Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 22 Jan 2019 03:00 PM · For: It Begins With Goodbye

Hi!

This is such a cool concept for a story. I'm so in love with the idea of Remus having a family and so to see him with a daughter (and getting to watch her grow up) makes my little heart happy. I thought her condition was really unusual and very well thought out by you. The fact that Dumbledore doesn't know what she is was startling really, because he pretty much knows everything. The fact he trusted Remus so explicitly to look after Alice was really cool, not just because he's a werewolf, but because he's a good man and will make a good father. I'd like to see some more flashbacks to see more about their lives over the past 16 years. I am interested in why she's only just starting Hogwarts though, or did I miss that? I'm looking forward to finding out how she'll get on at school and will she be friends with Harry and the rest.

 

 

What does intrigue me is the title of the novel. Does this mean her allegiance is with Voldemort? Remus Lupin's daughter goes dark, would be a hell of a heartbreaking twist. Still, I really think this is going to be an awesome story. Great start!

Tasha xx

 

For Magical Menagerie and RvG Team Red xx

Author's Response:

Hi!

 

Thank you for your beautiful review!

 

I've always loved the idea of Remus as a Dad. He dies way too young, (still breaks my heart every time I read it) and never truly got to live his fatherhood potential. I just hope thoughout this and the sequel I manage to do him justice.

 

Ah yes, the title. Keep reading my friend, all becomes very clear, very soon. All I can say, is poor Remus. You have no idea.

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 22 Jan 2019 01:28 PM · For: Pink Hair and Slytherins

 

Hey!

 

I love all of Alice's wolf-y details like the smelling blood and how she struggles at the moment with her wolf side. It's going to be interesting to see how she goes over the course of the story if this was an issue for her now. 

 

Isn't Alice full of sass? I love that about her. She has a lot of good qualities, I love how you've written her sense of loyalty. I don't think her new friends are going to keep her away from Malfoy by telling her not to go here him. I liked really the line 'or just she thought he'd make an interesting character study' I don't know why but it really made me laugh. to be fair, she's right. he would be an interesting character study.

 

I see the similarities in how Snape was very hard on Harry on this first day and he's picking on Alice too. I guess he really just hates all of the marauders. I can't believe that she turned his hair pink like crazy. She's kinda making herself a target now like Malfoy is already interested in her. you really hooked me at the idea of having detention together. I'm so here for that trope!

 

- Abbi xo

 

For: Magical Menagerie/RvG

 

 

Author's Response:

Hiiii!

Thank you for another beautiful review! They really keep me smiling!

 

She's one sassy wolfy lady. I love her. There's so much more to come!! I hope you continue to keep reading!

 

xx

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 20 Jan 2019 11:55 AM · For: The Train Journey

Hey!

 

So first day was interesting huh?

 

So I know you had some worries about the characterisation of Draco here, I'll start with that considering you said it was an area you were concerned about. Draco is a tough character to write but I think you did a good job to be honest. I thought you captured that arrogant in his personality very clearly the kinda looking down on others really so I wouldn't worry too much because I thought you did a good job. I also thought it was cool that she was able tranform partly into a wolf for help with her hearing.

 

I thought Alice had a really strong voice through the chapter and she obviously have a very strong moral compass as she often mentions her father. I feel sad that Remus kept her away from the other Weasleys as I think she might be better socialise and ready for the wider world but it is obvious that Remus wanted the best for her and it was difficult to make choices for her.

 

It seems like she is getting on well with her new friends though which I'm really happy about that but I'm very interested how Draco is going to play into this story now she has gotten into a friendship group with Harry very quickly.

 

I think the only other little comment about this chapter is how neville commented ' I don't have any parents either, neither does Harry, but you know that." I personally feel like Neville is really proud of his parents and he would never say 'he doesn't have any' because I think Neville knows they would have been there for him if they could. I thought the comment was a bit misplaced in my opinion but I see what you were trying to do - get Alice more comfortable within the group.

 

Good chapter though, it'll be interesting to see her at hogwarts.

 

- Abbi xo

 

For: Magical Menagerie/RvG

 

Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 19 Jan 2019 01:37 PM · For: Hogsmeade, Curses and Dark Marks

What is Alice thinking? Telling a boy she barely knows her secret. Oh that’s right. She’s a teenager so she isn’t. She hides it better, but she can be as impulsive and emotionally driven as Harry. Again, I like the way you have integrated Alice into canon with the scene with Mundungus and Katie Bell. Her super senses are very helpful aren’t they! I like the way you are using them to create Detective Alice who can make the connections no one else does.

