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Hi! I’m here for the Magical Menagerie, and read more of your Stan :)
I feel like mischievous nifflers are always used for comedic effect, but it definitely worked here! The things Nubby (I love the name, by the way, it’s so cute) was stealing was hilarious- the bus driver’s wheel is a new one! I loved how you basically gave the animal its own personality, similar to the cranky fwooper in chapter 4. It was creating so much mayhem, but clearly enjoying giving Stan so much trouble and I smiled reading this the whole way through. If I was Mrs Merriwether I’d also have a hard time getting angry at it lol.
Stan REALLY should have gotten himself some NEWTs. Might’ve been helpful, you know? I laughed at the end when he couldn’t unjinx Ernie. “I swear I aimed right” lmaoo. (Did you, though, Stan? Did you really?)
What really made everything so funny was the fact the ‘Rainbow Radical’, as he’s been dubbed, knew exactly what was going on with the niffler, and probably how to capture it too, and just did nothing. For pure enjoyment. It’s like he’s watching a show or something. At first, I was searching through my brain for who he might be, but he’s just an OC, right? Although he does fit with my headcanon of Sirius lol.
This was another great chapter! (I wonder how they actually lost the hubcaps?)
Author's Response:Yes, he's just an OC. I was looking for something crazy to fit the scene and Rainbow Radical seemed to fit the bill. Maybe, I'll have him come back for another chapter. We may never find out how they lost those hubcaps but I was thinking about having someone buy them some more at some point.
Hi! I’m back again for the Magical Menagerie :)
Firstly, in case I forget, there’s a line written in third person POV when Fred and George are showing Stan muggle magic tricks, when they’re getting off the bus, and when the fwooper man puts his earphones on. The line with George eating a blue and pink sweet in the next part is written in present tense. Just if you want to edit those parts.
Okay, moving on, this was actually hysterical. From Stan’s dimwittedness (sorry…), to Fred and George’s antics (I can’t believe Stan didn’t catch on to the fact that their names were NOT Gred and Forge, he saw Molly calling them by their actual names like ten times! Anyway). Then there was the whole fwooper scene, and I actually died. From laughter. And cringing, because STAN YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT. As if unsilencing the fwooper wasn’t enough, Stan had to go and SHARE THOSE SWEETS. AND USE THE TWINS’ CHARM. He’s an idiot, but so funny I can’t help but love him. (In which the chapter title fits alarmingly well). “Too clever for the Ministry” ahaha. Yeah, tell yourself whatever makes you feel better…
I think you did a good job of showing the effects of the bird’s singing. Aside from the obvious things, like forming a ‘band’ and dancing around, Agnes braiding Harold’s long hair and Harold lending Stan his wand, of all things, are decidedly things people would NOT normally do.
Also, Percy was so funny. I loved the nod to cauldron bottom thickness, and wow I can definitely imagine him lecturing Ernie on the Knight Bus safety regulations, it’s such a pretentious thing to do, especially the way he phrased his speech. Who can blame him, though, half the bus’ passengers throw up as soon as they get off. AND THEN HE ACTUALLY READ THE SAFETY REGULATIONS, oh God. I’m getting serious Hermione vibes there.
This was such a fun read, I really enjoyed it! :)
Author's Response:Thanks for catching those points of view. Mid-writing, I accidently changed points-of-view so I had to go back and redo it all. Obviously I missed some. I'll go back and reedit after the competition.
Glad you enjoyed it.
Hi! I’m here for the Magical Menagerie :)
Oh, Stan. I haven’t read any fics about him before, but I think his characterisation so far is brilliant. You flesh out his character from the books really well, and provide the reader with insights about his life and background so he actually feels like a real person, not just the, for want of a better word, pathetic conductor we’re given in the books. His train of thoughts is hilarious and fun to read, but it also seems so right. Like, I can totally imagine him not having very decent grades and having to stay with his parents because he can’t get a job, but you maintain a realistic element because these are things that happen all too often in life.
