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Me again for another round of tag!
Again, I really enjoyed your world building and found the introduction to this chapter really gripping with The Muggle stumbling onto Potter Manor. And I thought all of your descriptions really drew me in as the reader and set up a fabulous scene of mystery. Like it felt a little disorienting at first, sort of how I would it imagine it being for the Muggle, which was just a brilliant touch. :)
And your worldbuilding in regards to Potter Manor was excellent. I really liked the concepts of "home," and "house," and how they mean different things to different people. Xander finds it cozy. Ginny found some nostaglic there. But Harry sees it for its utilitarian purposes. And Lily isn't so fond of it either. I also loved the details how the library was built with books coming from different friends and family members. That's such a cozy library to me, full of things that people you love also love.
The dynamic between Xander and Lily is intriguing. Almost like he's pining after her? I know they're adoptive siblings, but the details he notices about her physicality made me feel like maybe he wishes they could be more than that. I wonder what happened to sort of divide their once close friendship. Definitely have my eyes open for more details surrounding that.
I love how you portray Lily too. She very much feels like Ginny and Harry's kid with her loud and unapologetic personality. And the complications she's feeling, felt very teenage typical, in a great way.
Xander is intereting. There's more to him than meets the eye. And while it's alluded he has ties to "The Dark Side," and you explore that a little bit more here, I continue to be curious about him. I think you're showing us just enough about his character while teasing us at the same time that makes me want to know more about him. It's an excellent show of your writing capabilities.
Anyway, this was such a strong second chapter with your worldbuilding and expanding upon certain characters! I'm looking forward to what comes next!
<3 Courtney
Author's Response:The poor muggle! Lol Honestly, I wanted a fresh pair of eyes on Xander before we got into the story, and that's where that poor kid played into the whole thing.
Yes, the Manor definitely means different things to different people. Xander loves it and Lily - well Lily spent the whole summer escaping it, so I don't think she dislikes it but yes, you're definitely right in thinking she's not as fond of it as Xander. That was such a nice catch & I love that you made it.
Xander and Lily are... complicated ;) But yes, you'll see more on that later.
Thank you again for such a wonderful review.
<3 Quilly
Hi there! I don't believe we've met (it's probably me, I'm new(er) here :)), but I'm Courtney and I am one of the people who becomes a little crazy about Review Tag on the site. Anyway, I saw you were next in the thread and I wanted to hop in and check out your story, which seems fascinating at first glance because Lily Luna is not a character I often read about. And also, I have a bit of a thing for side/fringe characters myself. :)
This almost reads like original fiction from the start! The setting and the character of Mason Chapman are well described and definitely draw me into this with keen interest. The parallels you draw from canon to your own story with the "he has his/her eyes," comment, and the memories that unfold within Harry were woven in quite well. I also enjoy this introspectively darker take on Harry, where we see more of his trauma for what it is as an adult. It's wholly realistic. In canon he was living it and his brain was likely in survival mode, whereas now that he's grown and on the other side of it, he can reflect and dissect his past with more maturity and understanding...which you allude to in a very seamlessly fashion! I thought weaving those thoughts into this present moment was done exceptionally well!
This backstory with Rousell and how busy everyone sort of was with life at the time, which is why things sort of slid out of their purview was also well explained. It was also an exceptionally intriguing plot to add to the overall picture of the story. And again, with the canon references seen through adult Harry's eyes in the matter of Anna Rousell's son (a mother's self-sacrifice, being raised by others, etc.) more brilliant parallels drawn and woven into this!
And what a twist with Xander utilizing the Cruciatus Curse as a defense mechanism. Chapman with this idea of cutting Harry's magic from him, I am all :eyes: for that bit of world building to see if it factors in further. And in the end, Harry's going to take Xander with him...I wonder how this will go down as it feels like it won't be an easy thing. But then again, it feels like the right thing to do under the circumstances.
There was a tenderness in that end scene between Harry and Ginny that brought some warmth to this chapter. I loved the images of domestic bliss...Ginny untying Xander's shoes and magicking the doors he magics open, shut. And their whole "this is madness," exchange felt very THEM. I love that they're already on the same page and how you write them as just knowing one another so well that they can have these frank discussions, but they're so full of respect and appreciation for the others opinions. Honestly, I feel lukewarm about Harry/Ginny a lot of the time, but you definitely have me caring for them a great deal.
