FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 05/12/2015.
Hello!!
So, I like founder era stories and right away I love that your tone and voice are perfect for this era. I'm quite jealous that you're able to hit the right voice without going all Old English on us.
Salazar seems much more bookish than I'd expect for the ancestor of an evil dark lord. I appreciate that you didn't make him evil from the start - it gives him a chance to be more than history remembers.
Even after a few sentences about Godric, he seems very noble and brave. I love the mystery you put foward with Godric's two week ride - it's clear that something major has happened and I like that it's open ended at this point. I was surprised that Godric was mentored by Salazar's father but I love that it's given deductively rather than explicitly stated.
Godric seems a bit short tempered (though - I suppose I would be mad after a two week journey if someone gave me bad directions). It really fits in with the bravado I expect from him though.
Ooh, an argument. I really enjoy the narrative from Godric's perspective. He's a very astute observer. I'm very curious to know what Marcus and Ingvar were arguing about (or what the threat was he made). Something about Marcus makes me think he's a forerunner of the Malfoy family (grey eyes, blond hair, sneer).
Their exchange (Godric and Ingvar) was quite intense. I really like the wit in their dialogue and the sharp volley.
This is an excellent start to your story!! It's very well written and makes me want to read on.
-Rose
Author's Response:
Thank you so much Rose! I always have had the headcanon that Salazar is a bit of a bookworm, it just seems like it would fit to me. I don't think he would have started out evil, not if he's going to be best friends with Godric and the others. It wouldn't add up.
Yeah, I don't like going flat out and telling people things right away, I myself get bored when people do that. It makes the plot too predictable, doesn't give you anything to guess at, you know? Besides, it's fun letting it out a bit at a time and watching everyone speculate! XD
Like I've told others, don't let yourself fit them into their house stereotypes right away. They're already surprising me, I'm sure they have more in store for all of you guys.
Yeah, I realized how close Marcus was to Lucius after writing him, but it just seemed to fit. I think Marcus is a bit more hotheaded and rash, though. Malfoy is more carful with his bullying, more privet and carful others don't know too much. Marcus just relies on power to make people do things, he's not as sly, I don't think.
Yes, I love writing witty conversations. Snark and attitude is just so much fun to write!
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 05/14/2015.
Hey, I'm here for our swap. I don't read a lot of Founders, but I thought this was a neat start. Usually, I see Godric and Salazaar meeting other ways, but having the connection come from a mentor is a really interesting way to bring them together. I also like how you let us see these characters before they were friends. We have a moment to see who they are and build that characters before all the action begins.
Furthermore, I like how you've also let leak that there is something brooding for wizard kind. It lets us know that the action is going to start happening, but now all we know is that something has forced Godric to search for his old mentor after 10 years. That's pretty substantial and it must be serious. It makes me think as well that it may have to do with the world not being safe for wizards and witches if Marcus' actions were at all telling.
I wonder how this fairytale telling is going to work. I think it's an interesting way to try to tell a story and I think you have a pretty good start at getting the tone right for it. Just, when you insert yourself (the narrator of the tale) into the story like you've done in this chapter try and make it a little smoother. Generally, I think it was done well, but it seemed a bit choppy and a little jolting as I was reading. On that note, your transitions from paragraph to paragraph and the chapter as a whole seemed a little choppy and didn't flow smoothly all the time. Not to the point it was hard to read, it just seemed like sometimes the smoothness of writing wasn't quite there. Something to watch for.
Generally I like how you've started this. The characterizations you have for both Godric and Salazaar are starting to unravel and take hold which is great to see in a first chapter. I like Godric's brashness and cheeky personality. I'm excited to see where you will take this next. Onwards to the next chapter.
Author's Response:
Honestly, I'm not ever completely sure how I came up with the mentor idea, I think it just happened. I don't remember really planning that, my first draft wouldn't have had him in there at all, or anyone else besides Amara, Salazar, people coming to attack them, and Godric who'd been tailing said people. Godric wouldn't have known any of them, but I wasn't happy with that version and this came out. Very happy I trashed that first draft, I like this much better. :)
And, well, you'll meet who Godric came to talk with him about soon. Some people will be there I'm going to have a lot of fun writing.
