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House Cup 2014 Review!
Hi Rose, I thought I use this challenge to finish off this fab story!
I really loved the first section and how it showed us what Remus was up to all. It had such a serious tone with the way it was describing him being on a mission up north and then this line came along ?ÇÿThe last time Sirius and Remus met face-to-face there had been physical blow, not between the former lovers but between James and Sirius.?ÇÖ And I couldn?ÇÖt help but laugh as it just the way it was written and just described the Marauders perfectly.
The flashback was really interesting for several reasons. The first being the hints of suspicion developing against Remus as James hadn?ÇÖt heard from him in a while but Remus had been with Death Eaters so that was a cool link. Then secondly, it just made me have an intense dislike for Sirius because he was just so annoying and horrible and an M word I can?ÇÖt say when he was talking about Marlene, doesn?ÇÖt he care about Remus?ÇÖ feelings at all? Gah, I just want to hit him so badly right now.
No! Rose you are too cruel, I cannot deal with what you just did, poor, poor Remus! He really has a tough life. But I have to admire your genius for making Sirius?ÇÖs sort of lovers the people who Voldemort kills so it ties in with Remus being a DE suspect, that was very cool, but yeah, I?ÇÖm not looking forward to the next chapter now.
-Kiana
Author's Response: Kiana!!!
This was my first HC review and it made me so happy. Not just because it was a HC review but because you decided to come by my AP!!
I doubt you'll be surprised but this was my favorite chapter to write. I loved the blow-up, the fight, and the momentary riff between Sirius and James.
The flashback was difficult because it touched on all those things. I couldn't believe that James would just go on not trusting Remus but maybe he'd be inclined to trust Sirius' mistrust. SIRIUS NEEDED HIS HEAD EXAMINED IN THIS CHAPTER! *cough* I wanted to hit him also. Which could be why James hit him.
*hides* I'm glad you see the evil through the feels. I dunno, I needed it to be more than ""Remus is a werewolf and therefore untrustworthy.""
Thank you so much for one of many wonderful reviews!!!
-Rose
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I hope you forgive me for not reviewing the third chapter but I just had to fast forward and see if there was a reconciliation between Remus and Sirius after the betrayal - my heart still hurts a little, and I was really worried this chapter would be about Sirius's death (I'm so glad it isn't, by the way, I don't think I could handle that much emotion in one sitting)
I really loved this chapter, though - not least because you gave my shipper heart some hope again. This whole scene was just perfectly handled - Sirius just casually dropping by, the way their familiarity and knowledge of each other comes through despite all the tension and all the painful history between them, and Remus's reluctance to dive headfirst back into a relationship. It's one thing I've noticed about your characters - they don't go running back to things that have hurt them at the slightest hint of reconciliation, and it's really refreshing to see Remus taking his time, not making any promises. A fantastic story all around, wonderfully bittersweet, and thank you for writing this!
Author's Response: I know I'm responding out of order but I couldn't help it. I dont' blame you for skipping straight to this one. I almost didn't write this epilogue but thought people would need a ray of hope after reading their betrayal chapter. I wanted this chapter to set up their relationship during OotP and HBP which I write about in other stories (as friends, not more than that).
I'm so happy you liked this chapter!! I wanted it to feel like their old friendship but not quite the old relationship. My Remus is very hesitant to love. I just can't let my characters jump into a bed of thorns because they see a rose in the middle. (wow - that got poetic) Yay!!! I'm really thrilled you enjoyed this little story!! :D
Thank you for the awesome review!
-Rose
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Hi! Here for the review swap you offered!
I keep meaning to come back to this story - I had every intention of continuing when I read the first chapter, and I'm glad you offered the swap so I could! As I mentioned before, Remus and Sirius is my ultimate OTP and you've presented them exactly how I've always imagined them during the war - in a long-term relationship, but kept relatively quiet - and, of course, fighting in the war. Your characterisation of both is spot on, and I really like your Sirius here, especially his approach to missions and that recklessness which is evident even years later after he escapes from Azkaban. The dynamic with the Marauders is great as well - the subtle digs and innuendos they trade amongst each other really brings them to life and illustrates their friendship perfectly.
And as for the story itself - whoa, I did not see that last bit coming - though having said that, you did set up the moment quite well with little hints that their relationship is in trouble. Something tells me the next chapter is going to be heartbreaking (then again, isn't all Wolfstar?) But brilliant job here, as always!
Author's Response: Whoo! I'm happy you came back to this. :D Before writing this I hadn't tried to put Sirius/Remus together but now I ship them (at least as far as it doesn't contradict canon). ;)
I like to think that their close friends (and people who saw them socially) knew they were a couple but a new person might not know or pick up on it. If I were doing a novel I'd probably hash that out a little more. I can't tell you how excited I am that you liked their friendships and that whole group of people. They're a fun bunch to write. :D
The song that this is based on is what led me to a dramatic, unexpected ending like that for each chapter. It was kind of fun to walk through the hints and then hit people with the kiss.
You're right about the next chapter. :P And I'm not sorry. Thank you so much for a lovely review! I'm so happy you enjoyed this!
-Rose
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Hello! I'm here for the BvB Review Battle!
Okay, I remember reviewing chapter one of this story a while back, so now I'm back for chapter two... I must say, I never really liked the idea of Remus/Sirius before, but your first chapter intrigued me and now this chapter made me like them. :D They're so darn cute--well, as cute as they can be, considering the circumstances.
Sirius is obviously the reckless one of the relationship, risking his life and safety while Remus follows behind, cleaning up his mess. It's a good thing that Death Eaters like dogs, otherwise poor Snuffles might have snuffed it, so to speak...
Hahahaha, the pants!! That's TOO much! I can picture poor Remus totally blushing, but secretly really enjoying it, hehehe.
