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Hi Abbi! *Here for the Fairyland Review Event!*
What a great opening! As a reader you know something tragic has just happened, but you don’t know the details yet so you just have to read on. It then becomes clear quite quickly that Peter just killed his partner, but you built this chapter up so cleverly, jumping back and forth in time, that you have to wait until the very last part, to know exactly what happened and why and I love that!
You also did a great job at describing Peter’s feelings in such a way that, even though he has just done something unforgivable, you can’t help but feel sorry for him. Him hugging Stephanie and singing to her is so terribly sad, but shows just how much he loves her. The flashback to their first date confirms that. They seemed such an adorable couple, I love that you made Stephanie a hufflepuff, which makes her death by his hands that much more tragic.
I really like your idea of the Death eaters putting so much pressure on Peter that he eventually kills the person he loves most and who would have saved him if he had just been a bit braver. The tragic thing about it is that by killing her, he gives them even more power which enables them to finally drag him to the dark side!
Really enjoyed reading this!
Hey, Abbi :)
Stephanie is honestly a gift. I can see why Peter would be drawn to her. She has so much light to her that it's hard not to smile just reading about her smile. It's infectious. I can't blame Peter for being starstruck by her and not quite believing that she really loved him back, I don't think I would quite believe it either.
Stephanie's whole thing about her purpose was to just keep going was somehow paradoxically heartwarming and heartbreaking. Her optimism, especially in the time that she was living, is nothing short of admirable. Even when she talked about how their despair was her fuel, I still can't fault her for that. She still genuinely wanted to help people keep going, even if she felt like she was just using them for her own sake. No matter why she did it, she still offered people a small bit of hope in an otherwise hopeless moment and for that, I can see why everyone loved her so much.
I can't even imagine how Peter must be feeling at that funeral, but you wrote his emotions so well. The bit where he managed to talk himself in a circle back to doing Stephanie a favor by killing her was so well done. Why wouldn't someone like him who never saw himself as good enough feel like someone as bright and hopeful as Stephanie shouldn't have to live in a world like this?
I really hope there's more to this story, Abbi. You'll have to let me know if/when you update it!!
Tired of me yet? :P
Obviously I have to fill the Warpaint sized hole in my life and this story looks so good!
I'm going to be totally upfront...I really don't care for Peter Pettigrew. I don't think I've ever really read more than maybe one story about him, but the way that you've set this up has me completely drawn in by him.
That first section (well, the whole chapter, really) feels so much like how Peter was described in the books, but unlike that, I really sympathized with him. I mean, not so much the murder part, but the idea that he loved this woman so much that he had to murder her rather than let her leave him or find out who he was. The desperation in his actions when he was thinking about how he could lose his friends over this was heartbreaking in a way that I don't normally feel towards murders.
When you finally show us what happened with Stephanie, I felt my heart sink. I knew what was coming, but it was still hard to read. It was clear that he didn't want to hurt her, but he didn't want her (or anyone else, really) to know how weak he thought he had been by talking to the Death Eaters. I know I've said this like ten times already, but it really was heartbreaking.
Abbi, this is such a great first chapter! I can't wait to read more :)
Hi, I’m here for the CMDC, chapter 2
This description of Stephanie is very poetic. I love how you’ve gone through each person and shown how she is a ray of positive light for them in both good times and bad and I really like the description of positivity drug. It shows how important she has become to them, but also how they are almost addicted to what she brings into their life. I imagine withdrawal for the rest of them is probably going to be as hard (or harder) than it is on Peter.
The depth you show her convictions was very touching and so detailed. Stephanie really was an amazing woman, how when she sees despair, she just loves even harder. Then she admits that it’s not enough, that she feels broken inside and my heart almost broke for her. Stephanie tries so hard. She deserves so much more, but alas it’s not to happen.
The dichotomy of Peter at the funeral is well written. I like how you’ve discussed grief as a shield so no one would guess his “new, otherhalf.” I particularly thought the part when he realizes he’s even more of a monster, not just for killing her but because he’s using his “grief” to hide behind and act like he is the victim, was very strong and thought-provoking. Then he makes me a bit sick when he tries to justify himself because she was too good for this world. One can definitely see him slipping down the Death Eater path.
