FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
I loved your chapter title and how you applied it both in the past and in the present. Josephine's connection to both Fred and George is similar in some ways but also very different. Still, there's this huge level of intimacy that exists between her and the twins that I think you write in such a heartfelt manner.
The bit at the end with Molly confusing their names and then having a bit of a breakdown because of it was truly heart wrenching. I think George and Arthur handled the situation so well though and gave her the comfort she needed.
Also, oh my gosh! The bit with George healing Jo at the end of this chapter and the quietness of the moment in the aftermath of what previously happened in the kitchen. It makes things feel so fragile now. And her purposefully saying his name twice. I thought that was really meaningful and also perhaps was another indication of things growing between them.
Well done and I look forward to more of this story!
~ Courtney
"The world is a nightmare, but George is a dream."
^^ Awwe omg! :pleading_eyes: Even though I know pain is on the horizon...I am going to savor the sweetness of this line.
Btw, I forgot to mention how much I love the invisibility cap. Like such a brilliant little detail that is getting so much use in this story! Well done there!
Jo really is coming into her own as a Healer during The Battle of Hogwarts. Even if she doesn't seem changed much in the present (prior to the last couple of chapters, so all that time in between I mean), we can see her working behind the scenes in the past, trying to keep George safe and heal and ease the suffering of those who are hurt during the battle.
And for the injured girl she helps to be Luna and for it to come full circle in the present ahh...Tanya...this story is so well crafted!
And the follow up convo with Percy brought resolution to his doubts of her intentions BUT AHHH...the dramatic irony in this story creates so much tension that I cannot wait for the next chapter! Also, I am just holding my breath, waiting for Jo's story to unravel.
~ Courtney
Argh...the intensity of Fred's feelings and Jo's...I mean...I almost wonder if there was something between them too beyond the drunken kiss! Of course it would be unspoken and they would always deny it for George's sake but ahhh...so many feelings about their parting right before the battle begins! And then poor Jo is confronted in the present with the reality that George has moved on and is now slogging Verity. Poor gal!
And BAHAHAHA omg....the whole family showing up at the shop! That is so intrusively hilarious, but that is just how the Weasleys roll. And omg Verity now "knows" *singsongs* awkkkkwaaaard.
And arghhh...George wanting to know what REEALLLY happened with Jo and Fred and asking all the questions and...I am so intrigued. Is he silently pining for her? I don't know, but I am here with my popcorn, just waiting for more of this story to unfold! Great job, my friend!
~ Courtney
Tanya woah! Coming in hot with a chapter like this! I feel like everything you do in this story, is like Jo, purposeful, even if in a quiet/understated sort of way. I really thought it was cool to see the relevance of Jo's broken nose and how her healing it, attributed to which role she took on at the Battle of Hogwarts. Give yourself a writer pat on the back for that because it was meaningful, especially the unspoken look between Fred and her. And holy geez...I just keep thinking about what he said to Jo in that whole scene and how those were probably the last words she ever heard him spoke. I'm not ok in any universe where Fred is dead tbh.
Anyway, moving on to the present timeline!
"...I am mesmerized by a house breathing with life, as corporeal as lungs."
^^ I just really love how you describe The Burrow in general, but this was such a great line! And the scene with the Weasleys was full of such heart and humor. I absolutely loved how you wrote them all!
Even Percy's inquiry makes total sense. And honestly, Jo being such good friends with Fred, this "cover story," isn't exactly different to achieve. Minus the nerves aspect of things hah. But she is gaining confidence, I see. And I love seeing character development flow as nicely as it has here :)
And ahh...the loss at not getting to see the family again was so aptly felt. But I LOVE that she thinks "I'll plant a mango tree," at the end of this to pay additional homage to Fred's memory.
This was such an excellent chapter! You should be proud!
~ Courtney
As I read the first chapter, I am struck with the depth as which Josephine feels. She feels the mistakes. She feels the anguish. As I read the first part, I want to reach out to her and tell her that it will be okay. I don’t’ know what she lied about but she’s admitted her mistakes? Isn’t that enough?
