Name: potionspartner (Signed) · Date: 15 Sep 2018 10:18 AM · For: Dementors

I was going to review the first chapter but then I read the summary and took pity on poor 14 year-old Olivia, so I moved on to the second one.

First, I want to say how much your writing has matured in the last four years. You've really slowed down your story telling and given lots of details both in description and narration. In essence, I feel much more like I'm in the middle of the story in the second chapter versus racing by it in the first.

I love "what ifs." How can the change in one little event (in this case Snape delivering the Wolfbane before Remus studied the Map) create a butterfly effect across the Harry Potter Universe?

The dementors' interpretation of guilty versus innocence (or inability to distinguish the two) isn't all that surprising; however, their assumption of receiving Sirus's soul is especially since one of them did get to feast upon the rat's. Perhaps it's because of the 12 long years of guarding him, they are hyperfocused on the flavor of his particular lifespirit. Regardless, it sets us up for a nice segweg into an AU. Nothing like rioting dementors to create conflict and panic in a story.

You also did a nice job with Fudge. Your back ground of an average childhood and abudance of ambition has crafted a self-important yet very insecure Minstry of Magic who is obviously being unwittingly influenced by a much smarter and wealthier Slytherin.

I look forward to chapter 3.