FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
AHHH Lee and Abby worked together on their essay in this one!! Yay!!! I thought their topics of discussion were really cute, about how Abby brought up pranking (which I’m sure Lee Jordan was doing along with the Weasley twins, haha, and I’m really curious about what exactly he was planning), and how Abby described her sisters and the pranks that two of them pull on the other. I think, of all the Gryffindor boys in the Weasley twins’ year, it makes sense that Lee Jordan got Prefect hahaha; I don’t know exactly how many boys there are, but I’d imagine that at least Lee Jordan would be relatively harmless. Maybe the teachers picked him for his comedic value. :P
Why are the Weasley twins mean to Cedric Diggory?? Was this in the books? Did something ever happen between the two of them? The Weasleys don’t seem like people who would randomly hold a grudge against someone like Cedric, who’s basically an angel. His little crush on Cho is absolutely adorable, especially when he blushed while saying her name. It makes me really sad how it turned out for the two of them, aww.
Is Matt jealous of Lee Jordan? I’m also really curious about how he and Abby got together initially! (No matter how briefly it was haha.)
One comment I have about this story is that the writing is a little sparse. I think obviously different people have different styles of writing, but I think if you just added a little more description here and there, it would really make a really big difference. For instance, I never know what Abby is thinking, and I think it would be really amusing if you described her thoughts, especially during her interactions with others. It would also be interesting if you described how certain characters looked, so that I can see what kind of person I should be imagining!
But overall, excellent job. :)
Eva
I think it’s incredibly sweet that the friends take turns buying each other candy. Like, when you think about it, it probably evens out to about the same as each of them buying their own candies, but it’s still a sweet gesture in that it relieves the pressure on the other two, and feels more like a gift than anything else! Things always feel nicer when they were given to you by someone else, in my opinion, haha. I would’ve liked it if we could’ve heard more about the story of when Malcolm found out he was allergic to chocolate—they just sort of mention it and then drop the topic. At least maybe Abby could have recounted the story in her own mind.
It’s been so long since I’ve read the books that I actually completely forgot that Sirius Black once was a terrifying presence to the students at Hogwarts, so you did a really good job reminding me! But considering the fact that there was a “dangerous presence” at the school, I wondered whether or not Abby could have been more detailed about the atmosphere inn the Great Hall, or about her own personal feelings regarding the subject. She sort of looks at things very objectively, and never really shows her own emotions about things. I did like it when she punched Ankur in the face hahaha, though I felt bad that she got punished almost as harshly as he did.
So we meet Lee! How did he end up noticing her? Have they interacted before? Was she surprised when he came up? Also, were there any bits about the commentary that she liked in particular? I have a lot of questions about these two!
Eva
Haha I basically related to Abby the entire way through this chapter, beginning from her not-a-morning-person routine to her empty stomach troubles to her difficulties in class to her rereading books! So it was really nice having a chapter where the character and I were basically the same person. :P
Abby’s internal complaining about having to wake up in the morning, along with her friend’s hilarious complaint about why classes couldn’t start at noon, were both reaallyy relatable! It’s really unfortunate that since Hogwarts only has like one teacher per subject, there’s absolutely no wiggle room for when you can take the class; it’s not like in college where you can choose the times of your courses depending on your own personal schedule. And since magical students don’t have their own version of college, I guess they’ll only know suffering and early morning classes for their entire schooltime career haha. “How can you be so happy in the morning”—I ask everyone this all the time, Abby, same.
It was really nice getting an introduction to all the different characters, whether or not they were important! So obviously Cedric and Abby are Hufflepuff’s prefects (I’m really happy honestly that we’re reading a First Wizarding World Era story that’s from the point of view of a Hufflepuff, it’s really great), and we have Abby’s friends, Lila and Malcolm, and she dated Matt previously, and is abused by Ankur. I hope all of these characters show up again in the future! It would be really great to see them come back in some way (except Ankur, he can go sit in a hole). I also thought it was interesting how Cedric and Abby did both morning rounds and afternoon rounds? I’ve only seen prefect rounds go on in the evenings/nighttime, and I’m not sure if that’s from canon or if it’s from fanfiction tropes, but I’ll accept your version of prefect rounds as well haha.
Abby’s little crush on Remus Lupin is the absolute cutest thing hahaha. And I loved how she was reading while sitting outside to “watch the Quidditch tryouts” haha.
