Name: BlackPixie (Signed) · Date: 14 Jun 2017 06:09 AM · For: Chapter 1: The Invite

*transferring from HPFF*

Hi, here for CTF!

This looks like a mysterious read! I love how've you described Cho in the starting, not being able to find much work, getting that letter, and then the looking away from the eyes. It shows that you can get into characterisation even with as little information as this and yet have so much description. 

I also enjoy how the next person is Andromeda Tonks, she is also the receiver of a mysterious letter, and she is on the move now, which also shows that change has happened in the story timeline, someone is home, someone is travelling, it is quite a nice way of writing.

Aw, it's sad that she is so alone after her grandson has left, so it is good (or is it?) that she has something to look forward to.

Harold? New character! His disdain for the island and the wizards doing stuff like this is very clear, giving him an edge to his personality and I liked reading about him. I have never read much Agatha Christie but this seems to be following a mystery novel format - and you make me want to read her work now too!

Miriam strout, another new name, this one is a healer, very interesting. Same sort of letter! 

AND CHARLIE? Yes! I like him so it is awesome he is a part of this too, though I hope he does not die or something! He gets lured by gold and dragons, and nothing illegal, of course. Very realistic!

We also have Creevey, Stan and Dawlish. What an odd and fascinating mix of people! I wonder what will happen when they get to the island! Your writing has interested me a lot. I loved it as it has sparked my curiosity so much!

Hayden

x

Author's Response:

Hello Hayden!

 

Thank you very much for transferring your review. It looks like I never even responded on hpff, so I’ll respond now =)

 

I like Cho as a character, and I think she gets a bum wrap. Not that I’m giving her anything better by putting her on the island of murders….. But still, I wanted to kind of explore how the trauma of Cedric’s death affected her even years later, but how that wasn’t the only thing that defined her and she could be a strong person for all her faults.

 

Your (or is it?) is a very apt comment.

 

Harold is a canon character, though not one we ever met. He was the Minister of Magic near the beginning of Voldemort’s first rise to power. Miriam Strout I believe we met briefly, but we don’t know much about her either in canon.

 

I am glad you enjoy the mix of characters I chose and how I wrote them. You totally don’t have to worry about them dying or anything (assuming I never get around to updating) ;)

 

Sam.

Name: Alexis Black (Signed) · Date: 12 Jun 2017 05:03 PM · For: Chapter 1: The Invite

*transferred review*

 

While I’ve never read Agatha Christie – it’s on my reading bucket list – I’m intrigued as to how you will handle this. 

 

Typically, I find it a little off-putting when an author introduces so many characters in quick succession right at the beginning, yet at the same time this approach lends, which you handled deftly, lends itself to piquing the reader’s interests.

 

It’s obvious the letters are a setup, but I wonder why these characters in particular have been selected. Cho and Charlie and Trewlawney and the rest? Oh, but my imagination is having fun here trying to figure out where you will go with group.

 

You’ve struck a fine balance here as to why these characters accepted the invitation – some out of curiosity, some because of financial need. And then is Dennis with a Muggle weapon and Andromeda who is in hiding? You pepper the tension carefully in such a short chapter.

 

And can I say that I love Miriam’s ‘owl turds’? Clever wizarding idioms add a perfect touch to a story and I’m always on the lookout for new ones.

 

As for the location, I’m curious as to why it’s named Muggle Island. At first glance it seems kind of a bland name, but I’m also wondering if there isn’t a reason behind the name. Like, why does magic not work there? Curious, indeed!

 

Overall, a good job handling so many characters in an opening chapter!

 

~Alexis

Author's Response:

Thanks for the transfer, Alexis! You’re more on top of things than me, who didn’t even respond to your review on hpff =P So here I am now. Thanks for that pressure =)

 

I have always loved reading Agatha Christie, so I couldn’t help but try to recreate one of her most iconic works (or, so far, the first few chapters). It is pretty faithfully based on the original, but I think I’ve made it original enough that it can be enjoyable weather or not you’ve read the original.

 

I honestly feel similarly overwhelmed about so many characters being introduced so quickly (both as a reader and writer), but that’s definitely a part of Christie’s style. It helped here that we are already familiar with most of these characters from canon.

 

I am glad that all of this piqued your interest, and I can only wish I could promise you more chapters. I have not given up planning on writing more, but I also don’t have plans to any time soon =P

 

Thanks again =)

 

Sam.

Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 08 May 2017 07:10 AM · For: Chapter 2: The Island

Hello again :)

 

The atmosphere of this chapter is so eerie and chilly; knowing the original story as well as I do, can I just say what you've captured mirrors the book superbly? I love how you've portrayed the tension between the various characters and begun to sow the seeds of isolation and suspicion. I think I've worked out who is a replacement for each original character, although, rather irritatingly, I loaned my copy of ATTWN to someone a while ago and haven't seen it since, so cannot double check. I think Cho = Vera, Stan = Anthony, Charlie = Blore?, Dennis = Philip, Miriam = Dr Armstrong, Sybil/Rosmerta = The Rodgers, Andromeda = Emily?, Dawlish = Judge Lawrence,  Minchum = General MacArthur. As a consequence, I've narrowed the murderer down to one of two characters, but I could easily be wrong, so please finish this story and put me out of my misery at not knowing??!

BTW, I love your adaptation of Ten Little Soldier Boys.

Brax X

PS I really, really hope you come back to this soon, as it's SUCH a great idea for a HP story!

Author's Response:

Glad to see you back!

 

You're super close about who the characters are,except you have Dawlish and Minchum switched and Charlie and Dennis switched (though in that case I cheated and changed who brought the gun).

 

I'm curious to hear who you suspect!

 

Sam.

Name: AbraxanUnicorn (Signed) · Date: 07 May 2017 02:57 PM · For: Chapter 1: The Invite

Hi Sam!

OMG, I was so excited to peruse your AP page and happen upon thins story, based on an original by Agatha Christie. "And Then There Were None" remains one of my favourite Christie mysteries, and is, if I recall correctly, her best-seller to date. I believe she wrote it because someone once bet that she couldn't write about a whole secluded group of ten people dying, without making the murderer obvious? Anyway, she proved them wrong. I am SO looking forward to reading this, because I have read the original so many times!

I love the style you've captured here; it's very reminiscent of Christie's story, and the flow/narrative is similar, which makes me feel right at home reading it. I'm curious to see which group of people you've collected for this, and I cannot wait to know what "crimes" they all committed.

So, Cho Chang has been taken on as staff by a family called Blishen. Andromeda is invited as a guest by a an unknown person (what on earth did Dromeda do to deserve what's coming to her??).
Harold Minchum - I don't recognise the name from canon (although that doesn't rule him out as a canon character; doubtless there are plenty I don't know of) - he's been invited by a "Betty Braithwaite". I love his comments regarding the pointlessness of Muggle Island, ha!
Miriam Strout thinks she's been called to tend to one of her rich patients. I wonder who she killed/inconvenienced - must have been a healer-related incident?
OMG, not Charlie Weasley? Seriously? You're going to send Charlie Weasley to his death on Muggle Island? Noooooo!! Oh - maybe he's just going to sail the boat there and back? *crosses fingers and hopes*
Dawlish could have killed any number of people by being his usual blundering self. I wonder where Stan Shunkpike fits into all this, though?
And finally, Dennis Creevey. Wow; his background information raises suspicions. How does he know the guest list? Surely, he can't be the murderer? Isn't it far to early to reveal whodunnit?

OOhh, this is so exciting and I've LOVED the first chapter! :)

Brax X

Author's Response:

Hi Brax! <3

 

Thanks for your review - I love this story getting appreciation from other Agatha Christie fans. I blatantly stole so much from her for this story here, and if you look closely you can see a lot of parallels beyond the overall premise, but not t the point that it will blatantly give the ending away.

 

Harold Minchum is not a character we met in canon, but he was Minister of Magic during the First War.

 

I'm sorry to upset you with Charlie's inclusion here, but you don't seem too torn up about the others, so that's only fair, I think =P I guess I was somewhat merciful to my readers by including such small characters who they aren't too attached to.

 

I'm sorry to say that I don't have any updates planned for this in the near future, but I do definitely plan to get back to it eventually. I am very happy with what I have so far and want to see it through to the end at some point.

 

Thanks again! <3

 

Sam.

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 02 Nov 2016 11:42 AM · For: Chapter 2: The Island

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

Back for more Hot Seat reviews - you'd put this in my review thread ages ago but I've been really busy and haven't got to those yet - so I'm doing it for hot seat! (otherwise it'd still probably take me ages.)

The morning fog clung to the Hartshire shore like smoke clinging to the ashes of a forgotten world. -- WOW. DROOLING OVER YOUR DESCRIPTIONS. This is beautiful.

Hmm, Stan's appearance. I bet that's going to be important later. Is he a Vampire? Is the fog important because it's preventing Stan from catching on fire? I have a feeling I'm way off the mark :P

Ooh, Rosmerta/Trelawney is a ship I didn't see coming and I kind of love it. Also it's interesting to see Trelawney in such a different situation than Divination Professor.