The scene with Dung was particularly good. I wonder exactly what her face looked like, half wolf, half human--enough to send him shaking into apparition.

 

I’m really enjoying this story. It has an original slant which, potentially, could create a wonderful AU story. I hope there will be more updates soon.

Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 19 Jan 2019 11:29 AM · For: Detentions and First Kisses

Okay, you completely surprised me on that one. I was expecting snide comments or intense interrogation from Draco, not romance. Now the question is: Is he really interested in her romantically, is he just intrigued because she is an unknown or is he attempting to slither his way into trust through a kiss?

Whichever the reason, it's obvious that Alice is quickly becoming infatuated. I hope this goes okay for her because my her father's own admission, she is very naive. I could see her getting hurt or involved in something dark before she really understands what hits her. 

Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 19 Jan 2019 09:48 AM · For: Pink Hair and Slytherins

Great chapter. I loved the section of with her fangs growing due to the scent of blood. You did a really nice job working that little tidbit into canon and showing that Alice still has trouble with controlling “her condition.”

The scene with Snape was very realistics. I’m sure he would want to embarass Lupin’s daughter as much as he did James’s son. And yes, she did completely deserve the detention with her smart mouth, but I like the way you had Draco slither himself into also. (Although, if I was Snape I would be very suspicious of Draco’s actions especially since we’ve already established that it’s out of character and the mission he has 6th year.)

 

I wonder if Harry will still spout his “There’s no reason to call me sir” line this time. Then all three of them can have detention together. Wouldn’t that be memorable?

Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 19 Jan 2019 09:31 AM · For: The Train Journey

I think you did a fine job with Draco. His confusion, but then dismissal of her has insignificant was spot on as was the shoving to get her out of the way. I love Alice’s reaction too. Obviously being a wolf has its advantageous. I guess Harry, in his invisibility cloak, will never be able to trick her. Of course, he has also brought herself to Draco’s attention. Something that she absolutely did not want to do.

I can also see Alice’s personality coming through. She’s obviously shy, would rather blend into the wall, rather like her adoptive father. Somehow I doubt that is going to last, however.

 

There was one part that I was confused about. Why would Slughorn invite her to the luncheon? Her father isn’t famous. In fact, he is practically considered an Untouchable of society. What background/ties did she have that attracted Slughorn?

Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 19 Jan 2019 07:49 AM · For: It Begins With Goodbye

Two things stood out to me initially. First was the title. It doesn’t say the wolf but rather their wolf which means I’m already asking what where will Alice’s allegiances be by the end of the book. The second things was the story itself. It’s different and intriguing. . . Almost like it came from a dream.

I felt the introduction was a bit to direct and rushed, but really enjoyed the flashback. You could feel Remus’s anxiety yet awe when Dumbledore placed the wolf cub into his arms.   The words at the end made me snort: “ ‘Plus, she isn’t alone,’ Arthur then reminded him, ‘She’s got a lot of Weasleys there to lean on, also I’m sure Harry and Hermione will look after her.”’Remus couldn’t help but smile, their words warming him.“  Weasleys and the Golden Trio. . . . she might have friends and support, but she also just walked into a heap of troublemakers.

 

Nice beginning.

Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 19 Jan 2019 12:19 AM · For: Detentions and First Kisses

Hello, I'm here with the Magical Menagerie reviewing event!

 

I think we (the readers) can read a little bit into why Draco might've acted out against Snape, following Alice's prank. I mean, by the way he looked at her, he might just have a bit of a crush. And, to be honest, standing up to him the way she had might've been what sparked something for him. I am also glad to see that she's hanging out with the trio, too. 

 

Cleaning the entire floor of the Great Hall (without the use of magic) to boot has got to be an exhausting and time-consuming task. They might want to think twice before messing with Snape again. Honestly, I'm not sure he could pull off the pink to begin with. But I do love the detention trope to bring the two characters together alone (it's one of my favorite tropes). Their playful water fight was cute, and sets up into the kiss rather nicely. I also very much appreciate the awkwardness to follow the kiss as they wrapped up detention. 

 

Definitely curious as to where we're headed here, and wondering how Draco will react when he learns about her lycanthropy!

 

-Rumpels

Name: Crimson Quill (Signed) · Date: 18 Jan 2019 09:47 AM · For: It Begins With Goodbye

Hey!