But alas! Love has a way of going awry, and it certainly went awry for good ol' WolfStar. And with Fabian Prewett, too... I wonder what Gideon and Molly will think, and how they'll handle his tryst with Sirius. I would like to imagine that they aren't too thrilled that he helped break Sirius and Remus apart...
Great second chapter! I hope I can come back for three and four some time! :D
~UnluckyStar57
Author's Response: Remus/Sirius isn't everyone's cup of tea. I'm really happy this made you like them together and that they're cute. :D
haha, yeah, it's hard not to have Sirius as the rambunctious person in this relationship. I thought it was important to highlight that evil people can be dog people too. :P
I couldn't help but including the pants. The pants were too laugh-worthy. He was totally enjoying it but had to keep up appearances, you know.
I did kind of kill Wolfstar there. :-/ I don't know how much Gideon knew about his tryst and I doubt he'd tell Molly. One because she wasn't very involved in Order stuff for the first war and two because, well, no one would discuss that with their sister.
Thank you so much for such an awesome review!
-Rose
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Rose! You didn't make me cry! :D
Oh, this was so sweet with a bitter under taste of sadness for James and Lily and Sirius in Azkaban, but I'm very happy!
I'm glad the two of them sorted everything out and even though Remus decided not to try being together again, I think his reasons are sound and to be honest, I don't believe Sirius deserves another chance, even after his stint in Azkaban. It's good to see that Remus kind of thinks like that too.
Well, at least they're friends, right? I think this was a really great ending note and you did amazing at making me slightly less sad! It also coincides almost perfectly with what I imagined being in the prequel to your two other Remus/Tonks stories (which I still need to review - oops), if there was a wolf-star, so yay for that!
Great job Rose, this is a great story!
Lo :)
Author's Response: Yes! Your smiley face is back :D
I wanted to end this with something a little less depressing than the previous chapter.
If Tonks/Remus weren't canon, I might have let them get back together. I love Ronks enough to where I'm not upset that they stayed just friends after this.
Being friends again is a wonderful step for them after all they went through! I'm glad it's slightly less sad now! I did end this so it could lead into my Remus/Tonks stories.
Thanks you for the wonderful reviews on this story!
-Rose
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Ah! Rose! You were too mean!
Goodness the start was sad, Remus being secluded, and then everything kind of got better at the meeting, but then Marlene, ugh!
I don't like her. Not that I'm glad that she was murdered in HP, but I think I'd be okay with it in this scenario. Sirius is a right... let's say dog. I can't stand him and I usually love Sirius. And for him to say that to Remus? I'm glad James reacted how he did.
It's sad to see that Sirius thought everything was happening because of his and Remus's failed relationship. He's very conceited and I think he needs a good thwack on the head. For him to be telling others that nonsense is horrible, although I guess it does lie true with canon somewhat.
Ugh, Rose you're too mean. I'm so sad! I'm going to go read the last chapter. Hopefully I don't cry.
Lo (note I don't have a smiley face)
Author's Response: :( :( I'm sorry! I did feel horrible writing this chapter (wonderful but horrible). I can't really blame Marlene for Sirius' actions.
haha, I get what you mean about being okay that she dies here. I don't think she was the only thing stopping Sirius and remus from getting back together - they had too much unresolved angst between them to really get sorted out. They'd have to apologize and admit they were wrong. :-/
It is a very conceited line of thought that brought him to that conclusion but in his mind Remus has a reason to want to get back at those people.
I'm sorry for being so mean. The next chapter isn't as horrible. Oh no! I made you forget the smiley face. :(
Thank you for a rad review!
-Rose
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Review swap! Also, I realized I never reviewed for the challenge (I didn't finish anyways), so I'll review the next two chapters as well for being so late.
Ah! Rose, what did you do? It was all cute and romanticy and sweet and although I'm not one for wolf-star, I really do love this story, and the start was magnificent and it was so cool to see them doing Order stuff, but ohmigoodness the ending, I'm just gonna start at the start, okay?
It was really cool to see Remus and Sirius going about auror business and Remus's quick thinking really translated well to the character that Rowling wrote, so kudos on that! Sirius seemed true to 'self' as well, what with his antics about the pants, and that part was quite funny!
The fact that Remus still didn't sleep in the same bed as Sirius made me a little sad, although because of his uh shyness (?) around those he has feelings for due to his affliction, it seems reasonable. I was hoping for him to settle that by the end of the chapter...
Ohmigoodness, James and Lily wedding? I wish there could have been more detail on that front because Jily is awesome, but its understandable because this unfortunately isn't about them and their wedding ( :( ) but yay!
Ugh, the ending makes me so mad and ugh! Sirius! Why would you do that? I'm not happy with him. At all. UGH!
Okay, great job, I'm going to go read the next chapter and hopefully be happier.
Lo :)
Author's Response: Hi Lo!!!
You're too sweet. :) I just thought you were busy with school (or got bored with my story :P)
I... broke wolfstar... I'M SORRY BUT IT WAS THE THEME I HAD GOING WHERE IT WOULD START OFF WITH LUV THEN GET ALL HEART-BREAKY.
I'm really glad you liked their little death eater adventure. It was fun to write Sirius being all fun and care-free.
Given all the relationship baggage Remus has with Tonks, I thought that he would have always been like that (not that it makes it okay but at least it's a pattern). He was planning on settling it. :-/ Sirius just kind of ruined it.
I was worried that it would be a distraction to go into detail on their wedding.
Sirius was needy and remus wasn't meeting his emotional yearnings so he displaced onto Fabian.
...why would you expect it to get happier? :P Next chapter is all sad and :-/
Thank you for a wonderful review!!
-Rose
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Howdy! Dropping by to fill your request from my review thread! Since you (I think) asked for a cumulative review, that's what I've gone with here, focused on the areas you mentioned.
