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Hi, Tanya.
I see from the date stamp that this scene takes place when the joke shop has been open for only a few months. I am intrigued by your statement about the day long ago when Josephine had met/interacted with Fred and George. They were in the same year at Hogwarts and must have had some classes together, so she was acquainted with them at "the day it all began." I checked your AP to see if there was another story posted which was a prequel to Lying Josephine, but there was not. Since this story jumps back and forth in time, perhaps we will eventually see a flashback in which this long-ago event occurred.
The interview cene sounds ridiclous, but the off-the-wall questions that Fred asks are not so rare as one might think. Real-life job-seekers report being asked equally ridiculous questions by incompetent interviewers. But I was glad to see Jo demonstrate her valuable talents by presenting her printed business plan for WWW to Fred, complete with numbers and a graph. And despite her nervousness at extemporaneous speech, she does quite well after thorough rrehearsal.
Interesting that Fred immediatelu disbelieves her statement that she want to improve WWW' finances Why a joke shop? She's certainly not the type. And much of WWW's merchandise (whoopie cushions?) has an unsophisticated humor level that we would associate with middle-school-age boys.
Also interesting that Fred immediately jumps to the conclusion that Jo has a "thing" for George. I can see why she would prefer George. In this scene he is calmer and more self-controlled than Fred, whose zaniness borders on lack of consideration for the feelings of others, such as Jo. Teasing and ridicule that borders into bulllying. He can't believe she is enjoying what he is saying, if by chance he considers her feelings at all, which of course he doesn't. She is just the butt of his 'jokes.'
This scene contrasts sharply, night and day, with the scene at Fred's funeral two years later, when she is so grief-stricken at his passing. In the interim, did he stop teasing and ridiculing her? In short, did he grow up, at least a little?
Of course she wants to leave. Any self-respecting person would. But belatedly Fred seems to realize he has gone too far, and he back-pedals, becoming calmer, more polite, more considerate, enough so that Jo can agree to stay there, just to be close to George.
But Jo keeps the memory of this "job interview" as a deeply humiliating incident. It is still hard to fathom why she is willing to take the job, knowing, as she does now, what Fred is capable of.
I will keep reading and reviewing to see how this story plays out. You have interessting characters here. Can they get along and ultimately form a team?
Vicki
Hi Tanya!
I’m here for the Snowlodge/wishlist event! Also I’ve been meaning and or have been regarding this story and haven’t had the chance until now! I also really like the Weasley twins alot and the summary for this one intrigued me so that’s another reason why I’m here as well! That being said, onward to the review, shall we?
While I have no idea about what fully happened to the main character here and have questions as to what they did to deserve this, I actually liked the opening considering how it pulls the readers in to want to know more about the events that have transpired and why did the main character say that she deserves what happened to her. It’s actually a pretty great start as we’re left with questions!
The emptiness of the atmosphere as she is dealing with anguish and dreadful feelings can also definitely be felt here as well! Oh, and the line that she says: “But like I said, I deserve this.” truly breaks my heart despite the fact that I have no clue what’s going on. Nonetheless, that’s still a good thing! It’ll make sense later on as to what she means but it works for now. There must be a significance behind the reason as to why she keeps mentioning that she deserves it.
I loved the way that you depicted the sunny day in contrast to how the main character is feeling to emphasize how much of a struggle and misery that she is dealing with in that moment. The date I also realized is actually seven months earlier than the beginning of the story. It’s very interesting to see how we’re taken back in time as we move on in the story. Hmm wonder as to why and what it’ll unfold. Oh no, Fred Weasley! That just breaks my heart so much reading that it’s his funeral that she was attending. Was he a super close or best friend to the main character? I wonder what kind of relationship they have with one another. It would make sense as to why she described a moment of a victory and how it was singular which could make sense to indicate that it was he who had died. I actually liked that we don't know whose funeral it was at first seeing that it could of been anybody at first!