Thank you again for the feedback, and I hope to see you again later on!
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 05/17/2015.
Hi there!
I'm here for our review swap!
I like most on this site, haven't read a whole lot of Founder's fics, so this is something of a new subject for me. What little bit of Founder's era stuff I have read always seems to revolve around either Helga or Rowena, so Godric and Salazar are something of a mystery to me.
I really enjoyed the start to this. You set the characterization of Salazar very clearly. In a way, he almost reminds me of Snape, except that he seems to come from a loving family. I can see immediately why he and Godric don't get on well later.
This chapter also left me with a lot of questions. Who was this mysterious man threatening Ingvar? Why did Ingvar and Godric fall out of touch? What is this ominous news that Godric has to tell Ingvar? Does something happen during Godric's visit that drives a permanent wedge between he and Salazar? I think this is essentially what a first chapter should do. Leave the reader curious for more. I definitely am.
The quality of your writing in this is really quite good. Your imagery and the way you've set the mood of the scene is nice and I like the little moments where the narrator speaks directly to the audience.
All in all, I think you're headed in the right direction! I can't wait to see where you take this story!
~Kaitlin
Author's Response:
Thanks, and sorry for the late reply! Yeah, I don't read much about Godric and Salazar friendship wise either, and I find that sad because there's so much that could be told! I love the girls, but the guys need their spotlight as well!
Yeah, I get that feeling about Sal too. It's probably because they have the same personality type. I can introduce you to the Myers Briggs if you don't know about it already, they're both INTJs. It's so interesting and accurate, and a life saver when starting from the ground up with characters and their personalities! It gives you a little bit more understanding, but there's a lot to Myers Briggs a lot of people skim over, so most don't understand it that much. Regardless, it's very useful for writing.
I'm glad I left you with questions, and I have the answers...but you're going to have to wait for them. *cackles evilly*
Thanks, I think imagery is one of my strengths, and I love writing it. I look forward to what you think of my upcoming chapters...once I actually get them up, that is.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 05/18/2015.
Hi there! Here for our swap! :)
Hahaha your Author's Note! I know that feel, as I normally cry when I open my wallet, too. ;)
So I've never really read Founder's Era before, so I don't know any of the cliches or anything like that. It's all entirely new to me, to be honest. That said, I find myself enjoying this. Your writing is very, very descriptive and paints such clear and vivid mental pictures. It makes for a very nice read.
I loved seeing Slytherin as a child. Albeit a child far beyond his years, but a child none the less. Reading him with his mother as she playfully ruffled his hair and silently compared him with his father humanized him quite a bit. Made him seem less mythical. There were characteristics that were very reminiscent of young Tom Riddle which was a little unsettling. I don't know if that was intentional, or just because I know that they were very distant relations. But he already seems just a bit, I don't know exactly. Creepy maybe?
Oh I like Godric! He seems like a bit of a joker. Maybe a little Fred and George-ish? The banter between him and Ingvar was cute. Even though it's been 10 years, they still spoke like they've just seen one another the day before. It's very interesting that you have Godric being an old student or apprentice of Salazar's father's. That's a really creative way of having Godric and Salazar become friends, which we know they will be.
So I'm wondering what that Marcus was threatening him about and if they've been seen doing magic? I'm sure that would not go over well, considering the time period. I don't have a good feeling about that meeting at all.
I liked this chapter! Like I said earlier, you really do paint a vivid picture with your words. You could just <i>see</i> everything. Great job on this! Thanks for the swap!! ♥
xoxo Meg
Author's Response:
Well, I'll go ahead and say some of those questions could possibly be answered in chapter two. I'm honored to be one of the first to give you a glimpse of the Founders. The era is just so fascinating, and if the story is done well they make for a great read!
Humanizing them is one of my main goals. We know about house stereotypes, and they often get transferred over. History has a way of distorting people and events surrounding them, and that's one of the things that fascinates me, the thought of unraveling these characters and uncovering the personality and people beneath.
I'm so glad you enjoyed, hope to see you around again!
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 05/20/2015.