Hi, I'm here for the CMDC, round #1
Wow! This has an amazing start. I love the description to show the blood (crimson cloak) and the horror of what he has done (blood back into her body.) It is such a defining moment and his regret just permeate through the chapter. I particularly like the singing of her song from their first date. It helps define what their relationship was like before this pivotal moment.
Often the flashback scenes tend to make a story confusing but you’ve done a nice job keeping it organized and logical. Their first date flashback was very cute. One can feel Peter’s nervousness and get a sense of how sweet Stephanie is (was?) Despite the fact you know that he murders her later, you feel a sense of joy for little Peter that no one pays attention to. You want to root for him as he ushers her into Madame Puddifoot’s.
Lucius is as cold and calculating as ever (and to Peter as demeaning as ever. I can seem him shaking his finger at the boy like he a mess spilling a glass of milk instead of blood everywhere from a murder.) When Peter acknowledges that he knows the price for cleaning up the mess, I want to shake the guy. Accepting your consequences is better than selling your soul, but then we all know what happens to him.
The next flashback really helped me cement my understanding of Peter and his “accident.” Why, oh why, wouldn’t he go to Dumbldore? But then why or why wouldn’t Stephanie listen to him. They obviously had this conversation before but she seemed extreme in her insistence which probably sent him over the edge.
Great first chapter. It certainly kept me on my toes and wanting to find out more.
Abbi!!! <3 <3 <3
First of all, thank you so, so, so much for writing more of this! It's the best Christmas gift you could make me! <3
And this was just so moving and beautiful... I swear I've been on the verge of tears more than once as I read it! And I'm so frustrated with Peter... He knew that but here and now he wanted to believe that he could be better. You can be better! You just need to truly want it!
I really loved the first part, I loved to see how Stephanie interacted with the rest of the group, too! She just works so well within the Marauders and I love how you characterized all of them, even if it's just a small sentence for each of them. I love that Stephanie is such a light in everyone's lives and I hate Peter for taking that light away. But also I feel so bad for him for being so broken. I'm just so sad... and you are brilliant for building such a believable and emotional background for my Peter.
I also found so interesting the bit in Stephanie's POV. Kindness can be mistaken for weakness, happiness can be seen with suspicion, but she remains bright because that's what everyone around her needs. And she calls herself selfish??? Maybe if we all smiled more, if we all were more kind to others, the world would be a better place... but it's not so easy... and sometimes you can't help but surrender to discouragement... I wish Peter had a tiny bit of the faith in himself that Stephanie had in him... I wish he didn't betray her faith the way he did... but that's just who Peter is, right?
I love this! And I love you! Thank you for writing more of this beautiful story and sorry if this review is an emotional mess... you are wonderful!!!
Lots of love and snowball hug,
Chiara
Giiiiiiirl!
I am in actual awe of what you've done here. I love stories like these that can pinpoint a moment in a character's life that we have never seen and with a few words, completely explain why that character became the way we know them in the books. It's the pivitol moment, which is really important for stories about Peter.
We hate him for the traitorous little rat that he is, we blame him for all the horrible things that befell our Harry Potter, but as we immerse ourselves deeper and deeper into the universe, we start asking the questions which prompt us to write the answer.
What happened that made Peter turn on his friends?
I think you catch the moment of frustration very perfectly. He doesn't know what to do, he isn't in the mood for the normal niceties and whims of everyday life. He has too much to deal with, too much on his mind, too much temptation and will you be quiet woman?! Then he snaps. He snaps and he feels wretched, but there is no going back now. There is only one path left to him and it's the one he secretly desired, but why did it have to cost so much?
This is indeed a chilling tale and very well done. I love this so much. Your writing has vastly improved in such a short amount of time from when I last got to read and it is really very lovely and terrible and so many other emotions. I love this.
-Liz
Hello Abbi! Stopping by with a holiday review and I couldn’t resist a Marauder fic, especially not when I saw it was Chiara-certifies.