Also, the Blishens... do they even exist at all? Why are they not at their own party? Something weird is up with them.

The poem. It's good, and yet it feels like pretty strong foreshadowing in that every single character in this story is going to die. I have a bad feeling about this.

And the little snippets of all the characters are really good. It's nice to see where everyone is at with all this going on, and it doesn't even need to be a long section, just a few sentences in some cases - but seeing the way each of them react to this weird situation is really interesting, and keeps building up this tension you've done a really good job of maintaining. I think that's the strongest facet of this piece, for sure - the way you've written this subtle but foreboding tone. I get the feeling something bad is going to happen, but I don't know when. And it's a tone that definitely comes across in other Agatha Christie books I've read (though I haven't read the one this fic is based on) os I must say that's really well done.

You mentioned areas of concern in your request ages ago, so I'll get to those as well - flow: It's a bit choppy, but I mean that in only the best way because I feel like something like this NEEDS to be choppy. Those short little sections and shifting POV's are what make it choppy and they're also what helps to build up this remarkable tone. So, the kind of jumpy flow is perfect for the story.

Characterisation: Since we've only seen little snippets of each person, I don't know anyone well enough yet to trust them. Which is much the way every one of the characters feels, I'd imagine. As the reader I kind of feel like another guest at this weird shindig who doesn't know anyone well enough and constantly has my guard up.

Plot: I think I mentioned this before - it's slowly building, and I sense bad things are coming up. Mostly because of the tone, but also because I know it's based on a mystery novel and I'm pretty sure people will die. What has been revealed of the plot so far is wonderful because you're so good at maintaining the mystery of it all without giving away too much. (This is something I struggle with!)

Spelling and grammar - I recall reading one part towards the beginning of the chapter where it said 'hi' instead of 'his'. Otherwise I believe that was the only thing.

So overall, I am super into this story. I love the way you write! The way you maintain the mystery is really great. And I'm eager to see all of these characters interact, because I think each of them vaguely knows at least one of the others, but not well enough to know much about them. Miriam Strout in particular seems interesting, and Harold Minchum's less than friendly greeting to her. I hope we get to see more of the past of the characters and why they're acting like this. And I wonder how much the boat driver knows and if he will play a role.

Great chapter!

Author's Response:

<3

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 02 Nov 2016 11:41 AM · For: Chapter 1: The Invite

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

Hi Sam! Sorry for the wait but I am now here for your requested review!

Wow, what a start! I love it! I like that you're beginning with all these totally unrelated stories, a snapshot of people just living their average daily lives as they all head off to this same meeting place and time.

also, Muggle Island? haha That sounds like such an amusing place, and given the knowledge wizards seem to have about the Muggle way of life, probably nothing like what a Muggle island would be :p I'm really curious to see what it's like though!

I actually haven't read the original by Agatha Christie, so I have no idea what to expect! But I can tell you that having read this first chapter I am very curious, I'm mainly wondering how the Blishens know all these people and what the real purpose of the meeting is - because it's clearly been told to different people as different things. And what's going to happen there?! Because according to the summary, it's about to get intense.

I like the way you've divided it into sections with all the different people - it makes for a very good introduction. I hope to get a little more in depth with each character later on to figure out everyone's motivations/thoughts etc. But anyway, I really liked the tone for this chapter, it sets things up perfectly in a way that makes the reader wonder how all these stories are going to tie together.

 
This is a great chapter - I don't have much in the way of CC because this is a really effective set up. It leaves me with a lot of questions, but that's the whole point of a mystery/suspense story so you're doing the right thing :p Lovely work!

Author's Response:

 

Hello, thank you very much for your review! No worries about the delay - I know it's a very busy time for everyone.

 

 I am glad you like the start of this! It was both intimidating to write and very rewarding. 

 

 I think this story can definitely be interesting to people who have and have not read the original. Because I am so familiar with the original, I really value the perspectives of people who aren't.

 

 Hehe, I'm thinking Muggle Island will be fairly true to reality, though your version would be amusing as well! But n this story the stark absence of magical familiarity has a larger role to play than comic peculiarities.

 

 Intense.

 

 I kind of feel like I can't take credit for a lot of the stuff you liked, as the chapter structure and style is based on Agatha Christie's, but I'm certainly glad you thought I did it well!

 

 Thanks for pointing out the typo =) I'll be posting a revision soon.

 

 I'm really looking forward to hearing what you think of future chapters... Once I get around to, you know, writing them.

 

 Thanks again!

 

 Sam.