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Hey Jo,
I'm trying to read through every story that was nominated for the Golden Chalices awards this year, and I've now gotten to this story. Hope is actually a story i've wanted to read for a little while now, so I'm glad I finally found the time to do it.
But omg. This was so emotional. You describe the pain, grief and fear so well, and with so many details I wouldn't have thought about but that makes complete sense (like the alarm clock), that my heart just breaks more and more for Hannah as the story goes on. I can't even imagine how painful it must be to go through something like this, but having seen my own sister struggle to get pregnant, and then going through a very tough pregnancy once she actually got pregnant, this story did hit me hard. I don't know if I could manage to hold on to hope if I was in this situation, so I can definitely understand why Hannah would find it difficult too.
I just thought this was a really well-written story. I especially loved all the details, and I thought you did a great job of capturing all of Hannah's emotions. It was was a really good story. Thanks for sharing!
- Lotte
Author's Response:Hey Lotte,
I know it's been a while but I wanted to thank you for your kind review. It's a noble goal, reviewing all the stories that were nominated.
I'm glad the story worked for you and touched you, and I sincerely hope your sister and nephew/niece are well now?
Love,
Jo
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 04/27/2017
RoxiMalfoy, here to free Tasha for CTF!! Go Slytherin!!! =P
OMGosh, I am actually crying right now. This was SO emotional. I actually have a friend who had a lot of complications with her first pregnancy. They had to do an emergency c-section on her, and because they were rushed, they messed something up to where now, it has been extremely difficult for her to conceive again. I've watched her over the past three years try MULTIPLE methods of contraception, and go through a few miscarriages. And it has been extremely difficult to maintain hope throughout the entire process, even just as a supportive friend. But even still, I can't even imagine what it must be like to be the mother.
I love how you explained all the different stages of hope throughout this piece. It really gave a clear picture of everything that they've been through so far, and set up what is to come so well. Your attention to detail was amazing, and the emotion all throughout was PERFECT!! Like I said, I was in tears. I wanted to be excited for her when she finally did conceive, but I know from experience that you should not get too excited until after the first trimester. And honestly, after everything they've been through, I feel as though Neville should have know that too. I get that he was excited, but I would think that a part of him would want to make sure that everything was okay before they started to celebrate, especially with all the complications they had been having. And it just made me sad that this created a distance between them at a time when they needed to be there for one another the most.
I think you nailed her feelings of fear perfectly at the end. Everything was just SO spot-on, I was stunned. Your writing style is really amazing, Jo. There were hardly any flaws in this at all. In fact, the only tiny little thing that I did see was this little mix-up in the wording of this sentence here: The pregnancy had been supposed to be their better, was supposed to be what they were working towards. - I think it would sound/flow better if you said ìThe pregnancy was supposed to have been their better, was supposed to be what they were working towards.
OMGosh, I just want this pregnancy to work out for her so badly!! But that ending didn't look too goodÖ Please tell me that they get their happy ending!! Neville & Hannah deserve it, and they would totally make GREAT parents!! It stinks that the flag isn't here because I really would've liked to read on this one tonight, lol! But trust and believe that I will be coming straight back here to find out what happens as soon I can. And I am going to add this to my favorites. It's just so good, I really enjoyed it!! Thanks so much for the great read!
~Deana
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Reviews for A Lovestory of Pansies And Leek by Jo Raskoph
Available online at http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=336407
Author's Response:Hey Deana, thank you for leaving a review!
I'm very sorry for your friend, going through all that must have been hell. At least she had you as a good friend.
Neville… it fascinates me, the differnt ways people respond to him in this piece. When writing it, his emotions were absolutely clear to me, I thought of him as the first outsider, even though he's the father he's not as close to the pregnancy as Hannah is and it felt like he'd have to take on a supporting role—so what I was getting at was, he'd feel like he owed it to Hannah to be excited for her and make things easier for her by being positive and keeping his own worries from her as best as he could. I can still picture it happening like this, but it makes me wonder how I could have written it better to resolve what I thought about his feelings and allow it to flow into the main narrative better… I'll have to think on it.