The job advert made me laugh. “An exciting adventure”, yeah, it’s an adventure if you can manage to not get yourself a concussion, I suppose. I love that little end line because it just shows that Stan really does NOT know what he signed up for. I’m interested to read more about how he’s going to cope with being a conductor.
It’s interesting that you sorted him into Hufflepuff. I’ve never really given it much thought, I think I always just subconsciously imagined he was a Gryffindor, which doesn’t make much sense. You can’t argue that Stan isn’t a friendly guy...but is he aware that hard-working is also a Hufflepuff trait?? ;)
Great work so far!
Author's Response:True, he definitely isn't hard working. I guess, I always imagined the Hufflepuffs as the laid back bunch which is definitely Stan. Maybe he'll be more hard working in the working world than he ever was in the academia world.
ah, the hubcaps are still a thing i see! i like how you've kind of made them a theme in the story - it ties in the chapters together but they're still pretty standalone.
the little girl is adorable with her pink unicorn and stan is completely oblivious in how to talk to her - she's probably a muggleborn (ernie seems to agree with me anyway :P) but poor girl, i'm guessing her mother might start thinking she's gone mad, seeing a purple triple decker instead of the normal red double decker! oh but it might be a case of anti muggle charms failing? poor knight bus, it seems to be falling apart, or at least its magic!
the bus is being followed? really dan? but if people are watching the it might not just be helena and her mother...stan is hilarious in his paranoia, though it does seem the bus really needs a fixing.
(a purple truck being driven by a mad man seems like an accurate description of ernie's driving haha!)
and helena has become a stowaway - i think she really might be a muggleborn if she can see the leaky caludron :O
but omg now the police are after them and their magic isn't working, i think the obliviators are going to have a number of jobs after this particular episode of stan's adventures. but hahah using aguamenti when they're already kinda sinking and drowning, poor stan&ernie :)
this was another extremely funny chapter and i enjoyed reading it immensely! what a great story!
kris
Author's Response:Kris,
Yes, the hubcaps are still a thing. I think it was one of your other reviews that inspired me. I decided to keep this thread going throughout the chapters. Maybe, someday the bus will get new ones.
People really watching the bus. As the magic is only working sporadically and that includes the invisibility, anti-muggle charms.
Thanks for the review.
Hey Barbara. Thought I'd give this fic some love!
I think this is my first time reading a Stan-centered fic (or a fic with Stan as one of the relevant characters, really) and truth is I'm rather enjoying it. I like the way you had him choose this career path even if for his lack of qualifications, and I'm curious about how he'll do along the way.
Three days in and he's already finding that his job more demanding than he probably thought it would be. I'm guessing that Stan will learn that working at the Knight Bus is more interesting and laborious than he was prepared for, and for sure it'll be an interesting adventure. He sure seemed sure of his position in canon, so I'm intrigued about finding more about how you explore his story.
Hope to be back soon for more. Happy holidays :)
- Susana
Author's Response:Thanks, Susana for the review.
I think this is the only story on HPFT with Stan as the main character. (Based on the fact, I asked if Stan could be added to the character list in the archives.)
Yes, it's going to be an interesting ride. I hope you enjoy the other two chapters.
Well, I had written a review to this and then it got lost when I tried to post it, but this chapter was quite the wild ride- literally. I really enjoyed this chapter and the shenanigans that Stan and Ernie got up to.
You have done a brilliant job with this and your cretivity is something to be admired with coming up with all of this interesting circumstances. I love it.
I admit, if I didn't know better and know the future of Stan and Ernie, I would worry about them having their jobs after this whole fiasco though really the ministry guys are at fault to let the bus go to finish it's route. Alas though, hindsight is 20/20.
Thanks for such a delightful and interesting read. I've really enjoyed this journey with you, Stan and Ernie.
Author's Response:Thanks for the review. I find humor much harder and requiring a lot more of my creative thinking, so this story will be rather slow in writing. The humor muse doesn't come visit me too often, but when it does, I think it gives great ideas.