Overall, this actually interesting way to start the chapter seeing as we’re seeing what happened to her during two separate times. It’s great that you also broke into sections to get the sense of what happened in those two time period and how it changes even it seems like a slight change. With that in mind, I definitely cannot wait to read next chapter and find out more about what's happening and or happened!
Until then,
Diana/Di
hi tanya! *throws snowball*
i love stories that start in the middle -- i really feel like they pull you right in, and this one is no exception. but what oof. it's so angsty and painful and you do such a great job of portraying the heavy emotions. i love a self-aware main character, and it makes me want to know why they'd want to lie to everyone they know, and it absolutely intrigues me to find out how they get to this point. saying they got what they deserved seems harsh, and i really want to know the background to this story (which i guess means i should keep reading!)
and then you layer on even more oof with the funeral. i knew who was lying in the box, and yet it still hurts. fred's death definitely impacted me when i read the books all those years ago and this brought me right back into those feelings. and i can't imagine how the mc is feeling after losing their best friend -- and that last line is so, so powerful. i also really liked how you the mc sees tears as strength instead of weakness, but they don't feel strong at all because they lost someone so close and dear to them, and it's so tragic and heartbreaking and awful, but you do such an amazing job of pulling us into this moment and their feelings
fantastic first chapter, and congrats on all your progress with this story! happy holidays <3
Hi, Tanya.
I recall that I said something (perhaps in your Snowlodge thread) about reading your chapters in reverse order, and then deciding to read them the right way and write some more reviews. So here is a review for Chapter 2. :)
I see that the date stamp for the opening of this chapter is December 18, 1997. As I read on a little further, and see that Fred is extracting a promise from Josephine about something she will do by the time January 1, 1999, rolls around, here is this sinking feeling because I (and all the readers) know that by January 1, 1999, Fred will already be dead, and the promise will have died with him. Or will it?
I was amused by your comic advertisement for "Loud Mouth and the Mute!", as if Fred and Josephine could be a two-person comedy act that did public performances. That was a cute way of charcterizing how Josephine felt about their communication relationship. So Fred says he has come up with the perfect New Year's resolution for her -- to talk more, to people of all sorts.
When she protests, "I do talk," I had to smile because it reminded me of my brother's youngest child Anthony, who was a slow talker during his babyhood years. One day his mother said with a sigh, "Anthony, I wish you could talk," and to her great surprise he answered her, "I can talk." Just hadn't had a compelling reason to do it up until that moment, I guess. So Fred is going to give Josephine a compelling reason to talk, especially to the love of her life, George Weasley.
It was interesting that Fred makes New Year's resolutions for Jo. (People usually don't make other resolutions for other people.) Is he just teasing her, having fun at her expense? Manipuating her like a toy or a doll? As regards his previous promise to her, he will keep the letter of the law while violating the spirit of the law, trying to force her to dance to his tune. How does he justify this to himself? Maybe we will never find out.
You pique my curiosity with the references to Josephine's absent family. Why does she have no family? She says, "...a mother never cried for me." Now she has no more contact with her family, and says to the departed Fred, "I suppose we have that in common now." It looks as if Fred was her only real friend -- not her family, not other people whom she does not allow to get close to her, people she doesn't talk with. And now he's gone, the one person who cared for her, albeit in his joke-y way.
She says to herself, "I am so selfish..." as if the way she behaves is some sort of sin. Is that what she learned from her family -- 'never good enough'?
Her statement at the end of this chapter, "I wikl keep my promise," sounds like her resolve to keep some sort of connection with Fred, even though he's gone.
This is another informative, insightful chapter, with some forward movement for your heroine, though it won't be an easy road for her. (Did you notice that your chestnut tree in Chapter 1 has morphed into an oak tree in chapter 2? Or did Josephine hide behind 2 different trees?) :)
I am eager to see how much Josephine will change and grow over the course of this story. Good luck on getting yuor chapters written easily!