The first thing that popped into my head after reading this was holy... well, you know. I was not expecting this, but it was so, so good. For somebody who was voted into Gryffindor, apparently brave above all else and willing to put his life at risk running around as a rat with a werewolf for years, I always figured that there would need to be something big to get Peter to turn to the dark side. This fits it perfectly, because it was a snap decision that you could tell that he instantly regretted. From the moment he picked up that lamp, he felt like he was stuck. His actions are horrible, but you got us into his head so well that you can follow his train of thought and see how he felt like he had no choice.
Another thing I have to congratulate you on is the fact that he was developed outside of his choice in 1981. The fact that he wasn’t overlooked, both by his friends and by girls, is good to see. It’s easy to make him seem like he was always unlovable because of what he did but by making him a person with a backstory and who loved somebody, it makes the whole thing feel more real and worse.
This really was amazing.
Tasha here for the RvG December Team Red - and Christmas gift giving!
This was brilliant! We all know how Peter turned out in the end, but it is refreshing to see him in the thick of his double-agent life and more than just a one dimensional character we often see with him. He's definitely not my favourite character, but you've made him human and at least given a bit of a motivation behind some of his behaviour.
I loved how the story opened straight into the action where we can see he's done something terrible. I really felt his desperation and that he felt he had no choice to do what he did - even though of course he did. His actions, not just her murder, but the way he covered it up and got the Death Eaters involved, were just awful. It was bad enough he could seemingly easily give his best friends up to Voldemort, but kill the woman he loved too, is unthinkable. You really pulled off his character brilliantly!
I thought the time jumps worked perfectly too, especially getting to see Peter and Stephanie's first date in the middle of discovering he'd murdered her, was really powerful and heartbreaking too. You can really see how much living in James and Sirius's shadows seemed to torment him.
I really wasn't expecting Stephanie's death to be so...violent I guess. Often, we see death by Avada, so it was very interesting to discover he'd killed her the way he did. For some reason, it was really jarring, but in a good way! I liked being surprised by his choices.
I thought you wrote Peter really well and would happily read more if you ever fancied it... just sayin'. Ha
Tasha x
Hello Again!
Back for another review for the Gryffindor Red vs. Gold Review Battle!
Wow! This is heartbreaking. I'm not sure I have the words to articulate what this made me feel. Obviously, Peter is under extreme pressure from the Death Eaters. We know he's also not the most corageous guy, so it seems normal that the stress would be getting to him...but for him to take it out on his girlfriend. I just...I have no words. I honestly didn't know I could hate him more than I already did. I know it's meant to make him somewhat sympathetic, but for me it just makes me feel like he's even more of a coward now. He was so scared of looking foolish to the order that he murdered his girlfriend.
And what's worse is not only did he murder her, but then he didn't fess up. Instead he turned traitor to the Death Eaters so that they would cover the whole thing up. He is just absolutely vile.
In terms of characterization, I thought you absolutely nailed it in this story. Peter is exactly as I imagine him and Lucius was also spot on.
I also really enjoyed how you layed this story out. I liked the snippets that correlated to each date. It made it easier for me to kind of place when things were happening and how quickly.
The moment when Peter and Stephanie went to Madame Puddifoots was a bit of sweetness in the midst of all this darkness and I'm very glad for it. Most of the time I see Peter portrayed as not having a date, but I'm happy you went a different route. I think showing how nervous he was and how much thought he put into it almost had a humanizing affect....at least until he murdered her. (I'm bitter. Can you tell?)
I usually try to leave a bit of crit in my reviews, but honestly I have none for this. I think this might be your best piece that I've read so far. Great work!
~Kaitlin
Hey Abbi!
I'm here for Griffie Review Tag and oh my gosh, this was fantastic!
You've captured Peter so well, the guilt and the horror bleeding through all of his thoughs while at the same time, theres that edge of power hungry Pettegrew that we all know was lying underneith. His narration is well balanced and extreamley well done throughout.
You show him mourning her and regretting his actions but is he upset about the results? No.