Re: the arc, I think it seemed mostly justified (aside from the aberrations that you said were already pointed out). The only big picture thing I would add that seemed a bit questionable given the time period was the open acceptance of the male/male relationship. Obviously, homosexuality was still very taboo during this time period in the Muggle world (perhaps wizards are more enlightened about that?), but Sirius and Remus's openness threw me a bit.
In terms of trajectory, I thought the first chapter was probably the strongest. The nervousness was well-written and you didn't leap straight to the new level of intimacy too soon. The emotions and reactions felt at their most natural there. As you went on, things progressed more quickly and it seemed that trying to write the emotions in particular suffered a bit from needing to be woven in to the greater narrative of the war itself.
The final chapter (by which I'm assuming you meant the epilogue), did feel a bit flat for me. If you are looking to edit it in particular, my thought would be to really plumb the emotions as you did so well in the first chapter and continued to work at in the other chapters. The dialogue alone was not enough to convince me and I didn't feel Lupin's almost tired resignation (which seemed like what you were aiming at) or Sirius's hope then disappointment as much as I thought I could have. Some of that could be remedied by injecting stronger, more evocative language and bulking up descriptions of demeanors in particular, but also settings/conditions to convey mood here and in earlier chapters.
I thought it was a solid piece, especially for a rather bold choice (though I know Sirius/Remus has a name - Wolfstar or something right?) of pairing. You definitely have the foundations all there and I really liked the idea for the title matching the structure and the arc of a relationship we knew going in was destined to fail too, so kudos on that!
I hope this review helped and if you have any additional questions, feel free to PM me!
Author's Response: Hello!!
Thank you so much for 1. having a review thread and 2. leaving such a wonderfully helpful review.
I might PM you about this but I was concerned that Sirius' cheating with Fabian felt too unfounded. I wanted it to be shocking for the reader but for it to also make sense upon reflection. I debated whether their relationship would be hidden. I have two reasons I made it an out of the closet relationship:
1. In a longer novel I might have kept them secretive for a while but eventually their friends would catch on. I thought adding that element into such an abrupt story line would muddle the story flow (or add in unnecessary context). I'd also like to think that the wizarding community is a bit more accepting of people. Mainstream culture wasn't very accepting of homosexuality in the 70's and 80's but quite a few sub-cultures were.
2. I have two slash stories where a good part of the relationship is kept hidden from other people. I didn't want to make it the way I told slash stories or let there be some overarching message about gay people always being in the closet.
I can see how weaving in the war narrative negatively impacted the emotional journey of Remus and Sirius through this. I'll have to consider how to approach that in an edit. What's a bit difficult with this is that I do let 2 years slide between each act - not allowing the reader to experience what the characters go through and how they grow. It's just the next chapter and suddenly they're different.
Your suggestions on the last chapter are extremely helpful - I have a few ideas about how to pump in more of that emotional momentum from the previous chapters. The last chapter was quite an afterthought as I had planned on ending it with Act 3. I'm also a bit guilty of banking on some of the readers having read the story that follows this (chronologically, not in the order I wrote it).
It means quite a lot to hear that this was a solid piece. I do tend to poke at unusual pairs and forget that Wolfstar is a bit unusual for people to read. I'm really glad you liked the themed titles as well - sometimes it's fun to play with peripheral aspects of a story like this.
Your reivew has been extremely helpful! Thank you very much for taking the time and giving insightful feedback.
-Rose
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Hey! Here for our swap, I'm sorry that it took me so long!
I loved this chapter. It was incredibly well written, and every time I went to reread it (I've attempted this review a few times now), I saw something different that I liked.
I particularly loved the paragraph that started with ""Silence fell between them"".
Throughout this entire chapter, you manage to give background information without it seeming like I'm being caught up. I don't know if that makes sense... you weave information very well into the narrative.
I loved the introduction, with the playful barking and Remus seeming genuinely happy to see him. Then the line about Sirius walking in as if he was always around... it was nice to see them falling back into friendship, at least a little.
Another great touch was that Remus knew what would bring Sirius out of hiding. It only took him a moment to figure out his motives.
Likewise, when Sirius sensed Remus' guilt, he knew the reasons and immediately tried to make him feel a little less self-loathing.
I also loved that you ended it with laughter. This was a great ending! You've still got a huge amount of sadness, not only leftover from Act 3, but from knowing what's going to happen eventually (tear). You put in this hint of hope and happiness, which I really love.
I think that your choice to include this epilogue was absolutely the right choice. It really tied together the whole story.
Really well done!
Author's Response: Georgia!!
I'm so happy you liked this chapter!! It was hard to change the tone after the first three chapters.
ooh, that chapter was a challenge to get out right. :D It's great that the challenge paid off!!
Yay - I wanted to catch people up on their lives without being all Ben stein about it.
I think the joy of just being around each other again washed away a bit of awkwardness - at least at first.
Remus is smart - I didn't want him to be spoon-fed information. Sirius has seen the Remus guilt-train all too often to know when to head it off. I was really just using their relationship from Epitah/HIKML and made it a slightly awkward.
They *had* to end with laughter - otherwise it would just be as sad as the last chapter (maybe slightly less sad). After writing Act 3, *I* really needed to have them end on a high note too.
I'm really glad you liked the ending - versus leaving it with the sad, doom and gloom, ending.
Thank you for a wonderful review!!
-Rose
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Hi Rose!
Here for the review swap. I think you have another fantastic story here. I really like the four marauders together and you did a really excellent job characterizing each one. Remus is shy, Peter is nervous, James is clueless and Sirius is confident and daring.
I loved the little magical touches - like the wall of water that was transfigured in to a dog (or werewolf) and the Salem School of Motors (I laughed out loud at that one!) You have a knack for making a good story great by adding these in all the right places.