Then you transport us to six months earlier at the Battle of Hogwarts and we understand the feeling between relief and anguish because so many characters felt the same way at that moment. I like how you make us sit through the entire funeral until the last moment we understand who: Fred—which brings up another host of questions with us wondering about this friendship.
hello hello i am back for more of this storyyy *_*
okay first of all, josephine obviously has some social anxiety issues and i just feel like you wrote that part of her character in a way that yeah - that's her, but at the same time it's not the main thing about her, id that makes sense? idk, she just feels like a really carefully written character and she feels *real* and it's one of the great things about this story imo!
the interview with fred made me laugh, it was just so prfectly written - their entire interaction i mean, the way he talks and she implies things through looks and mannerisms more than saying much, the way he's really good at reading her and he accepts her the way she is, with a healthy does of teasing, of course...it was just lovely. and very bittersweet when we go back to the present time, seeing them when things were much easier and lighter and then seeing jo alone after fred's death is just a sucker punch :| but decidedly great writing
i'm super intrigued to see how she copes both in the present without fred and in the past :eyes:
kris
Howdy howdy howdy!
It's been a LONG time (and a long time since I promised you a review - that whole January thing passed me by didn't it?) since I read this story so I figured I'd start back at the beginning.
As before, I really like the start. Even if Fred is something of a vehicle in the moment, you do a really good job of painting he and Jo's friendship through his dialogue and her thoughts even if she (almost) never speaks. The fact that he overlaps or predicts her at points underscores the depth of that connection. Though Jo doesn't have people fawning over her (because this isn't a slice-of-life comedy), their dynamic reminds me a bit of Komi and Tadano from Komi Can't Communicate (I'm assuming you haven't already, but 9.9/10 recommend).
As you get to Fred's death and her attempts at the casket it really underscores all of that while capturing the hopelessness and lonliness you described in the official first chapter.
I promise I'll come back to the other chapters, life is just... -insert everything is fine dog-
Hi, Tanya
I see that in this chapter we have stepped away for the searing emotions of the events at the Battle Of Howarts. Perhaps we have already said all that needs to be said about that heart-wrenching day. Or we just need a change of pace after the high emotion. The first scene in this chapter actually takes place well before the Battle of Hogwarts, so we have gone back more than a year in time from the Battle. This chapter seems to fill us in with useful knowledge about Josephine, the fact tht she was never a particularly good student in her magical classes at Hogwarts, excelling only at heaing arts, and somewhat okay in Shield charms. This explains her accomplishments at the Battle. But I doubt that that was the main reason for including this scene. Maybe it was intended to show how Josephine's relationship with Fred and George is slowly changing, developing, and they get accustomed to one another and Josephine feels more comfortable and secure at WWW.
Fred's invention of something that makes the soles of his shoes hover a few millimeters above the surface of the ground immediately reminded me of the phenomenon known as 'hydroplaning,' where your car rises a small distance about the surface of the highway on a very rainy day, so that your tires no longer touch the road surface but rather are traveling upon a thin layer of water. You don't notice this until you try to steer the car around a curve and discover tht you cannot steer because your tires are not in contact with the road. So the road curves to the left but your car continues skating straight ahead on this layer of water until you run off the road and hit a tree or go down the embankment or plunge into the river. (How to avoid this fate: drive slowly when the rain is heavy.)
So when Fred's feet suddenly slide out from under him and he loses contact with the surface he's on and falls uncontrollably into the cabinet, it sounded just like someone hydroplaning, but on a layer of air instead of a layer of water.
But I digress.
The second scene was so likely to happen Hogwarts School puts on a big ceremony and feast to celebrate the repair of the school but also to memorialise the dead, and it takes place only a few months after the terrible war ended, so people's nerves are still very raw. All through the wizarding community, people who had been invited to that ceremony would have felt that old wounds were being re-opened, not just the Weasleys. The little slip-up of calling George by Fred's name, an inevitable but hopefully infrequent occurrence, is ill-timed to occur on the same day as the ceremony, so Arthur leaves the kitchen to help Molly to lie down in her bedroom, and George and Josephine are left alone (thrown together) in the otherwise-empty kitchen. It could look like an obvious set-up by the author, but it doesn't feel like an obvious set up because everything that happens up to that point is what you would naturally expect to happen.