Vicki
okay this was amazingly written but i. am. not. okay.
my heart hurts for fred and for jo and for george and there are so many emotions packed into this chapter that i feel a lil choked up thinking back on it. i loved the banter at the start, fred's humor and how he managed to coax things out of jo that she definitely didn't want but are probably good for her but then all of that cute banter and friendship is just...gone and destroyed in the second part of the chapter and it *hurts*. it seems as if josephine is alone in the world and that hurts even more considering fred's death and i just rly want for her to find a way to feel better argh
kris
hi tanya! i started this story like..4 years ago back when i was starbuck and decided to start again bc your story behind continuing to write this story is just adorable af but anyhow i just wanted to say that this is a really cool and effective and powerful way to start the story and josephine feels so real and so sad and just ugh. i feel like the most powerful line is "but like i said, i deserve this" because it's ~~the hook of the story and i can't wait to find out mooore :eyes:
kris
THROWING WET SNOW!
A TERRIBLE PROMISE!!!!
That was a TERRIBLE IDEA, making Jo promise something like that. No one comes out of a war without guilt, and he just heaped a great amount of guilt on an already guilty girl HOW COULD HE DO SUCH A HORRIBLE THING?!?
But we all know Jo would feel guilty either way. It’s the survivor thing. She couldn’t save everyone, and Fred knows that, and he just wants the best for her heart and it hurts. Why are you so good at writing HURT???
I don’t know what I can tell you about this that I’ve already told you when I read it the first time, other than it flows so well and you hit all the things, and now I need a big hug, or at least I have to give a big hug to you because you can’t write stuff like this without feeling it too. So I guess I’ll immortalize my thoughts here.
This is heartbreaking. With a sliver of hope, but only a small sliver, like a tiny, microscopic thing that, if it ever grows, it might take an entire limb with it. So it’s a horrific kind of hope. How do you do that???
I WANT Jo to think of those boys as hers, because they are in a way, in her isolated bubble of a world. They’re the only thing she has, but she also realizes that their lives are so much larger than hers right now. But also, I wonder if Fred had survived, would Jo ever be able to open up to George? Because Fred speaks to her silence, and George… doesn’t know how to do that.
You already know how I feel about the :”Verity likes to fix broken things” line. I hate it. I also love it. It hits really hard, because knowing the premise of this story, I know where it’s going and I hate where it’s going, but that’s also your story, so I can’t hate it too much, but I do.
Ha. The kissing should have been an accident, but I know that’s not what you mean. I also hate the invisibility hats. I do have to stop here and point out that even though Jo is rubbish with simple spells, she has Mega Power in the parts of magic that she can wield, and I am wondering if we will get to see her master those abilities in this story, or if they are just a means for her getting through the battle the way she did. She’s got a whole bucket of confidence she needs to dump over herself. I just hope she gets there eventually.
“This pull of gravity towards people rather than push away”
Yes, it seems like she’s taking baby steps.
I also hate Mickey.
Pix
Hi, Tanya. Knowing the backstory of this story, I certainly want to read it. And knowing how courageously you are summoning up the willpower to just plow through the hard parts in order to reach the easier ones (kind of like what your heroine is doing) makes it all the more compelling to see what the result of your labor is/will be.
This introductory chapter captured my interest. Thank you for the date stamps on the scenes. They make it easier to get a good handle on the situation. Your technique of putting the two scenes out of date order really pricks my curiosity. Your heroine is overcome with misery in the first scene, which is only six months after the second scene. Now the second scene is bad enough, the funeral of the beloved Fred Weasley, so what could have happened in the ensuing six months that makes her so much unhappier?
Your first four lines sort of answer that question, but so vaguely and abstractly that we are still completely in the dark about what terrible thing she could have done, to deserve to be so miserable. She seems to be a nice, well-intentioned person. And she loved Fred Weasley, as don't we all? "My best friend." No one who loved Fred Weasley could be all bad, surely.
I like your description of her crying -- compelling but not maudlin or overdone. And I like that you had her pondering about the meaning of crying. It is always good to have some analysis in the characters' words and thoughts. They should be thoughtful people (at least in my opinion).
I will go on and read more. This is a very effective way to start your story.
And a Happy Christmas to you and your family!