This is such a great premise and I am very excited there's so much of this story for me to read! :)
<3 Courtney
Author's Response:Courtney, it's so nice to meet you! I've been around forever but left for a long time before coming back to revise ITD and catch up on the wonderful world of fanfictionw writing once again.
I did want to play off several parallels in the story and it was important to me that they were present from the very beginning so I loved that you caught on to them! Harry, many years after the war feels like someone who would really have to reflect on his past and his choices, especially in his line of work, where he continues to be challenged to make difficult decisions. I get that you feel lukewarm about Harry/Ginny, I myself have never really decided on how I feel about that particulary pairing, but somehow I think future them makes sense, after the war, after they've both been through a lot, after careers and children together....
Thank you for your review!
<3 Quilly
Tag!
Aw, I love Hugo. Your characterization of him feels well-rounded and engaging. Head Boy but chill and blunt, well-liked but not popular, not fashionable. I really enjoy this special bond he and Lily have, and they have their traditions that they uphold like sitting together for the beginning of year feast. And he cares about her and seems an overall considerate guy but then we also get gems like this:
“Rosie wouldn’t stop snogging him,” said Hugo, clearly not caring that that piece of information tasted even more awful to Lily than the blood favored jelly bean she had just spat out.
Ahahaha.
Ok but.
Her mother had not seemed very ill at first.
Oh no.
Whatever it was, she had her mother on her mind, so real and fully formed that she almost wanted to reach out and tell her how much she had missed her.
OH NO.
I mean, I had vaguely wondered at the lack of mention of Ginny in the beginning scene of this chapter, and the chapter before, but you played this really well -- Ginny's absence from those earlier scenes seems innocuous enough and now we are just sadness. (I'm taking it she's actually died??) Omg.
The panic she had felt had caused her to throw a fit. Nia had called her a prude. Andrew had told her it was all part of the game and that she should follow through. Then Nia had laughed at their kiss and told Lily she kissed like a newborn bunny. Andrew had gotten so jealous, he had left the party early, and Lily, of course, had had to follow to console him,
This sounds absolutely exhausting. She and Andrew clearly do not mesh or at least have not figured out how to be in a relationship healthily but this seems pretty par for the course for this point in life. I'm certainly familiar with this kind of dynamic. You describe it in a really real way -- this kind of emotionally exhsuating game-playing and staying in a relationship out of guilt and pressure, and on top of it you're under the microscope of your peers.
I liked getting a little further understanding of how Xander and Lily grew apart -- it makes sense with them being in different Houses. :(
But he obviously still really cares about her and I am so eager to see where this goes from here!
<3 melanie
Author's Response:Ha yes, I think you've summarazied Hugo as he exists in my head perfectly well.
Ginny was... a difficult choice that doesn't stop hurting. It really does play such an important part to the development of Lily and Xander as characters and the overall story though.
Andrew and Lily' relationship exists as a full blown out story in my head - and it's hard to describe them with just tidbits after its ended, especially because, well Lily's only one side after all. But I'm happy the immaturity and game-playing of it all is still obvious enough.
Thank you so much for the thoughtful review.
<3 Quilly
The bits of Harry we see here continue to be exactly perfect, the way he interacts with Xander, his overall demeanor, and everything.
I really loved this setting of the scene and how you started with the lost Muggle and how that had been happening more and more and they needed to strengthen the charms -- things like this are such vibrant details. Love how you have the Potters living in this manor and what we're seeing of their family so far. I look forward to learning more about Lily. Right now she's a little intriguing. She's popular and yet, in a way, so isolated. She has family who care about her, and friends, and a boyfriend. But she's ignoring all the letters and has some resentments about ways in which she has been beaten, in a sense, by others, like Rose with Scorpius, or all her cousins with leadership positions. And she's pushed away this person -- Xander -- she used to be so close with. I wonder why?? She seems someone who's led a charmed life and yet there's this anger and maybe even a sense of otherness? (And obviously, just because a person has had a privileged life doesn't mean they can't have any personal problems or worries ever!)
And she avoids her problems -- not answering any letters; her travels over the summer meant to just take her mind off everything else; hoping her boyfriend will break up with her so she doesn't have to do it.
TBH I feel like there's quite a lot to relate to in Lily, at least without knowing anything else right now.
the way the world was never too big for her to hold -- I adore this description!!
Another really lovely chapter; I'm thoroughly hooked!
<3 Melanie
tag!
Author's Response:Popular yet isolated is such a good way to describe Lily. Her relationship with Xander is complicated lol but we do into that later on lol I really appreciate all your thoughts regarding the chapter. <3
WHAT.