The jumps between past and preasent were the perfect way to very quickly pull me into their story and the relationship they share. Stephanie seems like such a sweet chatacter. You've really created what I've always imagined would have been perfect for Peter. I want to know more about her and to see more of her which is a little heartbreaking because, right from the start, we instantly know what becomes of her.
Wondefull description and character building, it's completley unsuprising that you won a challenge with this!
Deni xx
Author's Response:Hi Deni,
thank you for your lovely review and checking out this story! I'm so pleased that you thought his narration was balanced and I'm so pleased about your comments because it's really what I wanted to achieve with his character here. It was important to me to show that Peter was a gryffindor really but he probably had more of the negative traits of the house or maybe he used them in a negative way at least.
Stephanie is a character that I hope to write more of! I'm very fond of her and I have a lot more background on the character than is shown here so maybe watch this space!
Abbi xo
*creeps in*
Abbi!
We're going to pretend I haven't been shockingly bad at keeping up with stories and everything HPFT and that it's not taken me forever to review this, yes? Brilliant ;)
I really enjoyed this story! In all honesty, I'm not a massive fan of Peter Pettigrew (I think you already knew that), but I do like reading stories that explore his character and particularly his motivations more, rather than making him one-dimensional. This story did exactly that, I thought it fleshed out Peter's character so well that I could really believe in what happened here, and the way that he was drawn towards working for Voldemort and double-crossing his friends in the way that he did.
Of course, I don't like him for it, but I think this story made me understand him much better.
The way that you opened the story, when Peter had just killed Stephanie, was really dramatic, and it did a great job of plunging us straight into the action, and really captured the sense of urgency and desperation that he was feeling in this moment. It also drew me right into the story, so I was asking lots of questions: I wanted to know who Stephanie was and why Peter had done what he'd done and so many more things, I couldn't help but keep reading.
Lucius was so well written - he was quite sinister in the way that he spoke to Peter, but I thought you captured his character brilliantly. There was that sense of smugness and superiority that we see in the books and know to be part of his personality, and they're heightened in this position because he's got what he wants from the situation.
The flashback to Peter and Stephanie's first date was so sweet. It felt really light and refreshing in the midst of the darkness and angst that's happening in the present day, and gave a really nice snapshot of their relationship. I don't think we normally get to see Peter having a relationship in fic, and especially not one that's as meaningful as this, so I thought that was great to see. The flashback meant that I was rooting for them and feeling horrified at what Peter had done simultaneously.
It was so fascinating to think that the Death Eaters had been approaching Peter and putting pressure on him for some time before this happened - of course they must have been for him to turn, but I found your take on the events here so interesting. He managed to resist them as long as he had Stephanie by his side, supporting him, but as soon as she was gone he was lost and helpless to battle against their power. It really felt like the final straw for Peter.
It was also really interesting to see the way that Peter knew he couldn't go to his friends about this - I wouldn't have blamed them at all for casting him out after what he did, but it was that sense of desperation at being cast out by them for it that led him to Voldemort, and ultimately set the wheels in motion for everything that happened in the series. That told us a lot about the dynamic between the Marauders and the sort of people that his friends are in just that one decision.
I really enjoyed this, and I thought this was a really thoughtful, poignant exploration of Peter's character!
Sian :)
Here from Gryffie Review Tag and super excited I hopped over to this! This was phenomenal and so is your writing style! You did a great job of captuing me as a reader and drawing me into Peter's story. I really love how you structured this, starting off with the big post murder scene and then kind of flashing back and forward.
The intital first scene is SO GOOD and hooked me for the whole thing. It was so descriptive and I loved how you captured both his guilt and some of his rattier tendiencies, like how he immediately looks for a new plan and assistance. I think you've written him really well in general here, definitely capturing those good qualities that would have made him a Gryffindor and friends with the rest of the Marauders (which I think people tend to forget he must have had) but also show kind of the beginning of his downfall and maybe what desperation can lead to when you think you have no other options.
Super enjoyed reading this! Congrats on winning the challenge!
-Sarah
Hi, Abbie. I came here from Gryffindor Review Tag.