Vicki
Hi, Tanya. Knowing the backstory of this story, I certainly want to read it. And knowing how courageously you are summoning up the willpower to just plow through the hard parts in order to reach the easier ones (kind of like what your heroine is doing) makes it all the more compelling to see what the result of your labor is/will be.
This introductory chapter captured my interest. Thank you for the date stamps on the scenes. They make it easier to get a good handle on the situation. Your technique of putting the two scenes out of date order really pricks my curiosity. Your heroine is overcome with misery in the first scene, which is only six months after the second scene. Now the second scene is bad enough, the funeral of the beloved Fred Weasley, so what could have happened in the ensuing six months that makes her so much unhappier?
Your first four lines sort of answer that question, but so vaguely and abstractly that we are still completely in the dark about what terrible thing she could have done, to deserve to be so miserable. She seems to be a nice, well-intentioned person. And she loved Fred Weasley, as don't we all? "My best friend." No one who loved Fred Weasley could be all bad, surely.
I like your description of her crying -- compelling but not maudlin or overdone. And I like that you had her pondering about the meaning of crying. It is always good to have some analysis in the characters' words and thoughts. They should be thoughtful people (at least in my opinion).
I will go on and read more. This is a very effective way to start your story.
And a Happy Christmas to you and your family!
Vicki
Back again!
So there is such a stark contrast between the previous chapter and this one. The humor is just as palpable as the grief. So you are very good at writing emotions with your characters.
I loved the slow reveal of what Jo was really thinking/feeling through this twisting/winding conversation between Fred and her. It was amusing as well as just a brilliant way to draw me in as a reader.
And ahh...the promises Fred kept and the ones Jo tried to...it makes the fact that he is gone all the more heartbreaking. And then the confession at the end...I can see how this confuses the family hah. But also, I think it shows that Jo's heart is also in the right place and what is about to unfold is truly just a misunderstanding. Which I think is absolutely important to establish given she's an OC.
I love her though and relate to her struggles with social anxiety. So you've created a totally likable character who deserves to have the goodness that The Weasleys so clearly know how to give.
Another excellent chapter, I'll have to come back whenever I have more time!
Enjoy your holidays!
<3 Courtney
Tanya, hi! Here for the winter exchange event and to leave you a couple of reviews and to hopefully inspire you to continue this story.
This opening is poignant and gripping! I felt the weight of Josephine's (I'm assuming she's our narrator :)) emotions in a very palpable way. There's also an air of mystery to this that makes us wonder about her connection to Fred. We make the assumption that he is her best friend, but clearly she is very affected so that must mean a lot to her.
Anyway, I'm intrigued and need to read on now!
Great intro chapter!
<3 Courtney
hi,
here for christmas gifting (and maybe some encouragement on your christmas quest?!)
I remember this story from wayyy back and it was a sensation! I'm so glad that I'm revisiting with the prospect of more to come! I thought this chapter was a brilliant start to your story. I think one thing that really strikes me is the time jumper between sections 1 and 2. It instantly creates a spark in the story. there are a lot of questions bubbling away for me to pick over. the hopelessly of the december sections: what's happened? is she being dramatic or is it really that bad? to name just a couple, you can really feel that sense of despair in the character's narrative.
I love that we really know nothing about this character yet eg. name, social/family status or appearance however she still has such a strong voice in this first chapter. i think a lot of her emotions and personality are already coming throughout the piece and packing an emotional punch for a character we don't really know yet. I think that shows such a strength in your writing which is exciting. I want to know her. I feel for her already.
the second section is just wonderful. these contrasting emotions between the ending of the war. you capture so brilliantly that sense of happiness people are feeling in the first couple of sentences then bam! it's ripped that idea away as our narrator is telling her side of the story. her grief feels so real and you use such strong and powerful imagery to get across the strength of her emotions. I think we found an important piece of information here. she's fred weasley's best friend which gives her a firm place with the potter universe. I feel taken in by the story.