Hiya, I'm here for the first part of our swap. I don't often read Founders stories so was happy to see this one, and from what I've seen so far it's wonderful so thanks for agreeing to the swap!
Your narration style is really unusual and I like it a lot. It seems very appropriate for a founders era story. It reminds me of fairytales and epic stories, and it sets up the tone of the story very well.
I absolutely love that you've given Gryffindor and Slytherin an age gap. It'll make for an interesting and original dynamic between them and it's not something I've seen done before. I'm very intrigued about what Salazar's father was mentoring Godric in, and I'm sure we'll find out more about how they all link together soon enough.
Your characterisation of Salazar at the beginning is brilliant but a little bit heartbreaking because we know what happens to him. He doesn't stay this way, quiet and thoughtful, and by the time he leaves Hogwarts he'll be too vocal. I'm really looking forward to seeing how you track this change in him.
Salazar's backstory seems like it'll be interesting, and I hope we find out more about his father soon. His mother seems lovely and I'm glad he's got somebody supportive in his life. It's a very big contrast to Voldemort's childhood which is interesting when we think that Voldemort aspired to be like Salazar.
I'm a big confused by who Ingvar is. Maybe I just missed something but I think that might be something to clarify?
This is a really strong first chapter and I'm definitely excited to read on. I hope we see Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw soon! I'm looking forward to seeing what you do with them. And I'm also interested to see how you develop Gryffindor's friendship with Slytherin. Their pasts are obviously connected and I'd like to see them together.
Wonderful opening!
Emma x
Author's Response:
I'm glad you liked it, though I'm slightly confused when you asked who's Ingvar? If you meant his background, it's going to slowly be leaked UN the next few chapter. I find it better to let out information a bit at a time instead of just dumping it all and leaving people with information overload. It's much easier to absorb, I think.
Don't worry, Helga and Rowena will be making a appearance in chapter four or five.
I'm glad you liked this chapter, and I hope you enjoy the next as well! If you have anymore questions, feel free to PM me on the forums!
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 05/21/2015.
I really enjoyed reading this chapter, it's a really amazing start! I found it extremely engaging and entertaining which is due to the fantastic dialogue between Ingvar and Godric (loved that part btw!) Cannot wait to see where you take this. Such great writing and a very good angle to take so far.
(P.S. I think you may have made a spelling mistake on the word 'doges' and I think you meant dodged but I wasn't sure if it was just a word I haven't heard of before and just wanted to let you know just in case!)
Author's Response:
Oh, thanks! I'll be sure to fix that, and I'm really glad you enjoyed this first chapter.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 05/31/2015.
Hello there :)
You've guided me here and it's so absolutely worth it! I can only agree with the positive reviewers before me!
Your writing style is amazing. It really feels like you've put a lot of thought (and editing) into it, without seeming too pressured or forced. There are these little changes in narration: ""His book, however, wasn't as lucky..."" that give a feeling of complexity, which often lacks in stories. Also, I think you've matched the language well to the time.
I can already picture Godric being the shining knight in armour and everything, although you might change directions but anyway, I keep imagining how at one time he'll say something in a ""booming voice"". Loving it :)
I really do hope you'll keep going with this story! *no pressure here*
Thank you very much for sharing!
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 06/04/2015.
Hello! I’m here from the BvB review battle!
This was my first time reading a Founders Era story. I don’t know why I spend most of my time avoiding them, as I really don’t know much about the era and there is actually a lot that could be accomplished with it being so open. That said, I think you have a very excellent start at a fascinating story.
Salazar interests me. I have never thought of his character, much before the turning against the others, and so seeing his character being so serious and no-nonsense was interesting. I am sort of excited to see how his character develops and how he interacts with the others.
Godric was also a fascinating character. He seemed much like I imagined him, but for the fact that he was searching out Ingvar Slytherin, who I’m making the wild assumption is Salazar’s father, is an interesting idea. I really want to know why Godric is searching him out and what sort of Dark Times are upon them. You really set up this chapter with just enough information to get me interested and ensure I come back for more!
I did notice a couple things, which is me being super nitpicky, because honestly, this chapter was really well written and really intriguing. So, here are a few of those things:
“Straightening and brushing off his, he took his book as it was held out to him and inspected the pages for damage before snapping it shut.” –I think you are missing a word: brushing off his what?