 

So I thought this seemed like an interesting story from the banner and blurb. I'm glad that I clicked it because it seems like such a promising story from this first chapter.

 

I feel like Alice has a nice voice in the story so far. She seems pretty confident because her unusual living situation and just herself being very unique. I like that. It should be really interesting to see her interacting with other people around her age because she hasn't done much of that so will she change more once being at school. 

 

I thought the flashback was great storytelling because it gets the reader more into the moment and it's better than just telling us about the events that have happened. I'm a big fan of split narration so I'm happy! I thought the flashback just raised so many questions, it seems so sudden that he would choose Remus for this job but I know it's because Remus has the wolf connection which might help Alice then she is questioning herself. I thought you did a great job at showing what Dumbledore is like because we know that he has pressured people into doing things in his 'dumbledore' type way like you don't really know until it's too late. I thought that was really well done.

 

The characterisation of Remus was really good as it's very believable that he would want protective Alice especially as she is different like he is. They seem so sure that Harry and Hermione will look after her. I wonder if that will be the case though. 

 

CC - it's not a big thing but personally I would consider maybe splitting the first paragraph as it's very long. It would be nice to break up it so it doesn't feel like an information overload as you've packed a lot into that first paragraph. 

 

cool concept for a story. 

 

- Abbi xo

 

For: Magical Menagerie/ RvG

 

Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 11 Jan 2019 08:40 PM · For: Pink Hair and Slytherins

Hello again! I'm here for the Magical Menagerie event, as I have. :)

 

Ah, it does seem a tad suspicious that she was 'hanging around' Draco Malfoy around the same time he had performed his petrification charm on Harry and hidden him under his invisibility cloak. I mean, we the readers know that she was just threatening him, but Tonks and Harry don't know that. Lucky for Harry, Tonks came looking for him -- and I love her disposition when she found him -- as if nothing was wrong.

 

Oh, I wonder -- are you going to keep the canonical Remus x Tonks pairing -- I can see a really cute motherly friendship happening between Tonks and Alice. With Tonks believing that she SHOULD have known Alice by recognition, I'm led to believe that you might be headed down that road. 

 

But yeah, threatening Malfoy doesn't seem like an overly good idea. And, yes, it seems I've had it right. Snape immediately doesn't like her because of what happened between Snape and Remus (which isn't entirely fair). Though, turning his hair pink was a bold move. As was Draco's choice to give him a set of robes to match!

 

-Rumpels

Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 11 Jan 2019 08:30 PM · For: The Train Journey

Hello! I'm back with more Magical Menagerie business! 

 

It must be difficult for Alice, after having spent so many years isolated with only Remus to guide her, to be suddenly without him. I'm glad that some of the other students at least knew of her existence so that she has some people with whom to start off Hogwarts on speaking terms. I think that by being adopted, it provided a nice gateway to create similarities, at least between she and Neville and Harry. At least someone was there that could relate. 

 

And, of course, Luna is always up for some new introductions! I do feel bad for her a bit when it came down to Slughorns class, but I think that honestly, he wasn't interested in anyone who wasn't as famous as Harry Potter.  Also, I see she has a bit of a temper (and the strength to match)! I suppose that comes with the idea of the entire werewolf angle. I suppose that part of her would start to surface if she were angered or backed into a corner or something of the sort. 

 

Thanks for the lovely read!

 

-Rumpels

Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 11 Jan 2019 07:00 PM · For: It Begins With Goodbye

Hello! I'm here for the Magical Menagerie Reviewing Event! 

 

I'm in love with several concepts here. The first is, of course, Remus Lupin being a father, even if it is by adoption. The second is the birthright into lycanthropy, which is a neat concept. Lastly, I love the idea that because of this birthright, she is able to transform into a werewolf at her own will, and not at the command of the full moon. Of course, it's also awesome that she's off to start her life at Hogwarts! 

 

Naturally, Remus is worried about sending her off -- but he, himself, survived his years at Hogwarts as a werewolf, so I'd imagine that she'd be okay, too (especially being able to control her transformations). And I feel so much for him when he's plagued with self-doubt that he can raise a child, when Dumbledore first presents her to him. But Dumbledore's right -- I can't think of much of anyone better than Remus Lupin to be a werewolf dad! 

 

I'm also curious as to what's going to happen, so I suppose that puts me in the same boat as Remus! I wonder how she'll get along with the Golden Trio and the Weasleys? I also wonder how she's going to wind up getting along with Snape, given HIS history with Remus! 

 

Lovely start!

 

-Rumpels