I can see why your husband was so taken in by this story too. I'm only here for the first chapter but I can imagine the cliffhangers to come about whats happening. I think it's so brilliant that you've decided to try and finish this story for him and I wish you so much luck in doing so! merry christmas!
Abbi xx
Hey, I'm here for another galazy review, and feeling rather sad that this is the last available chapter :(
Well, Fred's Healing skills rank way below handsomeness, awesomeness, modesty and funny, I reckon. Good job Josephine ducked and the spell took a chunk out of the plasterwork instead, haha! But though Josephine is no fighter, her Healing skills will probably come in useful during the battle. And that's why she was there and George got to live.
I thought Percy was going to rumble the plan then, especially when Mr Weasley also voiced his doubts at the authenticity of Josephine being Fred's girlfriend. And actually, all the talking about Fred would have definitely done everyone good. The mango tree is an excellent idea. But I want to see Josephine and George together :/
Please let me know if you update this story because I'd definitely like to continue it.
Meera <3
Hi, I'm back with another galazy review :)
Josephine must have had an awful time trying to hold back teh concern at seeing George bandaged from the Death Eater attack. And Fred being so lovely made me completely melt <3 To Josephine, that shop is like a second home and the place she's guaranteed to be close to George (without having to resort to stalking). It's understandable she's so cut up about it.
But...pretending to be Fred's girlfriend just so that Molly could believe Fred had loved somebody before he died...that's one heck of a game to play. I mean, Fred DID love Josephine as a friend, and might have loved Angelina as a girlfriend? I can see this plan taking an enromous nosedive at some point :getspopcorn:
Meera <3
Hey, I'm back for another galazy review :)
Oh Fred! If your girlfriend dumped you, then she's not your girlfriend any more - she's just your friend, mate. And he obviously wanted to be upset in front of George, but Josephine's the only one there, and in Fred's usual indomitable fashion, he uses humour to cover up his anguish :/ But the reason for their break up is quite crazy (although, not gonna lie, if someone did that to me I'd kill them because I bloody hate clowns too), so there's hope of reconciliation. And through Josephine's lack of response, Fred makes up his mind to apologise to Angelina...
Yes, George, there are too many faecal products on the shelves of WWW. Faecal treacle nearly gave me a tea-over-keyboard moment. Which was a welcome bit of lightheartedness before the serious conversation about Fred's death, and the revelation that Josephine followed George ... because it's George she's loved for so long. And he can't see that at all :((
Another amazing chapter <3
Meera <3
Hi, I'm back for another galazy review!
OMG, Fred is almost insufferable in the first half of this chapter, but his insufferability does result in Josephine reacting and making conversation. 'Profanity pistol' is INSPIRED, haha! And the 'firework globe' sounds incredible AND it has Fred's voice. Amazing! Except it ceases to be amazing after Fred's funeral, because it keeps going whed Fred no longer can, and George...smashes it :((( Of course he's not okay, but what else can Josephine ask to fill this awful silence?
You are simultaneously breaking my heart and killing me with laughter with this story <3
Meera <3
Hi again! I'm back for a galazy review :)
Ooh, we're going back a little further in time, probably to when it all kind of started, right? Yeah, that's definitely slightly stalkerish of Josephine but hey, I'm here for it!! Not the way to get over her huge crush on George though; by being in close proximity it will only make everything much worse. That's got to be the funniest interview going and unfortunately (or fortunately?) Josephine has unintentionally outed herself to Fred. AND HE KNOWS!! He knows why Josephine's here and he's milking it for all he's worth, the devil!!
I feel sad that the business stopped the day that Fred died, but I'm hoping that it will start up again in time?
Meera <3
Hi, I'm here with a galazy review for you! After reading the first chapter, I was hooked and had to read on <3
Gosh, Jo and Fred's friendship was on another level :( I love Jo's internal monologue filling in the gaps and making up little scenarios like the comedy show, haha! And she's in love with George. Oh :'( And, of course, Fred isn't going to let that go; he's determined that she's going to tell George how she feels. There's even a timer on it - I wanna know whether she did or didn't and what Fred did in response? And now, in the present, she's finally getting to say goodbye to Fred. The switch between the past and present is so effective in giving us the history whilst telling the story at the same time. Loving this story so far.