“He imagined that he likely seemed to all the world as lost as he truly was, blundering around aimlessly as he was doing.” –This sentence is a bit awkward to read. Maybe if you get rid of the word likely? Maybe it’s just me though.
“He'd pay that sum all over again, he thought. if someone could just give him some blasted directions.” You want a common between thought and if, I think
“Even with the guise of a common traveler, Godric had already received more than his fair share of suspicious glances tossed his way, though it could be his sword that caught their attention, relitivly plan in design as it was.” Traveller is spelled incorrectly, relitivily is spelled relatively and I think you mean plain in design, not plan
“The moment his right foot crossed the threshold he found himself assaulted by the scent of musty paper and dust, and a strange sense of comfort washed over him as they smell brought back memories of long nights and ancient texts.” –Towards the end of this sentence, it should be ‘the smell brought back’ rather than they
“Ingvar leaned nonchalantly back on the counter, but his eyes stayed steadily locked onto the Marcus', whose were flashing angrily back.” –the ‘the before Marcus’ is unnecessary
Those are super nitpicky things, and besides those small things, this really was an intriguing start to a story. Cannot wait to come back and read some more!
ALSO! Before I go, I want to share two lines that I absolutely adored and may have giggled at all the same….
“Be warned, dear readers, for I cannot promise a happy tale, only a true one.”
“'Blast Corial and his vague instructions, clear as water he said, can't go wrong he said. Master mapmaker my backside. As soon as I get back, his head's being hexed on backwards.'”
Genius idea! Can’t wait to come back and read more! Keep up the good work!
--Mikaela
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 06/18/2015.
Founders Review Swap! :p
I love Founders stories and it's always so great to find more of them in the archives as it's an era that needs more appreciation for sure! I really enjoyed what I have read of yours so far - this is a great first chapter!
What's most interesting and stands out the most to me is the way in which it's told, with the speaking directly to the reader from the narrator (i.e. ""Reader, I cannot promise a happy tale"") - it makes it feel like one of those old kind of dark fairy tales which is really appropriate to the time period. I also like that it starts out by saying that it will not be happy. That's honestly part of the appeal of Founder's stories for me - they always end sadly and make me feel all the feels.
Your setting descriptions are wonderful and really help set the medieval scene. and I love the introductions of Salazar and Godric! I'm not sure yet how these two scenes relate but I would imagine that some sort of connection is coming soon. The idea of a young Salazar Slytherin hiding up in a tree to read and hide from his mother is oddly amusing to me, and yet still fits what we know of his character very well. And Godric - haha, I loved that scene with Ingvar Slytherin and how Godric just pushes his buttons as if he hasn't been away for ten years. It's such a neat idea that he had a mentor - and provides a reasonable explanation for how Godric and Salazar might have become friends.
This is a great start and I love the tone you have set. That's such an important feature in Founders stories especially, because you want it to feel old-timey, and it does. Well done!
FYI, I noticed a typo in the beginning of the Godric section - ""relitivly"" should be spelt ""relatively"" ;)
Overall though this was a wonderful read! Thanks for the swap!
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 06/22/2015.
It’s been around two months since you requested this from me but I’m finally here, sorry for the long wait.
I’ve actually never read a founder’s story before, I attempted to write one but I’ve never actually read one so this was a new experience for me. And I admire that you’re taking as difficult of a genre such as founder’s era, and I wish you the best of luck with it. The important thing about writing a Founder’s fic is historical accuracy, and that requires a lot of research so I wish you luck on finding out how things worked in the 900s. I’m actually curious as to how different wizard and muggle societies were back then, because muggles wouldn’t have been able to afford books unless they were nobleman because of the cost of the book since they were all written by hand, and the only books available at the time was the Catholic Bible, and people didn’t know how to read so maybe wizards were ahead in that aspect, or Hogwarts was just run differently back then without the use of textbooks and such.