I was surprised by you again, Abbie. Everytime I stop by your story, your style in writing seem to be changed. I feel you explore the new area. I think this story is written about Peter' darkness in his mind, I say mystery. (So generally, it might be categorized as horror?)
The order of timeline is unique. I have read this type of technique in Gina's and Rumpel's story. They are great and yours is also fantastic!
The reasoning why Peter had to tread the different path from his best mates, is well written. It's easy to say his weakness to blame for betraying his friends and lover. But I think most of people are weak. His situation could happen to anybody. You expressed such a pathetic cry of Peter Pettigrew.
So creepy that Stephanie's dead body was vanished by Malfoy. I hope she would be treated with respect at least...
Alas, Peter's fate will be ended as Voldemort's slave!
K
Author's Response:Hello Kenny,
It's always a pleasure to receive a review from you. I'm really happy that you commented on my style changing, I'm trying to write different character and genres. I think this was generally quite different to my other pieces because I normally give a hopeful ending to my angst-y piece but this time it was just pure angst. I've tagged in as horror/dark under the archives tag as I felt it fitted that one the best, I'm glad you agree.
I am blushing with your next comments! Both Gina and Rumpel's writing is amazing to compared to them is a big praise, thank you! I think her body being vanished by Malfoy was really scary for Peter so I'm glad it gave that effect!
Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm enjoying the gryffie review tag!
- Abbi xo
Hi Abby, I'm here from the Gryffindor common room for review tag!
I'm so glad I got you, because I was going to check out your story and leave it a review, as a fellow Pettigrew awareness challenge entrant. Congratulations on your win! Sorry it took me forever to get here.
I love how you start us off with a bang. Peter's already done something horrible, and by the way you presented, it's already a complete train wreck. I have to know what he did, and more importantly, how he got to this point. So great job for pulling me in. My favorite part about this first bit, is his thought about the possibility of pouring the blood back into the person. That just seems like such an innocent way to say it. Like if you're toppling over a stack of blocks, all you have to do is put them back on top of each other. Or if you spill water, all you have to do is mop it up with a rag. But I think the Simplicity of his thought also highlights how much trouble he's really in. He knows it, but he hasn't yet embraced the complete disaster that he's just created for himself.
The other thing that I find fascinating about this setup, is that it is implied how this action seems to be the final thing that completely isolates Peter from anyone else who cares about him. He said that he was lost and that he was drowning. Also, that he had no one else. Loneliness can make you do terrible things sometimes. In this instance, the ACT came before the isolation. But it certainly clinched it. And I can see that this is the point that he's not going to be able to come back.
The other great thing about this, is that you don't write this for the reader to feel sorry for him. I can sympathize with him, but I'm certainly not willing to pat him on the shoulder and tell him everything's going to be okay, because it's not.
I think the thing that makes this all the more tragic, is that when you show us their relationship. It seemed to be a really honest one. Stephanie genuinely cared about Peter, and he was happy to have her in his life. I love how you show the bubbly, excited bit of him, and how he went through the effort of trying to make her happy.
I love how you lose Lucius as his contact, and the cleanup man. I've used that guy in a similar role, and it's always fun to play with his character. He gets this indignant snobbishness about him when he's tasked with menial things. Like cleaning up murders. You use him well here, and it makes sense that the Dark Lord will own peter now for the favor.
So this really came together great. I love how you gave Peter some happiness, and I love the way that you ripped it away from him and used it as a means forgetting his character off the slippery slope and fully into the pit of despair. It was a brilliant way to show Peter's character finally coming to the point of no return, and getting him to the place where he's willing to do even more terrible and horrible things in canon.
I really enjoyed this one shot! Congratulations again on your win!
Pix
Howdy Abbi! Sorry for the delay in my half of the swap! I wound up falling asleep last night and...here we are.
And now I will discontinue my rambling and get to the story.
First, it was cool to see you exploring Peter. Obviously he's the Marauder who gets the least play, but rather than writing him during school or post-betrayal, you actually gave us an idea of how he might have been turned. One thing I do think would add to that is a little background on WHY the Death Eaters were recruiting him specifically - was his heritage involved for example or just being seen as the most susceptible in the Order? At any rate though, the concept of him killing someone in a flash actually perfectly matches up with SPOILER my languishing idea for him in Evolution.