Will we see Lee Jordan soon??? I’m so excited to see how these two interact.
Eva
Hey!
So I think it's interesting that Malcolm has noticed that Lupin is a werewolf and he seems very aware of how to tell. I'm surprised because I feel like everyone should know. I feel like he was trying to impress Abby by telling her and show off that he was going to ask Lupin about it. I don't think I like Malcolm that much honestly, I'm not sure why but I get bad vibes. If Malcolm can figure it out then why hasn't the whole school? I always did wonder that in all honesty how people didn't just work it out. Is Lupin going to be important to the story later? I think you've put quite a bit of focus onto him in the last few chapters. I like Lupin so I would be on board with more of him.
I kinda miss Lee. I hope we are seeing some more of Lee and Abby soon as I think they have great chemistry. I prefer their banter to Malcolm's. I'm just too busy shipping Lee and Abby to have time for Malcolm currently! I do like Lila so I would be more keen to see her character feature more in my opinion. I reckon that Abby needs to good female friendships.
I think it's interesting as to why Amy is so against Abby. I can't remember how old Amy is (I know she's twin with April.) but I want to know why Amy's behaviour. I demand a showdown :P Amy should be protecting Abby and Jason. I want Charity to get guardship of Abby! I love her! good chapter!
Abbi x
(HC Finale '19 - Vote Maya Chon.)
Hey!
So I thought that I really must come to see the fallout from the last chapter as it was so dramatic! I feel really sorry for Abby especially as you've confirmed that her dad had died to which is horrid. I do however really love the relationship that you've created between Charity and Abby, I think they have a lovely relationship and I'm sure that Charity is going to do a really good job at looking after Abby as she will need it! I'm looking forward to see that relationship develop now.
I'm wondering how important the scene with Professor Lupin is going to play out because it feels like that you are going to do something with that in future chapters. I think Abby's essay would be an emotional one because her parents death. Maybe hers will get read out? I'm very impressed with how Abby is dealing with it. She is obviously a very strong girl character to go through something so traumatic and then go back to Hogwarts so quickly!
Another adorable little Lee moment and I'm totally here for that!
Abbi x
(HC FINALE '19 - Vote Maya Chon.)
Hey!
I'm back! what a dramatic chapter! I love Christmas chapters because something always goes down and this chapter didn't disappoint! Poor Abby! I can't believe that her mother has died that is so sad! fingers crossed that her dad makes it but I do wonder what happened to her parents? I don't say anymore than 'accident' like I'm wondering if it has something to do with the magical world. Could they have been targeted in an attack perhaps?
I don't think I like Amy much as she is very rude. I suppose that she is emotional but I don't understand why she is quite that mean to Abby and Jason. It seems really unfair but I suppose that's something to explore in later but I would like to see of their relationship and why she acts like that. I think it would be interesting!
I find Malcolm very endearing in this chapter. He is being a very good friend and it looks like Abby needs one of them. I'm glad that she has someone safe to stay while so much is going on. I think that Malcolm might have a crush on Abby but I'll have to wait and see! I'm wondering Graham and his girlfriend are going to play a bigger role within the story? It seems random to introduce new character in such a important chapter. I want to see what you plan to do with them anyway!
I think the direction of the story just changed so I'm now even more interested with what is going to be happen. I think the story has been quite lighthearted so much but this changes the tone of the story into more angsty! I wasn't expecting this chapter at all so you've surprised me but I'm excited to see where it goes!
- Abbi x
(HC Finale '19 - Vote for Maya Chon)
Hey!
I thought this chapter was really interesting! I really like the scenes between Lee and Abby. I like the atmosphere that you have created between the two of them. I know you said that you enjoy writing dialogue better and I think that's obvious. You had some very nice banter between Lee and Abby in this chapter, they are finding some common ground between them. I love how you're revealing more about them throughout the chapters like how he learns that Abby is interested in pranks.
I thought that scene was really well written and I already want to see more of their interactions because I think that you're building their friendship (which hopefully going to become more!) really well. It's important get groundwork in so that their romance doesn't come out of nowhere.
