Name: justawillowtree (Signed) · Date: 24 Jun 2019 08:17 PM · For: 1:

Hi Julia! Here for the second of your prize reviews!

 

(It says a lot about what this HC finale has done to me that, as soon as I saw that little scavenger hunt prompt image in your story summary, my heart leapt with excitement because hey! I found one! <_< I’m so dumb.)

 

Okay, wow. Wow wow wow wow. I wasn’t expecting this from clicking on the story (I just saw that it had six other reviews so I was curious to see what the story was about), even though after going back and checking, you labeled everything correctly in the tags haha. You write such a beautiful, heartbreaking Remus, I’m so envious of your abilities. And just in general, your style is so good? It’s very expressive, very emotive, and you just use very beautiful language.

 

Also, the second person flows so naturally. I don’t understand how you do it, but it is very impressive, and I loved the choice of point of view for this fic.

 

It is so painful to imagine that Remus intentionally hurts himself to minimize damage done while he’s a werewolf. It’s just heartwrenching, reading the first paragraph, how people don’t really notice when you do things repetitively. It reminds me of this one thing that one of my professors (who taught Intro to Psychology) last year did, where he randomly clapped really loudly into the microphone and it scared everyone to death. And then he did it again right after, and people were already accustomed to it, so the reaction wasn’t nearly as strong. So the first paragraph about repetition really resonated with me. It was really hard to read, though, because of how painful it must’ve been for Remus.

 

Sirius hugging Remus in bed gave me so many feelings. It was a short little bit but it had so much feeling in it. And the fact that immediately afterwards we saw Remus opening his wounds, was just. Ugh it hurt so much.

 

This was so good, Julia. You handled a really difficult topic very well. <3

 

Love,

Eva

Author's Response:

Eva!! It's a year later and another House Cup Finale and here I am to finally respond to your review!

 

I'm really glad you liked the choice of second person for this! This story was actually the first time I'd ever used second person, so I was really nervous how that would come across, but now it's one of my favourite things to do, especially for shorter pieces! Can you believe??? But, yes, this was super difficult to write (because that's my boy! why do i have to hurt him this way?), so I'm so floored that you'd use all these wonderful, entirely too complimentary terms to describe it! <33

I love that story about your professor by the way! I've got a similar story about one of my lecturers, but he used flower pots (that he dropped on the floor) to illustrate that same point! I guess he was just that much more dramatic!

Love, Julia

response left to build a sandcastle for the 2020 HC finale!

Name: Felpata_Lupin (Signed) · Date: 16 Feb 2019 09:33 AM · For: 1:

Hi, Julia! I'm back again!

This is... not what I expected... :/ Oh, Remus... :(

I can't believe he's doing this to himself... I mean, I get his reasoning... I get that it isn't really a choice anymore at this point... but still... I only want him to feel some love for himself... I want to see him safe and happy... is that too much to ask? Evidently, it is... :(

I loved your style in this. I loved the use of second person, and I loved how you reveal things little by little. At first, I thought he was only hiding the scars from his transformations (naive me...) and then you dig into what is happening and how and why a little at a time. And it's also so easy to fall into Remus' head, here. Your writing is beautiful, which only enhance the tragedy. So well done.

Sirius... are they lovers? I'm not really a wolfstar shipper, but I've come to appreciate the pairing reading some very good fanfic (digression, sorry). I can totally picture Sirius banging to the door, begging Remus to stop... it's such a real and powerful scene. And the last line... Even if you don't want to live up to expectations, habits become harder and harder to break. It's so haunting, so powerful and heartbreaking...

How haven't I read more of your writing before? This was painful but so, so good! I will be back to your AP soon again!

Lots of love, dear!

Chiara

Author's Response:

Thank you so much! You're so kind, your review literally made me squee out loud (my roommate was wondering why I was being so smiley)!

Yes, I'm afraid this was rather dark, and it honestly hurt so much, imagining my boy Remus in pain like that :(

Regarding Sirius and Remus, I'm ultimately all aboard the wolfstar ship, but at this point I'm imagining they both know they have feelings for the other, but neither of them are ready to admit it to the other yet, so they're kind of stuck in an akward limbo between friends and lovers.

Thanks again for your lovely review,

Julia

Name: facingthenorthwind (Signed) · Date: 20 Jan 2019 01:30 AM · For: 1:

Hello! I'm here for the menagerie. :D I knew this would involve self-harm from the warnings, and :(((( My boy, always wearing jumpers! I love the way you've characterised him as trying to make no noise and pretend he doesn't exist, basically, and your use of zeugma (I think? I haven't taken an english class in years) in 'you take to flying under the radar as easily as James did to a broom' is delicious.