Thank you for your note about the sentence—I've incorporated your feedback :)
Overall thank you for your extremely kind words. I'm very happy you enjoyed it.
Love,
Jo
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 04/27/2017
Oh my gosh this is so sad! I can't imagine what Hannah and Neville are going through right now. I've never been in the position that they are in and I don't know that I could still have hope after struggling to conceive and a pregnancy loss. I don't even want to think about the fear that is gripping her and controlling her right now and go top it off, something is wrong.
The way you ended this on such a gripping cliffhanger is pure evil are you sure you're not a Slytherin? Really this was amazing and while I'm here for Capture the flag so I'm glad I waited, I really wish I would have reviewed this when I read it before. I really can't believe this has so few reviews. It really is good, sad yes, but good.( see what I did there?)
You captured the essence of what it's like to go through something like this so beautifully that I must make sure to finish reading the next chapter so I can see what happens next maybe for the next round if I don't get luck and find the flag story right out of the gate lol.
Anyway I know I've rambled a lot so Before I go, I want to reiterate that I really loved this chapter and the story. This is AMAZING!
Tasha
Author's Response:Tasha!
Thank you for leaving a review and thank you even more for liking this story - it's really really dear to me (because while I've never been through anything like Hannah goes through, it was inspired by something going on in my life and the emotions were very real).
I'm sorry about the cliffhanger - the separation into two chapters was not in the original draft, but with the length of the story and the cliffhanger-like events it made sense to split them up.
Your hint about Slytherin made me smile, seeing it from today's perspective where I now know we actually do belong in the same house - just not the one you thought :D
Thanks again! Love, Jo
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
Originally left on 03/23/2017
Hey Jo! I'm here for the Chalice Review Spree!
It's so sad that she remains doubtful even when good news comes, like she won't allow herself to be happy. And even the little details like not setting an alarm to a time with a zero show how much this fear and doubt can take over your mind.
I've never known anyone experiencing this, or have done myself, but I think you've taken it on really well, and my heart aches for Hannah.
Wonderful job, Jo!
♥
Author's Response:Hey Bianca,
thank you for your review! I'm glad you found Hannah's struggles relatable and felt with her.
You thinking the writing was done well means a lot to me because I know how brilliant a writer you are :)
Love, Jo
Hi! <3
I saw your post that you were trying to return to one of your older stories, and I realized that I’d never read anything of yours?? Which is terrible because you’re a fellow Puff (not to say that if you weren’t a Puff, I wouldn’t have reviewed you…anyway) and also because I’ve seen you around on Twitter a lot, and you seem so wonderful and amazing.
Anyway, I should start talking about the actual story now.
How beautiful is this?? Your use of language is absolutely breathtaking; every single word added to Hannah’s guilt and misery and fear, and you managed to consistently write this entire piece with the strength of her emotions without making it repetitive, and ugh I’m in love, why didn’t I read your stories sooner?? I loved the stream-of-consciousness-esque style of this one-shot. It works really well with the story that you’re telling, and it really connects us to who Hannah is, and how her life is consumed by her paranoia and superstition, and how she’s never happy even when she should be happy.
You made me feel so much for Hannah. At some points I felt her pain so much to the point where I felt nauseous and cold myself at times, and I had to take deep breaths at moments to remind myself to breathe, which really goes to show how incredibly you painted her emotions. Of course this piece made me really sad (it’s not angst for nothing haha), but I love how you managed to pull me through Hannah’s emotional journey without once making me lose interest.
I love the ending section. You wrote it stunningly. First of all, I loved Hannah’s realization that perhaps Neville had a different way of dealing with his fear than she did, and that she came to understand him a bit better, after feeling the distance between them for as long as she did. Then, I loved (not in like, the happy sunshine, butterflies, and rainbows type of love, but more of a grand appreciation) how you wrote Hannah’s reaction to her baby’s increasing chances of survival. Instead of feeling relief, or joy, or any real sort of happiness at the fact that her baby might live, she’s still clouded with guilt and fear. And the only happiness she gets comes from her own freedom.