I love all the little canon bits that you're building for the story which gives it great context. I thought it was good that we get a bit of Cedric's point of views when is romance 'intentions' towards cho start to develop so I'm enjoying that world building and it's always so cool to see different people's experiences as only get to see what Harry thinks/feels normal. I thought the characterisation of the twins was really nice too! Bless him and their confusion at Abby's pop culture reference.
I think the chapter could do with a little more 'inner monologue' so a bit more description of Abby's feelings like 'does she fancy Lee yet?' so the audience can see where Abby's head is at. I know you said before that you prefer dialogue though. I'm just dying to get a peak inside Abby's head!
I thought the mention that she wants to see wizarding views on muggles reminds me of Hermione so much so I think that they could becomes friends in the future!
- Abbi xx
(HC Finale '19 - Vote for Maya Chon)
Hi again! So clearly, I made a terrible mess up in my previous review - I knew it was set in the PoA year but for some reason my thoughts went in two directions when I was thinking of how in-character Amos was while boasting about his son and I typed down Triwizard Tournament year instead. I'm really sorry for my jumbled up thoughts and all the confusion in my previous review. :/
Anyway, I found your characters really intriguing and I'm here to R&R some more!
I like how this starts with Abby not being a morning person and her interactions with the other students. There's a lot more that's revealed about her personality and relationships here, and I love the light tone with which it begins. After introducing a wide cast of characters in the first chapter, this is a nice way of narrowing down on the main ones and focusing on their daily life at Hogwarts.
I love that you've brought Charity Burbage into this as Abby's godmother - we don't see much of Charity in canon and the way she died was so horrific so I think it's great that you're building up on her character here and showing us a new side to her. I also really enjoyed the short but packed conversation between Abby and Charity - I love how you brought in the bit about Abby having a crush on Remus and how she teased Lila about her crush on Lockhart, and I adore the sweet nickname she has for her godmother. :)
Aww the flirtatious banter between Abby and Cedric is so cute - do I sense a budding relationship there?
This was a short chapter but revealed a lot about the setting and the characters involved in the story. I love how Abby reassures her parents in the letter to them and all the little details about her classes and her interests. You've done a great job of developing the scene in this and I'm looking forward to seeing how everything builds up! I hope Lee makes an appearance soon as well - I'm really curious to see how he'd go about his Prefect duties and if there'd be any mischief involved. :D
Great job with this and sorry once again for the mix-up in my previous review!
Author's Response:It's alright. I started this story because I wanted to write a the relatiinship that people wished Remus and Harry could've had. Cedric and Abby may have flirtaous banter but they will not have a relationship. I'll stick him Cho as in canon. Lee makes another appearence in the next chapter.
Hi Delaney! Dropping by from your wishlist thread - I hope you had a wonderful Christmas! :)
I love that this is a fic about Hufflepuffs! I've always felt that Puffs are such misrepresented and underwritten characters so I was hooked from the very beginning when I got to know that you're looking at canon events through a different perspective - what a great, fun idea!
Three sisters, each with names starting with A. Love it! I hope we get to know more about the dynamics between the sisters. I'm really curious to know why Abby is not close to her twin sister, Amy, and whether they had some kind of falling out, if there are any bigger implications related to the war and the different ideologoes. I found this bit of detail really interesting because I've always read stories in which twins are super close so this a nice twist in the tale.
Hahaha Amos bragging about his son is SO typical of Amos. He's such a proud father and I like how you brought that into the opening scene, especially since this is the Triwizard Tournament year.
I love that Abby has a mean left hook and stinging hex. Keep those boys in line! :D
Ooh I hope we get to know how the nickname Bebe came about. Seems like there's a fun, embarrassing story there!
LEE JORDAN IS A PREFECT OMG HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?? That is so exciting and interesting - I've never read a fic with him as a prefect before and now i'm just so hooked onto this story to see how everything plays out and how you build up the characters!
Great job with this first chapter! Looking forward to the next. :)
~ Nim
Author's Response:Actually, Amy and April are the twins born in 1973. April and Amy are both muggles. Actually, this is the year before the tournament. Lee was the only choice unless Fred and George got Prefect but we knew that wasn't the case.
Hey, here for the second review swap! Again I have some praise and some CC, and again I'll start with the good stuff first. :)
A lot of this, especially at the start, was better in some of the areas I critiqued for the first chapter of your other story. I feel like a lot of other things will be repeating what others have said, but I'll go ahead and reiterate.
