. I'm glad you thought this humanized Fenrir -- that was my goal! The trick then was to take a humanized Fenrir into a monster Fenrir. Yikes, that's a bit of a challenge now!

 

More about his father is in chapter 2!

 

Thanks for reading and reviewing!

Name: starbuck (Signed) · Date: 11 Jan 2019 01:39 PM · For: In the Moonlight

aww, poor attill - he's eleven and can't go to hogwarts and he's worried about being a squib. really, his mother should rethink her parenting decisions. i mean, i know, there's something that his father did that's probably really bad but still. making a child not go to hogwarts seems cruel to me!

i do wonder about his letter? we know that harry was bound to get his letter no matter how much the dursleys tried to keep him from hogwarts/keep the letter from him and yet, attill's mother seems to be able to keep attill from getting his. is he actually a squib? even the boy he meets in the village thinks so and it makes me wonder if his mother lied to him about doing magic when he was little.

oh wow, we finally find out what his father did! it must have been really awful for attill to find out this way, but i can't believe his mother...how could she even think that he wouldn't find out some day? that she could just keep him isolated from everything and everyone!?

the full moon, the still forest - i'm sad but i think i know what's coming for attill <.<

this was a really interesting read!

kris

(for the magical menagerie)

Author's Response:

I knooow. She's not exactly the mother of the year. 

 

So as for his letter... well. I don't think I'm going to write the third segment of this story. I started to, but realized it's very, very dark, and I don't feel comfortable writing something that dark :/ The next paragraph is spoilers, but I'm 95% sure I'm not going to write it, so have at it.

 

So, basically, his letter did get sent to him, but his mom hid it from him. She sent in a reply to Hogwarts, saying that he's not going. So she led him to believe that Hogwarts doesn't want him/doesn't know about him/considers him a Squib. Attil's first full moon goes well. His mom ties him with ropes (like the Fenrir in the story) far off in a glade. She knots the rope in such a way that he can free himself in the morning and come home but a wolf couldn't break loose. And... I forget what I had planned, but somehow the boy from town visits Attil (I think he visits with his dad or something?) and then he and Attil get off on the wrong foot again. Attil can't take it that this boy is bad-mouthing his family. And then, something along the lines of:

 

"What ya gonna do about it? Too scared to do something when your mummy's watching?" sneered the boy.

Attil's eyes flickered to his mum, whom he could see talking to Mr. 

"At least I'm not a coward," mocked the boy.

"You probably aren't so brave at night," Attil heard himself say.

"At night?" said the boy. "What's the difference?"

Attil's eye twitched. "If you're so brave, meet me in the glen that's on the path to the village."

"What's so scary about that?"

Attil gave him a wolf-ish grin. "It's a full-moon."

The boy scoffed. "You think that's really going to scare me?"

"Don't come then," hissed Attil. "Then we'll both know that you're the coward, not me."

"Fine," snapped the boy. "I'll be there."

 

And then that night Attil and his mom go to the place where he went last time. Again, she ties him with ropes. Then she leaves. But Attil unties the ropes. He's seething that this boy continues to mock him and his family. Once untied, Attil makes his way near to the glen. He transforms and of course finds the boy there. Attil's original intent was to just scare the boy. but he ends up killing him. When he wakes up, he's covered in blood and he sees the boy's body. He's a bit shocked at what he did in wolf form, but he's also impressed by how much power he has and what he's able to do. He dumps the body in a pond, where he also takes a bath. He heads back home and his mother suspects nothing.

A few days later, the villagers come to their cabin, informing them that the boy went missing several days ago. Attil's mother realizes that it was the night of the full moon. She questions Attil about it. He lies, but poorly. She figures out that he killed the boy. She's horrified. She jumps when he startles her, little things like that. She begins to be afraid of him. (Just like in the original Fenrir story). Then Attil goes through the story of Fenrir in the book, trying to relate to him somehow. As he pulls out the book, he notices a little wooden chest tucked behind the books. He pulls it out. Inside are several newspaper articles about his father. The boy from the village was telling the truth the whole time. His father did go into a muggle school and mass murder a bunch of children. His mother lied. But also in the chest is his Hogwarts letter and the letter that he wrote to Hogwarts. So he also knows that he did in fact get his letter but his mom hid it from him and that she never sent the letter he wrote. Just so happens that it's a full moon that night. He debates with himself, but in the end, he makes the decision to untie his ropes that night and again position himself close to his victim. He transforms near his house.

He wakes up covered in blood again. His mother's body all mangled and disfigured. Their house is torn apart. When he sees his mother's body, he starts crying. He loved his mother, but he was just so hurt and betrayed. He has a moment of regret. But then he remembers the story -- Fenrir was destined to do this all along. Fenrir was fated to hurt and kill others, fated to kill a parent. And that is what Attil did. So, tears streaming down his face, he cries out, "I am Fenrir." Then louder, bellowing it out, "I AM FENRIR!" And then there's no turning back. 

 

So yeah. Dark and demented, and I didn't like what my mind would have to be like to actually write that from Attil's POV, so yeah... I'm not writing chapter 3.... Thanks for reading and reviewing though!

Name: starbuck (Signed) · Date: 11 Jan 2019 12:24 PM · For: Wolf-Child

i'm guessing attill is the future fenrir greyback, right? how interesting, to see someone we know as extremely vicious and cruel as an innocent child, asking his mother questions, making her lie to him. from her word slip, i'd think his father might be in azkaban (when he gets out)? or is she just lying altogether? does she really have contact with his father?

wait, there's a story about fenrir? okay so maybe i should brush up on my norse mythology but it's very cool that you've included it in this! it's also an ominous way of introducing the name into the story, a character attil liked as a child.

the way attill/future fenrir argues how the gods weren't fair and judged the story fenrir before he had even done anything made me feel for the kid. innocent until proven guilty...he's definitely a smart kid and i can't even imagine how he becomes fenrir greyback, how does he go from this to that? is the story about norse mythology fenrir a kind of foreshadowing on attill's own future? and oh merlin his father?? what is up with him? why can't he go to hogwarts? what did his father do? i hope i didn't misunderstand this and attill is the future fenrir, with his father being some other criminal greyback :O

what an interesting story! i'll definitely be back for more!

kris 

Author's Response:

Yes! Attill is future Fenrir Greyback. 

 

And yes yes! There is a story about Fenrir, the mythological wolf that JKR got the name from. The version I wrote in this is fairly close to the original story. I added/tweeked some things to fit Attil's character development. 

 

Thanks for reading and reviewing!