Name: javu (Signed) · Date: 16 Mar 2019 02:55 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hey Pix! Here for our review swap. And I'm also going to include RvG March in this as well!

 

I love Remus' logic throughout this story. I would like to have Sirius' too-cool-to-care attitude, but let's be real, I'm much more like Remus. He quickly notes that the motorbike is brimming with magic -- too much magic. And then he finds out that Sirius "borrowed" the book from the Restricted section. "Did you break the bike on purpose?" ha -- no, but Sirius was planning on giving the bike a make-over regardless. Remus is principled and objective, and you definitely expressed him well here.

 

James' character is the least fleshed out in your story. I feel like the other three have distinct relationships or opinions about the bike: the bike is Sirius' and he's the one fixing it up, Peter wants the bike, and Remus is cautious of the bike. James supports Sirius in his reconstruction and is impressed with elements that horrify Remus.

 

I think you nailed the subtle tones of Sirius. And I am all for subtle characterization. Often Sirius is portrayed as obstinate, rebellious, and that scene in OotP where he's leaning back in his chair with his hair falling perfectly and not caring about his admiring fangirl. Granted, he is those things, but he's more than that. I have seen authors fall short when writing Sirius with just the marauders. He gets portrayed as the best of friends. And yeah, he's a good friend, but he's flawed just like everyone else. My point in all this is that I think you do well in presenting Sirius alongside the marauders because your Sirius maintains the subtle idiosycrises that make him Sirius.

 

The very fact that he's working on a motorcycle is so Sirius. He pouted for a few days (also so very much Sirius; I think he's the biggest drama queen in the series lol), but then he puts his mind to it and works on it. You've shown him to be a hardworker, diligent, and persistent. He doesn't give up until he's achived what he's set out to do. Sirius is a non-chalant risk-taker. Taking a book from the restricted section without permission? No big deal. Is it dangerous to put Fiendfyre in the bike? Nah. The thought of riding a magic-charged muggle bike?No sweat. Things that would freak out most people, or at least make them stop and think about it, those things Sirius just takes in stride. 

 

Now, as for Peter. I think you've also done well with subtle tones with Peter. Like his friends (maybe not Remus lol), he wants to feel the adrenaline rush and feel the power radiating beneath him. But he gets teased when his friends are there. I think that Peter feels like the others don't allow him to be brave and adventurous. I sympathize with Peter on this one, having experienced something similar with friends in high school. So Peter alone with the bike feels like he can truly be himself -- or be someone at least. I think that this is a good set-up before his betrayal. Already he has this other side to him that the others dismiss and don't allow him to have. He wants to feel like he is capable of things, just like them. It's fitting, then, when he becomes a Death Eater. That too was behind their backs, feeling like he's embracing a side of him that was discouraged/dismissed, and weilds power that he shouldn't have been given.

 

I really like how you ended it. "It's not the power inside the bike we have to worry about ... it's the people we give it to." I feel like this is a good precursor to Peter betraying James and Lily, and the whole group really. Here Peter had something of value but trashed it because he couldn't handle it and/or was selfish with it. In a similar way, James and Lily made Peter secret keeper, thinking he could handle it and that Voldemort wouldn't suspect him, and therefore wouldn't chase Peter down. Peter held the information of James and Lily's location, and thus had that power, but he used it to betray them. In that light, Sirius words of "it's the people we give it to" is like a prophetic warning not to trust Peter. Which is just sad, because then they trust him with their lives. 

 

Alwynse

Author's Response:

Hi Alwynse!

Man, it's been a hot minute, but I'm responding to this whopper of a great review today as well.

Remus knows what's up with the bike immediately.  He knows it's too dangerous for any of them to be fooling with, but we all know that Sirius isn't going to let that get in the way of being ridiculously reckless.  Definitely principled and objective. That's how I like him. :)

James was mostly window-dressing, and really, he was just there because it was his house.  He's more wanting a good time with his friends. And yeah, to egg Sirius on in a way.  Sirius was so fun to play with here.  He had a mission, he was obsessed with it, and he wasn't going to stop until he succeeded, either in killing himself, or making the bike the most epic thing ever.  But really, the story is about Peter and how he deals with being the 'fourth wheel', if there could be such a thing.  I'm glad you liked all the subtle ways that were hinted at, all the clues that the boys could have used to figure out Peter's intentions, but how they never bothered to look for them.  

Thanks for the great review!

Pix

Name: Unwritten Curse (Signed) · Date: 10 May 2018 03:00 PM · For: Chapter 1

That. Last. Line.

 

Okay, for real though... I'm here for the Gryffie Review Tag and I am so glad I clicked on this story! The concept is so unique. It's really unlike anything I've read before.

 

I have so much to say! Where to start...

 

1. I loved seeing all the Marauders together at once. That's rare in fic these days. Peter is usually cast off. I know that he's kind of a bore and he obviously betrays them, but at one point he was their friend. Hence the betrayal. I'm glad you showed them all together. I thought that their personalities seemed to stay very true to character (Remus being the cautious one, James cheering Sirius on, Sirius mourning his destroyed bike, Peter curious but quiet) and their interactions worked well.

 

2. Going back to the concept--I love the idea that Sirius wanted to test out all these spells and incantations on a Muggle object. I see it as somewhat Arthur Weasley-esque, but darker. I like that, because he does come from a family of Death Eaters and he's got to have a dark streak in his somewhere. It's cool that it comes out this way. In a relatively safe way.

 

3. All of the descriptions were AWESOME. I loved the action scenes where you described the bike and the difficulty of keeping it under control. And I usually hate action scenes. So bravo.

 

4. I have to revisit the last line. It was STELLAR. Endings are so hard to write, but this one was perfect. It wasn't over-the-top. It gave a message but in an understated way. And it gave us a preview of Peter's downfall. I feel like this is a red flag for the other boys, but I'm not sure if it will change the way they interact with Peter. Assuming this fits into canon, we know that Peter will eventually be entrusted with keeping the Potters safe, so they must still trust him enough to leave that huge burden on his plate. Ugh. If only they had read the signs! If only!

 

Anyway, another brilliant piece, my dear. (Keep an eye on the POGS forum. I HAVE to nominate that last line as Best Quote.)

Author's Response:

Wow.  I did not expect anyone to react so strongly to this fic. :)

 

I wanted to show these guys all together, because eine canon, that's how they were.  I'm sure they had their differences, which is what I wanted to capture here as well.  I'm glad you found their personalities believable and in line with how you think about them.  That makes me happy!

 

As for the last line, this was written for a challenge that had the theme of "power" in it.  I'm so happy it worked for you!

 

Thanks for such a wonderful review!

 

Pix

Name: adorably cute (Signed) · Date: 09 May 2018 12:52 AM · For: Chapter 1

I think I've said this before, but you have a really great writing style! It's light, humerous, and easy to get lost in, but I enjoyed this because you still managed to make it serious too. How you fit the power part into that last line, my jaw dropped! That was so perfect!

 

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this. I think you did a great job with the Marauder characterizations and I thought you especiallly described Peter's feelings really well. You really nailed describing those nervous feelings we all get in our stomachs! Again, because I just loved it so much, the ending was awesome! Great job all around, I really enjoyed reading!

Author's Response:

Hi again!

Hey, that last line, eh?  This was written for a themed challenge, with the theme being "power".  I think it was "Power doesn't corrupt, people do".  I'm glad the boys seemed all in character.  I like reading them all together, even though we all have our 'favorites'.

Thanks for the review!

Pix