But it's time for somebody to make some sort of move. Tending to someone who's hurt is always a good way to establish that connection, but the burn has been woven so seamlessly into the narrative of the preceding minutes that again, it doesn't seem contrived, and the burn remedy so close at hand is perfectly logical. Ditto the final hug. An author can contrive to make the story go where he or she wants it to go, but it shows much more skill if everything just seems to flow along an inevitable timeline, as you have accomplished with this chapter here.
Very nice job.
Vicki
I love how you describe George's fighting prowess as seen by Josephine, "...the very picture of the hero, skilled so heavily beyond his years." How you describe her use of a Stunning spell that was able to make a difference, even though she had thought that she couldn't fight at all. How the vision of George, wandless and facing death bravely, will be seared into her memory forever, even though the whole episode lasted only a few seconds. How her desperation gives her the power to cast a spell with superhuman (for her) force. (Was it a shield charm or an offensive spell?)
She hopes that she hasn't actually killed the Death Eater, but "I also know I would do it again if I had to. Anything to save George." In the heat of battle, with fear and adrenaline running at their peak, you show us what Josephine can really be when she has to. Wow!
We already know that Fred died in the battle because we have read the books. But the scene where Josephine goes into the Great Hall and sees his shoes and his shirt and finally his face and realizes that, although she was assuming/hoping that he, like George, had survived, Fred was dead, it really hits hard, as if we were standing with Josephine at that moment, seeing it for the first time. Your writing is better than JKR's, and I will print off this chapter also.
The scene at Ginny's birthday party was wonderful also. Bit by bit the Weasleys are seeing more of Josephine's true nature and her behavior in the battle. A surprise to learn that one of the students she helped in the battle was Luna. Nice detail. Even Percy is re-evaluating his previous beliefs and remarks. That must have been really difficult for him All of this stuff is so well-written. It's just amazing.
Hi, Tanya.
The first scene in this chapter, the beginning of the battle, is amazing, the writing that I think is better than JKR's because your writing captures the fear, danger, terror, anguish, agony of being in a battle, instead of the emotionless, bloodless listing of what people did and who AK'd whom. It makes me feel like crying, as Josephine felt. I will print this off and save it and use it as an inspiration and example when I get to the end of Crofter/Snake and follow my own characters into battle.
A little concrit in the first scene where the text says "...grabbing my forearm with a vice-like grip." We often see writers speak of a "vice-like grip," but there exist actually two different words, "vise" and "vice", with different spellings, pronunciations, and meanings. Many writers don't know the difference, but you will be one of the writers who do.
The word "vise' (rhymes with "rise") refers to a clamping or gripping tool that holds two things tightly together, such as wood pieces being glued together until the glue dries.
The word "vice" (rhymes with "rice") refers to gambling, drugs and prostitution, the crimes investigated by members of the Vice Squad. You see this word used when the writer really means to talk about a vise, such as a hardware advertisement where the store was promoting a "3-position vice," which is pretty funny when you envision it.
The second scene is less deadly than the battle, but also evocative of grief and sadness. Josephine has lost Fred, and now she's losing George
The slug-shaped invisibility hat was quire funny, a welcome moment of humor in a sad section of the story. I liked what you wrote about Josephing thinking that Frred would have made her feel better. Maybe, as she realizes that, she can develop the ability to make herself feel better, as Fred would have done. Some insight on her part.
I also like how she contemplates her relationship with the Weasleys and with George in particular. Even though she came to WWW to be near to George, she ended up closer to Fred, while George remained, and still remains, clueless. Fred could understand her, but George not so much.
I love how Mickey "outs" George and Josephine when the Weasley family come to call. Take that, George, for being so clueless (although Mickey turns out to be pretty clueless himself). the entire scene at WWWbecomes increasingly chaotic and out of George's control. (I suspect that most of not all of his employees are young, so that would explain their behavior.)
George has always just been trying to do what he thought was right. The fact that he's willing to continue the charade, which, if it is examined closely, seems to be less and less a charade, shows his basic good-heartedness.
All your chapters continue to be just great.
Vicki
Hi, Tanya!
This chapter has a good opening. The emptiness and apparent abandonment of the shop are well described in just a few lines that focus on just the right details. The little apparation closet is clever. :)
The entire first scene is beautiful. The tension as Josephine slowly comprehends what is happening, the reason why Fred and George came back to the shop, what they have to do, and ultimately what she will have to do...