What makes yours much more interesting though is that it involves a romantic partner. Out of all the explorations of Peter I have seen recently, the one thing I have NEVER seen is Peter in a relationship. The way you write Stephanie and Peter together it's a pairing I think I could ship actually - which is something I never expected to write when it came to Peter.
I think a big part of this is that you give us a nice snapshot of Stephanie's personality in this piece. She seems exactly like the kind of person who would be capable of bringing Peter out a bit and inspire more confidence in himself - especially when he's constantly comparing himself to his gregarious friends.
The final thing I'll comment on is the weapon. I think the tradition you laid out for it was exceptional - it's almost like a relic of the past, destroying the past - a lamp going dark on a brighter (dare I say, golden?) future. Plus it wasn't a wand - which for me is for some not-really-explicable reason not that exciting in fic.
And now I'm going to stop rambling again.
All in all I thought this was a really cool handling of Peter at an often unexplored point in his life. You put an original cast on him, making clear that while the Marauders were huge, they weren't the ONLY important people to him and that he WAS actually involved in the Order. Props!
Next time I promise to be more prompt.
Abbi! I'm here for our review swap ♥
Congratulations on winning the challenge! I can absolutely see why this piece won. You gave us a unique take on Peter, and showed us how in a moment, our entire world can change. I also love non-linear stories, and I think you handled the time jumps really well.
From the very beginning, I knew this piece was going to be good. Your imagery and language throughout it was so good and strong, and it painted such a vivid picture in my mind. Peter is obviously heartbroken and confused, like he can't really comprehend what he's done -- it's an out of body experience, and you really do a great job with showcasing that. I love that he sings to her, too; it's such a sweet, romantic thing, though a bit haunting when we realize that she used to sing while cooking them dinner at night. I had very conflicted feelings towards Peter in the beginning, because he just killed the woman he loved, but he's clearly so distraught that I actually want to hug him. I WANT TO HUG PETER PETTIGREW, ABBI.
And I loved the stark contrast with their romantic date at Madame Puddifoot's! Peter seems exactly in character here, shy and nervous and easily excitable; and it's so cute how he's worried about pleasing her. But I love that she just goes along with it, it's clear that she cares about him, too. Their romance seems to be very sweet, which makes this story all the more heartbreaking.
I thought it was so interesting that he went to Lucius to clean up the mess, but it's also something that makes so much sense. And that their bargain for him cleaning it up was for Peter to officially join the Death Eaters; it really paints his decision to betray his friends in a whole new light.
And I really loved the comparison of Death Eaters to Dementors; it sent chills down my spine by how true it was. Ugh, I wanted to shake Peter a little bit for making stupid decisions, but I suppose on this night he's really not thinking clearly at all.
And then the REVEAL! It was horrifying and shocking, all in the best ways. I can only imagine how much pressure Peter was in by going back and forth between the Death Eaters and the Order, and just, ugh. Steph was just concerned about him! But then again, if she'd gone to Dumbledore in the first place, we wouldn't have the canon, which is what I love about this story -- it gives more motive to Peter than just cowardic, almost like him owing them a debt, and it brings it all back into the story we know.
Excellent job with this! I really enjoyed it. Thanks for the swap!! ♥
Oh, my god, no! Peter! No! What have you done?
This was so heartbreaking!
As I read the first scene I was wondering what happened. He killed her? The girl he so obviously loved? How? Why? It was such a painful scene and you painted it so well, so vividly. I could feel Peter's guilt and desperation, I could see him rocketing her and singing to her... why did he do that? Even if I know the answer, I'm still so horrified with him. And at the same time I feel so bad for him.
The scene of their first date was so adorable and seeing them then, so happy and in love, and his nervousness... it would make me smile, if I didn't know what's going to happen in a few years. It was such a cute and sweet scene, and I loved it so much. I just wish things went differently.
When you explain what actually happened... I do understand Peter's moment of panic at Stephanie's decision of telling Dumbledore. If only he'd let her go. It would have been the best thing for him, everything would have gone differently. I still can't believe what he did. He wanted to stop her, but going so far as to kill her, even if he didn't really mean to... once again, why???