Do you mean to tell me that this story has been hanging out on the archives since -- *checks* -- 2017 and I am just now seeing it??
What a hell of a first chapter! Jesus. It's perfectly crafted. From the way you start with Chapman in his laundromat and that wonderful description that shows us exactly what kind of person he is, and then bringing in Harry as we're starting to wonder where this is all going, and weaving in the backstory in a way that makes total sense.
Is this going to be one of those fics that I read and I'm really upset I didn't write it? I fear it is. XD
I'm obsessed with your Harry characterization in this chapter. OBSESSED. This is grown Harry, I will accept no other. I can't even begin to explain what I love about him. His thoughts, his demeanor, his judgments, his worries.
And the whole thing about Harry/Ginny and Ron/Hermione growing with their growing families and having these burdens of life and saving the world still hanging over them but their families and the kids have come first and yeah maybe we should save America from this new blood purist threat because this guy was one of ours, but also my wife is pregnant so I'm kinda busy here. Fantastic.
Harry looked absolutely torn. “I can’t lie to Ron,” he said.
“You can and you will. He would lie to you. For Rosie or Hugo, he would do it.
Y E S to absolutely everything that's happening in these two lines of dialogue, so much about their lives and personalities and priorities and values packed into these words.
I'm hooked on this premise, and even more so because it's a Lily Luna/ OC so I'm like... really intrigued to see where this is headed considering what we've seen about Xander's origins.
<3 Melanie
Author's Response:Melanie
You're too sweet. Read this review while I was at work and literally made my day. It's been here since 2017 but has recently gone major editing and revision so, honestly, it's probably better that you missed that version hehe I shy away from writing the golden trio because I think it's so diifficult to get them right but honestly you nailed their personalities in 'kiss each other clean' so your approval of Harry is priceless to me. Thank you once again for taking the time to write this review.
Hi Quill! I’m here for your forum request :D
I think you did a great job setting up the story in this first chapter. You had a good balance of exposition with action. First you drop us right into the story with Harry coming to rescue Xander. But you also give us enough set up and back story so that we aren’t totally lost. I thought the pacing was good, it didn’t drag which sometimes can happen with exposition.
I was totally surprised when Xander cast the Cruciatus on Chapman. I was not expecting it at all. You made him a very interesting boy from the start—he’s so solemn and he’s obviously magically powerful to be casting an Unforgivable at such a young age. And he’s been through a lot of trauma, since he obviously remembers what he saw happen to his mother.
Harry was well characterized too. He’s got that ever-present weight of responsibility that’s prompting him to take care of Xander.
I loved the moment between Harry and Ginny at the end where she’s arguing for Harry to Obliviate both Chapman and Xander. Like, I don’t know that it’s the right thing to do, but it felt like something Ginny would suggest and then fight for. She’s fiercely protective of her family, and she doesn’t want Chapman coming after them—or sending anyone else after them. And I get it that she wants Xander to have a fresh start—and probably wants to help protect her own kids since he could be dangerous with how powerful and young he is.
I do wonder what kinds of repercussions Xander might have to deal with from being Obliviated at such a young age. And I wonder what will happen when he eventually finds out about his past.
Really nice first chapter!
Yours,
Noelle
Author's Response:Thank you for the review, Noelle. I really appreciate the feedback regarding the exposition. I've worried about it dragging and was happy to hear you didn't think it did. As soon as this story came to mind, Xander was going to be this very hurt little boy who could do a lot of damage so his ability cast the craciatus curse was something that came instinctively. I loved hearing your thoughts! Thank you once again!
THAT DAMN DIMPLE. And that broom closet scene.
Sorry I just got so excited reading this, I totally find Xander super hot and I cannot wait for more of his and Lily’s scenes, especially at the wedding. (Yes, I’m daydreaming about their dance).
Andrew and Xander’s conversation was absolutely hilarious and I love how you included the stars and moon thing Caroline (I’m like 60% sure it was her who said this in the previous version lol, if not her than Katherine) said and what Xander replied! Love.them.so.much.
I’m definitely noticing Nya’s point of view being more understandable, even if it’s very possessive and childish. I think her reasons are definitely clearer. Again so many flashbacks and small details I’m only noticing or you added like Hannah being the only one who noticed Lily’s absence. Love their friendship already and can’t wait for them to get even closer. Love your writing so much.