Anyway, I loved this haha, if you couldn’t tell. Thank you for writing such a marvelous piece! And I hope I didn’t hit it too far off the mark. <3
~Eva
Author's Response:Hi!
What a lovely way of motivating me to pick up writing again <3 Thank you so much for stopping by and reviewing. I'm very happy you enjoyed it.
I still can't believe the response to hope is this good, I hardly know what to reply except thank you! Thank you so much for liking these words, they really meant a lot to me at a difficult time and it was so good to let it all out and have people react and say they could feel my feelings. You felt cold and nauseous! I mean, that's not a comfortable feeling, but it makes me really happy no less!
I'm so glad you noticed and liked the moment when Hannah has the realisation about Neville maybe dealing with pain and fear differently - some people have found him unlikeable in this and I'm so happy you noticed that moment, because it really changes his part of the story and I'll have to try to do it more clearly if I ever attmpt to do something like this again.
"And the only happiness she gets comes from her own freedom." I love how you put this. It's probably the only way anyone ever experiences happiness, or maybe it's not as deep as that, but I love it regardless. It's a good thing to take away from a story.
Thank you for stopping by and being such a pufftastic Puff!
It's late and by now you've been here more than I have, but welcome! I'm pleased to meet you.
Love,
Jo
- transferred -
Hey Jo! I'm here for the Chalice Review Spree!
It's so sad that she remains doubtful even when good news comes, like she won't allow herself to be happy. And even the little details like not setting an alarm to a time with a zero show how much this fear and doubt can take over your mind.
I've never known anyone experiencing this, or have done myself, but I think you've taken it on really well, and my heart aches for Hannah.
Wonderful job, Jo!
♥
Author's Response:Bianca!
Thank you so much for this review and for transferring it on top.I'm glad you enjoyed it and probably too happy I could make your heart ache.
Love,
Jo
Hello!
First off, I just want to say that this was something that I had to think about alot while reading and I felt that you tackled a really touchy subject of infertility and while I don't know too much about it, I do get the gist of it. I honestly really enjoyed the way you made the hope that Hannah has become more than what it really is and extended to it as it if it were more of daunting obstacle rather than something that is viewed in the positive light or something that Hannah struggles with her pregnancy and I know this is just the first part--but it's beautifully well done with how much tension, suspense, and questions that can be drawn from it. Like will everything be okay between her and Neville after this is over? Will the fear of her pregnancy change her in any way even if it's just the slightest? How will she deal if it doesn't go all too well? I honestly love your descriptions of Hannah's emotions from when she cries in the bathroom to when she's at the hospital trying to handle the current struggle of her pregnancy. I thought you really captured her and Neville's personality very well too.
I honestly felt this title was going to be different type of hope when I first started it but as I read on, I felt hope was viewed in another perspective which was very interesting to read about as it adds complexity to what it really is or how it's usually viewed. I'm not really good with words but I'm so far really intrigued by what's going on! Keep up the good work! :)
-Anni
Author's Response:Anni, thank you so much for reviewing!
It always makes me happy to read that someone enjoyed my writing and it's wonderful to find out you could relate. I haven't experienced the struggle to get pregnant either, but the story draws from the very accute fear I experienced when my nephew was born and had to have emergency surgery to save his life. It's a very different situation and I'm more than grateful I didn't experience the month or year long struggles that come with infertility (who knows, though, I didn't try yet), but that's where a lot of the angst came from.Love, Jo
I made a rec of this story earlier, but I came back to review, it really had a huge impact on me.
Infertility is a condition that most people consider tabu, and if we talk about physical disability not many would think of it. And yet it has such a great impact on the life of those affected. And I think you captured that really well. First the expectation, when Hannah and Neville decide that they are going to have a kid, that’s of course a happy and exciting moment, it means they both trust their relationship, and as you say it’s a fun think to do. But then again pregnancy does not come as easily as many people think. (I remember a hilarious parody about Voldemort trying again and again making Bellatrix pregnant and failing to do so for many cycles – but there is of course nothing to laugh about here.)