And of course at that point the easy way out was accepting the Death Eaters' help, which meant accepting to become one of them. Something he'd been thinking about already, anyway, I suppose, but he might have never done if he didn't have to hide what had happened to Stephanie. It's so cruel, because she only wanted what was best for him. Did I already say that this was heartbreaking?
You did an incredible job with this story! As always, your writing is brilliant and wonderful and I'm so, so impressed!
Thank you so much for taking part in the challenge!
Lots of love and huge snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:
Chiara <3
I'm sorry for doing this to your baby! I'm glad that I got to play with the reader's emotions here, I hope that shows I got the emotions right here because Peter is very confused about his actions before his realisation of his motives.
I love the fluff scene, it was the scene that I started writing first because I always had an idea of the type of relationship that I wanted Steph/Peter to have. Stephanie is a character that I have a lot of head-canon background on. I'm very tempted to write more of them because I'm very fond of them. I think it's silly to assume that Peter never got any happiness so I always wanted him to have that even if I knew it wouldn't last.
I'm sorry that it didn't stay happy but if anyone can understand Peter's actions then it's you. I'm so so happy you liked this because I was very nervous about how Peter would come across to you. I was happy with this piece but I was so overwhelmed and surprised to win your challenge. Thank you so much for giving me the little push that I needed to write Steph and Peter's story because it means a lot to me! You're such a wonderful host and this review made me smile! :D
*snowball hug*
- Abbi xo
Abbi, hi! <3
(I am finally here to post this review, after escaping to a friend's house that has not lost power lmao. This review has had quite the journey. Okay, moving onto the review now haha.)
I loved your writing when I read Prisoner, and I love your writing now. You have such a wonderful way of writing short scenes that go back and forth between different time periods, which is one of my favorite things about this piece.
Okay, but I should start from the beginning! The vividness of the picture you painted in the very first paragraph was startling and shocking, which is a really great way to start off a story like this. I was absorbed into the story almost immediately, and the whole time, I was just asking myself, over and over again, "What did he do? What did he do? What what what wHAT," and that curiosity hooked me into the story completely haha. I really liked how you withheld what happened while providing just enough details to make the whole thing even more mysterious, such as Peter's insistence that her death was an accident, and the fact that he sang Celestina Warbeck's song to her dead body despite having just murdered her.
And then you skipped backwards in time to reveal how their relationship started (in the sweetest, most romantic Madame Puddifoot's, no less), and I thought this piece was particularly heartbreaking and made me feel extremely confused about the first section, like, why would he kill her if there appeared to be so much love in their relationship from the very beginning? He obviously adored her from the first, and he obviously grieved over her body after she died. So I thought this section added so many more questions and so much more depth to the story.
And then there's the next scene, where Peter just uses Lucius Malfoy to cover everything up and erase himself from the narrative. I have so many thoughts about this, like, I think you characterize Peter so unbelievably perfectly in this story. He's not completely inhumane (like the other, extreme Death Eaters), because he feels this crippling sense of guilt and grief after he murders his girlfriend, but his cowardly and selfish nature always wins out in the end. He doesn't want to face his friends and confess what he's done, so he's just getting Lucius Malfoy to dispose of her body, and I think that's nauseating. And I think you wrote all of this perfectly. Your line about how he thought "power would always beat love" is so on point here; it really highlights his complete selfishness.
My favorite scene has to be the one where everything is revealed, though. You answered all the questions I had in this chapter, namely, "WHAT," and left me with an even greater understanding of your Peter. Not that this understanding of him excuses him in any way lmao. But goodness, that escalation from Peter simply being snappish at his girlfriend to him panicking that his girlfriend was going to reveal him, so well done. When he saw the ugly lamp gifted to them, remembered all those little things about his girlfriend picking out the decorations for their home so painstakingly, and then STILL KILLED HIS GIRLFRIEND EVEN AFTER THINKING ABOUT HER CUTE HABITS, I was positively aghast at him.