I especially liked the scene involving Godric, you can already tell what kind of a person he is just from the way that he sees the world and his interactions with Ingvar, I already like Godric and I look forward to anymore chapters which involve him. You can definitely see some of the daring and recklessness in him, I don’t think anyone but a Gryffindor would purposely bait someone they knew could take them on and win. I like how you ended the story on a note of mystery to keep the reader wondering. I think your story is off to a great start and I wish you luck on writing it!
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 07/04/2015.
Hiya! Here for the BvB Review Battle. :)
Anyway, I chose this story because I am a huge fan of Founders Era and there is a severe lack of it in the archives, I think. That being said, I'm going to dive right into the story, shall I? First off, I love everything about this. There is a certain sort of atmosphere about the whole thing that makes me believe that someone were telling the story to me personally. With the way you started it, addressing the readers and saying it would not be a happy tale (only a true one) was actually really smart. I enjoyed that you did it like that, actually.
The two scenes you showed, I really enjoyed. I felt the Godric scene felt a little slow but you did say it was going to be. The first scene with Salazar and his mother was stunning, actually. The length was just right and the interactions between mother and son showed enough for there to be some sort of intrigue but for us, the readers to understand what was going on.
The Godric part was equally interesting although there were bits that I was a bit confused (although, I suppose this was to be expected in a first chapter) but Ingvar and Godric seem to really be genuinely fond of each other and I cannot wait to see Godric and Salazar interact, what would happen with Marcus and, of course, Rowena and Helga!
Loved it!
--Carla
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 07/08/2015.
Hey there, here for our multi chaptered swap.
I've actually never read a Founders story, so I was very curious. This is, as you said, a nice introduction chapter were we got to see young Godric and Salazar.
Godric already seems daring, but Salazar seems more like a thoughtful quiet type. He'll become an evil pureblood maniac later though, so I'm curious to see how you'll portray that change in him. I'm not a big fan when chapters are slow, but you warned us in the beginning I guess ;p
Another thing I liked is how much this story seems like an actual book, a fairytale even, because of the way you opened it. Very original and effective.Waiting on your review! :)
Alec
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 07/08/2015.
Hey, Kat! Here for BvB!
I really enjoyed this! I think that you did an excellent job of showing snippets of the founders' respective personalities in even just short scenes.
One of the things I like was that you clearly focused in one the founders at different ages to show who they were. Either they weren't all the same age in the first place (which would be a really cool interpretation, actually! I think they're usually portrayed as being roughly the same age) or you're just identifying different parts of their pre-Hogwarts lives as significant.
Whichever is the case, I found your choice for Salazar to be really interesting. Where you showed us Gryffindor as a man - and encountering someone that's related to Salazar in some way (maybe his father?), you showed us Salazar as a boy or teenager, absorbed in his book. While is mother was <i>thinking</i> about his resemblance to his father, there wasn't anything inherently calculating about him in the moment. It was a very humanizing way to portray someone that I think most of us are predisposed to dislike. After all, he did leave a basilisk in the school!
That's not to give Gryffindor short shrift, though. You definitely captured the ""bold"" aspect of his description quite well, but I also felt like you showed an awareness and maturity in the way he comported himself. He's bold, not stupid - and while he did, as Ingvar observed, say something foolish to his prior teacher, he <i>also</i> clearly said it because he felt reasonably comfortable and safe doing so.
Overall, this was wonderful! A little CC, though:
I'm noticing the same thing here that I noticed with your summary in cost of redemption, except in this case it's far more integrated through the rest of the story.
Your writing is usually very neat and pulled together, but there are points where you get a little wordy and grandiose, and I think that in regards to that, less might be more. For example, in the beginning of the Salazar section, you wrote, ""The day with which we begin."" I don't think you needed that - I think the story would have flowed far better if you'd just said ""The day was a pleasant one.""
Similarly, at the end of the Salazar section, you wrote ""Little did either know, however, how much life would soon change."" The phrasing is just a little wordy - ""Life would soon change"" might be sufficient there, or even maybe nothing at all. It goes along with the old idea of show, don't tell - by spelling intrigue and suspense out to such a great extent, you're telling rather than showing.
Otherwise, though, amazing job. :hug: I can't wait to read more!
Author's Response:Thanks for the review. Hopefully by now that last part is fixed.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 07/08/2015.