I also applaud you for incorporating pregnancy into the real world. We see a few births in the Harry Potter books, but we know nothing about the monitoring of e.g. Tonks’ pregnancy (of course that was wartime, so thing were messed up anyway). I like that they still get pictures of the fetus, I think that is the cutest part, I’m sure wizards have an ‘alternative’ for ultrasound imaging.
Usually I like open endings, and this one is perfect: you leave the story when there is still 50-50 chance for her pregnancy. That’s still terrifying. As someone who was riding a bike daily until week 36 during pregnancy I cannot even come close to imagine how horrible it must have been for her to be forced to bed locked into her hopes and desperations. I’m really positive that she would be able to have the child, but I know the odds are both ways. (Actually I have a story where Hannah has a child, so I’m inclined to think that happened. And all this hardship with the pregnancy would actually fit in to what I have these… anyway.)
I can’t emphasize enough how beautifully written this story is, and you are touching upon a very real and very important disability.
Author's Response:Hey there Vilja, I apologise for taking so very long to respond to this!
Such a lovely review, I'm very happy you liked Hope so much you reced it. You also made me really want to find the story about Voldemort and Bellatrix - it sounds like an awesome read.
You have a little mix-up in there that I adore "incorporating pregnancy into the real world", it's obvious you mean the wizarding world, but the fact you typed real world instead makes the whole comment even more awesome. Maybe you are an undercover wizard and not used to acting like a muggle … :D
Thank you so much for leaving a review!
Love, Jo
Oh, Jo, I don't even know where to start with this. I've been torn between pouting at the screen because of my love for Hannah and Neville, and gaping at how spectacular the writing is. I can definitely see why it has been nominated; it makes such a strong impact.
I think it's brilliant how you managed to tackle this very difficult topic. I felt as though it was more of a character study, where 'hope' was this third character involved in Hannah's and Neville's relationship, and you went on to show how multi-dimensional it can be. Then you started branching out into its relation with other co-existing emotions, making the very realistic and true statement that you can't really isolate one emotion. It's always more complex than that.
What I found especially interesting was when Hannah started to feel that hope is a curse. I think you've shown perfectly the struggle between staying hopeful, but also grounding yourself with fear and concern so that you're not setting yourself up for grave disappointing. And how eventually fear and hope combined to form this power that limited Hannah's life, and how despite how much she did want a baby, she also sometimes wished they would just stop trying and try to have some sort of normal life without these restrictions. She felt so human to me in that moment.
There were so many lovely sentences but these were my absolute favourite:
"The rebellious hope is a burning thing, much more alive than even that first, innocent hope. But just as bright as it burns, as much does it destroy, and it leaves you blinded in a twilight of doubt."
"you wonder if whoever made it would have designed it more interestingly if they had been forced to look at it for an extended period of time while spending their days lying upside down."
I felt that the second one was very amusing and witty, and really did help give us a very realistic break from all the sadness. And close after that came the part where Neviile was bringing stuff from home to decorate the bedside table. And both of these just brought a smile to my face.
"How can you be happy about something that puts your baby in danger?"
This line went beyond just Hannah's situation in the moment. I feel that maybe this is applicable throughout motherhood where anything you do for yourself, whether that's going back to work, or maybe taking a nap or some time for yourself... Basically anything where you don't feel as though you're putting your child first can fill you with this guilt and feeling of inadequacy and betrayal, no different from what Hannah was feeling right then for the very simple and necessary act of walking to the bathroom. So it really struck a cord with me.
This is such amazing work, Jo! It broke my heart but it was amazing! Congrats on a very well-deserved nomination! And I certainly plan to come back soon and have a gander around your AP.
