FanficTalk Archive
Unleash Your Fandom
So hi there! I’m here for a swap of stories, and I will tell you that I’ve read some of this already. I’m ready to sit down and read about the darkness and the Lilly and everything you’re doing with this!
In Chapter 1, I love the introduction to this character, the way that you show us where this boy comes from and that he has some kind of innate magic that people are afraid of. The old man I guess tried his best, but he really knows what this kid needs, even though Harry’s reluctant to accept it. I also love that you lifted the line about ‘his eyes’, and used it against Harry, which surely would get his attention, and make him a bit miffed as well. I like that a lot!
It seems that America is in quite the state, similar to what England went through, and you write the reluctance of Harry and Hermione to get involved very believable. I mean, they did go through hell to save their own country. One would think that someone else was willing and capable to step up a second time. Right?
Oh, but this IS strong, unpredictable magic that Harry cannot ignore! And the poor kid has been on the wrong side of the wand too many times, and also what did that man DO to him to have him hate and distrust, and what does it mean when “he will take away your magic?” ??? I love the idea of Clarifiers looking for the kid, and the secret that Harry and Ginny have to keep in order to keep the kid. I’m a big fan of secrets and hidden agendas, and this story has a setup with a lot of my favorite things! But yeah, keeping a secret from Ron will not sit well with either of them, when they’ve been through so much together. I have not read the pre-revised version, but this was an awesome, flowy thing of a chapter 1! Much intrigue!
Pix
Helloooo! Wow it’s been a while! I so hope you’re doing good and I’m so happy to have finally found the time and motivation to review! I just read the last two chapters in a morning and intense blur and it felt incredible to instantly get back into Hogwarts' life and Lily’s story.
I’ve always dreamed of a Xander POV when Lily was hurt because I thought it’d be so powerful, knowing that’s probably his biggest fear (might be his boggart even, maybe that and everything he describes beautifully in the chapter – I mean “But that fear had felt like pending doom, like an incoming wave, coming at him, but from far away. Tonight, however, that wave had come crashing down on him, and now he was drowning underneath it.”) and I wanted to see how he handled it. Chapter 12 didn’t disappoint at all, it passed through every emotion I knew Xander would feel. Guilt of course, “The words had not been an accusation - they hadn’t even been directed at him - but guilt had made them feel exactly that” – I actually believed the words were meant for him for 2 secs, and I love that I knew he’d say that to himself ha ha, Relief, actually bigger than relief because “Xander had not realized his heart had gone missing, not until it was back inside his chest, beating.” – That’s beautifuuuuuul, and of course wanting to find who did it. I absolutely loved Harry and Xander’s interaction (as always) because the topics are so profond, and the depth of the muggleborn’s poison problem was super well depicted.
SPEAKING ABOUT THAT, old Reagan, I know it might not mean anything and I’m probably overthinking lol, but I couldn’t help but notice the new(?) name of chapter 1 before I started reading and when I saw “the old man’s hand”, I was like hmmm, I need to get back to that first chapter and think some more. Reagan might be part of Xander’s family somehow, so this is all tied to him as well. Also, knowing the antidote, I mean that’s suspicious because either you created the poison (knowing that you’d might need the antidote) or you know the logistics behind the poison so you were able to figure it out quicker OR he had a reason to search for the antidote because of someone he knows. Either way, he’s involved somehow. If he did it out of the kindness of his heart, well I’m just an overthinking crazy lady ah ah. Btw, I don’t dislike him but I hate that he’s so cryptic. He knows who Xander is, he knows he’ll need to be prepared for what’s coming, it’s just the good old mysterious Slytherin of speaking in riddles (or he CAN’T say, because Harry doesn’t want him to – Lol I need to stop but to quote you and Xander, I’m “in deep urgent need of finding out who had done it”).
Anyway, on to lighter topics, I really like Kat’s character especially in these last chapters. And her hooking up with Nya, love that. I love that fake dating story a little less of course because Lily just doesn’t need that at the moment and really I’ll never forgive Caroline for interrupting “an enormously ridiculous moment, of weakness, of needing to be heard - she almost did tell him, that everything hurt and nothing made sense... “, I cursed as I read it and she’s blacklisted forever as far as I'm concerned lol.
It’s also day 3696 of me losing my mind over Lily and Xander quotes of them thinking about each other. “It's me. It’s a red-headed girl. I hate myself for it too” and “Surely, such a color was the result of an accidental lapse in nature; after all, infinity was not a thing that had ever been meant to be carried in gaze” are two of many I mentally highlighted but gosh they kill me, I love the slow buuurn, the hidden feelings, the misinterpretations and I also need them together like yesterday. It’s not that easy so for now I’m going to enjoy every tiny interaction they have. Everyone noticed that something was wrong with Lily (love the song choice btw), being poisoned brought up another level but the press harassment she deals with is nothing new, and it does take a toll esp when you’re at your lowest. I love that Xander tried to fix it, he always goes into fixing mode with her even if sometimes I think sitting in silence with her, listening if she decides to speak, is the best he could do for her. She’ll figure it out on her own but the fact that he tries is sweet. Of course, bloody Caroline had to interrupt.
Love them, love this story, hopefully we’ll get to read more of this brilliant story soon. Being finally up to date and finding my way back here is legit a bit emotional because of how much I love them. Happy holidays ??
Author's Response:Hi Ameera!
It's so good to hear from you and hear your thoughts on these last two chapters <3 It was really challenging writing chapter twelve because I knew that Xander would be having all these mixed emotions but I wasn't exactly sure if they'd come across as they were supposed to so it meant a lot see how well you'd understood where he was coming from.They're feelings he won't soon forget and that he's definitely going to try hard not to feel again. I'm glad you liked the conversation with Harry. There's a lot of things he keeps from Xander but I think he tries really hard to be honest with him as well and I wanted to show that openness and trust they do have with each other. I love hearing all your theories about Reagan. You make so many spot-on observations. I always feel like Slytherins have this very two-steps ahead kind of intelligence. It's something that I do try to give most, if not all, my Slytherin characters. Xander has it. So does Kat. Edward. And, yes, Reagan too. ;P As always, I love hearing the lines that stood out the most to you! It really means more than you know.
Thank you so much for coming by with this review. I was totally excited when I saw it!
Love, Quilly.
Ugh, it's so unethical and nauseating for the Daily Prophet to be running scandal stories about what kids are getting up to, no matter whose kids they are, and running that photo of Lily (which isn't even from this incident -- it's from before, but it gets attention and evokes drama).
For that matter, the way they write about Harry not being enough of a father to his kids because he's too busy playing hero. Tbh once again it sounds like it just flat-out sucks to be Harry Potter. But I really appreciate how you've written this, because as rage-inducing as the media and society treatment of the Potters... it just strikes a chord as being really realistic, unfortunately. This is a grim portrait of fame without ever feeling hyperbolic.