The horror and the realization of the awful danger just ramp up and up and up. It almost brings tears to my eyes. Very well written. In fact, better than what JKR wrote in Deathly Hallows because your account brings in a lot more of the emotions of the people waiting for the battle to begin, and then engulfed in the battle itself, whereas the canon books present a comparatively ho-hum, mechanistic account of the battle. You are inside the heads and souls of your characters in a way that JKR did not achieve.
The second scene, at the home of thet Weasley family, is so different for Josephine and for us readers also. By Josephine's standards, it's a mob scene. I can understand her feeling overwhelmed by all these people and all this chatter. Your depiction of Molly is perfect -- warm and hugging, solicitous to Josephine, heaping her plate, and that priceless line "Now if there's anything you don't like or think tastes a bit off, you'll tell me about it, won't you?"
This dinner party is suppposed to be a happy, friendly, occasion, but Josephine feels nervous, overwhelmed, trying not to panic or be sick. It makes me wonder whether she would have been feeling some of these feelings anyway, even if she wasn't about to try to pull off a big play-acting job, simply because she's surrounded by so many outgoing strangers.
A good line: ",,,ravenous consumption slowly morphs into mild grazing..."
Josephine has memorized and practice her opening lines. Good for her. A good way to start.
Percy -- what a jerk. When he appeared in the Room of Requirement at the start of the battle, he apologized to his family for having been such a stuck-up jerk for the previous four years, but that must have been an apology in the heat of the moment because now, only a few months later, he's back to acting like a jerk again. "Our family has status these days; it's proper foolish to approach such facts with ignorance...and what's in it for her?"
But kudos to Josephine for pulling the fat out of the fire. As she reminisces abut Fred -- all true things she's pulling out of her memory -- it becomes one of those really neat examples in fiction where a character thinks he's just pretending to be something, and in the end, looking back, you can see that he truly was that thing all along, he just didn't realize it.
And then the quiet but hopeful scene at the end, at Josephine's oddly bare house, was lovely. A good way to end this chapter. Lots for both of them to think about.
Vicki
Hi, Tanya. I'm in the mood to write you another review tonight.
Your opening scene is dramatically good. The first few lines set the mood of anticipation and dread. And what happens next pegs us firmly into the timeline of the narrative.
This is a surprising change of manner for Fred when George is revealed to have been injured, and Fred tries to console Josephine. Based on what I've seen of Fred's behavior up to now, I would have expected him to try to cajole Josephine out of her shock and unhappiness by using a string of bad jokes. But he seems to comprehend that this is not the time for that. No jokes, no insults, no exaggerated speech or action or faked reactions. And a few minutes later he is also uncharacteristically serious when he and George announce that the shop is closing.
So he's not entirely a one-note personality. That's good to see.
Then another scene, post-war, when George again "loses it" and takes his troubles out on Josephine. And again, he thinks better of it after the fact and comes back to apologize, saying "It is anything but okay for me to keep taking things out on you. You don't deserve it and I keep doing it anyway..." Yes, George, you do. How many times will this cycle repeat until you learn to get it under control? He doesn't understand how a grief-stricken person can keep it under control, and unfortunately Josephine is too tongue-tied to help him understand.
Upon re-reading this chapter several times I finally notice the line "...thoughts I've been plagued with since our conversation last week crop up in mind with almost urgent persistence." Now I see the narrative structure. Last week George blew up at her, she's had a week to think about how she could help, now he's blown up at her again (at least he's talking now) and she dares to broach the subject she's been mulling over for a week. Her idea does not seem so sudden to me as it did on my initial reading.
George warms to the idea right away. You might say he grabs onto it like a lifeline, a plan of something he can do to move off dead center. Thus his immediate acquiescence is believable. Even though the plan is a little bit off-the-wall!
As usual, your writing s just great.
Vicki
Hi, Tanya.
I need to keep writing reviews on these chapters (not just reading them!) because this story is so unique and so well written.
The first scene in this chapter with Fred and Josephine, in which he describes how he tormented Angelina with a clown-shaped stuffie, makes me feel irritated with Fred He's twenty years old and still doesn't understand how tormenting people might be fun for him, but it's definitely not fun for those other people. (Would he ever have understood that, had he lived?) Of course Josephine can't tell him that because 1) she's not articulate enough to say so, and 2) she knows he'd just shrug it off and never take it to heart.