This was another fun chapter to read. I had a gut feeling upon reading the chapter title that this would have to do with a niffler and I fell all but confirmed when there was the mention of the missing hubcaps. I was highly amused watching poor Stan chasing after the little critter. You have been doing a fabulous job working with a character who wasn't very good in school but still is trying to use what he does know to get things done. This chapter makes me excited to see what other shenanigans Stan will get up to. The Knight Bus is a really unique place where lots of crazy things can happen and I'm sure you've got another wonderful adventure up your sleeve and thus I look forward to moving onto the next chapter!
Author's Response:Some reviewer made a comment about if the hubcaps will ever be found, so I decided to make them a mini-theme. Somehow those hubcaps are always mentioned in each story.
This was awesome! You're right, this is my fave this far. Hope you don't mind my continual gushing here (keeping it brief)
You're writing is seriously good, I can imagine everything very clearly - how did you learn to write like that - just practise?
Loved the last scene with the UFO-questioning muggles, brilliant. Still love the hubcaps obsession, lol.
My only concern with this chapter was the little girl - I mean, she was great, but she sounded too mature (a bit too bright for her age I guess). But that is nitpicking!
Ahh, love this fic, love Stan
- Beth
Author's Response:Maybe Helen is a bit too mature, but didn't you know all five years are wise. . . or at least, they think they are.
Glad you enjoyed the chapter.
This was a fun cute and quirky prologe that intoduces what I am sure is going to be a very fun and interesting story. This made me smile and I love the leading line at the end of the chapter. You have done a very nice job of giving Stan a voice and I am excited to see what is going to come next in the chapters to come.
You honestly have some of the most unique ideas out there lovely and I have been enjoying exploring your AP as a result of being one of the winners of my challenge this has been a fun experience and I look forward to the two more reviews I get to give as it means I get two more chapters or fun, but I've noted more than that of things I will eventually want to come back to I think. Keep up with the amazing writing and unique ideas.
Author's Response:Thank you! I look forward to your future reviews, too.
Hi again! Can see what you mean with the stand alone chapters - great idea!
This read like a movie scene, highly entertaining, great writing! Is it odd if I love Stan? I find him endearing. Loved the "got an OWL (I think)" line, the niffler was super cute and the obsession with hubcaps was hilarious.
Just started reading fanfic again, this is the best one I've come across this fall. Thanks you for that!
- Beth
Author's Response:It's not odd at all to love Stan. He's so clueless, he's adorable, a bit like a lost puppy. Chapter 3 is my favorite but chapter 4 is my beta's. Try them too.
Sup!
Just leaving a review for you - I absolutely love when people make fics on minor characters - and this made me laugh.
I really enjoy the way you take a flawed, unambitious character, but manages to make me want to read more. It's brilliant.
You have some great lines here, a subtle and genuine humor, even an interesting mum-son dynamic. Will read on and check out your other work as well!
- MrsDarcy
Author's Response:Thanks. This one is very different from my other writings. It's my first attempt at humor! I hope you enjoy the others.
Hi Barbara!
I have seen a few chapters of this story in the queue and it has looked very interesting, so I thought I'd stop by and leave you a review!
Okay, I LOVE this idea. I don't think I've ever read a story with Stan Shunpike as the main character, so I am totally looking forward to this. There were some GREAT lines in here that really set up Stan's character well. I laughed out loud when he said that he graduated Hogwarts by the eyelash of a unicorn. OMG. Hilarious! And how his mom kept telling him that his breath smelled. It made me laugh but also made me feel bad for him, because HOW RUDE. Totally a mom thing to do, though, especially when you have a teenager at home who refuses to get a job and you just want them to sort their life out. (Not that I know from experience, but I can imagine!)
The last line is also great! There is a lot of subtle humor here that I appreciate, because it takes skill on your part. I'm excited to see what this job really entails. I mean, I have an idea based on what I've read of the HP series, but I'm excited to get a more behind-the-scenes perspective from Stan himself. I think it's funny that Stan takes the job because he doesn't really feel he'd be good at anything else, and then it ends up being more of a challenge than he thought it would be.