The way you brought the main part of the story along slowly was also very well done. It didn't feel rushed, but you got to the point that you needed to by the end of the first chapter. At the same time, you managed to convey what each boy was thinking along the way to their initial kiss. The nervousness and desire was evident but not overdone.
I really liked the quote at the very beginning. I thought it was the perfect way to set up and explain the story.
Thanks for the review swap!
~Beth
Author's Response: Hi Beth!!
Ooh, I'm happy you picked this story! I really like writing about the Marauders and this felt like a good piece to do. :D I'm glad they were well characterized - espcially as so many of the stories about them are a bit cliche.
It's always so exciting when people notice and like the stuff I throw in like that. The Salem School of Motors made me giggle a bit when I wrote it. :D
Yay! I was worried about the pacing in this chapter. Well, all of them actually. It's a fast-paced story. I'm really glad the narrative voices omniprecense worked out well - I thought it might be too jumpy.
The bit at the beginning took a bit of thought to write out. I'm so happy you liked it!!
Thank you so much for a great review!
-Rose
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Hi Rose!
Ahaha, where to start? I loved how Sirius was all cocky and thought he was going to be amazing in his disguise as a dog when it sort of failed :P I think the fact Remus called him Snuffles was a big downer on it, and then when he threatened to put a leash on him I could just hear Sirius go hell to the no! I almost wish he had a collar on him now. Also, I never thought I would see a Death Eater coo, so thank you for making that happen!
Aw, all the Wolfstar moments were so cute and adorable, I loved them all! There were all those secret kisses throughout and each one wanted to make me squee as they were just so perfect. Then when they were in Madam Malkins and Sirius had picked out that outfit for Remus I just wanted to laugh so much because of course Sirius would pick out sexy pants and think they were acceptable for a wedding! Plus, the bit at the end was just like intense feels time!
Woah so much happened! Whoo, I loved how their relationship was open and everyone knew about it as I so rarely see that with those two and I loved that and it was so cute. Gah, stupid Marlene, I had a whole paragraph of abuse aimed at her, but then it all had to be wiped out, but gah, she still is stupid and caused a potential rift between the two of them.
Aw, the scene in the bed was so sweet and I was just like they?ÇÖre perfect for one another until the next day happened. I don?ÇÖt even know what to say other than plot twist or what? I never saw Fabian coming, how could Sirius do that? Seriously, if I was there, there wouldn?ÇÖt be much of him left because anyone who messes with Remus messes with me.
I spotted one tiny typo here ?Çô ?ÇÿGibbon say, ?Ç£We got better things to do than chase done a mudblood and his dog?ÇÖ as I think it?ÇÖs down not done, but other than that this was a great chapter! :D
-Kiana
Author's Response: KIANA!!
Okay, wow, this review was awesome. Sirius was totally Mr. ""whut, I got this"" until his idea just crashed all around him. haha, I had to throw Snuffles in there - I almost made up a new name but then I remembered Snuffles. He was almost Padric. haha, making the death eater coo and having them go all gaga over a dog was fun. Pets can be a huge connector - so in some ways, Sirius' hairbrained idea did work.
This was my chapter with all the wolfstar feels and romance. :D I'm really really happy that the kisses and romantic parts got you to squee. haha, the sexy pants were impossible not to write it. I must have a thing for Remus and sexy pants - there was a pair in HIKML that Sirius made him try on (now I can say that it was *this* pair of pants).
It's interesting that you say that, a few people have also commented on how often Wolfstar is a hidden relationship. I dunno, I thought about doing that but I could only see them keeping it under wraps for a month, maybe two and I'm not writing a novel about them. Also, I had a few secret gay relationships in my other stories and didn't want to make it my default setting. ha, I'd love to read your abuse of Marlene some time. :P
No one sees Fabian coming. I thought about hinting at it but I thought distracting everyone with Marlene was better. In Sirius' defence, he was looking for a bit more emotional affection from Remus and didn't feel he was getting his needs met with Mr. Sleeps in a different bed. And, you know, Fabian was cute and all...
eep! Thanks for catching that for me!
Thank you so much for doing a review swap and for such an awesome review!
-Rose
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I'm here now!
This chapter. Rose. You're killing me. James and Sirius being angry and fighting was so sad, and everything is sad and why? Why. Why.
And then... wow. Okay. The end. Seriously? I was expecting Sirius to be betraying Remus, and then the epilogue to be Remus finding out that he was wrong. But you just had to twist it around and make it that much more awful.
The first little hint, when Sirius questions him about where he's transforming... ah! No! No. No. I refuse. I write werewolves and I feel like Sirius is offending my characters and I want to jump to their defense, because by this point a number of my characters are probably working for Voldemort, but that goes beyond my story, and Sirius just needs to lighten up!
And I'm sad that the cheating wasn't a one time thing. It's so sad!! And disappointing. Bad Padfoot, bad!
This review is a little bit all over the place, me just being sad and angry with these guys and getting defensive of the werewolf community.
To answer the question posed in your A/N... yes. Too mean. Always too mean. But I can't get mad at you...
Great chapter!
Author's Response: Yay!!!
I didn't like showing James and Sirius fight but it was important to me that James not let Sirius be a jerk like that. And that Remus have a reason to tell Harry ""your father would have considered it the height of dishonor to mistrust a friend."" The fighting was supposed to be sad :-/ I just didn't think it was *that* sad.
Ah, I'm sorry/not sorry that it was worse than you thought it'd be. I did think it would be angsty to read.
I think the werewolf comment is a sign of just how far Sirius mistrusts Remus at this point. he thinks that Remus was involved in so many deaths, why not think he could do that as well? though, they way you've worked in the forced proximity to humans in ABOG, I could see how that's harder to address.
The multi-time cheating was... yeah. not cool. Sirius just wasn't getting the emotional lub he needed from Remus and was looking for attention in all the wrong places.