Meera <3
Hi, I'm here with a galazy review for you!
Oh my, what an ominous start - immediately, I want to know what the protagonist has been lying about for the last few months and how it's got them to this point in the story where they're crying and bitter, and in some twisted way, are blaming themselves entirely. And then we're whisked back to seven and a half months earlier, not long after the Battle of Hogwarts, and she's saying goodbye to her best friend. Fred Weasley :((( I'm very intrigued as to what happens next!! You've really drawn me in with this first chapter...
Meera <3
Actually, make that two more for now. ;) Last one for today, though.
Wow, what a kick in the feels! You managed to pack a massive amount of emotion into one chapter, and you did it without sacrificing anything about the way you write your main character. You never give in and have her scream and yell and spill out all of her roiling emotions. Yet she manages to express so much without saying anything at all. It takes a crazy amount of talent to do what you're doing here.
I absolutely love the way you wrote Fred's "confession" to Josephine. The two of them balance each other out so brilliantly. She speaks a word or two at a time and he's infected with permanent verbal diarrhea. I should state for the record that he's extremely lucky that Angelina didn't fling him off of a tall building for that little stunt with the teddy bear. But it's such a Fred thing to do. The twins are pretty tone deaf when it comes to the possibility -- nee likelihood -- that other people won't find their pranks all that amusing. I love the fact that Angelina is able to frustrate Fred so. For starters, I think he <i>needs</i> some of that in his life. Someone he finds as infuriating as other people might find him. It's very humanizing.
Before I get into the heavy material in the second scene, I have to say how much I <i>LOVED</i> the mis-transcriptions you created for the Quick Quotes Quill. Those were hilarious! Especially the long array of poo-related ones.
Both George and Josephine go through a lot of stages of grief in this. Starting from George's accidental near-mention of Fred's role as Chief Supply Orderer, the conversation spirals into a lot of dark, difficult territory. I love the fact that you weren't afraid to explore some of George's less logical reactions. The fact that he's still angry at anything and anyone that might have done something different to prevent Fred's death. And Josephine's reactions to his emotions are spot on, even if she can't find the words for them. To wit:
<i>It's okay to miss him. You're allowed to miss him. You're allowed to be sad, to be angry, to break snow globes; to be anything you need to be because you miss him. I miss him, too. You are not alone. I love you.
No, not that one.</i>
Oh, you know I wasn't leaving out those last four words. ;)
George's thoughts on his mother rang perfectly true to me. She's hurting every bit as much as he is. So much so that she can't see how her grief is spilling over onto him. It isn't anyone's fault, per se, but it's clear why George would want some space.
<i>The moment the door clicks shut behind him my head falls heavy into my hands, and I, as quietly as can be managed, fall apart.</i> -- A perfect ending line to this heavy, emotional chapter.
Beautiful job and congratulations on reaching the 200 review mark. It's very well deserved for this amazing story!
One more for now, but it's good to move reviews to a happier place!
Fred is a special kind of annoying. And Josephine is a special kind of stubborn. I don't want either one of those statements to come off as cheap and flip. Fred is literally impossible to ignore if he's decided that he wants your attention. And Josephine has that special type of stubbornness born out of a paralyzing fear of doing or saying something if it might be the wrong thing. We're in "irresistible force vs. immovable object" territory here. It's nice to see that irresistible force won.
The snow globe was such a cool idea! Honestly, it was cool enough for me <i>before</i> it started talking. That was like extra decoration on a cake that was already iced.
<i>Utter, utter git.</i> -- But it works, because the git gets the girl. Ha! I slay me.
And then we move on to the sad half of the chapter. :-|
You did a really great job of writing it with an awkward, claustrophobic feel, like the world was collapsing around Josephine and George and -- at least from her point of view -- everyone else in the shop. It seemed painful for both of them. When George throws in the towel at closing time, it's pretty obvious that he's done enough "recovering" for one day.