Cannot wait for the rest of the story, I just wanted to at least quickly review those two chapters. Talk soon. (And I’m def almost done with my playlist for them lol) xx
Author's Response:I find Xander super hot too *dreamy sigh*
I'm always so in awe of how well you remember the original version! Caroline had said this to Xander, quoting something Andrew had said about Lily, but I felt like it deserved to be heard straight from the source itself.
Nia is definitely possessive and childish (Lily too sometimes *cough*cough*) but she'll be more developed in this version of the story (hopefully).
The wedding weekend went under heavy, heavy editing and looks (almost) completely different from the original one. Their dance remains (and will make an appearance in about two chapters) with a few key tweaks ;)
Thank you so much for continuing to review this story. Your reviews make my day <3
I will be uploading the next chapter really, really soon (maybe this weekend soon).
Hello! Sorry it took so long for me to read these chapters, I hope you’re doing good!
Had so many flashbacks during this chapter and the next one—herbology, thestral, some quotes I remember. Damn ♥?
And I don’t know, I just want to tell you how much I think Lily has evolved. I think sentences like “it was terribly embarrassing, however, to be reminded that teachers were also aware of the terrible rumors that were circling the whole nation.” show who she really is, her insecurities and all early on. That’s definitely something that, I think, has changed from the old version. She’s even more endearing. I love her even more.
On an unrelated note, I cannot wait to get even a glimpse of JSP and Freddie. I love how the Gryffindor quidditch team is even more included and now fully part of Lily’s inner circle. You might want to check out Xander's last name spelling when Longbottom calls him ????
Author's Response:Yes! There are definitely a lot of insecurties that Lily has to deal with - and even though she's not very open or willing to admit them, they really drive many of her actions (as you'll soon see.)
The Quidditch team was always meant to appear - but the original version just never allowed room for it. Now that I've moved around the story around, I made sure to give them (and Lily's inner circle) more space as they definitely impact and shape who she was (is) at Hogwarts.
JSP & Freddie do make an appearance - though those are later chapters and still going under heavy revisions lol so we'll see how much screen time they get. I genuinely love JSP though. He's one of my favorite second generation characters to read about. <3
HELLO! I hope you’re doing great!
This chapter is bloody AMAZING seriously.
I loved your portrayal of McGo! Damn Xander got served with “As far as I have known you, Mr. Vandenberg, you have only strived to serve yourself”! That’s partly true of course, but there is one other person he could do eveything for, and it’s probably Lily! ???? Her and McGo might be the only ones able to render Xander nervous. I’m surprised by how little Xander hides his intentions though ha ha, but then again, Minerva can see right through him. Of course the parallels between Tom Riddle and Xander are obvious, but in this scene, Xander’s genuine thirst for knowledge (without evil purposes) is so clear. I almost wished Mcgo would cave in and make an exception. Although, Xander will surely find a way on his own…
Xander choosing girls because they look and are nothing like Lily, how did I not realize that until it was blatantly told to me lol???!! It’s absolutely true, and that just makes everything so exciting! Especially since Lily does the same with people she dates, guys like Andrew are “manageable, easy”. I'm so excited for them, your writing's so good, and there are so many details about Hogwarts, about their feelings, even for Hannah and Hugo! <3
Just a few typos I noticed if that helps:
“The castle was caught up in its usual first-day-of-classes frenziness”
“ It is not that I do think you are physically or mentally ready” - i feel like the negation is missing.
“I suppose I don’t really need Herbology to intern or The Daily Prophet.” - at?
“Edward had made it something of his official business to make Xander’s life miserable when they had been children”
“short enough to to cause” - two ‘to’ lol
But seriously this chapter’s phenomenal! I kept grinning and laughing, there are so many funny and heartwarming little moments between your characters! I’m so in love with Xander and Lily and everyone, your story’s wonderful. That whole explanation about Hugo’s name killed me and Xander’s general attitude is so funny, I couldn’t even quote all the nonsense remarks he made out of jealousy! I don’t know what the future holds for Lily and him, but I’m dying to find out! ( and I truly hope I’ll get to find that out so thank you again for continuing this story.)
I so wished I could react to sentences directly on this chapter easily like “This was going to be a fucking long year.” - Um yes you don’t say… or “Mirrors made him uncomfortable, not because he had any qualms about his appearance, but because it irked him to know his map was a map of genetic clues to a family he would never know [...] And he had deep-rooted suspicion that that past held nothing but darkness.” and so many more, seriously love everything about it!!!!! I think you mentioned you published your story on another website as well? I forgot to mention which one it is? Is it better than this one ah ah? Take care xx, I can't wait for the rest of the story!!! ????