But there is a hint of hope in the line "Something a little less like amusement and a little more like friendship."
The scene with George is pure gold. He is self-analytical in a way that I have not seen Fred to be. Yes, George blows hot and cold, alternating blaming Josephine for his misery and then not blaming her for it. You do a lovely job of showing his two prominent emotions, grief and anger, taking turns coming to the fore, but even as that happens, he is able to observe himself as from a distance., to see what he is doing, and to alter course, instantly apologizing when he sees that he has gotten out of line. The part where George declares that he should have died instead of Fred, and Josephine thinks " So no, George, it should not have been you, it should not have been Fred; if someone had tp go, it should have been me." Wow!
A lot of analysis here and a lot of coming up with greatly different ways of seeing things, once she and George are fully cognizant of what the roles of all three of them had been during the battle. I wish that Josephine were more able to speak and to contribute more to the conversation. Maybe that will come.
I've read many fics that included the issue of what happened to George in the months after his brother's death. Most of these stories are, unfortunately, superficial. All they say is that George holes himself up in his flat for months, crying all the time and becoming a haggard wraith while the rest of the family wring their hands helplessly and worry about him. Your story is miles above those stories. I can understand why your husband was so desirous that you would complete it so that everyone could read how it all turns out.
Vicki
hiya.
so much development with both the boys in this chapter. you can see how her friendship wit fred is really growing and the bond between them is really growing. george comments on fred being closer to josephine because he was able to open up about angelina which fred doesn't too much of being serious too much. like that story about angelina and the clown is ridiculous! so lovely to see that development which really helps the reader understand that heartbreaking reaction from jo.
ahhh, the conversation with george is so crazy! like so powerful and just a bit dramatic. george's passion for the battle. he's heartbreak at jo's admission that she was a healer/protector following george on fred's wishes. that must have been really intense for george to know that. there was just so much emotion in that. I'm sure it's not how jo imagined her first in deep conversation with george to go. i thought you captured the moment perfectly. personally healing/protecting seems a lot like fighting to me. jo doesn't give herself credit for these things.
i'm really interested to see how she poses as fred's gf etc. as you has sew on the seeds of mrs weasley struggling a lot about fred not having been loved as like. i need to know more basically!!
abbi xx
reviewed for r&d
hi tanya,
i love the structure of this story, just only in your use of past/present but how you're always setting up all the details framed as memories which later set up something for the present, like this chapter the snow glode which fred gave to george. the details in this story is also amazing like the description of physical thing but also emotions that jo feels make this piece so vivid and rich.
t really helps to show jo's character as obviously it's 1st person but jo has a really high level of detail that she notices. she's very thoughtful and careful. i think it shows a creative mind as well as a logical one. jo seems very practical. in this chapter, she's really trying to push her boundaries about how she's comfortable interacting with george and people in general. I love that she is kinda carrying fred with her. both a form of help her but grief too. the poor snowglobe though. :(
can't wait to read more soon! i normally struggle with chapters with longer chapters but i'm really enjoying this story so far!
abbi xx
reviewed for r&d
Ooh yes the mail order service! You know, I never quite thought about how Fred and George would use other people to get that off the ground hah. I kind of always envisioned they took their inventory and their workshop and hid off with Muriel or somewhere hah. But I like that they make this announcement to their employees and give them the choice to help out. It shows how confident they are that those in their employ would not betray them to the DE. And Fred's "please help us," takes on a new meaning by the end of the scene. You do such a great job with dual meaning dialogue! I'm curious to see what Jo did to help with the mail order stuff. I forgot to mention in the last chapter that the reveal of her involvement in the war both suited her character and explained maybe some of the trauma that exists within her/prevents her from continuing to speak.
And then scene two talks about her finding solace in silence, which again, just another supporting element that fits with her character. :)
Awww so many things Fred did that now are not getting done and need to be reassigned. I understand George's frustration probably just goes beyond Fred being dead, if their bills aren't paid and they're incurring late fees he also probably feels like he's failing Fred and the vision they had for the shop. Poor bloke. I do like that he returns to apologize to Jo though because such outbursts are unpredictable and scary.