Great first chapter! Happy holidays to you!
-- Gina
Author's Response:Thanks Gina!
I'll let my beta know how much you love that eyelash of a unicorn line. That was hers.
Hey! I'm here for Team Bronze in BvB!
This was incredible! I skipped ahead to this chapter because they seemed like they could mostly stand alone and this one didn't have any reviews, but I'm going to have to read the others as well.
I love this idea. It's so, so easy to imagine the Knight Bus going wrong; we see that happen with the Weasleys' car, and there's never any other indication that Mr. Weasley isn't a decent wizard, and we also see the Knight Bus acting somewhat erratic in its own right. It's got to be a hugely complicated piece of magic, and it makes sense that sometimes it needs a tune up. Stan and Ernie's reactions to everything that goes wrong is also so in keeping with everything we see of them in canon, and I really like how well you captured them. I'm curious about how much MLE will hold them personally responsible - it's not really their fault that the bus is malfunctioning, I don't think? (Though also, like... whose fault is it, then?)
And Helena! You really have me guessing with her - I still can't tell whether she's a witch or whether things with the Knight Bus just went really really wrong. Regardless, she's such a great depiction of a very curious and friendly little kid, and I'd bet that if she is a witch, Hogwarts will have its hands full with her. Regardless, Stan is awful at communicating with Muggles, in that way that really only the wizarding community can be.
This was thoroughly entertaining and very well-written. Amazing job!
Author's Response:Helena is a muggleborn who obviously has little penchance for following the rules. She'll probably be sorted into Gryffindor. However, the bus also started having some problems hence her mother's glimpse of it.
You're right. It is so easy to the see the Knight Bus going wrong, but honestly, I'm not sure if it was "going right" to begin with. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and thanks for the Story of the Month Nomination.
Hi there potionspartner!
I'm here for your requested review from the Staff Review Thread on the forums.
This. This is why I got so deeply involved with the HP Fanfic community in the first place. I ADORE it when an author can take one small part of the amazing world that JKR built and shed a whole new light on it. You handled this one beautifully and I'm also duly impressed that you managed to make the set of stories count for not one, but TWO challenges. Bravo!
I've been reading (and writing) some pretty deep and dramatic stories lately and this was so undeniably refreshing. I applaud you for your creativity and the light and upbeat tone you've set for this story. Poor, poor Stan Shunpike. I bet he just has LOADS of stories to tell us from his travels. Great job with his characterization, by the way. He's sufficently confused and curious at the same time. I also adore his neuorses. He always seems just a bit too late to the party before he can help with a situation.
I'm rather intruigued about Helena. I've got lots of theories about her. I think she may very well be a Muggle-born witch, since she was able to summon the bus and could see it when her mother couldn't. I think that her Mum only saw it because the magic had started to go on the fritz at that point. I'm also wondering if someone else summoned the bus and she just happened to be nearby. And Mr. Charles Wainwright III is just hilarious. Who knew a stuffed unicorn would have such a big part in this story? =)
Are you from London? If not, I'd say you must've done quite a bit of research, by including all of those geographical landmarks, street names, and whatnot into your story. Those details give it a nice touch and make it more real to the reader. I also picked up on the fact that the Knight Bus repari shop is located strangely close to Sherlock Holmes' famous address. Kudos for that.
I love that you ended this when you did. It was a brave choice to not bring the story to a more complete conclusion. We already know that Stan and Ern made it through long enough to help out Harry (and likely beyond, after DH). It was perfect to leave our hero stranded in the middle of a lake, with what is likely half of Scotaland Yard surrouding him, and a young muggle child on board. I had no choice but to shake my head and laugh. I can only imagine what will come of him when the MLE gets there. I don't think ths one will be a quick cleanup.
Thanks again for the great story. I had a blast reading!
~Beth
Author's Response:Thanks for such a positive review! It started for the vocational challenge as I was brainstorming jobs in the wizarding world. Once I settled on the Knight Bus, it had to be comedy (my first attempt at comedy) I doubt anything serious has ever occurred on that purple pandemonium.