Author's Response:Hehe yes, McGo had to put Xander in his place.
Yesss - I think Xander's taste in girls is important to note because they're always a way for him to try and forget, so it wouldn't be impossible for him to being with someone who reminded him of her at all. And you're right. In her own way, Lily likes to be in control too.
For Xander, when jealousy comes in, all his smarts go out. lol. It's really fun to write but there's definitely a lot of immaturity going on there too that he doesn't want to admit in himself.
Thank you for catching those typos! It means so much that you read through it so carefully.
I have it on fanfiction - net. The only thing that I have over there that I don't have here for this one are the song inspos & it gets uploaded quicker (there's a chapter that's waiting to be accepted here but aleady uploaded over there, for example).
I'm still not home with a nice cup of tea, but I had to hurry up and talk about this third and beautiful chapter.
I LOVE HUGO. That’s it, that’s the review ahah. “Not unless she’s hiding under an invisibility cloak, huh, mate? Ha, ha…” –could he be more obvious or awkward ? I love him. He’s the best friend, cousin, seriously one of the best characters. If there’s anything as good as Xander/Lily scenes, it’s the ones with Hugo in it. He just makes everything better, and everyone around him relaxed. I can’t wait for you to explore more of his own issues like you did, because he’s always playing the peacemaker, and being sort of this thousand year old wise old man, that we can forget he has his own issues, and crushes haha too. Did I say I love him? Cause I love him. Also love him when he gives Molly a cupcake, that’s too cute.
I’m very sorry for all this rambling btw, cause I’m about to ramble some more about Xander and Lily. The fact that Lily thought “Sometimes your first love actually meant something. Sometimes it was something that stayed with you forever.” (beautiful quote btw) about Caroline and Xander made my heart break for a bit, cause this couldn’t be further from the truth–the Xander being in love with Caroline part. I’m so glad you’re still writing this as a dual POV sort of thing, because damn we’d never know a lot of Lily and Xander’s reactions to each other otherwise, they are quite good (until they aren’t) at masking their feelings, and Xander really doesn’t miss a beat with his salacious remarks “A Ravenclaw’s clever tongue never gets boring,” and uncouthness in front of Lily but this is soooo good!
Again, love the way this is written, as someone who doesn’t love third person POVs, your story is one of the only ones I love because I get such a rush of emotion reading it and I get the need for dual POVs and the ways it’s written, I get what it actually brings, and I love how it makes me feel to know something about Xander that Lily doesn’t necessarily realize or the opposite, like Lily’s broken heart over losing yet another person she cared about/ a friend to put it simply. I’m still as in love with this quote “Perhaps it was the fact that the candles, in their mid-air pose, were flickering a light that was a coppery shade of red, reminding her of her mother’s hair… Perhaps it was the laughter of her fellow classmates, loud and secure and timeless… Whatever it was, she had her mother on her mind, so real and fully formed that she almost wanted to reach out and tell her how much she had missed her” as I was before… and learning more about Ginny death’s is as heartbreaking as it was the first time I found out about it. It’s absolutely beautiful, and again I love the way you depict your Lily Potter.??And finally,“There is a strange coldness that comes from suddenly realizing that everything you love will one day fade.” - well... There's no better way to put it, and I don't think anyone can help feeling that coldness as soon as you read this quote... ?? Thank you again for countinuing this story, i can't wait to read more about them! xo
Author's Response:Hugo's probably one of my favorite characters to write. He's just such a genuine good friend and person. But you're right - he definitely has his own issues! I love the rambling! And yes! Lily and Xander both misunderstand each other other a lot of the times. It's a problem but it makes for fun writing hehe I could only think that Lily starting her seventh year would make her think of her mother. It's just such a big year for her.
I don't usually love dual POV (even in professional writing, there are few that I feel do it right) but this story just belonged to both Lily and Xander in equal measures. I couldn't imagine it any other way. Some of my favorite fanfics have been written in first pov though, so I feel like I'd want to try something that way after ITD, but I refuse to start anything until I finish this one hehe
Helloo! I’m so glad to hear you’re doing well despite everything! No problem for the typos, there are some more I noticed, but I never want to be some sort of grammar and spelling police because how annoying is that lol. If It helps you though, I’ll gladly share them with you. (“sweep inside with ferocious fury”, a tiny word missing here “long (stick? I guess) from his robes with a swish, sprouting”, are the most obvious to me but I might reread it and tell you because I want to read the prologue again ahah).