Hi Kat! I'm here for the July BvB Review Battle. :)
Wow, I read this story a few weeks ago so that I could help you out with chapter three, but now I'm glad that I can come back and review. It's really awesome of you to write a story about the Founders, because as you said, there aren't many fics about them. I think that historical inaccuracies are fine, especially since this is also a fic about magic, so it would really be difficult to be completely on-track with history while you're talking about a brand of magic that a twenty-first century author invented. :D
The thing that strikes me most about this is the age difference between Salazar and Godric. I suppose I've never actually thought about the ages of the Founders, and it's interesting to me that Salazar would be the younger of the pair. He does fit the mold of Angsty Teen quite well, even if he IS living in circa 1000 AD. And it's quite cool that Godric was under the tutelage of Salazar's father--I'm guessing that it was for magic? Are they both Muggleborns? Anyway, that's a cool connection established between the two.
Ooh, I can't wait to see what your Rowena and Helena are like!
Ingvar is certainly full of snappish wit and a thirst for vengeance! I can see where Salazar gets it. Ingvar might also be just the teensiest bit prone to violence, as evidenced by the book he threw at Godric, uh oh! You did such a great job with his characterization that I can definitely accept him as Salazar's father.
One thing that I wasn't too sure about was the part where you wrote ""In fact, even I, as the teller of this tale, could not say."" in reference to Marcus's facial expression. While that does make it sound as if it's being told like a folktale, it also doesn't fit into the style of the rest of the story, except for the part at the beginning. If you want to keep that style up for the entirety of the story, you might want to think about putting in some more of those folklorish aspects, just to ground the reader in the style you want.
In conclusion, I think this is a great first chapter, and I really want to know the bad news that Godric has to tell the Slytherins (because I've forgotten it from when I read it, whoops. silly brain).
Hopefully I can come back for more reading and reviewing later!
♥Mallory
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 10/21/2015.
A founders story to me sounds the most difficult one to write as bar the canon regarding the Chamber of Secrets and the story of the Grey Lady and the Bloody Baron we know perilously little of how the four founders came together.
I really felt you got Godric and Salazar right. Gryffindor the gutsy warrior and Salazar the quiet scholarly figure.
And making Salazar's father Godric's mentor to me is a clever but simple way to explain Godric and Salazar's friendship because in canon you couldn't picture them as friends but your explanation is understandable as someone had to have taught them magic.
Great start hope you find the right path for this story.
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 10/21/2015.
Hey Kat
You have a really good start here. You have begun it slow but with a lot of information, giving the reader a good feel of what you're seeing. This is needed, I think, as This is set in another time frame.
I saw a couple of typos but those can be fixed. (Oh and I apologize for my spellings and the irregular caps. I'm on my phone)
Other than that there are no mistakes. I Luke the bond between Salazar's mom and him. Your characterization is good, nothing to complain there.
I did find some sentences a little disconnected but that could just be me.
Overall this is an amazing story. I'll definitely keep reading and reviewing.
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 11/08/2015.
Hello!
This is Gabbie from the forums dropping by with a review for our swap! I'm sorry that I didn't get here sooner but I got caught up eating ribs and I got a new romance novel. My evening was pretty much decided for me. Hahaha.
I kind of slithered around on your About Me Page because I was so excited about all of the great stories you have. It took me a long time to decide what I wanted to read but this one seemed really interesting. I honestly don't read Founders era fics at all because I can never really get into them but I like this approach that you've taken.
We're not really dumped right in the middle of the Founders creating Hogwarts. I really like that you're showing them in their youth and it really gives me a great glimpse of who they'll be in the future and how much they'll change. I can't ever get a clear picture or feel of Salazar though but I like what you've done with him, he's got some elements about him that I'd really like to see more often. A Salazar with a sense of humor and love of books? Well, why not? My heart can only take so much. :3
I'm curious to find out when we'll meet the others but with what you've got so far, I'm actually enjoying the pacing of this. For the life of me, I think Godric's POV is the funniest thing in the world. I will also say this about Salazar, they both feel real and complete, we're not sure about a lot of things since there isn't much to go on but they feel like they lived and breathed at some time. So, excellent job with characterization and plus, your imagery is beautiful. :D
I'm nervous to find out what dark things are on the horizon. Godric seems like the sort of person who doesn't really get upset very often but I can tell that his visit will be far from pleasant. 'Yet inside, a cold hand tightened in his chest' that is a great way to keep me anxious for the next chapter so I will most likely see you again!