Fred's voice in her mind, urging her on to try to help George recover, was a good plot device. It really doesn't matter whether it's real or just in her head. (Obligatory: why should that make it any less real?) The imperative is there to try to ease George's pain.
I really love the way you paced the scene in the back room of the store. I have to imagine that you're always tempted to have Josephine move a little faster, to have her step a bit out of character and rush to George's side. But you resist the urge and keep her true to form and I really appreciate that.
Your writing was beautiful in this. I couldn't see a thing wrong with it. In fact, from now on, if I don't say otherwise, just assume your writing was brilliant. ;)
Great job! I shall return soon, but probably not soon enough to keep someone else from scooping review #200. :-/
Super-long review, finally making its way to its new home!
Hi, Tanya! I'm back again, taking in some more Josephine.
One thing that makes this story tough to review -- and please don't take this as a bad thing; it's anything but -- is the fact that there are <i>so many things</i> I want to comment on. You do such an awesome job with Josephine's inner voice, her observations, her expressions and her unspoken responses to things... it's overwhelming at times as a reviewer. I want to point it all out, say how much I enjoyed it. But if I did, the review would be nearly as long as the chapter itself. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it frustrates me in the best possible way.
Anyway, let's move on to the substance. I think you've created the best and worst job interview ever. There's just no in-between here. The experience careens back and forth between amazing and awful, spending plenty of time at both extremes. It all starts with the help wanted flyer, which was classic Fred and George.
Josephine's motivations for interviewing are sad and kind of sweet at the same time. You can't help but feel bad for the girl, even if you're also a bit frustrated with her. She's the perfect wallflower, living a life of unrequited devotion to a person who doesn't seem to realize she exists. I don't know whether to hug her or shake her, possibly both.
Fred gets the interview off to a roaring start, sneaking the whoopee cushion in on her. Their reactions are perfect, as well. She's mortified, desperate for him to know that it wasn't her, which sends him over the edge into a debilitating fit of laughter. She's so far outside of her comfort zone she can barely stand it and he's so deep in his own comfort zone that he doesn't feel an ounce of restraint.
<i>"Five Galleons each: a steal!"</i> -- A showman and a salesman! Fred is perfect.
I loved the interview questions. I really need to remember some of those for the next time I have to interview somebody at work. Especially the fruit one.
<i>I feel a pang of envy at his level of comfort and can't help but wish that his continuously carefree attitude would have rubbed off on me after all this time of observation.</i> -- This one line kind of summed up the entire interview experience for me. As a reader, I just keep hoping that somehow the twin's carefree attitude is going to start to infect her, but I'm fairly sure that isn't going to happen.
Wow. Josephine's one shining moment of the chapter came when she laid out her pitch to manage the shop's finances. She sounds so put together and polished in this one section. She probably rehearsed the words a thousand times in her mind, but for that one golden moment she was more than just wallflower Josephine. I wanted to cheer for her.
But it all ends so quickly. Fred is a pretty sharp judge of character, or at least his survival instincts have taught him how to sniff out a situation where things don't quite add up. There's one missing piece to Josephine's story, one gap. And then he walks through the door...
Josephine's response was about as far from elegant as you can get, but it was perfectly in character. Again, Fred is on to her. He puts the pieces together and hurries George out of the room. And then he's got her!
<i>This time I do run. Without another word, I make a break for the door.</i> -- Aww, poor Josephine! I feel terrible for her, but not terrible enough to want to see her get away. At least not yet.
<i>"Wow, that's... You must really, really like him. It's actually kind of sweet. But mostly stalkerish."</i> -- Well, Fred said it, I didn't. Not that I completely disagree.
Fred's proposition is, literally, too good for her to turn down. I'm amazed and somewhat in awe of the lengths he's willing to go to in order to be constantly entertained by her discomfort. Not that there's <i>nothing else</i> in it for him, obviously. Her business plan sounds quite brilliant and he might have found a girlfriend -- thinking long term here. Stalker, in the short run -- for his twin. What's not to like if you're Fred? But he puts so much effort into convincing her to take the job.