Author's Response:Manno, I'm definitely the worst for replying so late to your lovely review! You said so many nice things in here - your review is like a confidence-boost-reserve, every time I re-read it, it makes me smile and feel confident that I will eventually manage whatever writing project is currently occupying my mind.
So, thank you very very much for that. Dankeschön!
You had some brilliant insights like this one "a character study, where 'hope' was this third character involved in Hannah's and Neville's relationship", and I wholeheartedly agree with your observation about motherhood. I could go on forever about the ways in which society expects so much more sacrifice from a "mother" than a "father" and it's no good for anyone.
I'm very glad I got to know you, Manno and I hope you are well!
Love, Jo
Hannah has learned that fear or anger or resignation are not the opposite of hope, as one might assume—all of these can co-exist at the same time.
I'm going to apologize in advance because I'm not entirely sure I can read this story in its fully capacity. It has nothing to do with your writing, well partially, because I have been enjoying your stories. It is the fact that it seems you can sink into my emotions and make me feel deeply connected to the characters in all of these situations you've been writing about. Pregnancy is a difficult issue for me because I don't think I can have a child and I've tried to really come to terms with that. I've taken tests and the doctors say well, it doesn't seem like anythings wrong that we can figure out anyway so when it comes down to it well, there's always IVF. I'm at this stage in my life where everyone else is getting married and having kids and I don't think I'm going to have any of that so this story might tear me in two if I read the entire thing.
But I promise to review as much as I can and read as much of it as I can because I knew it will be worth it and a little cathartic if I can get through it.
was an unsaid “I love you“ and “I believe in us“ and “We’ll still try“.
I appreciate Neville. I do but mean seriously just do not get it. It's like we're told this thing our entire life that we were literally made to have kids. We were given a uterus and whatever else for a reason. Right? Some of us don't want to have kids (and hey I'm part of those people or at least that's what I tell people because of the above) and some of us do. But it's like you know when you can't or you have to struggle for it the 'I believe in us' and the 'well we have to try' is just so heart breaking and can really make or break you. And yeah sometimes men are the issue. It's their sperm but it still hits women ten times harder.
I don't even know how to leave this review. I'm not entirely sure what to say. I've just been sitting at my desk staring at my computer screen for the past five minutes. You managed to capture Hannah's doubts and fears quite well. They kind of mirror mine except I've not there just yet but it still didn't make this story less shocking and heartbreaking. That doubt just never leaves you. That pain is there forever. My aunt had miscarriages, twins, and she never got over it. To this day she still won't go to baby showers but everyone that hasn't gone through that experience tells her to get over it. It's been years. What's the big deal? I know other people too that went through the same thing. It's not a light subject. It's not an easy fix. I'm actually thankful that you didn't bring us with Hannah on the rest of her journey. I don't need to know what happens next. I don't want to pity her. I don't want to have false hope for her either. The mention of Alice too was chilling. Gosh, can you write a happy story next time? Please?
Author's Response:Deeds, I'm so sorry for your pain and for once I wish I hadn't made a reader cry with my story!
I mean, I'm very glad I managed to make Hope relatable and real in a way that seems relevant (from the responses I got), but I'm very sorry it hit you so hard.
It's very good to hear that the cut-off point worked for you. It felt to me like it had to be open-ended to make the story relevant - the struggle is real on its own and it isn't defined by the outcome. And I'm happy that worked for you.
I wish you all the best for your future, no matter what it brings - I know you can deal with what's in the cards for you. I wish you happiness and that you'll be able to enjoy whatever comes next for you.
Love, Jo
OMGosh, I am actually crying right now. This was SO emotional. I actually have a friend who had a lot of complications with her first pregnancy. They had to do an emergency c-section on her, and because they were rushed, they messed something up to where now, it has been extremely difficult for her to conceive again. I've watched her over the past three years try MULTIPLE methods of contraception, and go through a few miscarriages. And it has been extremely difficult to maintain hope throughout the entire process, even just as a supportive friend. But even still, I can't even imagine what it must be like to be the mother.