I'm glad you felt Stan was "confused and curious." and "a bit too late to the party." That's exactly what I was aiming for.
Yes, Helena is a muggleborn and yes, her mom only, saw because the bus was on the fritz. Honestly, I didn't think about who summoned the bus so we'll give Helena credit (although she doesn't have a wand yet.) No, I don't live in London. I have visited but it was years ago. It's all research and lots of London maps. Thanks for noticing that detail. As far as Sherlock Holm's residence-complete coincidence but I'll take the credit,
Each chapter is stand alone (with the first as an introduction) so please come by and try another.
Back again!
Goodness! Isn't the Knight Bus a lot of trouble? I imagine the learning curve will be quite steep, because by the time Harry and Stan meet, Stan seems to have got the hang of things, and he's really quite cool and seemingly in control. I think Prisoner of Azkaban mentions that Stan looks about nineteen, so it's only probably a few months into his new job that Stan meets Harry.
The niffler was hilarious! If the niffler had been stealing my shiny things and causing all sorts of havoc, I imagine I'd have a very similar reaction to Stan. But the niffler's owner seemed to be wise to its tricks. And the hubcaps remain lost! I imagine the Case of the Missing Hubcaps will be a recurring theme in the coming chapters...
Author's Response:Thanks for your reviews. I didn't set this during an exact year (although obviously before he's arrested.) I think most days on the Knight Bus are normal and Harry was picked up on such a day. Stan is only going to tell you about his abnormal days because let's face it , we all want to read interesting stories.
Heya! Here for REVIEW TAG.
The title and summary for this story immediately caught my eye. A story about the Knight Bus? Colour me intrigued, and count me in.
This first chapter was quite short, but I think you've set up Stan Shunpike as a bit of a slacker. I'm not sure if he's supposed to be more; whether or not he's going to be a big part of the story as a character himself, or he's going to serve more as a narrator for the Knight Bus' shenanigans. If he's going to be a main character, then I would've liked a bit more about him in this opening chapter. I feel like I hardly know him, you know? Sort of difficult to connect.
If he's the narrator of the story, and the Knight Bus is the real main character, then I think this introduction to Stan is fine. It's short and intriguing enough: it has me curious about all the trouble the Knight Bus is going to cause, as well as wanting to learn at least a little more about Stan.
Onwards!
Author's Response:Thanks for the reviewing and you've brought up an interesting question which I hadn't considered. Who is the main character for this story: Stan or the Knight Bus? The truth is I'm not sure. I think it will vary with each chapter. (For example, for chapter 3 it's definintely the Knight Bus) but for chapter 4 (if I never get it written) it will be Stan.
As far as the 1st chapter, I know it's really short and I contemplated your suggestion to add some details about Stan. However, at least for the moment, I am going to keep it as is. The first chapter is supposed to be more of a prologue just to set up the plot and grab your attention. Hopefully you'll get to know Stan more during the mini-stories that follow.
Hi there! I'm stopping in for BvB :)
First, I'd like to commend you on your choice of a title. I didn't even need to read the summary; I knew I had to read a story with such a fun and, well, eccentric title! And I don't recall ever reading a story about Stan Shunpike before, so I'm excited.
Oh, Stan. Struggling with adulting, I see. We've all been there. :p Already, Stan's a relatable character. We all have those periods in our lives where we have little motivation to do anything, or perhaps feel like we can't do anything of value. (Though, hopefully for not as long as Stan has, and with better dental hygeine haha). Pushing oneself into the "real world" is scary, so I get where Stan is coming from, especially since he didn't do so hot at school.
I love the ad for the job, especially the bit about being friendly to "every person, animal, and object." This line alone grounds the story in the wizarding world and made me giggle.
You ended this superbly and have me thirsting for more with the "They should have demanded NEWTs" line. What has poor Stan gotten himself into?
Awesome start, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
Cheers,
Reilly
Author's Response:Thanks Reilly! The first chapter is really just the intro to set the stage. Each chapter is going to be a stand along adventure (in which Stan paying better attention at Hogwarts would have helped, but he didn't so mayhem will ensue.)