I'm glad you're not mad at me!! :D
Thank you for another wonderful review. oh, and I do have to blame the song you gave me for how this chapter was - the end of that song was super angsty and dramatic. :P
-Rose
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Aw, I'm glad you added this epilogue! There's a part of me that wants a bit more (Thickening the plot with Tonks!!) but still, I think you ended it nicely. I also think you chose a good point in time to fast forward to. There's still traces of sadness here, but enough time has elapsed (and Potter-filled adventures/drama) that they can let bygones be bygones. Hooray for a story well done! :)
Author's Response: Hello!!! I thought the story needed a bit of a better ending than them hating each other. I didn't want to muddle the story with Tonks. Thank you so much for reviewing this!!
-Rose
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Hello!
Let me wander dangerously into the land of a normal reviewer for a moment (but only a moment). I love the slightly contrasting moods between the last chapter and this chapter. This chapter, though still early in the stages of the second war, was much lighter. I mean, there's the uncomfortable air that surrounds the two, when they need to 'talk', and there is that looming war...but something's, well, different.
Anyhow. Yay, it's not sad!
The first step to rebuilding their friendship has been made, which could possibly turn into something more...but, given that this sets up Epitaph and HIKML, I doubt it ^.^.
I'm really happy that they're talking to each other ♥ because I was a sad Rumpel in the last chapter :(. Obviously, a lot has changed because of the years of separation, Sirius' years in Azkaban, the break up, and Remus believing that Sirius had betrayed Lily and James.
New leafs :).
Lovely story ♥
-Rumpel
Author's Response: Oh Rumpel -
I don't know how to handle a review from you that transverses into the world of a normal reviewer... I think I can do it. :P
This chapter felt like it was for a different story completely when I wrote it. There's less bitterness and anger from each of them but, like you said, awkwardness. This is kind of making me want to write a one-shot of Remus/Tonks relationship from Sirius' bitter ex-bf POV. In my head, they had some more than friends moments before the start of OotP. I mean, Tonks totally comments on them seeming like a couple in Epitaph.
I think everyone was sad after last chapter. *I* was sad after last chapter.
New starts, man, new starts.
Thank you so much for reviewing this!! I love hearing your thoughts on my stories!
-Rose
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Rose! Thanks for doing a review swap with me. :) I saw this story and simply couldn't resist!
I have nothing but good things to say about this first chapter. I adored the introductory paragraph--you are such a pro at setting the scene and then diving into action, all within the span of one paragraph. It's succinct and informative. And can I just say that Mrs. Potter is adorable.
I'm also a fan of Peter in this piece. I like that he's not the pity friend, but actually part of the group, and that you showcase his attraction to the ""dark side"" without going overboard. He's a character in his own right and that was great to see.
Now for the fun part: OMG REMUS AND SIRIUS ARE PERFECT. I LOVE the awkward friends-but-maybe-something-more that was happening throughout the chapter. The hand on the knee. The fear of sleeping in the same bed. Fighting together during the water fight. It made the kiss at the end feel like FINALLY.
Oh, I do have one question/suggestion: I had a bit of a hard time focusing at certain parts because the point of view seems to weave in and out of Sirius's thoughts and then Remus's and then a more general perspective. It wasn't a stumbling block or anything--the action is clear and the story progresses cleanly. I suppose I just wanted one perspective to cling to, or at least for their to be a distinct divide between one perspective and the next, just to tighten things up and clarify certain sections.
But seriously, I loved this. Your writing is so clear and you convey the story with such ease. I was hooked from the start.
xx Gina
Author's Response: Ah! Your review is just too nice. *hugs* The first paragraph was a moment of inspiration when I sat down to write it. Starting off with Mrs. P and her reaction to having that many boys around was a fun way for me to get into the action. I thought they needed a bit of context before going on random adventures together, lol.
I can't stand it when people leave out/muck-up Peter. He's never really a huge character when I write but I like to make sure he's there and an equal. I'm so happy you noticed that. :D
hehe, now to the yummy part. I was so worried that their tentative romance was awkward or too subtle (or not subtle enough). I've never written about people in the midst of becoming a couple - at least not like this.
I agree that the narrator is a bit random in this chapter. I meant it to be a bit more nuetral but spent more time in Remus' head then sporatically went to Sirius. :-/ I'll have to poke at this again sometime to see if I can straighten that out.
Thank you so much for such a delightful review!! i'm really glad you liked this!!
-Rose
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GAH! You updated! :D I have to say, I'm a little disappointed in myself for not being the first review on this chapter, but I was hopelessly sucked into a marathon of Star Trek -_-.
Anyhow...
I'll keep Remus company. I'll go and tell him amusing anecdotes and whathaveyou. That way he won't be lonely :( (annoyed, perhaps, but not lonely). Why do I get the feeling that the meeting with Sirius is going to be an absolute disaster? Oh goodness. Heh, Sirius deserved to get punched in the head. Well, you didn't come right out and say what James did exactly, but my theory is that he was punched in the head...because that's what I would've done. ;)
Marlene... -_-. You know, I was growing fond of her in Everto...I have to now try to not let this influence me. *Grumble*. Oh gosh, Sirius continuously messed up? That's it...I'm throwing Sirius to the chimeras... Remus' poor heart :(. Sirius is a very M-rated word in this story...a very, very M-rated word.
Furthermore, HE has the audacity to be a jerkface (that's right, a jerkface) to Remus after what HE did... I just.
I can't.
He needs punches :(.
Satiating. Pft.
Hah! I knew I liked James :D. Okay, so he was punched in the face. Good enough. Thankyouverymuch James ^.^.
Oh, with the accusations. You know, Remus was being very nice, and was actually trying to mend things with Siruis...because he still loves him. But Sirius...gah. How could he just accuse Remus of being a traitor? That's just...just...gah! James needs to punch him again.