It's always nice to see more of Hufflepuff. They're probably written about the least. It's also nice to see Cedric before the incident in book five.
We're set up solidly to know the time this takes place, which is also good.
Now, for CC. There were some spelling errors and tense changes, as has been pointed out. It might help to get a beta that can do a look over for you. I know that always helps me.
Near the end it also started to get rushed again, and the dialogue went back to feeling a bit disconnected, and a few moments kinda abrupt. I would have liked to see some reactions from Anker before he just blurted all that out. Maybe a moment where Percy was giving introductions, and he steers a bit. Has body language that shows something is up he doesn't like. Then maybe have it spoken. I don't know much about the character yet, but he seems very foward about his views. Maybe have a few others catch sight of his body language and react to that, showing that this has been a well know repeating issue. Back to the show and not tell. When he just blurts it out it felt kinda jarring, but that could have just been me and my preferences.
Thanks for the swaps and looking foward to your reviews. :)
Author's Response:I had a beta but she became busy and only beta’d the first few chapters and maybe she didn’t catch those errors and I also get impatient about posting my stories in general. Maybe I should find a new one. Details have always been my weakness. I’ll try to get better
Hey!
So I'm here for the holiday gifting event!
I really like how you've written Abby, she is very gutsy and strong for punching that horrible slytherin in the face but she is right he did deserve it. I thought it is also a nice character trait that she was worried about her brother when she found out Sirius Black had broken in but he was too cool about it. It's really cool to see how much that you're working in canon with your story!
I've reviewed a couple of chapters before so I'm up to speed. I was really interested in this chapter since you said that Lee would be making his entrance in this chapter. It didn't disappoint, I really like that conversation between the two of them. I think they'll have a good chemistry in future chapters, I can't resist that 'working together' trope too, so much fun! I like Lee's comment about everyone fancying Cedric because he wanted to know if Abby liked him. so OMG, I LOVE HOW HE CALLED HER ABIGAIL.
I'm looking forward to seeing more Abby/Lee together.
happy holidays!
- Abbi xo
Author's Response: Yeah, I loved writing Abby punching Ankur. I've never really had one of my OCs punch their bully. I loved writing Lee and Abby's first real interaction. I like that he calls her Abigail for now. He might eventually call her Abby. I love the trope of working together too. Thanks for the review,
Hey Delaney!
Sorry about getting to this a tiny bit late but here I am!
The first paragraph has me wondering already what made it happen why Abigail and Amy aren’t as close as Abigail and April are, despite being twins. (It also makes me wonder why Jason’s name doesn’t follow the A-trend. Is there a reason there too?) Because it makes me wonder whether something happened between them, or whether it’s because of a clash in personalities? (Are they fraternal twins?). Either way, it’s quite interesting to see that she’s closer to April.
The fact that their parents have been hesitant to send their kids back to school is also something that I can truly relate to. If my kid had been petrified, I’d certainly have doubts about sending them back too, because it can’t be too safe then.
Haha, Amos and Cedric joining them and Amos bragging about his son. Understandable, but it makes him so real because Amos truly cannot shut up about his son.
Ooh, where does Abigail’s nickname from? It’s honestly not a one I have ever seen being used for the name Abigail.
WAIT HOLD ON LEE IS PREFECT? Where did you come with that idea? Oh my god I don’t think I have ever seen a story where he was portrayed as a Prefect and while it was never stated who was prefect for that year (if I’m correct) it’s such an interesting take.
Oh. Yes. Percy loving his role. Can definitely see that. God.
I also wanna punch Ankur. Like, that’s just. God. No.
YES ABBY I AGREE WITH YOU ABOUT WANTING TO PUNCH HIM. Also, very subtle cover for that slip-up, Perce, very subtle.
This truly makes me wonder whether Ankur himself is qualified for this job. Seriously, why is he a Prefect?
It’s a great chapter though. The ending felt a bit rushed and I got the feeling you switched tenses a couple of times (was that done on purpose?) but other than that it’s a nice set-up and I can’t wait to see where you’re going with this!