I appreciate you reviewing except for one thing--That's one more review for Team Bronze!
oooh, the mysterious case of missing hubcaps and bedknobs! there's something sneaky afoot :D
a niffler! how cool - the whole scene reminds me of the one in fantastic beasts (the movie) when newt's niffler causes havoc. but stan's inability to shoot spells straight is very badTM for poor ernie. and of course the niffler is the property of an old lady - don't they always have naughty pets who are also adorable?
and the hubcaps are still missing! oh the mystery!
i loved this (start of a) story and you wrote it really well. i laughed out loud at times! what's also cool is the fact that you wrote it in a way that's believable - i can totally see this whole scene happening.
i'll probably be back when you update it - i'm looking forward to reading the next chapter!
kris
Author's Response:Thanks kris,
I'm glad you thought it was funny--humor is a my goal but not something I natural at. I'm revising the next chapter right now. It's entitled: A Day When A NEWT in Muggle Studies Would Be Helpful.
--Barbara
hi, i'm here for our swap! (i'll do the next chapter too, since this one is short)
i absolutely love the idea of stan as a protagonist and how he started working on the knight bus! it's very original and a wonderful entry for the vocational challenge :D
and the last line about how they should've required NEWTS is a great intro for what i assume is going to be wild and possibly slightly dangerous!
kris
Author's Response:Thanks for the review, kris.
Hello! O/ I'm here for our swap.
Since the first chapter is so short, I thought I'd recap here as well as review this chapter.
First of all, the premise of this is adorably unique and I've never come across another fic centered around Stan Shunpike as of yet. It makes plenty of sense (and is perfectly laughable) that Stan's disgruntled mother had to push him to find a job. Stan's personality seems fit for the flyer as well as someone who doesn't appear to be a highly motivated person (neither in school, given his second round of OWLs, nor in life, given that his post-graduation pursuits have seemingly been to-be-desired). However, since he is a friendly person, I see every opportunity for him on the Knight Bus.
While the tone of the chapter already suggests that following Stan will be a humorous adventure, the end where Stan implies that the Knight Bus job should have NEWT requirements tell me that I will be in for a wild ride.
I'm sure the psychedelic wizard will be one of Stan's least-peculiar passengers he encounters on the Knight Bus. Of course the missing hubcaps would lead to a much more intricate caper, of sorts. My question is what would anyone want with hubcaps and a slew of bedknobs (unless, of course, it turns out to be a loose magical creature who is stirring up trouble on the Knight Bus, though the rainbow wizard does seem a tad suspicious as he was the one who brought up the hubcaps and was at the scene of the bedknobs).
Aha, it is a magical creature. And, oh no! It's stolen all of Ernie's handles and whathaveyou -- even his steering wheel! A Niffler is the only creature that makes sense -- thieving little dudes, as they may be. The entire chaotic scene that broke through was quite funny -- it gave me a good laugh, especially when we learned that the Niffler belonged to Mrs. Merryweather the entire time. It's rather adorable the way it listens to her reprimandments especially when only moments before it was running amok across the bus.
But the hubcaps are still missing and Ernie has been petrified (because of course Stan doesn't know the counter curse). I'm interested to see what sort of tomfoolery will come next, especially since the original mystery has gone unsolved.
Thanks so much for the swap! This was certainly a fun one to read!
-Rumpels
Author's Response:I'm glad you enjoyed it. This is my first attempt at comedy which is WAY out of my comfort zone, especially the slap-stick type that Stan gets himself into. This type of ideas doesn't flow as well as others for me. This idea started with the Vocational Challenge. I started brainstorming jobs in the Wizarding World and. . .
As far as the missing hubcaps-Alas I believe it will continue to be a mystery for I invisioned each chapter to be a stand along adventure (and requiring a different NEWT subject area.) but maybe I'll weave the idea through each chapter. By the end, Stan will be cursing those damn hubcaps or lack of them at least.
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