Name: WindingArrow (Signed) · Date: 03 Apr 2019 11:25 AM · For: breaking character.

As someone who has been gasped at for daring to believe that Lily might have had romantic feelings for Snape  (thus intensifying his betrayal), I am in complete love with this story. Yes, I love Jily, too, but I don't find this far fetched at all and I think it takes a clear loom at how war changes people and even sometimes clouds their inner judgement. Of course she thought she was in love with James, right? He was there, supportive, consistent, brave, wonderful. But just because they are an amazing person does not mean you are in love.

 

Beautiful, dear plums, but then, your words always are.

Name: UnluckyStar57 (Signed) · Date: 19 Mar 2019 10:34 AM · For: breaking character.

PLUMS HOW DARE YOU!!! I'm here for the BvB Review Battle (Team Bronze!), but I'm also here for the FEELZ, man. the feelz.

 

I actually read this story on Sunday, but I wanted to come back and review because DARN IT what have you done to my OTP? D:

 

This is so short, but you packed a powerful emotional punch in those 1000 or so words. Like the first time I had sushi, I put about half the wasabi on one of the rolls, and the tears that sprang to my eyes at that time weren't even as many tears as this story makes me want to cry (but I'm at school so I can't cry). (If any of that makes sense.)

 

For ACTUAL commentary on your story: You have so many beautiful, heartbreaking lines in this story that it's hard to pick my favorite one. I think one of the lines that stands out to me, though, is this one: "One hand over her eyes, the other over her mouth, pushing the love back into her body where it would stay forever."

(Sorry, I can't make the black highlight and yellow text go away. I'm still new at this HPFT review box.) This line evokes so much despair, and perfectly captures all of Lily's feelings about James at this moment in time. It's really upsetting to see her so upset, so broken about the decision she's made and feeling like she can't undo any of it. I hope that, in this universe, she figures out how she feels--whether that's loving James or leaving him, what matters is that she needs to get to a place where she can be okay.

 

Your use of personification is really fabulous throughout this piece. The shadows don't just loom, they grasp at Lily. War isn't just something people fight in, it's something that actively tears people apart. I loved those lines so much because they added to Lily's frustration, fear, and anger. I felt that. So hard. And I've never been to war, it's just that your writing evokes the ol' emotions. :')

 

I also loved that literally not a single word was wasted in this story. (Unlike in this review, where many words have been wasted getting to the point.) Everything builds on everything else, culminating in Lily's decision to soldier on, with the wedding and the war looming in front of her. And the economy of word usage makes the story so, so evocative and effective.

 

Thank you for writing this, even though you totally sunk my ship. :/ :) :D

 

~Mallory

Name: ReillyJade (Signed) · Date: 24 Jul 2018 11:24 PM · For: breaking character.

Well, ouch. Lol

 

First, I most commend you on your imagery. You really have a knack for descriptive language. The way you wrote about Lily's dress and her reflection in the mirror was stunning; I could very easily picture it. 

 

This was a great exploration of Lily's emotions. Requirements of your challenge aside, I thought this was a very plausible situation for Lily to go through given the circumstances of the wizarding world at that time. Everything was in chaos, and it's very possible that Lily and James actually rushed into their marriage due to the looming war. Like you, I believe they truly loved each other, but marrying just for the sake of having someone in a time of war is definitely not outside the realm of possiblity. And realizing it's the latter on the night before your wedding, of all times, is bound to make anyone have a bit of a panic attack. Lily's reaction and fears are perfectly reasonable and justified here, and it makes sense that she would do everything to push those feelings aside. Of course she doesn't want to hurt James, but more than that, who wants to be alone in such dangerous times?

 

Favorite line: "War was a tricky thing, destructive in so many ways. It chased after its victims with a whip, directing them toward their failures, even as they believed that they ran toward their salvations." This. This is so perfect. It sums up that time period so well (and the HBP/DH time period, too). It explains so many impulsive, seemingly irrational decisions the characters made during those times, because wartime is anything but rational.

 

Great job with your challenge requirements, btw. Had it not been for your notes at the end, I would have never believed you shipped this couple. It's hard to write your ship in pain, so well done!

 

Cheers,

Reilly