That bit about how Harry has never given a political endorsement -- even to Hermione (before now) -- is such a great detail about him. As well as the fact that he has now decided to endorse her, apparently for the purpose of her granting Reagan access to make more antidote. That must have been a difficult discussion. Neither Harry nor Hermione is someone who likes to concede for strategic purposes where their convictions are concerned. It definitely does say a lot of things about the current political climate and stakes.
Speaking of which, part of me was going to be almost surprised that even at this point in time there's a serious, aboveground political movement to take away wands from Muggleborns... but then I looked around at the current world and went, "Oh, yeah, we suck."
LOVED Reagan's line about how "We are the house of Icarus."
<3 Melanie
Author's Response:Ugh, the Prophet is the worse. Lily's so young but I do feel like teenagers today are so much vunerable to criticism, especially with social media. And I mean, the Prophet isn't social media, but the obsession people have with critizing others, even young people who are right int he middle of trying to find themselves is there. As far as the anti-muggleborn movement... I want to make sure it was aboveground and, you know, discreet but not secertive because, yeah, I feel like poltiicans don't even try to hide their true colors sometimes, and people just let them.
Thank you so much for coming by with this review! I always love hearing your thoughts and insights <3 Love, Quilly.
Hi, Quilly! Here to write a review for our review swap. (I tried to do this last night, but I was so tired and sleepy that I couldn't make heads or tails of anything, kept falling asleep! So I decided to try again today after a good night's sleep. :)
The Daily Prophet is a conscienceless scandal rag. It is guilty of child abuse for printing the derogatory old photo and the false, scurrilous gossip about an underage student. It made me angry just to read about it. How dare they treat a child that way!
You do an excellent job in showing how this vicious front-page article, completely false, about Lily's medical condition devastates her and brings ridicule down upon her. One would wonder what Harry thinks of it and what, if anything, he will do about it. Does anyone in the wizarding world ever sue a yellow-journalism rag for libel? They ought to. I can hardly believe that this "newspaper" is the voice of the Ministry and the chief purveyor of information about the wizarding world.
Poor Xander, caught between Kat, Caroline, and Lily (not to mention his casual one-night stands). He sounds like a juggler trying to keep too many balls in the air at once. In the previous chapter he made a deal with Kat Bulstrode, against his better judgment, to try to find out who poisoned Lily, in return for pretending to be Kat's boyfriend, but now we find out that he didn't get much in return for holding up his end of the bargain -- Kat didn't discover any revealing information at her family's dinner party concerning who was behind the attack on Lily. If we rule out all the attendees at that dinner party, that still leaves a vast number of possible perpetrators.
We haven't talked about the Clarifiers for a little while. Maybe they are the ones behind the poisonings.
Luckily, Lily seems to have bounced back pretty well, at least in the physical sense, thanks to the antidote supplied by Professor Reagan. I liked the scene at the end of the chapter, where Xander sees Professor Reagan packing up to leave and learns that Harry has bargained with Hermione; he will make a political endorsement for her in the electoral race for the office of Minister of Magic if she will lift her ban on Professor Reagan's use of the Ministry's laboratory and ingredients to brew more quantities of the antidote to the Vittamortis poison that is currently killing wizards.
That is a very big deal, with strong political implications, far beyond the boyfriend-girlfriend angst and cattiness that seem to dominate so much of Lily's waking moments.
You have given Professor Reagan a great line: "We are the House of Icarus. We are meant for ambitions powerful enough to destroy us." Fabian Ballard wants to be Minister of Magic. He wants to take away the wands of Muggleborn witches and wizards. Preventing his election is vitally important to the well-being of the wizarding world.
Good complexities and development of the plot. I will await your next chapter with great interest! <3
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki! Thank you for this lovely review!
Yessss. The Prophet's totally sick. I 100000% agree. It's sick. But it happens and I felt the need to include that in the story. What Harry thinks of it all will come up at some point but I think it's something that he's used to and that he doesn't really feel like he can protect his children from. He's been dealing with it since he was young and Ginny had to deal with it too. As far as libel, I think you could sue, but it'd be hard to prove that they're lying, and I think the Prophet is smart enough to word things in a way that protect them.
I'm glad you liked that scene between Reagan and Xander. It's hard to filter in the reality of everything that's happening outside the world. As you mention, they're very much teenagers and their problems seem like the center of the world, at least to them, but there's clearly much bigger things going around them.
Thank you once again for coming by with this review! I really enjoyed hearing all your thoughts and reflecting on them.
Love, Quilly
Hi Quilly,
I'm back for the second chapter and a tagging!
OOOH this first section is so full of tension and intrigue! I definitely feel that Xander is a bit more grown up than he really should be at 17, and Harry seems aware of that, as well. I saw that in the way he thinks about James as getting into trouble--the way he says it makes it sound kind of trivial compared to himself. I think it's interesting how he calls Harry "Harry" while Harry refers to Xander as one of his sons. That's such a great, purposeful moment in this. Xander is clearly very powerful, and has at least a vague understanding of his past, as he thinks about the clarifiers in passing...I wonder how much he knows.
Wow, maybe Xander just has tension with everyone. I love the exposition we get in this scene about Lily--I can tell that we need to know these things about her. Her relationship with Scorpius, her tendency to run away, and even she and Xander's meeting as children. I love these little pieces of information, and the fact that he thinks she *always* dresses well. That's just the kind of thing an acquaintance notices...right? Anyway, I love how they butt heads but still clearly enjoy each other's company. I only hope that the hate she feels is temporary and sort of a symptom of Xander's obsession with figuring out what happened at Connerton.
UGHH Lily is so tortured in her mind, it's heartbreaking but also beautifully written :( Another thing that she and Xander have in common: they both want recognition, just noting that in my mind for later. I really hated reading those letters from Andrew, knowing that she's hurting him and how awful she must feel about herself for acting like this. Her jealousy just runs rampant throughout this section, too, what a great character you've created!
Thanks again, Quilly! I'll be back
Cat
Hi, Quilly! :D Here (finally) for our swap! :D
And, wow, what a chapter! So many things happening, both in regards of the romance plot and the political one... it's so exciting!!!