I can't even handle that conversation, or that kiss. I can't. Nope.
-_- That was frustrating and depressing and I loved every second of it!
You're going to write an epilogue to tie this in with Epitaph and HIKML? *SQUEE* YAY! You teased me with a relationship, and then ripped it away from me :(.
-Rumpel
Author's Response: Rumpel!
Your first review spot got scooped. :P To be fair, I IMed the other person when I updated so... it was hard for her to miss.
I bet Remus would enjoy your company. heh, you could become his ""farah"" :P I think you have that feeling because it will be an absolute disaster. Ah, yes, he did deserve it - I could be too obvious about it until I showed it though.
Marlene is just lookin' for love. My Marlene is much different from yours - don't be too mean to her in Everto on my account. :D Sirius is kind of, um, difficult in this scene. :-o you can't off Sirius just like that. But, yeah, Poor Sirius' heart. :( :( :(
Sirius can be quite the jerkface when he wants to be. (which he did there)
There will be punches!!
i thought you'd enjoy that description.
:D James to the rescue!! Wiht punches.
Remus was being quite friendly but Sirius had his mind made up that clearly he was the traitor. I mean, it did kind of line up from his very self-centered view of the world. :-/ James is busy with Lily and Harry and can't punch Sirius right now.
the conversation and the kiss were hard for me to write. :-/ I had to do it
Who!! I'm glad this was an enjoyable roller coaster for you!
The relationship happened! Just most of it happened between the gaps of the chapters. this was really just showing the transitions between each stage rather than life in each stage. Love and other fun still still went on...
Thank you for a fabulous review!!
-Rose
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Hey Rose,
I loved your first chapter!
I have really started enjoying reading stories before Harry's time. I have been reading a story about Andromeda and you always have great stories about the Marauders! :)
I think my favorite part of the story was when the four boys were playing in Mrs. Potter's backyard and the Quaffle fell through the window, that made me laugh because I could totally see that happening with the four of them. :) I can't imagine what Mrs. Weasley had to deal with with all the boys that SHE has, lol. I like how adventurous they are and I loved the part where they went on a tour in London :) of course Peter wanted to explore Knockturn Alley, he sure is a shady guy but of course we know why later on. I was VERY shocked when Remus and Sirius kissed- I was like woah! Because I was not expecting it and I didn't even read your warning before reading this. But wow, you made the scene happen so well and so much chemistry and sparks were going on between them. I can see a good relationship coming from them. I like reading slash pairings every now and again, it changes things up a bit from the usual stories. I liked the story alot and you should come by my review thread and re-request another review :) Congrats on becoming a validator btw! That is awesome!!! I hope that we talk again soon.
-Lindsey :)
Author's Response: Hi Linds!
I'm so happy you liked this chapter! Reading stories about pre-Harry times is always kind of interesting. I can only imagine how stressful it must have been for her to have 4 boys at her house for that long. They would be quite the handful. I can't imagine how Mrs. Weasley put up with so many boys. Their London tour was fun for me to write about it. hehe, I'm glad the kiss was a shock! I guess if you didn't read the warnings then it would be especially random. I'll definitely pop into your review thread sometime! Thanks! Being a validator is fun!! Also, thank you for the fabulous review!
-Rose
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Hello! Swap!
I don't know if I'll be reading the third chapter tonight. I don't know if I can handle it right now.
Remus in sexy-pants. Haha. ""They're sexy pants!!"".
Something I liked was that you don't have this as a hidden romance, which I've noticed is in a lot of WolfStars.
I also really liked that you showed a... lighter? part of fighting in a war. They were on a mission, but it wasn't super high danger and they actually had a little bit of fun with it.
With your writing, I noticed how well you vary sentence structure and stop it from being really monotonous.
Remus needs to get over his issues with staying with Sirius. *huffs*. Snuggles are fantastic. I'd love to snuggle with snuffles.
Gah! The ending! You can't just have everyone be happy for like five minutes, can you? Grumble grumble grumble.
Ugh. I love Remus!!! Why, Sirius, wwhhy? I get it that he likes thrill and excitment, but REMUS SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR HIM, OKAY? GOD, SIRIUS.
:(.
Fine.
""slightly sad"". Yeah. I'm sure. Only slightly sad, Ms Shatter-the-pieces-of-the-hearts-I've-already-broken.
""Slightly sad"".
Sure.
Grumble grumble.
Good chapter. *glares menacingly*
Author's Response: The third chapter is like the last part of the song you gave me - it's bumpy. But, yeah, take your time getting to that.
:D The sexy pants have been popular.
Part of the reason for not giving them a hidden romance is that I did that in two of my slash stories and didn't want to make it a thing. Also, I couldn't see them hiding a romance from their friends. If I were to make a novel of this, there would have been perhaps a few months of hiding but they would ahve come clean about it by October 1977.
With their relationship going dark, I thought giving them a lighthearted mission would be nice. I also wanted to show that they were a happy-ish couple and had fun together.
Ooh, thanks for noticing that. I was working hard to not make it repitious to read. ^_^
Remus does need to get over a lot. He carries a lot of the same issues into his relationships after this as well (especially with Tonks). I'd like to snuggle snuffles as well.
there was 5 minutes of happiness, if you count from the start of the chapter. In Sirius' defence, he's quite emotionally needy and Remus was rather closed off from him in that respect. I don't think that justifies what he did but he need more validation than he was getting from Remus.
I wrote that it was ""slightly sad"" before I ended up writing it and decided to try to shatter the pieces of people's hearts. I'll pre-apologize for the next chapter.
thank you for a fab review!!!
*hides*
-Rose
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That was so depressing, yet inevitable. :-/ Re: your A/N, I like that the focus is completely narrowed in on their relationship. I think - considering the length of this story - other plots would have been a bit distracting.