And ahh...the plot has been hatched. I feel like in this "let's get our stories straight time," they'll be getting closer to one another perhaps? Anyway, this was another lovely, heartfelt chapter!
~ Courtney
Hi Tanya! Here for a review for the event! :)
You covered so much ground in this chapter! I was half laughing half shaking my head at Fred in the flashback for turning Angelina's teddy into a clown. Seems very typical of his character, but like DUDE hahah. I would basically just say that to him and shake my head with a little laugh.
Jo is seriously the best confidante. She'll never tell anyone of his misdeeds, well except George, but that happens later lol. But her internal monologue was hilarious.
Ahhh and then the present is so heart wrenching. George just needs a hug. I can feel Jo wanting to give it to him, but hesitating because yeah, it's weird and she has a crush. But this is the moment where she begins to open up a bit and that was a lovely thing to see. Even if it's only because of a sad subject :(
George's explanation of what people expect him to be in this moment was absolutely perfect. I feel so badly for the guy. I hope he gets the comfort he so desperately needs!
Another great chapter. I look forward to how the relationship with Jo and George progresses and also what happened with Jo and Fred in the past.
Thanks for writing!
~ Courtney
hiiii,
this was a monster chapter but it brought so much fun, warm, pure cringe and humour (a splash of mad angst at the end of it too) so it basically had it all! it's been quite the insane meeting between fred and jo. i feel like i would have died on the spot if it was me. i thought it was very impressive how fred was basically having a conversation with himself for most of the chapter and it was mostly jo's mannerisms that were doing her communicating. all of fred's dialogue is over the top and hilarious. i think i'm a pineapple, what about you?
it feels so nice that fred is also very accepting that jo isn't speaking very much. he's making fun of her but it also seems pretty good natured as well though which is really lovely. it's nice to see that first meeting to get where their 'arrangement' came from and it didn't peg fred to do all the talking for terms of argreement. the last section is very interesting that the re-opening is planned and jo is there and ready then the cliffhangers or maybe more actcuratly a tease about what is to come!
abbi xx
reviewed for r&d
hiyaaa!
oh wow! what a chapter, i love the set up for the friendship that fred and jo have became good friends because he knows her 'secret'. it's obviously a really nice friendship they have and you've captured it wonderfully. the dialogue and mannerism for fred are really good and so realistic. i can just imagine that sing song voice of the 'jooosephine' which opens the chapter. i love how over the top fred is about the whole thing, it's really funny. jo is such an interesting character from the first section, you've really shown off the humour in her inner monologue. 'loud mouth and the mute' is particularly highlight.
it makes me want to know more about jo as you've hinted at certain family issues. i think you've done a wonderful job at portraying the grief that fred's death has brought up for jo and how she has made the leap to bringing up issues about her own family issues. she's obviously very lonely. i don't think she can be blamed for being 'selfish', i think that's a little more in her head. i can see how her words by the grave could be seen in romantic way. jo's pain is so intense in this chapter. i'm so excited to see how we get from this point to the wider concept of the story!
abbi xx
reviewed for r&d
HI
I AM HERE TO REVIEW THIS WONDERFUL STORY THAT IS DEDICATED TO ME. HOW LUCKY I AM. :D
RIGHT NOW I AM STRUCK WITH AN OVERWHELMING FEELING OF DELICIOUS GUILT ON BEHALF OF JOSEPHINE. I BELIEVE THAT THIS WAS A MISTAKE FROM THE START AND SHE DOESN'T HAVE IT IN HERE TO HOLD ON ANYMORE. I THINK THAT THE NEXT CHAPTER COULD BE EXPLOSIVE, I HOPE THAT THE WEASLEYS TAKE IT WELL AND KEEP INVITING HER TO SUNDAY LUNCH.
I ENJOYED BOTH SECTIONS AND HOW YOU LINKED THEM TOGETHER WITH LUNA'S INJURY. YOUR BATTLE SCENES ARE ALWAYS PERFECT AND BELIEVABLE, LIKE THIS IS HOW THE STORY WAS MEANT TO BE. I THINK JK JUST FORGOT TO WRITE IN JOSEPHINE.