Urgh, I hate the Prophet... :/ typical of them, twisting truth and digging up dirth like that, isn't it? Poor Lily... :/ And... is it really a political move to discredit the Wotters clan and Hermione's campaign in favour of Ballard??? That's even worse than just wanting to make an easy scoop... but again, not surprising at all... of course the "fascist" candidate would present as the family values' supporter, that's so typical, too *rolls eyes*
Anyway, I think I've mentioned before, but I love Lily's friend group! They are so supportive and I love the way they express their concern for her, even if she finds it a bit annoying... I love Oscar and how he can be a stabilizing force for her! They are all awesome! <3
I also love how they were all thinking she was searching for Edward, while she was actually thinking of Xander! :P Will either of them ever be honest about their feelings? Obviously, it's going to take a while... guess I'll just have to be patient... a little bit more... :P
But who's behind the poisoning??? I don't believe it's Edward, even if a lot of clues point to him... at least, not voluntarily? And I'm still suspicious of Reagan, but at the same time he doesn't seem bad intentioned? He seems like he's willing to help, and he seems to care about Xander, so... mmmh... I don't know... guess I'll have to wait your reveal about this, too...
Oh, Caroline... just move on, girl! You're only hurting yourself here, and you know it! Although I suppose she's hurting for nothing at the moment, since Xander and Kat have nothing going on... but still, she should know better... Kat shouldn't be using Xander the way she is, but that's beside the point... I'm more interested in what's going on with the Pureblood society anyway... their goal is to take Muggleborns' wands away??? Is there still space for that kind of ideology still??? Sounds quite scary... :/
That Library scene was so sad... :( Lily is really missing her mother a lot, isn't she? And it's also sort of sad how she compares herself to her and thinks that Ginny was so much braver, smarter, more beautiful... but I can see where it's all coming from... still, so sad... :(
Wow, the tension between her and Xander when they run into each other!!! :O Again, just admit your feelings, silly kids!!! I love the understanding between them! And the fact that Xander can immediately tell that something is wrong with her, and the concern he feels... <3 <3 <3 I hadn't realized that Lily was suffering from lasting effects of the poison, though... that sounds scary... why did they do that to her??? Whoever the they is???
And now Reagan has gained access to the Ministry's laboratories... thanks to Harry's intercession with Hermione... and in exchange Harry is publicly supporting Hermione's campaign, which is something unprecedented... things seem rather grave at this point, and I wonder what else is going on that we aren't fully aware of yet...
Another great chapter! You're crafting such an intriguing and unique story and your writing is always a delight to read! I'm looking forward to the next update! I need to know what happens next!
Thank you so much for swapping!
Big snowball hug,
Chiara
Author's Response:Hi Chiara!
I'm so glad you like Lily's group of friends. I really enjoy writing them and love them all individually. They're definitely not perfect and don't always do the right thing but they try to do best by each other. i think seeing Oscar as a stabalizing force is very accurate. He has all the Gryffindor qualities but in much more centered/grounded sort of way.
As to who's behind the poisioning... I will just say that everyone has an agenda and even the people who are telling the truth aren't necessarily being 100% honest. ;P
Caroline *should* be moving but I think she's too wrapped in the toxicity of their relationship and their constant on-again-off-again status to be able to fully move on.
Lily missing her mother is always in the back of my mind when I'm wriitng Lily. She doesn't talk about it enough but she's constantly thinking of her mother and wishing she was there.
There is a lot going in the background. I mean, basically everything important is happening outside of Hogwarts. It's been kind of a challenge trying to filter enough important information into this story, especially because the Prophet is being so biased and keeping so much out of its pages. But, yeah, there's a lot going on that we'll start hearing about soon. Hehe
Thank you so much for taking the time to write this lovely review. It always means so much <3
Love, Quilly
Hi Quilly,
Here also for the review tag! I've heard so much about this story, and it seems right up my alley, so I can't wait to get into it :)
Wow, what a great introduction. I see at the end here that you've revised this chapter to fit the future, and I can tell that there has been some careful thought about the plot and the characters. It's so impressive, and really makes me want to learn more about Xander and how he'll fit in with everyone else ten years from now!
I love how you fill in the pockets that are missed by the source material--namely, what happened after Voldemort fell in other parts of the world? There is so much space to fill! I also love how Harry has been dragged back into it by a child who reminds him so much of himself. It's almost like he has unfinished business with his own life and grief, and helping this boy will help him through it. (Though Ginny rightfully reminds him, it's not you, Harry. It's not your story)
Speaking of, I also love the way you touch on Harry and Ron's relationship after the battle. How Ron wants to do more, and Harry needs to just rest, really. You wove a really believable little tale of their time from when the battle ended to now. I feel like I know Harry, Ginny, Hermione, and Ron in this timeline already! That's amazing.
I am left wondering if Chapman has a bigger part to play, or if he is going to fade into the background. I'm also curious about how Xander will fit in with the Potters. So many questions, and I'm so excited!!
Thanks for such a great first chapter
blackballet (Cat)
Finally here for our swap.
It seems like Halloween is still chaotic even in the Next Generation though you can't beat all the shenanigans that the trio got up to on Halloween or near Halloween.
I love Hugo and Xander's friendship. Caroline seems like a nice girl but I a don't like that her team mates seem to be trying ti make into something she's not.
I hope Lily is okay but knowing the Potter "luck' on Halloween. It doesn't look good.
Hi Quilly! Here for our review swap!
First of all, that chapter title is so fitting! I will need lessons on how to write chapter titles that fit in thematically with my chapters because I love how you made that happen here for this chapter.
As always, your ability to describe a scene both succinctly and so appropriately is second to none. I feel drawn into both the visuals of each scene, but also in the minds of these characters. Your balance between introspection and outward action is grand!
I also love how you are able to really bring out teenage angst in realistic ways. All the relationship drama that seems to fix itself on Xander reminds us that these are kids dealing with kid things. But it doesn't make their feelings any less valid. If anything they feel more and it raises the tension in other ways.
I really like how you continue to remind us the importance of the upcoming election in different ways each time this story progresses. Here we see Harry speaking outward about politics, whereas before he would not have. Sometimes just being related to someone or close to them does not automatically mean you ascribe to their politics. And I think it also helps Xander come to realize what is happening politically speaking, more so than ever.
It's also interesting that Edward Ballard likely did not poison Lily. It would've been too easy if it was him. But it makes him a bit more interesting as a character not to just be 100% "the villain," ya know? Not that blood prejudice or taking away the Muggles wands is cool, but I guess I'm just trying to say that you really are good are creating complex characters. Even the side ones. :)
Ahh that moment in the library between Lily and Xander really felt like they might just GO FOR IT, in terms of a kiss. But again, I like how you are prolonging it. It's sort of odd to just jump right in and kiss your adopted sibling, right? So this whole natural "fuck I have feelings," reaction we see again and again, feels realistic(? probably not the right word considering I don't have an adoptive sibling whose bones I wanted to jump LOL,). But anyway, their tentativeness makes sense and feels right, is what I'm trying to say.
The bit with Professor Reagan at the end was interesting. I almost feel like Xander is becoming less surly/rebellious as this story carries on? Maybe something to do with his budding feelings for Lily and his focus on the political climate? I don't know, but it feels like character development in some ways to me.
Anyway, this was another great chapter! I am really intrigued to see what happens next for Xander and Lily! Great job and thanks for the swap!