I love how you explained all the different stages of hope throughout this piece. It really gave a clear picture of everything that they've been through so far, and set up what is to come so well. Your attention to detail was amazing, and the emotion all throughout was PERFECT!! Like I said, I was in tears. I wanted to be excited for her when she finally did conceive, but I know from experience that you should not get too excited until after the first trimester. And honestly, after everything they've been through, I feel as though Neville should have know that too. I get that he was excited, but I would think that a part of him would want to make sure that everything was okay before they started to celebrate, especially with all the complications they had been having. And it just made me sad that this created a distance between them at a time when they needed to be there for one another the most.
I think you nailed her feelings of fear perfectly at the end. Everything was just SO spot-on, I was stunned. Your writing style is really amazing, Jo. There were hardly any flaws in this at all. In fact, the only tiny little thing that I did see was this little mix-up in the wording of this sentence here: The pregnancy had been supposed to be their better, was supposed to be what they were working towards. - I think it would sound/flow better if you said “The pregnancy was supposed to have been their better, was supposed to be what they were working towards.
OMGosh, I just want this pregnancy to work out for her so badly!! But that ending didn't look too good… Please tell me that they get their happy ending!! Neville & Hannah deserve it, and they would totally make GREAT parents!! It stinks that the flag isn't here because I really would've liked to read on this one tonight, lol! But trust and believe that I will be coming straight back here to find out what happens as soon I can. And I am going to add this to my favorites. It's just so good, I really enjoyed it!! Thanks so much for the great read! ♥
~Deana
Author's Response:Hey Deana. Thank you for your review!
I'm so sorry for your friend - this is nothing I'd want anyone to experience. I'm glad the story passes scrutinity of someone who has had a closer personal experience with this than I have.
One thing that's surprised me in reviews to Hope is that people seem to be disappointed with Neville or find his actions disagreeable when I really didn't intend that for him. For me the tension between Hannah and him was something that happened more in the space between one person's experience and the other person's experience - like he handled everything as best as he could and she did the same, but she deals with what she thinks he expects of her and for him it's the same and neither can do exactly right by the other even if they try… does this make sense? It's a lack of communication more than anything real. Do you think this is something I could have communicated better/differently?
About the ending… To be honest I don't really know what happens after Hope, which is why this is really the en. I want to give them a happy ending, but then I don't know if that wouldn't take away from everything - the uncertainty is such a big part of their story and hope loses all its meaning once what you hoped for becomes reality, doesn't it? Maybe there'll be another oneshot in this universe one day.
I updated the story to include your suggested wording :) Thank you for pointing it out.
Hi, beautiful!
I'm here reviewing for the Chalices Review Spree (finally checking out some more of your work, since I've been so bad at it so far...)
Oh, my God... this was so heartbreaking... I don't really know what to say, I'm overwhelmed with emotion right now... poor Hannah, how terribly difficult must it all be for her, I can't even begin to imagine... and you wrote it so beautifully, so powerfully... I am in awe and I just want to cry at the same time...
Sorry if this review is not really thoughtful or useful, I'm just speechless and too moved to give you any better feedback. Just know that I think this was perfection.
Love you, my dear.
Many hugs,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hey Chiara,
Thank you for reading and reviewing Hope. It's very high praise that you were speechless from reading it. I'm not used to make people cry, but I'm kind of glad you did <3
Many hugs back and please forgive the late reply <3
Looking through Hufflepuff stories for the Chalice award nominations, which brought me to this story. Omg, this is heartbreaking. I feel so bad for Hannah, and you do an incredible job of portraying her emotions here. I think what's most powerful is the bit right after she finally conceives, and she isn't happy because now she's just scared she'll lose what she tried so hard for, and no one else seems to understand, they're just happy that she's pregnant. You did really well showing that hope isn't always a positive thing either, how it's this false hope (and the fear of it) that keep bringing her down. Well done, Jo, this is a really powerful piece.
Author's Response:Hey Kirsten. Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy about the positive reception of this story, it is very close to my heart and I'm still amazed I can create something that gives others a similar feeling.
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