And YES you were mean!! But it's ok, it's not your fault JKR alluded to them falling out around this time. :P I actually love the idea of a romantic schism b/w those two being a contributing factor to the marauders misplacing their suspicions on Remus. My poor Remus. :-/
Author's Response: I was going for depressing!! I'm so glad the narrow focus worked. I kept trying to plump out this chapter and it wasn't going anywhere. :D I'm totally fine being mean. YES! I'm glad I'm not the only other person that remembers their falling out before James died. I was starting to think I made it up. Poor Remus - he'll take comfort in someone else soon, I'm sure.
Thanks for another fab review!
Transferred from offsite at request of the author
And now to attempt to leave a slightly coherent review (which is actually pretty funny, because when have I ever left you a coherent review?).
Best attempt at death eater infiltration ever. Of course! Who knew that transforming into a dog and putting your best friend/boyfriend (somewhat, anyway) into a predicament which could have ended badly would reveal such astounding information (you know, death eaters like dogs). ;) Only Sirius. Of course, a kiss on the neck will make anything stupid he does go away ^.^...because I said so. Neck kisses (*squee*).
Remus in sexy-pants. There are so many things that are great about that. So many things ^.^. I think what's more amazing is that he called them 'sexy-pants'...I'm dying a little :D. Any multitasking that involves a shower is okay in my book. Very okay. Encouraged, in fact.
...
My mind is somewhere it shouldn't be. *Cough*
Right, so, the rehearsal dinner. ;) I don't mind the visual. There's just so much flirting ^.^...but that means that the next chapter is going to make me cry, isn't it? Yes, I think so. *Gasp* Marlene! She will do no such thing. I won't allow it. I'll shake her. And Sirius. Vigorously.
Back. To. Bed. ... Now. *Sigh* There he goes. Doesn't he know that snuggling can solve the world's problems? Remus needs to be shaken, too.
Aw, don't let the moment go by!! Too late. At least there's a little Gideon and Fabian to spice things up! You gotta love them :). Poor Peter ;)...he deserves it in the end anyway. Finally -- off to find Sirius! Where is he...oh don't tell me...not Marlene.
Wait.
What?! O.O That's it. I'm shaking everybody! I retract my statement about Fabian. (In another circumstance, that sounds kinda hot...but Sirius just broke Remus' heart -- REMUS'heart!).
Oh goodness...you can't end the chapter there! Now I'm freaking out.
...
!
!!
Gah! More. Moremoremoremoremoremoremore.
-Rumpel
Author's Response: Rumpel!!!
I love your coherant-ish reviews!! They're my favorite part about posting a new chapter. :D
Well, they clearly didn't work out a plan beforehand (where was Remus' need for tedious planning?!?!) but good thing Sirius was there to take charge and device a plan on the spot. Knowing that the DEs like dogs is a crucial piece of information - it's why they won the war. er... oh, and, yes, neck kisses are always a good way to say sorry or hi or how's it going.
I debated as to what he'd call them. His whispering 'sexy pants' shows how uncomfortable he was with the phrase. they're good at multitasking *cough*
When isn't your mind somewhere it shouldn't be? :P
I may not wait until the next chapter to make you cry... I CAN'T HELP IT! Marlene is a horrid, clingy woman. Okay, she's not horrid, just has the hots for Sirius. Gideon and Fabian bring fun to the party - sometimes too much fun. *ahem*
Poor Remus - letting that moment go by was a big deal, sadly. I thought it would be fitting for Peter to get rejection at a wedding. At least Marlene has standards.
Um *hides* don't shake me. I know i wrote this but it's not my fault. Sirius made me and, and, and Kenpo gave me a prompt for this and... and *hides more*
I'm writing more! I promise. There are 500 words of the next chapter written already.
Thank you for an awesome review!
-Rose
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NO. NO. NO. SIRIUS!!!
K. Got that out of my system. :P Apart from breaking my slash-happy heart, I liked this chapter ^_^ Well written with just the right amount of double entendres sprinkled throughout(intentional or not, I don't care, lol). I think you have a really good handle on these two -- Remus especially! I feel like you convey everything he's feeling so effortlessly.
Aah, and my favorite line:
""...They?ÇÖre?Ǫ they?ÇÖre sexy pants,?Ç¥ Remus said in a low voice.
I'm going to start referring to any kind of out-of-the-ordinary pants as sexy pants. ^_^
Author's Response: *hides in bunker*
I'm (not) sorry for breaking your slash-loving heart! It's a casualty of the plot. lol, I'm ashamed that some of the puns were unintentional. I'll have to work on that. Ah, it makes me squee that you like how I write Remus. :D
ahaha, yeah, I got a giggle writing that line.
thanks so much for reviewing!!
-Rose
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Here for the review battle!
This story caught my attention right away - Remus and Sirius are my ultimate OTP, and you've already encompassed everything I love about the pairing in this first chapter! The banter and the easy friendship between all four boys was really well done, and the way you've introduced the initial attraction between Remus and Sirius suits them and their situation well. I like the little details you give about their families as well - Sirius's comments about Regulus and the Tower of London, Peter and his Muggle family - you've put them all in their wider contexts and I enjoyed seeing some of the innovations you've come up with. Overall, brilliant first chapter!
Author's Response: Ah! Thank you so much!
It's kind of funny that I'm so into this ship because my OTP is Remus/Tonks.
I'm so happy that you like how I've handled their relationship. I really like writing bits from the Marauder Era - the friendships and intricacies are a delight to write. I couldn't make their friendship turn to romance over night but wanted it look like a long-coming emotional build-up.
It's so exciting that you liked the extra bits I threw in to make their world a little more comprehensive.
Thank you so much for an awesome review!