<3 Courtney
Author's Response:Ahh thank you so much! Finding the right names for chapters is always such a struggle so that means a lot <3
I'm glad you find the teenage anst realistic. I think they're at that age where everything feels really, overwhelmingly big, and then there *are* really big things happeneing to them, but they definitely don't have the wisdom or maturity to handle it. And as far as Xander just "going for it," I don't that idea even crosses his mind because he doesn't think there's any way Lily feels the way same. And Lily's pretty confused about her own feelings too. I think they're both probably really wishing they didn't have feelings and are going to do their best to supress it rather than take a chancd at it.
I feel like there's lots of times Harry and Hermione diagreed politicall lol but, honestly, I think that he just doesn't want to be used as a political pawn. He's had too many bad experiences with that. And I think Hermione probably knows that and respects that. But, yea, this election is definitely different,and it's testing all of their convictions.
I don't think Xander's ever been very rebellious. He admires and respects Reagan and wants his teachers to like him. He's going to follow the rules unless there's something else he wants.
Thank you so much writing such a thoughtful review. I really loved hearing all your thoughts <3
Hey here for our swap,
I like this chapter. The flower stones seemed cool. I loved seeing what Neville taught in Herbology.
Edward is back and I don't really like him. He sounds like Malfoy. I don't think the date with Lily will turn out well.
The three girls dressing alike was funny.
Author's Response:I'm glad you enjoyed the flowerstones! It's interesting that you compare to Edward to Malfoy. They do have similiar backgrounds, but I want to say that personality-wise, they're very different. Thank you for reviewing. <3 Quilly
Hey here for our swap,
I like this chapter. The flower stones seemed cool. I loved seeing what Neville taught in Herbology.
Edward is back and I don't really like him. He sounds like Malfoy. I don't think the date with Lily will turn out well.
The three girls dressing alike was funny.
Hey here for our swap,
This chapter was great. I loved the discussion about female uniforms for the Quidditch team.
I loved the appearance of Dennis. Though, it's because of a sad reason since his wife was killed by the Clarifiers.
Maya seems just like her uncle and dad being obsessed with the Potters but Lily is so used to the fame that she handles it better than her dad did.
The awkward moment when someone thinks your brother is hot and you have the stifle the urge to gag.
l'm glad that Xander agreed to tutor Maya.
Author's Response:Hi! Thank you so much for coming by with this review. Lily has been famous since birth, whereas Harry had to learn how to get used to it. Also, she's much more extroverted than Harry. I think these are some of the reason she handles fame a bit better than her dad, though, really, it affects her too. She just doesn't show it the same way. <3 Quilly
Hi, Quilly,
I am here to leave one more review for your excellent story and try one last time to woo the Headless Horseman for the Monster Speed Dating review event. I see that you have already posted your entry to make a bid for his hand, so we shall see if either of us is the winner.
This was a great chapter. The thunder-and-lightning storm is a vivid, powerful background to the crisis of Lily's poisoning, and the scene of her friends holding late-night vigil in the hospital wing corridor is very compelling. All the dialogues between them are just right.
And why did Edward Ballard leave Hogwarts so precipitously and go home? (And, come to think of it, how did he leave? I suppose he could have run outside, beyond the perimeter wall, and Apparated.) My first thought was that he had had something to do with the poisoning, but Mason, who does seem to know him, declares that Edward would never do something to harm Lily, and Kat, who knows the Slytherins, says she doesn't think it was one of them, so you have deepened this mystery by casting doubt on the obvious answers, suggesting that the investigation will lead to something darker, more twisted, more complicated.
Professor Reagan is stiff-necked, impatient, unsympathetic to students. He's quite a contrast with Harry, and you show this well in the scene in the hospital corridor when they have two very opposed reactions to the questions by Lily's friends. It makes me wonder if Professor Reagan doesn't really want to be teaching at Hogwarts at all but is doing so out of necessity, and so he takes his ill humor out on the students. Maybe whatever prevents his passing a background check also limits his job opportunities.
As to why the professor cannot pass a background check (what in the world did he do?) or why it is so bad that Hermione woud let sick people die rather than allow him to brew an antidote that would save their lives, it's hard to think of a reason for her to act that way. Presumably Harry knows Ballard's background and is not averse to letting him brew the antidote to the poison, so there are obviously two sides to this question.
A very interesting conversation between Harry and Xander when they are both alone. I llike your exploration of the concept that we cannot declare that innocent people "have nothing to hide," because nobody is totally innocent; we all have something to hide. I am reminded of an incident many decades ago in a rural town in Great Britain, where a crime (murder?) had been committed, and the police had some fingerprints but no idea to whom they belonged, so they fingerprinted every man in the town. At least, in that instance, they got nothing more than fingerprints from each male citizen, and all the men's other secrets remained hidden.
As for the wrap-up between Xander, Nia, and Kat, I can say that I sure didn't see that coming, especially since you have set us up by showing the animosity between Nia and Kat previously. But the hidden relationship between Nia and Kat leads smoothly into Kat's offer to find out which of the Sacred Twenty-Eight are behind the attack on Lily.
You are very skillful in how you take all these little tiny pieces of events, actions, words to put together this complicated story. I am reminded of a 1000-piece jigsaw puzzle being dumped out onto a table top -- everything fits together eventually, somehow.
Vicki
Hi, Quilly.
Here again in my marathon effort to review all the chapters of this story that you have so far posted. (And to capture the eye of the Headless Horseman in the Monster Speed Dating event.)
I liked the description of the decorations in the Great Hall for the Hallowe'en feast. It's fun to read descriptions of feast decorations in general. The authors are so imaginative. (For a different take on Hallowe'en decorations in the Great Hall, read Maggots on my AP. It slots into Crofter/Snake.) I like the large number of bats flying around near the ceiling. :)
You had a red-flag sentence here, where Lily says, concerning Edward, "There were some last-minute things he needed to grab for the party." Edward is the son of Fabian Ballard, who is running for MoM and seems to be a Clarifier sympathizer. I Edward "grabbing" something that his father wants him to spike the drinks with?
When Professor Reagan sees Lily and Nia in the dungen corridors and is inclined to dock points from each of them, it is interesting to see that Lily doesn't use her brains at all -- she just flies off the handle, indignant and furious, making things worse every second, and it is Nia who keeps her cool sufficiently to make up a story to justify their presence there. As I recall, Lily's mother Ginny tended to fly off the handle also when she was an adolescent; it's not a survival trait (to speak in evolutionary terms).
Another conversation between Kat and Xander. She's come to rely on him to do all her homework for her, which is a short-sighted plan -- how can she hope to pass the tests? -- and when he points that out to her, she says, "Fine. I'll drop it." I wondered if she meant that she would drop her efforts to persuade him to do her homework for her, or that she would drop the Arithmancy class altogether. Probably the latter. Well, that will give Xander a little more free time and a little less income.