 

OH GOD NO REMUS NO NO NO THAT'S TERRIBLE LOGIC OH NOOO. Oh that's so dangerous, deliberately weakening yourself, boy! Don't do it! Oh no! Of course it becomes yet another source of anxiety, another wall of terror to put up between himself and his friends. :( He no longer feels safe with physical contact! 

 

And that last paragraph is just CRUSHING. I'm worried that he uses a spell, because I don't know how much control he has over it -- but he seems to do alright, if you can call it alright. Sirius banging on the door hurt me in my heart place, I think especially because then the fic ends -- on one hand obviously I want to see that confrontation! But on the other, it's so EFFECTIVE to just end the fic without addressing it at all because it really brings home how nothing's going to change, how much it doesn't *matter* to Remus in terms of what he's going to do in the future. 

 

This was so wonderfully done, Julia, thank you for writing it! I love that you chose to talk around it until the very end, because it really added to the whole secrecy thing Remus has going. 

Author's Response:

Emma, thank you so much for letting me know what you thought! I'm sorry I've taken so long to reply, but reading your review again now has made me feel all kinds of things (again).

Thank you so much for all your lovely comments, they mean a lot! And, uuurrgh, my boy Remus, I hated hurting him like this, but I've had the idea for such a long time. The way I often see Remus portrayed in fandom - the jumpers, the self-doubt, the 'trying to blend into the background so no one will ever find out' - his character just - as terrible as that is to say - lends itself to the premise of the story. I also share your worries about his using a spell because it must be so easy to lose control, especially when using it on yourself. So yes, while he's "'fine'" in this particular instance, it's definitely not sustainable for a prolonged amount of time.

Again, thank you for your lovely, heartfelt review, and for your thoughtful comments!

Much Love, Julia

Name: LadyMarauder (Signed) · Date: 19 Jan 2019 05:04 AM · For: 1:

Well this was just heartbreaking and beautifully written. I was really reluctant to read this to be honest because I knew the self-harm would be the defining part of this story, and I didn't really know how I was going to write a review about it, but there's just so much to talk about, I'm so glad I did.

 

I loved the lack of dialogue in this, it was good to see Remus's internal thoughts, without being distracted, though it's obviously clear about what his friends are saying.

 

Although it was such a shot story, you packed a lot into it that there's a definite arc. The beginning was awful that everyone just got used to it because it's just something that Remus does, until the end where they start to get really concerned.

 

Sirius still on the door, louder now, pounding and howling how he can't take it anymore, and can't you please, please, stop - this really got me as I can just imagine the desperation at him wanting to help his friend. I think that line will stay with me to be honest. I don't know how you managed to write this, it really was so emotional! 

 

Tasha - here for Magical Menagerie and RvG - Team Red xxx    

Author's Response:

Hi, Tasha, thank you so much for your review, and sorry it took me forever to respond to it!

 

I really loved hearing your thoughts on this! I'd tried to only slowly unveil what was going on with Remus, so that the reader would feel the same growing levels of concern that Remus's friends must have felt, if that makes sense. So I'm really glad that that came across somewhat, and that you felt a definite arc!
Yeah, this was super emotional to write, so I'm really thankful you stopped by, even when you knew it might be difficult for you! <3

Much Love, Julia

response left to build a sandcastle for the 2020 HC finale!

Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 12 Jan 2019 12:28 AM · For: 1:

Hey! I'm here for the Magical Menagerie Event! 

 

This is so heartbreaking. The idea that nobody really notices what Remus is doing to himself, simply because he's been doing it for such a long time...that they just leave it up to clumsiness or a force of habit (in the case of the long sleeves), that they truly don't see him suffering. Plus, the idea that nobody really takes notice of him anyway also makes me feel so badly for him -- Remus really was a wonderful character, my heart goes out to him. 

 

Of course, his friends do take notice of his disposition. And because it is a way to relieve him of the wolf inside him makes everything seem even more starkly dour. I think what's most important here is to take away the relation to real life, to have some sort of monster within you (a pain that you can't make go away -- like lycanthropy), so you take matters into your own hands. And it IS easy to go unnoticed when you've been doing things a specific way forever, and when you're relatively unnoticeable anyway.

 

I think the most heartbreaking part for me was Remus's refusal to make any sort of promise to his friends to stop, because that would be he would break his promise. Plus, the idea that the habit has become far too hard to stop is so sad. However, I think you did an amazing job in handling such a sensitive topic.

 

Well done!