X Ineke
Author's Response: April and Amy - You'll find out in a later chapter why April and Ant don't get along as well as Abby and April (despite being twins and muggles) Jason- I mean I wanted both the men to have 'J' names while all the females have a name starting with a vowel. Abby's nickame - I wanted an embrassing nickname that April could have for her. Lee as Prefect- I didn't feel like making up another charcter. Who else would it be, Fred or George? Actually Lee uses that line later in the story. Percy- I love writing Percy in this scene. I can totally see him slipping up and accidently calling Penelope 'Penny' Ankur - He's definitley her rival - Think Draco and Hermione. This is not the last time you'll see him.
Hi, I came back to your story seeing your offer on the forums. :)
oh, this is the story from Hufflepuff student's POV. As J.K.Rowling didn't mention about them much, it's unique you could imagine various original scenes.
I spotted two sad things though : Cedric and Professor Charity Burbage would be killed in J.K.Rowling's books or the films later. But I read your review on my work. You seem to prefer fluff and happy plot, so I guess you may turn these sad events to happier ones, a kind of AU... or maybe not?
Anyway, you appear to enjoy writing as I pointed out in the previous review, I could insist on it judging from your passion about face claims on the summary on the top. ^ I repeat, it's a great thing. :)
Keep writing. I will send cheers, 'cause pottermore sorted me to Hufflepuff House three times. I am a philanthropist from Gryffinpuffclaw. ;)
p.s. I am also a passionate Harry Potter fan, so... I expect much more Harry will be spotted from here from Hufflepuff's POV.
K
Author's Response: Sadly, I will keep it canon that Charity and Cedric die. Also along with some other characters in an earlier chapter. But I do love more fluff and romance which will be later.
Hey there!
I’m here for our review swap! I'm excited to see what you’ve written.
ooh. A story about Hufflepuffs! I love reading about the characters that we didn’t get to see much of in the HP series. I always enjoy seeing how people imagine things. It’s nice to get some back story.
So, Abby is a prefect with Cedric. That immediately makes me sad knowing his eventual fate. I imagine that will be very tough for her.
That’s scary that her brother was one of the people who was petrified. I imagine that must’ve been terrifying. I’m glad he’s ok now though and that she went to him when the dementor boarded the train.
You’ve definitely got me curious to see how the Puffs view of the year differs from what we see through Harry’s eyes. I imagine it’ll be quite different.
My only little bit of crit was that you might want to give this an edit just to clean up a few typos, but they were very minor.
Good work on this! I look forward to reading more soon.
~Kaitlin
Author's Response: I sort most of my OCs into Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw so we can see their view on Harry's adventures. Thanks for the review. We should do another swap soon,
Hello! Here for our swap :) had to pick this one as they summary sounded so interesting. Having to live as a muggle? Color me intrigued.
Right from the beginning I'm intrigued by the siblings dynamics. Usually twins are so close, so the fact that Abigail is closer to her older sister than her twin, and that Amy couldn't get the morning off - as she's not going to Hogwarts I wonder if she is a squib? That would certainly explain why abigail isn't as close to her.
I love how you've set up the story in the periphery of the books and linked them in with canon events - that's my favorite era. How you've put in little mentions of things to set the time period and insert these characters seamlessly into the narrative, like how there were dementors on the train and the continued discussion of the previous years petrification events. Im really glad that kept coming up honestly because I think Hermione would have been quite traumatized from that and yet never mentioned it again in the books? So this is quite realistic. Anyway, I digress :P
Not surprised to see Amos boasting about Cedric, haha. And just the little teasing/banter between Abigail and Cedric shows a lot about their friendship and how comfortable they are with one another.
Cool that she knows the muggle studies teacher as well. And I'm kinda cracking up that it doesn't seem to be that uncommon for muggle borns to take muggle studies, as Hermione was the same! :p
One thing you might want to take a look at, if you don't mind some cc, is that sometimes you switch tenses in the narrative into present tense, and I think those sections will all read more cohesively if you keep them in past tense.
Otherwise, though, this is a good start and I'm excited to see where you take this! Thanks so much for the swap!!
Author's Response: April is the one who is the twin. The birth order is April and Amy are both muggles (b. 6.2.73), Abby (8.4.78) and Jason (b. 4.11.81.) I might have to make that clearer in this chapter all though Abby mentions it in a later chapter. when she's talking to Lee. Thanks for the review.
Hey!