Later, as Kat and Xander walk towards the dungeons, she says, "My friends think it's all very exciting that muggleborns are being poisoned to death." An odd thing for her to say. Does she want to imply that she too thinks it's "exciting," or does she just want to gauge his reaction (nothing to see there). Or is she revealing that the purebred elites speak freely of their Clarifier sympathies in their homes, in the hearing of their children (like Kat), who become privy to some of the details? Interesting -- how much does Kat know?
At the party in the Slytherin common room -- crowded, loud, awash in alcohol -- Lily finds herself without any friends to lean on. Frightened, feeling tipsy/drugged, seeing a strange house-elf serving drinks at the bar (another red flag), she eventually paasses out in Edward's arms, feeling that something is terribly wrong. And so it is. But girls aren't passing out all over the room, so I suspect that she has been specifically targeted and the house-elf was instructed to drug her drinks. Why Lily specifically? Does Edward know anything about this?
Like Xander, I would stay as far away as possible from a party like that! I liked your observation, with Hugo and Xander in Hugo's quarters, that "Hugo saw knowledge as something meant to be used for something purposeful and, preferaably, good. Xnder saw knowledge as something that made him more so than the people who did not have it." Xander has this unsatiable hunger to store up facts/knowledge. Some people do, though often not for the purpose of comparing themselves with others but simply for the fascination and joy of knowledge. Others, like Xander, would have the same desire, but their insecurity would lead them to perpetual comparison with other people, always striving for the title of "Best." A good observation on your part, and revealing about both Hugo and Xander.
Finally, the cliffhanger. Something terrible has happened to Lily, but what? Luckily the next chapter is posted, so I shall find out!
I am always impressed about how much substantial stuff you can pack into each chapter. Good job.
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!
It's always such a pleasure to read your reviews because you have such a careful, observant eyes as you thread through stories.
Lily's temper is definitely not always her best ally, and it was lucky that Nia was there to reel her back. Both girls can have a bit of a temper and a quick mouth, so it's good that one of them is willig to stand down and be smart about things when the other one is risking flying off the rails. And yes, Ginny had quite a temper herself. As did Harry at times. He could be sassy when facign an unjustice as well.
Kat will not be dropping Arithmancy. She's a true Slytherin at heart and will do what she needs to do be successful. Even if she's willing to let go of the conversation for the time being. As far as her comment about muggleborns - she does want to gauge his reaction, definitely. She wants to know what he thinks about the situation and about her. You've made some interesting questions, and there'll be answers for you coming up! (soon too, i hope!)
I'm glad you enjoyed the bit about Hugo and Xander. I feel like their similarites bring them together in that they both dont' mind spend hours in the library and care much more about school than they do about being cool or being a part of normal teenage life. But their reasoning behind it is just very dfiferent. Hugo tends to be much more selfless than Xander, and this ends up showing in many apsects of their lives.
Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful review. <3 Quilly
Hi, Quilly.
Here again with another review for your fine story. If I don't win that date with the Headless Horseman in the Monster Speed Dating event, it won't be for lack of trying.
I liked the section about the flowerstones in the NEWT Herbology class. It is always fun to see what is going on in the classes, curriculum-wise, and Herbology seems to be a natural for that kind of treatment. In this class you give us a little bit more information about the political situation (his father is running for MoM), which is always nice, so we don't get it all in an infodump, and we see more about what a jerk Edward is. Edward says, "The election is going to get ugly," but we don't yet know in what way. Maybe Edward knows about some 'dirty tricks' that his father will utilize during the campaign.
I find myself wondering why Lily gets connected with such boys (Andrew, Edward) who are not good enough for her.
More political intrigue when the kids learn that Fabian Ballard, a billionaire who bought a controlling interest in the newspaper, is now running for MoM, so obviously he wants to control and censor what the newspaper says about him and his campaign. You don't suppose. It has already started, with the press release of news about the epidemic 'stomach curse' that is sending people to the hospital. Now the curse has a name, Vittamortis, and Fabian is campaigning in his newspaper to reduce the civil rights of muggleborns as an obviously false ploy to 'control' the disease. You are making things go from bad to worse. i expect that Fabian Ballard is a Clarifier and that the Clarifiers will somehow rig the election to make sure that he wins.
Woven in among this serious stuff is a lot of teenage angst. The image of Lily, Nia, and Syana walking down the main staircase dressed all alike is so silly. Do they not see that they look like a triple case of arrested development (at about the junior high school level)? I wonder what Nia is trying to accomplish with her verbal attacks on Xander and Kat. And how can Lily consider Nia to be her 'best friend' if Nia behaves like that?
We shall see what will happen at the Slytherin Hallowe'en party. Nothing good, I'm afraid.
Somehow I think that we're nowhere near the end of this story, and that things are going to get worse.
Very imaginative!
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki! Thank you so much for coming by in your attempts to woo the Horseman.
Hmm you asked an intersting question regarding Lily's reasoning for becoming connected to boys who aren't good enough for her. I think the answer is that she does believe them to good enough for her. She was friends with Andrew before they started dating, and she thought him a nice guy and blamed most of their falling outs on herself. She wasn't completely wrong either. There were tons of mistakes she made in that relationship. Of course one could say that she was young (only fourteen when they first started dating) and that Andrew's actions eventually outweighed any wrong she might've done, but Lily's focus remained on her own wrongdoings. With Edward - she's friends with him and thinks him fun. She knows he's not perfect - that he's arrogant and such - but she doesn't feel his faults outweight the fact that he's a decent person. Whether or not she's right to believe this is yet to be seen, however.
As far as Lily, Nia, and Syana realizing that they look silly dressing alike - they don't realize it, no. Lol. Part of is just that the girls are all around the same age and follow similar trends. But a bigger part of it is that they've yet to find their own footing and sense of self. One day in the distant future, they might look back and realize how silly they appeared, but for now, it's all just a part of them living life as teenagers who have yet a lot to grow. <3 Quilly
Hi, Quilly,
Back again to write you a review and improve my odds of getting a date with the Headless Horseman in the Monster Speed Dating event. (Listen to me, angling for a date with the Headless Horseman!)
More indications here and there of the true nature of these "Clarifiers," who killed Xander's mother many years ago and now have killed Maya's mother when she (Maya's mother) responded to their attack on a small town a few months previously. Obviously the Clarifiers are not a philosophical movement but rather a bunch of thugs. One sees that from time to time -- a powerful person uses his opportunity to communicate with the masses in order to promote hateful messages, and then he sits back when the hearers of his messages commit crimes against other people, either because they are incited by the messages or because they use the unrest as a chance to pillage and destroy.
