Name: Alexis Black (Signed) · Date: 21 Jan 2019 12:17 PM · For: Chapter 1

This review is for the Magical Menagerie.

Hello there. I picked your story since it appears you only had one on our archive. It starts off interestingly enough. I do have to wonder when contemplating jumping versus falling why the main character doesn't think of the Arresto Momentum charm.

There were a few issues with grammar, though, that made it hard to focus on the story. I hope you don't mind my pointing out a few.

For instance, in this part: I turn and grin at Dom's quirked eyebrow and nervous smile, "If you're quite finished..." You incorrectly use a comma before the dialogue. This also happens later: Dom giggles at me, twisted around so she can reach her hands out to me over the back of her chair, "C'mere, daredevil ..."

The problem here, and throughout the chapter if I'm honest, is you didn't use a dialog tag in conjunction with these commas. Dialog tags include phrases like he said, she asked, they chimed in. When you don't use a dialog tag, a period is needed. Think of it this way, your character can't smile lazily the words ‘Oh, a few'. Thus, the comma the proceeded it should have been replaced with a period.

Also, in this sentence, "I look over and see Scorpius immediately envelope Rose..." you probably mean ‘envelop' and not ‘envelope'. You also have 'pete's sake'. Since Pete is a proper name, it should start with a capital ‘P' and not lowercase.

Overall, you have a good start to a story here. The correlation between falling for Albus Potter and falling off the building at the start of the tale was nicely done. You should probably run it by a beta, though.

Name: acey_olie (Signed) · Date: 08 May 2018 09:39 AM · For: Chapter 1

I'm so happy this is posted here! This is my favourite HP Next Gen fanfiction of ALL TIME! Love it so much and can't wait to find out more! <3

Name: Rosie_Posie (Signed) · Date: 01 Apr 2018 09:03 PM · For: Chapter 1

Ah so glad to find this is being reposted on here! Can't wait for you to catch up to where this was at on HPFF and get some more Josie and Al chapters xx