Name: MuggleMaybe (Signed) · Date: 06 Nov 2016 12:26 PM · For: Maybe This Time

[[Transferred from HPFF]]

 

Hello! I'm here to review your entry for the Microfiction Challenge. :)

Sam, this is really heartbreaking. You've done a spectacular job showing us glimpses of Eloise's life and who she is.

The idea of being a winner at life is inherently upsetting to me, because it implies that there are losers and life is a competition. Her mother thinks 'winning' means this one specific thing, even though that thing hasn't brought her happiness. In fact it's brought her a lot of suffering at the hands of a cruel person. The way you wrote this shows how hurtful all of this can be, and also how much it gets into Eloise's head and makes her doubt herself and struggle to trust others.

This line:
“Give it time, and we’ll catch you a man who’ll never let go.”
Holy moly, Sam, it's brilliant! The underlying reference to abuse is so powerful.

The hardest thing about this story is that, even later in her life, when her mother is gone, Eloise is still trapped inside of these expectations and it just breaks my heart.

Really well done! I loved it! Thanks so much for entering the challenge. :)

xx Renee

 

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[added at time of transfer]

 

I didn't really know you when I first reviewed this story, and mow that I do... it's so much more. I'm really glad you were able to write it. I don't have adequate words. SO MANY HUGS.

 

Much love,

Renee

Author's Response:

<3

 

I'm glad that you loved this story from the start and that it took on new depth once you knew me <3

Name: Stella Blue (Signed) · Date: 02 Nov 2016 01:02 PM · For: Maybe This Time

*Transferred from HPFF*

 

For the hot seat :)

Ahh, this is heartbreaking. How are you so good at this? I love the little sections you used in this, snapshots as she grows up - even in such short segments of words, you say so much.

I was so glad to find a story about Eloise Midgen, because minor characters are my favorites and she's a particularly sympathetic one because literally the only thing we hear of her in the books is Ron making fun of her for her appearance. Obviously, there's more to her than that. And here, she has so much other stuff to deal with, her whole childhood under the shadow of abuse.

And the saddest thing about her mother insisting she's happy and that she wants the same happiness for Eloise... it's so sad because I know this is true for a lot of people. Abusive relationships can be hard to get out of, and the mother must know she's being abused, but either doesn't think of it as that, or always comes back around to this ideal she has of her husband, what he used to be before he became abusive, or what he's like when he's not drinking, or whatever it is that makes her put up with him. It's so sad .

Eloise is so strong though. Yeah, she's been through some duds, in terms of dating, but she's strong enough to realize that she absolutely doesn't want what her mother had, but at the same time wants to make her mother proud. So she just interprets her mother's words in a different way. I just hope that she doesn't find "a man who will never let her go" for the wrong reasons. I just want it to all work out okay for her :(

Beautifully written, Sam.

Author's Response:

Thank you again ♥

 

 This story was pretty special to write. Parts of it were drawn from my own childhood, which is something that would be too heavy to write super in depth, so the super micro-fiction format really helped make it possible to write this without it getting to heavy to write or read.

 

 I also love minor characters, and I agree with you about Eloise being sympathetic. In the books she isn't really portrayed that way - we only see her made fun of, and that is her entire canon existence. But of course she is so much more than that. Of course she is more than her acne. My first impulse was to give her a great big joyful life, making the acne the least significant thing about her. And I ended up achieving the latter here - her physical appearance and what Ron Weasley say about her really are the least of her problems. And even though I did not give her a very happy life here, she is very strong and driven, and I think she's someone who should be proud to be herself.

 

 Again, thank you for all three of these reviews, and thank you for all of your crossposts to ao3!

 

 ♥ ♥ ♥

 

 Sam.