I liked the part where Xander says, "I keep getting this feeling, like theyk're not done with me yet -- like I'm not done with them." This lineseems to foreshadow some kind of a showdown in the end between Zander and the Clarifiers. (Now I get this picture in my mind of a reprise of the climactic scene between Harry and Voldemort in the Great Hall :)
I am very curious to see how you are going to bring all this to a conclusion.
The discussion among the members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team was a humorous change of pace, even more appreciated because there's not a lot of humor in this story, though I do enjoy the little bits that I encounter here and there.
The visit to Dennis Creevey's house was totallly unexpected, quite a surprise. I imagine that Dennis and his daughter will have some role to play in the coming months, though I can't imagine what it will be. You showed Lily off at her finest when she sought out Maya in the house of mourning and persuaded her to come to Hogwarts, showing her a way to a better life than the one she had at that very moment. A good addition to ehat we know about Lily's characteer.
Oh, my. The final lines. And just when I had given up all hope of there being any spark between Lily and Xander. Is it the grieving little girl Maya that will finally bring them together?
Fine story.
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!
At this point, Xander has no idea just how closely related he is to Clarifiers and their doings. He understands that his mother was killed by them but doesn't know who his mother (or her family) was and how that will affect his future. As you say - they're definitely not good people, and their message of hate and prejudice won't do anyone any good. I'm glad you enjoyd the Quidditch team. The different ages/personalties makes them fun to write. I'm also glad you got to see a different side of Lily with Maya. Lily's sometimes too brazen and stuck in her own head but she felt like Maya's grief was relateable and that helped her communicate with the eleven year old. And Lily and Xander - they have ways to go hehe Both are needing to go through a lot of growing up, but you're right - there's spark ;) Thank you for your review! <3 Quilly.
Hi, Quilly,
Here again for another review of your fine story, as I work to earn a chance for a date with the Headless Horseman in the Monster Speed Dating event.
Wow. We found out a whole lot about what is going on, politically, in that nighttime library conversation between Harry, Ron, and Teddy. Now it's no longer just a story about angsty teenage love at Hogwarts. The little clues you have been dropping over the last few chapters are fitting into a wider and more scary picture. I notice that in this scene, Ron seems unconvinced that the Clarifiers who are in power at MACUSA are interested in coming across the ocean to Britain, and then shortly afterwards, in the scene with Scorpius and Xander outside the house in the daylight, Scorpius reveals that the Clarifiers are already in Britain, gaining followers among the remnants of the Sacred Twenty-Eight.
Scorpius is so naive when he says, of the Clarifiers, "They said it won't be at all like it was with Tom Riddle, that this time there is no Dark Lord to serve, only the purity of their own blood." Of course it will be like it was with Tom Riddle because the movement cannot exist with a vacuum in the place where the strong leader is supposed to be. Someone will see that vacuum and place himself into the role, and they will have a Supreme Leader/Dictator/Tyrant who might not call himself "the Dark Lord," but whatever he calls himself, he will be one.
Then Scorpius goes on to say, "They want the Ministry, and if they can't have the Ministry, they'll want war." That sounds like how it was with Tom Riddle, all right.
Thank you also for your answers to the questions I posed in your Novel Nest. That backgtound info about the philosophy of the Clarifiers was very useful.
And we see poor Lily and Xander blowing hot and cold with each other during the wedding weekend. He seems to be almost on the brink of tellling her how he feels about her, but she cannot let go of her longing for scorpius, Futile though it may be (and she knows it). I'm not sure these two are making any progress at all.
Great chapter. You write so well.
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!
I am so happy to see you catching up to the plot of things. I've really looking forward to see where your careful observations take you as you read through these hints. At this point, Clarifiers have been around for a while, so Ron can't see why they should now be choosing to come this way. But, as you say, Scorpius' news will soon shaken that belief. The Clarifiers Scorpius is talking about are based in Britain (they're coming from the same families that used to make Death Eaters) but, of course, they're being influenced/guided by the counterpart across the pond, so the how that all has worked out will eventually be explained. Clarifiers ideology is very based on the power behind a group, not a person, BUT you are right to point out that a person will always try to take control and I won't say anything more than that or else I'll be risking spoilers ;) Thank you so much for coming to review. I always enjoy your reviews greatly. <3 Quilly
Hi, Quilly. Back again for another review for the Monster Speed Dating event, to woo the Headless Horseman and to tell you how great I think this story is.
I love how, in all the little scenes of this chapter, you manage to sprinkle in tiny hints of the serious and dangerous developments in the British wizarding world, such as the mention of the stomach curse that is going around and swamping St. Mungo's with patients, and the book about Galafarth that Xander brings to the nightclub. And the mysterious assignment that Harry sent Teddy on, in disguise, so important that Teddy could not be spared on the night before his wedding and had to be represented by a Polyjuiced stand-in at the nightclub. That's pretty far out.
The section where Xander and Lily are talking about love (in the abstract) was satisfying to read. For once Xander seemed to have his guard somewhat down -- the mood of his words is more melancholy than self-protective, as if his defenses are down.
Interesting that Xander has these nightmares that include fragments of memories of things that happened before he came to live with the Potters and before his early memories were Obliviated. But apparently not entirely. I wonder if he realizes that his old memories are in these nightmares.
Nice chapter. It flows well. Thank you for writing. :)
Vicki <3
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!
Thank you so much for coming back again for another review!
There's definitely a storm brewing in the British wizarding world and I was happy you were able to pick up on all the different little hints that were sprinkled throughout. I'm also glad you enjoyed Lily's/Xander's converstion. Xander started out trying to keep his guard up but he had a really hard time keeping up his defenses when Lily's around, especially when she's teasing and being friendly herself. Thank you so much for all your wonderful thoughts and comments <3 Quilly
Hi, Quilly,
I'm here to write you some flash reviews for your story, in order to woo the Headless Horseman in the Monster Speed Dating event. I have read all your chapters, but I need to catch up on commenting about them!
It was interesting to learn that Xander has a side business in ghostwriting other student's homework for rather large sums of money. He's very businesslilke about it, collecting receipts and keeping records, and he's been doing it for years. I wonder if he will ever get caught. Do the professors never suspect the writing style, or can Xander utilize different styles so that his papers-for-hire don't sound like his own work? (He probably can.)
There is a concrit in this section of the chapter, where it says "It wasn't an ethical business, per say..." The word you want is not 'say' (as in "I say my name"). It's a Latin phrase, 'per se,' meaning 'by or in itself; intrinsically.' The Latin word 'se,' meaning 'itself,' is pronounced the same as our English word 'say'. I have seen other writers get tripped up by this same phrase, hearing it spoken in conversation for years and never realizing that it was Latin.
