Name: Oregonian (Signed) · Date: 20 Feb 2022 02:14 AM · For: Hollow

Hi, Chelts.

 

I'm here again for the Race Across the Galazy review drive.

 

This is a story I can relate to, after decades of work in maternal-child health, so that is why I picked this story to read and review.  Poor Luna.  Poor Ralph.

 

You capture very well the anguish of a mother who has just lost her baby.  One day he was doing fine, and then he stops moving, and then he's dead.

 

I am glad that you show that, while Luna in her grief and rage wants to throw things and smash things, she doesn't actually do that.  Perhaps she realizes, deep down inside, that destroying all the things that remind her of the baby would just be a way of erasing the baby, trying to act as if he had never existed.  Pretending that she could forget him.  No, it doesn't work that way.

 

I admire the way you have filled this little story with very concret images, lots of them.  Together they create a picture of what Luna is going through right now, what she feels, so much loss and grief.  What worse loss than the death of your own child?

 

Nicely done.

 

Vicki

Name: Margaret (Signed) · Date: 03 Jun 2018 01:11 PM · For: Hollow

I really like the beginning of this story. The detail, for example the reference to the white tiles, seems somehow to contribute to the atmosphere. And I really like the suddenness of how she wants to burn the place to the ground. It seems to contrast with the tone of the previous lines and indicates how her feelings about everything have changed.

 

One line is simply "want my boy." I wonder is there an "I" missing from the beginning of that sentence.

 

You've written "lullaby's" when it should be "lullabies" and "sleepless nice."

 

I really like the way she talks about wanting even the more difficult and less pleasant parts of motherhood. It makes sense.

 

And I really like the imagery of the dead child. It is stark and draws our attention to just how horrible the experience of losing a child is.

 

I think Luna was an interesting choice for a story like this. I like the way you link her sadness at losing her child with her sadness at losing her mother.

 

This is a really good story. You've captured her sense of grief and loss so well.

Author's Response:

I was a little worried that things might drag on a bit in the beginning with all the detail, but I figured she would be ultra aware of anything to distract herself from real thought, because...well real thoughts make things break sometimes.  

 

Oh... Becuase I type on my phone and my brain is too fast for my fingers. heh heh. 

Goodness. That part made me nervous. It's why I added the trigger warning. I wasn't sure if it would get validated, and I can't think about it for too long or I start to get sad. But, angst you asked for! Angst you got! Thank you so much for a great challenge.