Much love,
Gabbie
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Transfered Offsite by Request of the Author.
Originally left on 12/28/2015.
Hello Kat! I'm here for our swap!
This is a really interesting start! The Founders have really grown on me lately, there's so much you can do with their story!
So far, we've been introduced to Salazar and Godric and there's a connection between them already! Old Ingvar Slytherin. And Godric and Salazar seem quite different. Salazar's quite the little bookworm. And Godric's a troublemaker, as Gryffindors are wont to be.
I'm curious to know how they interact with each other, being so different. And Godric seems much older perhaps? Anyway, great start! I can't wait to know more and see how you characterize Helga and Rowena!
Stefanie
Author's Response:Thanks for the review.
Hi Kat!
I must admit I’ve read very few Founder’s Era stories, so I’m sort of coming into this without a clear idea of what to expect.
And right out of the gate, I was pretty surprised by Salazar being a kid here! I’m intrigued about where you’re going with this one, because barring a time skip, I think the creation of Hogwarts is a good few years away.
I like the little scene in the beginning - Salazar is so cute! I want to know more about him--which is probably the desired effect from the first chapter of your story :P
I love the little era details you give us by the way--the tunics and stable boys are a good touch. I’m wondering why it seems so dangerous for Godric as a traveler? Possibly anti-wizard stuff since having a wand would evoke a negative reaction. I like the idea of Godric being mentored by Salazar’s father and knowing him as a young boy. It’d add a whole new subtext to their eventual friendship and feud.
I’m really interested in what Marcus’ beef was here! And also why he was threatening this obviously frightening man. You did a good job making it very clear that Ingvar had absolute control of this situation the entire time, despite how aggressive Marcus was being.
And now I need to know what this bad news Godric brings is!
Your description of the house is excellent - I can picture the kind of life they’d been living.
This is a good cliffhanger to leave us on, it sets up everything we need to know about the situation and introduces the conflict without giving away too much so we still hold out for more information. Everyone we meet here is well fleshed out and we’ve understand Godric’s motivations clearly. I want to see more of Ingvar and Godric’s relationship, but I’m sure you’re saving that you future chapters, so you’ve definitely pulled me in despite this not being the sort of thing I seek out normally. There’s not too much I can offer for criticism here--it’s all good here as far as I’m concerned!
Thank you for the swap! :)
Author's Response:Hello!
Yeah, it will be a few years away. Most Founder's stories I've seen that aren't oneshots jump in with them already all knowing each other and planning. I wanted to do something different where it's also explored HOW they all met and what happened before Hogwarts, or even before they all agreed to Hogwarts together.
You'll get a little bit more about Marcus in Chapter Two. The news will come fairly soon as well. ;)
I'm glad you liked it, and I'm glad I pulled someone else into the Founder's era who usually isn't interested. There seem to be a few people who also didn't really seek them out, which I find sad. Even before this I've always been interested because...well, it's the start that set in motion everything later. Plus I'm a history nerd so it just seems really interesting.
Thanks for the swap, and I'm glad you like it!
Hey there! I’ve been meaning to read up on some Founders tales, so your story was a perfect fit.
This opening chapter does a great job of setting things up. First you tease that this will not be happy story. Then you establish half of the Founders. Godric is the brash - the opposite of Salazar. Both are so well presented here!
The idea that Godric studied under Salazar’s father is an intriguing twist. I can only wonder how this impacts their relationship later. Does Ingvar favor Godric over Salazar? Will we learn why Salazar dislikes Muggle-born so much? I can’t wait to see how you introduce Helga and Rowena into the mix!
Great job with this opening chapter.
~Alexis
Author's Response:Alexis! Good to see you!
Yeah, in my first draft, that wasn't how it was going to be at all. Things changed a lot and I'm glad I went with this version, because it seems a lot of people like that twist, and I do too. It's been fun to write.