I loved the conversation between Xander and Andrew at the base of the Ravenclaw Tower. Xander is so well-spoken, calm, logical, never ruffled by what the other person says to him. Such a contrast with blustery, drunken, weepy Andrew. This contrast makes these conversations (also the ones with Lily and her girlfriends) extremely interesting to read.
I liked the line, "Xander had always sounded older, even when they had been children." It made me think of the fact that a person's personality is so strongly dictated by his/her genes. I am sure that Xander's way of speaking and thinking is a reflection of his biological parents. It would be fascinating to know more about them -- if they were like Xander is now, in some way.
The episode of tending the wounded thestral in the middle of the night was a tender scene and a nice change of pace, some action along with the conversation. I don't think you ever have just purely light, casual conversations in your chapters. Even when it's just Lily with her girlfriends, there's a tense undercurrent.
Good chapter.!
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!
Thank you for having stopped here in your pursuit of the Headless Horseman. <3 Xander does use different styles and he tries to adapt the papers to their academic level so that their improvments sound plausible. Thank you so much for pointing out the concrit. I appreciate your eagle-eye with these sort of things more than you know. Xander and Andrew are both very different people. Andrew has always been very emotional, and the break-up has made him even more so. You're right in saying Xander's personality is, in some ways, a biological trait. There's no much I can say about them, other than the things that have already been revealed about his mother, but more shall be relieved as the story progresses ;P I chuckled a bit when you said I never have just purely light, casual conversations because a) I hadn't noticed but now realize that it's true and b) I've been told that about myself in real life so I feel like it makes sense that it would carry into my writing. Thank you so much for this wonderful review <3 Quilly
Hi Quilly! I’m here to woo a Dementor :D
I don’t think we’ve seen much of Professor Reagan yet, but I love how he’s pushing Xander. I mean, I’m also rooting for Lily and Xander to get together, but I do get it why a teacher would be pushing a talented student and cautioning them to get rid of distractions. Teenage relationships can be so fleeting, but doing well academically can help you get where you want to go after school is over.
The bridesmaids getting fitted for their dresses made me smile. It’s hard when everyone has to wear something that was picked out by something else. My sympathies to Lucy. While I have a hard time thinking that Victorie would pick something truly tasteless, taste is a subjective thing, so not everyone will agree with her pick. I loved the world building with the stomach curse.
I wonder what Teddy’s mission is. I hope he’ll be okay :eyes;
It’s interesting that Ron is insisting on Hugo going to university before applying to be an Auror, since Ron was never fond of school himself. I wonder if he’s trying to keep Hugo from joining the Auror team because he doesn’t want to deal with the anxiety of having his kid work a dangerous job like that.
I loved the moment where Xander made the music cut out. I also thought it was interesting that Hugo knew exactly what happened. It was a good point about putting the music back on to keep Lily there dancing instead of running off with the flavor of the moment.
Lmao at the Weasleys going around like a pack of wolves.
Omg, Xander, reading at a club. Xander, put your book away and go dance with someone! Preferably Lily!
I loved the conversation at the club between Xander and Lily. They’re doing this dance trying to one up each other, trying to keep the other one from realizing the extent of their feelings for each other. And there’s a familiarity too, that only comes from knowing someone as long as they’ve known each other. Xander claims not to believe in love—but for all his logical cynicism, I think he believes in love a little too much.
Again, I hope Teddy’s okay!
AHHH Galaforth!!! I can’t wait to find out how that ties in :eyes:
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi Noelle!
It took me longer than I would've liked to introduce Professor Reagan but he will continue to play a role through the story so it was time he made an apperance. He definitely values Xander's studies more than he values his social life and wants him to keep focused in that. In some ways, it's that he sees talent in him that is not easily found and doesn't want to see it going to waste. I think Victorie's choice was actually very fashionable, but I think Lily's taste is more girly and high school and fun and so she can't get into it. I'm glad you enjoyed the part where Xander made the music cut out. Hugo knows him best of all and always knows the right thing to say to get him to behave... Haha Xander's really not much of a social butterfly, though he would've 100% preferred to be dancing with Lily than reading if he had known it was a choice. And I'm so glad you enjoyed the conversation between Xander/Lily too! I always enjoy writing them together, because I do feel like there's a level of familiarity/comfort in each other that remains despite their distancing. Thank you again so much for coming by with this wonderful review <3 Quilly
Hi Quilly! I’m here to woo a Dementor :D
I don’t blame Xander—I think I’d be writing a paper for 25 Galleons too! Although I feel like Lily would take this is kind of a betrayal if she knew he was writing papers for Andrew.
I was surprised when Andrew started sobbing. I had expected him to be laughing over Lily’s humiliation, but he seems really torn up about it. Xander doesn’t have much sympathy for him (and I don’t blame him, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for Andrew either).
Xander seems to know Lily really well. I adored the line about how Andrew should have given Lily the sun, and known it would bore her eventually.
So I did catch how angry Xander was in the first scene when Andrew asked if Lily was seeing anyone yet. And I see in scene two that Lily is upset at the idea of her friend Nia making a pass at Xander. I wonder if Lily understands why she is this upset :eyes:
They were two separate worlds, both belonging to her but never to each other.
^^This line is so good and so telling!
Nia seems like a pretty high maintenance friend. I can see why Lily would wind up confiding more in Hannah.
Okay this moment where Lily is noticing how tall Xander is for the first time has me all :eyes:
I love the moment with the Thestral. I’m so glad they took care of it. This is some good world building with the tears with healing properties, and the dirty side of the Ministry of Magic. I also loved the conversation between Lily and Xander, and how she’s noticing that he is actually good looking and not just this guy she’s known all her life.
Harry of all people would understand about newspapers printing crap that isn’t true. I hope that her family can rally around her soon and make her feel a little less vulnerable.
Lily is slowly becoming more and more physically aware of Xander. And while Xander might have a point about Lily not enjoying casual relationships, it’s not really his place to decide that for her. I feel like this is definitely coming from a place of jealousy for him.
But it looks like Lily’s going to wind up in detention and not in the Astronomy Tower after all.
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi Noelle!
So glad to see you here again in your pursuit of the monster's courtship. Hehe Xander saw a way to profit from his smarts and took it. It's not very ethical, but he fails to see the wrong in it. Andrew was definitely more torn up about the situation than anything else. He's having a very hard time with things, and maybe if he and Lily talked things out, some things could be cleared up, but they're not at that point yet. Xander's never really been much sympathetic to others, and he's especially on the fence about someone who he feels hurt Lily. A lot of his reactions stem from jealousy, however, and you're right, it's not his place to tell her what kind of relationship she would like to have or with who. There's a lot of growing up he has to do in that sense. Thank you so much for this wonderful review. <3 Quilly
I'm here so so late for our swap but ahhhhhhhhh so many feelings in this chapter!
Poor Harry, honestly, will this man never have any peace? Your grown Harry remains one of my favorite portrayals.