You don't have to worry at all about how this story came out. In case you couldn't tell, I absolutely loved it, hahaha. I thought you wrote your ideas beautifully (and this is truly such an interesting headcanon, I'm so glad you managed to write it down!) and thank you so much for sharing your story with me!
Good luck in the challenge! <3
~Eva
Wow, to start off your imagery is beautiful. Seriously, and your writing in general is just so good. I'm in awe. I got shivers from reading this. Now, onto the review!
The opening was so heart breaking; it makes me feel so sad for Peter while simultaneously hating him??? Excellent job on your part for managing to do that. We find out right away that it's his fault that Stephanie is dead, yet I feel so bad for Peter. And him singing Celestina Warbeck to Stephanie is so painful!
I also love the snippets of Peter and Stephanie's relationship - like the fact that she made Peter feel more like Sirius and James. Also, I love that ‘A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love' is their song even though Peter doesn't particularly like Celestina Warbeck. And now he feels lost without her!
Their first date at Madam Puddifoot's was so cute! I'm really glad that you included this because I was reading, and I was like "wow, I really want to see more of Peter and Stephanie's relationship" and then you had that part. And I was so cute. I love it. It's so cute how much Peter likes her! (It's also just making this whole thing that more heartbreaking!)
You really nail Peter's character here, I think, with the panic that he feels when it sinks in what he'd just done. Also, Peter wondering if the others had liked Stephanie more than they'd liked Peter and the fact that he wouldn't have been surprised if they actually did. Ow! That hurts, but also so in character for him to have those insecurities regarding his friends.
... oh my gosh. Okay so you mentioned that this was a head canon that you had, and I love it - it's super painful, but I love it. Like, this is such a brilliant idea for why Peter would have betrayed the order (along with James and Lily). It's so in character for Peter to want to keep his friends for as long as possible while also protecting himself form being killed by Death Eaters. I know I've already said this, but this makes me so sad for Peter while also hating him at the same time!!
Also, I really hate Lucius Malfoy. *glares at Lucius Malfoy*
So, I'm practically crying over here now. Thanks for that (it's okay, I love suffering when I read fic - angst is my favorite genre). The argument between Peter and Stephanie hit me so hard. I knew what was coming and I was like "NO! PETER, DON'T DO IT!!" Peter didn't listen to me... ☹
"A light had gone out. She was gone. It was his fault."
That right there! That tore me apart. I'm done. Gone! It was nice knowing you. I'll be over here being all sad and whatnot. Your ending also just wraps it up so nicely! It also makes me want to read a follow up one shot about Peter.
So, summing up my incoherent thoughts: I loved this. You definitely don't need to be nervous about how this turned out. I'm 100% accepting this as canon for why Peter joined the Death Eaters. You did a wonderful job portraying Peter's relationship with Stephanie and his feelings for her in the amount of words that you used! Seriously, I low-key love them (read: high-key love them).
Anyway, I loved this! <3
~Maggie
Author's Response:
Hey Maggie!
I feel so overwhelmed by this review! I'm so glad that it came across so well. This piece was rather unnerving because it's the first time that I've really written a very clear head-canon for me. I've had this scene in my head for around 7 years now. I always saw this as Peter's fate, it was part of a longer novel length story which I planned out a long time ago (it is pretty cringey but I liked some of the ideas that I had for that story).
I'm a really big fan of Stephanie's character so she is an important OC for me and one that I've considered writing her for many years. I had always planned to have the scene of their first date in because I wanted the audience to get an idea of Stephie's character. I'm hoping to write more of Stephanie/Peter's relationship because she is so fun to write so you may see something with these two again.
I think it's always important to remember that Peter is a Gryffindor because people try to brush that under the carpet to pretend that the hat made a mistake. I thought it would be a challenge for me to write a Gryffindor that had some of the negative traits of the house because they are not always positive. I tried to show Peter as having an even arrogant side to him in this and being a bit rash at making descision which can Gryffie traits too. I was hoping that this would give him more depth as a character that the challenge required. I was beyond surprised to win though! This review was such a great boost to my confidence! Thank you so much!
- Abbi xo
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