I really enjoyed this chapter and I thought it really developed and furthered Abby as a character. I don't think we got a proper sense of what Abby was like in the first chapter but you've worked on her development here and it's really good. I love how you mention how far Abby has come since first year and I was like 'go girl!' when she had that sassy response to that Slytherin. I assume that he'll be Abby's enemy throughout the story now.
I liked how you've written their friendship and really build up in this chapter, they seem to be very natural friends I especially like Malcolm because he seems like a fun character and a really good friend to Abby like cursing the slytherin to defend her. I thought it was good that you managed to pack a lot into the chapter in just few words, we got scenes with Charity and her family too. I love the little detail in her conversation with Charity about her fancying Lupin and how she teased Lila about her Lockhart crush!
I think this has really helped me get a better idea of how this story fits into the Harry Potter timeline too which is helpful to have that background. I like how the letter gives us this information too. Good chapter but I want to meet Lee though!
- Abbi xo
Quodpot - Match 1 - Friends to Lovers.
Author's Response: I felt like this chapter wasn't too much. Lee makes his first appearance next chapter, Thanks for the review :)
Hey,
So I really like the concept of this story! you don't often see anything set in this time period and I'm really glad that Lee Jordan is getting some love. I really enjoyed the family dynamic that you've set up between the family especially her relationship with her older sister, April. I think they'll have a lovely sibling relationship as the story goes on.
I thought having her friends with Cedric was a good idea, they have some nice banter within this chapter so it's nice to showcase friendships within stories. I thought when Amos is boasting about Cedric was so in character so it's very in link in canon. I think that's something you're so good at is thinking about how to get your OC's into the story, how you link them into the world is a strength of yours. I love that she's friends with Cedric and her aunt is Charity Burbage. it's these details which make OC feel like they belong.
I think you could put a bit more inner monologue into the story because I want to know more about Abby and who she is, her thoughts. It would be great to get a bit more of that within the story but nice set up for your first chapter!
- Abbi xo
Quodpot Review: Match 1 - 'Friends to Lovers'
Author's Response: I like to write about characters in Fred and George's year since I have much more leeway. Lee is a very fun character to write. Although, he's a prankster I see him as calmer and a bit more responsible. Abby and April will be very close,
Hey there, Delaney!! I’ve heard you talk a lot about your stories but I’ve never checked them out before, so I’m really curious to see what this one’s all about. :)
Hahaha I think it’s cute that the three girls in the family all have names that start with A. Abigail, April, Amy. I couldn’t quite figure out who Amy was twins with, since it was slightly unclear, but I’m going to assume Abby for now. (Please don’t smack me if I’m wrong, eep.) Also Cedric is the only name I recognize amongst Abby’s friends – my knowledge of canon Harry Potter is very, very bad, so there’s a chance you included another canon character in there and I didn’t notice…or you created all these OCs yourself. Which is very impressive.
I like how you set up the time period that this is taking place in. It’s clear that we’re in Harry’s third year, when Sirius Black is roaming around. It provides a nice frame of reference for the rest of the year, and I’m curious to see if the events of this year will affect Abby personally, or if it’ll just be going on in the background. (And by the way, the summary really drew me in. The plot sounds like one that would be really, really intriguing, and so I’m curious to see how this story will progress from here!)
The fact that Cedric and Abby do rock-paper-scissors in order to figure out who leads the first years back is the most relatable thing ever.
I also think it’s really cool that Abby’s mom is friends with Charity Burbage, though I hope that the professor doesn’t lavish any special attention upon Abby hehe. That’s never fun, if you’re another student. Anyway, curious to see how this goes from here!
[This review was left for Quadpot, for the category “chapters with zero reviews on them.”]
Love,
Eva
Author's Response: The birth order is Amy Louise and April Grace (twins, 20), Abigail Helen (15), Jason Timothy (12). These are all OCs. I like writing about OCs in Fred and George's year because I have a lot more leeway. I wanted to write an OC with a canon character as a godparent to write a relationship that people wished Remus and Harry could have.
Any access or use of the FanficTalk Archive is conditioned upon compliance with our Site Guidelines and Terms of Service and the Copyright Policy and Privacy Policy contained therein. Should you have any questions about them, you are very welcome to contact any of our archive validators. For advanced searching, please click here.
Any characters, source code, text, or titles contained herein which are recognizable as copyrighted material are the sole property of their owners.