You'll see, and Helga and Rowena will come in soon, probably chapter four or five. Hopefully I'll see you around again!
Thanks for the review!
hey kat! i'm here to spread some holiday cheer :D
i haven't read that many founders fics (and there aren't many out there...as you said :P ) but i've always been intrigued by the founders as characters and people. such famous wizards and witches and yet we don't know anything about them or how hogwarts came to be!
from the start of this first chapter i'm already intrigued by your characters and the mystery behind godric's visit to the slytherins. i love how he's jokey and teases ingvar but he also respects him and i think it's a great way to introduce him. his characterisation seems very gryffindor-y so nice job on that!
i do wonder at how salazar wasn't really welcoming to him - were they friends before godric left? i imagine with him being a lot younger, he might've looked up to godric...
a great introduction to your story!
kris
Author's Response:Hi, Kris!
A lot of people haven't. I haven't gotten the chance myself because they're so rare. And you'll see on the rest of it. It'll come up fairly soon.
Thanks for the review!
You are right. There is a great lack of founders stories. Thanks for filling in some details for us.
Of course, what we do know about the founders is their main personality traits and this stood out immediately in the first chapter. Godric is a bit brash with his comments. Salazar is the quiet, planning one.
Based on their cool and cordial greeting, I also sense there is some tension between the two already. I immediately wonder two things: do Salazar's parents know and what isn the world happened when Slytherin was only six to cause such a rift already?
Nice job setting up the characters and their interactions. Also, the ending is a nice cliffhanger to set us up for the plot dilemnia. The abbreviated sentence structure for the last three sentences sets them apart really making the read think: What is going to happen next?
Author's Response:Hi, nice to see you!
I'm glad to hear you like it and picked up on some stuff I was hoping for people to be noticing. You'll get your answers soon.
Thanks for the review!
Hey!
It's Alicia from the forums! I'm so sorry it took a week to get your review out, but with the holidays and all...I do have a soft spot for these guys. After all, they're the founders of Hogwarts! As I don't know how the original started, I can't give you a full-on critique. However, you're doing good so far! Your description is amazing, I can picture myself with them. I think there were a few gramatical errors, but only minor.
I do hope you request when the next chapter is posted because I look forward to the next one!
-Happy New Year!
Author's Response:Hi, Alicia! No worries!
Hopefully the errors are fixed now, and I'll definitly be back for chapter two. Happy New Year, and thanks for the review!
Hiya! I promised you a review for your fic, so here I am! And Merry Christmas by the way!
I'm intrigued with how you've written the Founders - or at least Godric and Salazar. I have read a bit of Founders fic during my time on HPFF/ HPFT, and I always love seeing other writers' interpretations of these characters.
Already in this first chapter, there's a lot of mystery and tension surrounding Godric, and his meeting with Ingvar. And it's really wonderful that Salazar's father is Godric's mentor - this adds such a complex layer to Godric and Salazar's relationship later on. We already know that Gryffindor and Slytherin were friends before they had their falling out, after which Slytherin left. But the fact that Godric knows, and is very well-liked by Salazar's parents adds a whole new dimension to the Founders' relationship with each other.
I love the detail about your original characters as well, e.g. Amara and Ingvar, and even Markus, who had a very brief but memorable scene. Markus does sound like a piece of work - I'm wondering if he'll pop up later on in the fic as some sort of antagonist. And Amara and Ingvar sound like great parents to Salazar!
Anyway, you've got my interest piqued - what could Godric be wanting to discuss with Ingvar? Does it have anything to do with the founding of Hogwarts?
I think you've got a wonderful start to your story with a fresh take on these characters. I look forward to reading more and hope you keep on writing - thanks for sharing your fic. :)
- teh
Author's Response:Ello', teh!
Marcus should be showing up, though how that will be is spoilers, so you'll have to wait and see.
Thanks for the review, and hopefully I'll see you back when the next chapter is up!
Hey, here for our swap.
I rarely read stories about the founders. We wouldn't have Hogwarts without them.
I think you charaterized them well since we don't know too much about them.
Thanls for the swap, we should do it again.
Author's Response:Thanks for the swap!
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