 

-Rumpels

Author's Response:

Hey Rumpels, thank you so much for your review, and sorry for taking so horrifically long to respond to it!

 

Yeah this was really difficult to write, because Remus is one of my all-time favourite characters, so having him go through this was incredibly heartbreaking! I wish I could take comfort in the fact that at least his friends notice, and are worried about him, but at this point, Remus just isn't ready to make any kind of promises - especially because as you noticed, he's tied up his self-harm with his lycanthropy, and that's going to be a very difficult knot to untangle!

I was really worried about how this would come across, because self harm is such a sensitive and painful issue, so I'm really glad to hear that it didn't feel insensitive, or gloryfying!

 

Much Love, Julia

response left to build a sandcastle for the 2020 HC finale!

Name: dirigibleplums (Signed) · Date: 01 Nov 2018 09:10 PM · For: 1:

Hey,

 

I'm here to review your entry for my challenge! I was really curious to see where you'd go with your assigned lyric because it was a lot more vague than other ones I'd given out. I personally don't know what I would've done with it.

 

Okay. So. 

 

Wow.

 

Rather than reviewing as I read, I consumed the piece in one go because I just couldn't stop? There's a lot to say about this one shot, even though it's less than 1000 words (and I honestly don't know how you've done it), but I'll do my best to unpack it all.

 

The first thing I really liked was that we weren't clued in to what was happening straight away, if that makes sense? I felt sort of like how the other Marauders must've: assuming that the jumpers and quiet demeanour were due to Remus' condition until I began to realise that something just isn't... right here. And then it struck me what was really going on and I read the rest with mounting horror.

 

There's something so poignant about it all? I think it might be the use of second person - a risky move, but one that paid off very well - because it sort of distances the reader from the situation without removing them entirely. The panic that might usually be immediate is more muted, simply because Remus is so, so - factual? - in explaining what's happening. Phrases like "of course, they also know" or "naturally, your friends are aware"... It's all so matter-of-fact.

 

But it still feels like it's Remus. Like when he calls his friends "perceptive gits". It doesn't feel too removed.

 

It's really heartbreaking though. The way Remus breaks himself down even more, withdraws into himself to such an extent and downplays his importance, because he's so consumed by his condition that he'll do anything to have the wolf weaker. And he's so accustomed to it as well, casting a "lazy" Diffindo. Like he's so used to it all. But he's just a boy :(

 

I really like how you weave in the lyric at the end with Sirius yelling for Remus to please stop while Remus just can't comprehend it. Heartbreaking, honestly.

 

This was a great entry! You really should be more confident about it, it made me feel a lot of things in such few words.

 

Plums <3

 

Author's Response:

Thank you so much! I'm sorry I've taken so long to respond, but your feedback really means so much; you've noticed all the things I was most anxious to convey, so seeing that I got those bits across helps a lot! So thank you for your review, and for hosting the challenge because I would not have written this otherwise!

 

Lots of Love,

Julia

Name: Unwritten Curse (Signed) · Date: 30 Sep 2018 12:30 PM · For: 1:

Oh my God.

 

This is beautiful.

 

I don't even know how to articulate how stunning this is.

 

I love how "zoomed in" this piece feels. How focused you are on specific details. Because it brings Remus to life for me in a way that few fics have. We all know the generals of Remus's character, what makes him tick, his transformations, etc. But this insistence of showing him off so intimately (in his sweaters all year round, refusing to show off skin, using puberty as his excuse) is stunning in its revelations.

 

The second person narration was a wise choice as it separated us a bit from the reality of self-harm. First person would have been perhaps too close as it invites readers into the thoughts of the character. Second person gives a more critical distance that forces readers to imagine Remus's reality, which is both more horrifying (because the possibilities abound) and more palatable. The scene at the end where Remus uses the Severing Charm is chilling, but you write it so expertly that I never felt like it was over-the-top or gratuitous or dramatic for the sake of being dramatic. It was a respectful and honest look into the "repetitive" behavior of someone who has fallen into a pattern that is hard to break. (And Sirius pounding on the door broke my heart.)

 

I'm not sure if any of that made sense because it is early and I'm currently listening to kid's songs with my daughter (quite a contrast to this story!). But I really loved this piece and I'm glad I read it.

 

For the House Cup 2018-2019 Opened

Author's Response:

Thank you so, so much! I know I've taken longer to respond than any decent human being should, but please know that your review really made my day when I first read it, and even now I remember I couldn't stop smiling for the entire tram ride! I had been feeling quite self-conscious about this story at the time, so reading your lovely, thoughtful comments meant the world! (even if I am only responding over three months later)

 

Lots of Love,

Julia