YOU KNOW I LOVE THE WEASLEY SCENES. I FEEL SORRY FOR PERCY, THE POOR GUY REACHES OUT AN OLIVE BRANCH. SOMETHING HE MUST HAVE WORKED UP A LOT OF COURAGE TO DO AND HE IS BEING PLAYED. I PREDICT HE WILL NOT REACT WELL IF HE FINDS OUT THE TRUTH.
UNTIL NEXT TIME <3
This is a beautiful chapter, Tanya. The three scenes are all so different and yet they hang together so well, like a necklace of beads that are all different but perfectly complementary. And each scene is full of emotion, which you depict so clearly -- excitement, annoyance, wonder, trepidation, chaos, overwhelming-ness, fear, sorrow, pity, sympathy, gratitude. I have a writing craft book which I think highly of that urges writers to dig down deep to identify all the emotions a person might feel in a crucial situation, and this chapter is a fine example of that advice being put into action.
The fact thqt your three characters -- Josephine, Fred, George -- are each drawn so distinctly makes it all work masterfully. I liked the technique of having Josephine hearing in her mind's ear (kind of like your mind's eye) what Fred would tell her to do after George has "lost it."
I was pretty irritated at the behavior of the crowds, more like a mob, that turned George's shop into a riot scene on the first day he re-opened and even rushed out the door with their arms full of stolen goods. What's that all about? The breakdown of community standards and the social contract after a catastrophic event like the Second Wizarding War? Some people show their best sides (like Josephine), and others show their worst (like the thieves).
Beautifully written. Wow>
Vicki
As I told you already, this is a really good chapter that didn't need much in the way of tinkering. I especially liked your battle sequence, which was edge of the seat perfect. The scenes back at the shop, especially with the family come to take Josephine to lunch, were also fun to read and felt very much in line with the Weasleys we know from canon. Personally, I think you give one of your betas too much credit, and I don't mean Pix - also, thanks for sharing the video of your husband's Christmas surprise. That was cool and I'm glad he likes it even more than I do, apparently.
George
I LOVE YOU
What a great present this was and you worked so hard to muster up the energy to write again just for me! I'm proud of you. I'll watch Bojack this year so you can give me the Bojack mug next year.
You write the Weasley family so well, I love when they interact with Josephine. Them coming into the shop to take her out for lunch was just what she needed after what you made her witness. The perfect pick me up distraction.
I love the drama of nobody being surprised that she was 'with' Fred and it catching them both off guard and now the lie has snowballed even further in the best way.
Well done for giving someone the worst survivors guilts ever, she really be struggling out here knowing she chose George over Fred and now Fred is dead.
It's the perfect new chapter to the story and I'm excited for the next one!
Tanya! Back again to this story to leave a little review!
I absolutely love the way you write this. Josephine is such an interesting character both in the flashbacks and in the present. I don't know how to describe her, but I just feel really connected to her. I guess she is sympathetic in both timelines, but for different reasons.
I also really am digging the dual timelines that allow us to see how things were before with WWW and how they currently are. It really makes my heart go out to both George and Jo! I just want them both to be ok, but I know they are far from it!
Another excellent chapter, my dear!
Oh and *tosses snowball*!
~ Courtney
Hi Tanya! Back again for a little snowball of a review!
I liked this "back to the beginning," backstory we got. About how Jo and Fred became such good friends. The whole interview sequence was truly hilarious. And I could see Fred saying "I am a mango," without batting an eyelash.
You truly have a way of capturing humor in spite of the heaviness of Jo's mindset, how she's pining after George (poor girl), and I like that she sort of has Fred as a confidante or someone to push her forward. She sort of needs it.
Ahh and then we are so abruptly thrust back into the present where Fred is dead and we're feeling all the grief. There is a tinge of hopefulness though now that the shop is opening again. But it doesn't quite have that grand fanfare you captured in the opening newspaper article. Of course that totally makes sense, I just appreciated the contrast there.
Great job with this chapter!
<3 Courtney
Any access or use of the FanficTalk Archive is conditioned upon compliance with our Site Guidelines and Terms of Service and the Copyright Policy and Privacy Policy contained therein. Should you have any questions about them, you are very welcome to contact any of our archive validators. For advanced searching, please click here.
Any characters, source code, text, or titles contained herein which are recognizable as copyrighted material are the sole property of their owners.