Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 16 Mar 2022 03:24 PM · For: To Plug A Leak

Hi, Bardic Magic.  I loved this story!  I can't believe it hasn't received any reviews, so here is one for the Race Across the Galazy review drive.  And, you know, if it hadn't been for the review drive, I would never have stumbled across this story, so it's my lucky day!

 

Here's what I loved about your story.  The quality of the writing is very good.  You have a great grasp of how much detail to put in to make the story vivid without drowning the storyline in trivia.  That's a biggie.  The sentences are smooth and graceful.  Next, the pace of the story, whether quiet plotting in The Leaky Cauldroun or fast action in the warehouse, never lags.  The addition of the ninja training was inspired. Placing both missions in the same location (the decrepit warehouse) was a good idea because the first mission sets the scene in our minds so that when the two Aurors come back to that site for the climax, you don't have to slow down the pace by describing it to us--we are already familiar with it.

 

The touch of humor about the garish uniforms was a welcome bit of comic relief, and it further reflects badly on Robards, who is acting like a jerk and serves as a secondary antagonist, after the Death Eaters.  And of course we all love to hate Rita Skeeter.

The structure of your story was very effective.  In the battle scene you shifted the point of view from Harry to Ron to Amelia, each time backing up a few minutes in the timeline, but it was totally clear what you were doing, no confusion at all, and it really was necessary to see the events from everyone's point of view.

 

I'm probably forgetting some other things I liked about your story, but all in all it was a great success.  Original, imaginative, informative.  Great job.

 

Vicki