Reagan's position on the use of the one dose of antidote here really is ice cold, but I get how it's a rational position in a way.
And Harry's being Harry with the whole "we are no more worthy of living than any other people out there" -- very on brand for him, and I can see how there might be some measure of guilt associated with him successfully twisting Reagan's arm to use of the one dose on his daughter. But it's one thing for Harry to be willing to sacrifice himself for others -- it's another entirely to ask him to sacrifice his child.
I loved the whole "we all have things to hide" conversation, and how wise that made Harry seem. Harry's got a black and white view of ethics, like the ethics of using veritaserum or legilimency -- but has developed more nuanced ways of looking at other things, like the concept of innocent people having nothing to hide. Xander's argument there feels like a very young Harry argument, but Harry now recognizes that even if you haven't done the crime, there's still plenty of personal stuff you don't want people digging around in on their way to finding the truth. (Interestingly, Xander's argument is a typical "greater good" kind of position, and Harry knows all too well where that road can lead.)
Me laughing at Lysander telling Lily "it's been 10 years" XD
I feel like Xander's out for blood now and I'm very here for it. The raging storm.
Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!! <3
Melanie
Hi Quilly! I’m here to woo a Minotaur :D
September walked out the door before anyone had a proper glance at it
^^ I loved how you put that!
These Gryffindors are more reasonable than the Lightning Era Gryffindors were. At least it seems that way at the beginning of the chapter. I like how you have Lysander and Lorcan being mischievous, sort of echoing Fred and George and the Marauders. I feel bad for Lily being blasted in the papers, that sucks and if it’s really coming from Andrew I wish he’d grow up. I thought it was amusing how the Gryffindors got talked out of retaliating though, since Minerva would maybe be more on top of punishing them than Dumbledore was.
Ugh, Caroline is being pretty nasty to Lily here. Not cool.
I love your Herbology world building! It’s a cool idea to have a plant that responds to emotions like that. I also love seeing Lily’s talent at something hands-on like Herbology. Clearly she is talented in a lot of areas, even if other subjects aren’t as easy for her.
For some reason, I find it hard to trust the Ministry. Why are they controlling the Thestral’s breading?
It seems like Xander and Lily are having none of the Thestral capturing either. I hope they are successful in setting it free and getting it back to safety.
I love the idea of Lily getting to use the Invisibility Cloak!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi Noelle, thank you once again for coming by in your efforts to court a monster <3
I want to say that Oscar's definitely the most reasonable one of the group and, as their captian/leader figure, he does a pretty good job at keeping them all in check. and yeah, I 100% see Minerva being much stricter than Dumbledore ever was. Lol. I'm so glad you enjoyed the Herbology scene. I picture Lily as someone who's good at hands-on things and projects but just doesn't have the patience to read through a chapter or write a very long paper. As a random side note - I've always had a head-canon of where the map and cloak end up in the second generation, and it's been that James gets the cloak, but allows (encourages, really) his siblings to use it, though neither Albus nor Lily end up causing as much mischief with it as he would've liked ;P Thank you so much for this wonderful review <3 Quilly
Hi Quilly! I’m here to woo a Mummy :D
Oh, I love this glimpse of Minerva here. You do a great job showing us all the sides of her. She’s stern, but she’s got a soft spot for certain students. And she’s got a tendency to be extra strict with Slytherins. I’m not surprised that she is so adamant about Xander not learning to be an Animagus now, since the Marauders became Animagi right under her nose. She would be extra careful going forward not to let that happen again.
Dang Xander! 12 NEWTS???? There aren’t enough hours in the day! Did Percy even do 12?
I do feel bad for him in this Herbology scene, where Lily is right there, but she’s giving this other person the attention that Xander so clearly wishes she would give him.
Everything would be simpler if he learned to see her with the same affection he felt for James and Albus, if he treated her like a sister.
But she wasn’t his sister.
^^ Oh Xander! I just want to give him a hug.
there were lines he drew so hard, they might as well have been etched on his skin.
^^ This line is excellent.
She was the sort of pretty Xander couldn’t stand, the kind that made it hard to breathe.
^^ Xander is protesting too much, methinks.
Lmao at the way everyone is teasing Lily about her little Ravenclaw friend.
AHHH I love the part about how Hugo reads minds with his heart!!!
How sad that Xander believes that serious relationships will never work for him. He’s so young to have come to that conclusion. But he’s also so passionate, and a bit black and white with his thinking, so it makes sense that he would be thinking that now. I hope he will change his mind over the course of the story.
I love the side debate about Merlin’s third law.
Lmao at Hugo’s explanation for his hame, and why he wasn’t named Victor.
This was a lovely chapter! I enjoyed getting to know the characters better.
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Hi Noelle! Thank you so much for stopping by in your attempts to woo the Mummy <3 McGonagall is definitely stern but I think she's fair, and you're right - she's not going to be keen on things going on without her approval, no matter how much Xander wants it. I definitely agree that Xander has a very black and white way of thinking and it's something that he will continue to affect him and that he will need to work on so I really appreciated the fact that you picked that up from his characterization. <3 Quilly
Hi, Quilly. Tag! I am here to review another chapter of this great story. It is a pleasure to read. I lke your varied subjects within the chapter -- Quidditch, Andrew Roger's tasteless stunt, the carmina herbea seed/tree, the capture of the Thestral -- all of which are presented in a lively style, a good combination of action, introspection, and detail.
I like how you characterize your various characters, each with an easily discernable personality. And the dialogue is crisp, straightforward, varied, clever, showing a variety of emotions. I also appreciate that while the various characters have their happy moments and their sad moments, it's not 100% angsty. For me at least, a 100% angsty story has no appeal.
I'm not sure what the overall plot of the story is, since I haven't read very many chapters yet. The mystery about Xander's past is certainly a strong thread, and I'm sure he'll eventually find out what he wants to know. It's hard to discern what Lily's path is, as of yet; she's apparently not cut out for the academic life, and she has been unlucky in love, but I hope that things will get easier for her.
You've got some good villains here. Andrew is a real jerk, and Caroline is pretty catty. They make the story more interesting just by being themselves.
I am enjoying this story. Thank you for writing!
Vicki
Author's Response:Hi Vicki!
Thank you so much for coming with this lovely review <3 I was so happy to hear you say that you felt like the various characters have easily discernable personality. That's always been something I work hard to achieve and that doesn't always come easy so it I truly appreciated that comment. I have to admit I'm guilty of natrually navigating to angst - and it's easy to do with these particular group of teeangers - but I also don't like to leave it 100% angst either. The plot of the story sort of unfolds as it goes along but i think you've done a really great of capturing what's important about these chapters, the mystery behind Xander, Lily's struggles, etc. Again, thank you so much for this wonderful review <3 Quilly
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