Ouch. Now back to reality. Back to the present day when Fred is laid to rest in a box. That phrase hits me every time, the sobering finality of it. I love your thought that Fred and George never gave up on their business, even when they were forced into hiding. They're so irrepressible, and they knew how much people needed laughter to keep going. I also think it was a testament to the spirit of the magical community in the aftermath of the war that they were so far from correct about how the grand reopening of the store was received.
I really, really enjoy reading this story, no matter now much Josephine frustrates me. And I suspect she'll frustrate me a lot more before it's all said and done. It seems that there are turbulent times ahead. Great job!
Hi, Tanya! Another review makes the leap...
Hi, Tanya!
The first section sounds so much like Fred. He's always one to want to spread the joy, but do it in his own, distinctive way. I love the way that he uses his sense of humor to keep Josephine off her guard. She probably should have seen it coming, but it's hard when he's being so disarming. He lures her in with all of his faux flirting and endless kidding around. Then, he switches gears and gets serious on her for a moment. He lets some genuine concern show through, which pushes her even farther out of her carefully constructed comfort zone of denial. Then he goes for the kill...
We got to see a little more of Josephine in this chapter, and I found myself feeling optimistic for her and horribly sorry for her at different points in the chapter. What on earth happened to his poor girl? She's alluded a couple of times to having nobody aside from Fred. I'm guessing that means she's an orphan, or at least estranged from her family. With the war raging, it isn't hard to imagine how either situation would come to pass. Whatever happened, she seems to lack any sort of self-confidence. Fred is able to pry her out of her shell, but only by relentlessly being himself.
It's a shame, because she's obviously a clever person. I love her inner monologue. You did a fantastic job with that. I think she speaks a grand total of three words to Fred, but the section still felt really engaging because her thoughts were so amusing.
<i>Fred Weasley is lying in a box.</i> -- I can see why you kept coming back to this. It's such a powerful statement, with its devastating simplicity.
The pictures were just heart-breaking. Great choices.
<i>Quicker than before I approach the casket, alone with Fred again. With one hand on the tomb I fix my eyes on the portrait of Fred.
“I will keep my promise.”</i> -- I really wish that she will. Although based on the story summary and all that I've read so far, I have the feeling that something is going to go terribly wrong in the trying.
Great chapter! I'll be back soon...
Hi, Tanya! I'm moving some reviews from the old place to their forever home!
Tanya! How have I never seen this before? You have a story set in my favorite era (post-war) to read. You certainly have a compelling plot idea and a lead character who seems to be living the horror of Fred's death from the periphery. Again, <i>HOW</i> have I never seen this?
You set a very stark tone from the outset. Six months after the end of the war -- six months after Fred's death -- she's completely alone. It seems pretty obvious that she's done something terrible. Or at least she thinks it was terrible. But what?
The section that flashes back to the funeral was also beautifully done. This is my favorite type of first chapter to read. You don't bother introducing anyone or anything. All of that name, rank and serial number crap can come later. Instead, you pulled me right into the gut-wrenching emotions of the story. It didn't matter so much whose funeral she was attending or who she was, because I could relate to exactly what she was feeling. I've read a dozen or more different authors' versions of Fred's funeral over the years. I didn't need you to tell me who was there or how anyone was dressed or how devastated George looked or what anyone had to say. All of those emotions are inside. You just set the scene from the perspective of someone who feels like an unworthy outsider and that was the context I needed right there. Brilliant!
I'm really looking forward to reading more! Great job!
I absolutely ADORE this story! Please, please, please tell me you're going to finish it! (I've been following since you first posted it on harrypotterfanfiction.com)
Author's Response:This is so incredible to hear that you followed me over from HPFF! I'm absolutely blown away by that information! Thank you so much! And I promise I plan to finish the story! I've actually made a decent amount of progress on the next chapter these past few weeks, so fingers crossed chapter eight is up soon! Thank you again for your continued support, and for leaving this lovely review!
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