-Rose
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This is brilliant. I love how natural it seems between Remus and Sirius. This ship is my OTP and it's so wonderful when people write it so well. I really enjoyed this. The flirting on Sirius' part, the friendship between the four boys, Remus not knowing how to react... so good. I'm looking forward to the rest of it.
Author's Response: Hello!! Thank you so much for a lovely review! I saw your WolfStar story in the queue and it was interesting. I've been writing so much slash lately - it's nuts! I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. I'll be writing more in the next month.
-rose
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I was excited to read this, because I love the song and any excuse to listen to it is a good thing, right? I played it once and it's such a fun piece...
(I'm listening to it, so expect random comments about the music...)
Oh, the story! I should talk about the story! What's the Sirius/Remus ship name? WolfStar? That always made me laugh. I don't reject the ship, but I've noticed that a lot of them are written poorly, so I'm glad to know that there's a well written wolfstar now:).
(I'm listening to it, I'm at the flute duet... love this part...)
I thought it was humorous. I liked the way that you showed what the guys do on a normal day. I thought you showed their carefree attitude very well. I laughed at the Salem School of... Motors.
The Michael Grant quote seemed a little forced, but with something like that I don't know how I would've worked it in... :p
(okay, listen to the song again, and listen for all the really high, crazy, violin parts. In the version of the song arranged for winds, that's the trumpet part, and it's just insane because trumpets don't usually do that)
I think you got one of the most challenging songs to work with, because it changes tempo and mood so often. I need to stop listening to it, because I keep taking my hands away from the keyboard so that I can conduct it. One time it was on the radio while I was at a red light and the person next to me was looking at me like I was crazy because I'm just in my car manically conducting.
STORY. I NEED TO TALK ABOUT THE STORY.
Like I was saying, I think you got one of the most challenging songs. You managed to capture the music in the story, but still let the story stand on it's own (okay I can type now because I'm just conducting with my foot instead). I think the end of it was really sweet... I wish them well... even thought wishing anyone well in the Marauders Era is a little bit of a waste of time.
I also really liked how they were saying that the canine could be either of them. You hinted at a link that they already shared.
I also liked the repetition of the idea of the gravitation pull. I always think it's funny because if something has mass, it has a gravitational pull between everything else in the universe that has mass. And when they were on the bike, since they were closer, the pull would literally, mathmatically, get ever so slightly stronger... but that's also unrelated to the story.
I'm sorry. I'm so scatter brained. I don't know if you can tell.
So... this was a really awful review and I'm sorry. Overall, I really enjoyed reading it (even if you take away my weird love for the song...), and I'm so happy that you entered my challenge!! I enjoyed reading this, so I hope you enjoyed writing for this.
(Wait this might be my 100th review... or 99, or 101. Not sure. Either way, Woot!)
Author's Response: Hello!
I'm so sorry it's taken me ages to respond to your lovely and hilarious review. I really did re-read this quite a few times.
I think this is called WolfStar. *blush* I'm glad you think it's well written. :D
Writing guys is kind of hard for me. I mean, I'm not one and I don't have great insight to what they like to do. So, I made it up. haha, the Salem School of Motors was a last minute inspiration.
Yeah, it was a stretch to get that into the plot. :-/
Well, the idea i had was to make the three part story kind of fold into the three part song. I just haven't finished yet. (also, oops)
You really cracked me up with your review. Conducting with your foot? That's kind of adorable. :D Yeah, wishing them well might be kind of short lived... (spoiler)
I think the mass and gravity math is relevant - at least that's what I was thinking of when i wrote it. I even told my husband ""ooh, there's MATH in this.""
Thank you so much for a fun and crazy review! I really enjoyed writing for this challenge (and I swear I'll finish this story soon).
-Rose
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Halllo again!! Since you reviewed my entry for the Instrumental Song Challenge, I thought that I would have a look at your entry in return! (For the BvB Review Battle.)
It's funny: I've actually played ""Pique Dame"" before!! It's a pretty cool song to play, but some of the notes are really high (especially on oboe...). So I think it's interesting that you've chosen to write a Remus/Sirius based on the themes in this piece, because the name means ""Queen of Spades,"" and the operetta by Suppe actually has a character named Hedwig in it. I don't know much about cards, but the Queen of Spades is generally considered unlucky (from what the internet tells me--yes, I just researched this because I was curious). This leads me to believe that Remus/Sirius is an ill-fated romance.
Enough speculation. On to the story!!
I've never read much Remus/Sirius, so I really enjoyed how you introduced their romance gradually, instead of all at once. You did a lot of showing and not telling, which is awesome. The little signals that they were sending each other were subtle enough so as to be covert, but not so subtle that they didn't exist at all. It's a nice balance!
My favorite, favorite part of this chapter was the joke about the hamsters. Who is this Michael Grant fellow, and which book is that quote from?! I want to read it now! I think that you incorporated the quote really well--it fit so naturally with the boys' banter and it made for some great comedy. I'm pretty sure that my roommate thinks I'm crazy for chuckling to myself. :)
Another great story!! I can't wait to read the next chapter! :D
~UnluckyStar57
Author's Response: Hello again!!
Ooh, I'm glad you're familiar with the song. It was new to me when I started this story. haha, I had no idea what the title meant. I guess the unlucky symbol would fit well for them and what I have planned - though that is just a coincidence.
I'm not a huge shipper of Remus/Sirius but I had a plunny and challenge so it had to happen. I couldn't help but do a bit of showing for them - I had to sell myself on the diea of them liking each other. It also kind of fit with the first part of the song to have them start off casual and slow.
:D I'm so glad you liked the hamster bit. I wasn't sure if it would work with the story. Oh I'm sure you roommate will get used to the FF induced laughing one day. :D
Thank you so much for such a fantastic review!! The next chapter of this is soon to next on my to-do list.
-Rose
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