I looooove all the new scenes in this chapter. Especially the first one with the lost muggle cause I was sort of wondering where you were going with this. Xander and Harry’s relationship is one I missed the most–his eagerness to please Harry and Harry’s genuine love and respect for Xander despite not telling him everything– and I’m so glad it’s more explored now, and that we have a glimpse of it earlier. I can’t stress enough how great this is because in this one chapter, there’s the mention of Maya’s mother, Caroline Suffles, Andrew, this Connerton thing that sounds super intriguing it gives me chills and Gellert’s good ole’ biography lol.
And also Scorpius ahah. Andrew’s a tool but of course Lily’s partly to blame and I feel a little sad for him (but I also totally get Lily especially because she doesn’t like change, or letting people go, again getting ahead of myself ahah but she’d fight tooth and nail not to give up on someone, and that’s a thought I just got, but maybe her resentment for Xander also stems from there, because she had no choice but to let him go in a way, and watch his life unfold from afar without her in it). I don’t think I ever said that but i love that you incorporated this. As a teenage popular girl, Xander or not, it’d make sense for Lily to explore her options ahah, and even have a (sort of) fabricated crush (I don’t really know how to name it) on Scorpius – like I said I don’t know how to really name it, was it because she felt a bit unsure and insecure, desperately wanted to like someone other than Xander and he was just there, wanted attention, all of the above? I don’t know but I love it.Back then, wiith the rest of the story, I’ve always thought that subconsciously everything Lily’s doing was to sort of gain Xander’s attention and/or friendship back, and that Xander’s jealousy was obvious so oh my, this line hits hard, there you go again honestly – Only the genuine hurt that had spread across her face followed him, and that stung more than if she had split him in two. – my heaaaart! I seriously cannot tell you how it feels to have them back together, chatting about one thing or another/insulting each other/obviously trying to get info on each other’s lives in those scenes! I need to reread this at home with a nice cup of tea but I love everything about your story and writing!! Be back soon for the 3rd chapter ??
Author's Response:It definitely helps me! I so appreciate that <3
I'm so impressed by how well you remember the original version. Honestly, I tend to forget bits and pieces from that one because I've been working on this for so long. I really did enjoy rewriting this chapter. These were characters that existed from the beginning of ITD, and it felt like it made more sense to start introducing them a little earlier in the story.
Oh Andrew! I barely touched up on him in the original version, but he's going to have a slightly bigger role to play this time around. He was such a complete character in my mind and when I was re-reading the story, I realized he seemed to barely even matter, which isn't the case at all. He was an important character in the development of Lily's love life. His character stays the same but hopefully it shows a little better this time around.
Lily definitely doesn't like to let go of people & she would have never let go of Xander if it'd been her choice at all. I do think that Xander becomes a part of Lily's subconscious, in that his friendship was a huge loss and it sort of shapes the way she reacts to relationships in general (even friendships.) It's intersting that you mention it because it's not something I touch up in the story (or at least not very much) but the idea of it always influenced the way I write Lily.
The tea sounds like a wonderfulll idea! And so exciting responding to your amazing review I didn't even ask you how you were doing! I hope all is well on your end!
Hello!!
In all my excitement, I totally forgot to ask how you were doing, sorry – it’s been a while and so much shit has gone down everywhere. I honestly don’t have the words to tell you how happy I was to see the ‘last updated’ date change, it still feels surreal. While I personally am not a fan of this website, I still keep the “In this Darkness” tab open just in case and check on it every now and then – I’m SO happy I did, and still think of Xander and Lily often. It was a bit saddening to live on not knowing what would happen to them.
I haven’t read nor written a review for anything fanfic or Harry Potter related in what feels like years but gosh, your story’s so much more than that, and I love the universe, plot and backstories you’re setting and creating with this prologue. Plus, I don’t think I’ve ever reviewed the original prologue so I feel like this is my chance to do just that. About the revisions you make, well I still remember the old version quite well but this feels like I’m sort of reading a new story, and I have to say it feels overall amazing. I’ve read the first two chapters also, and it feels like I’ve fallen even more in love with all your characters and how real and well-shaped they are. But all in due time, I’ll talk about it more in my next reviews ahah.
The prologue. My heart breaks and aches for the little boy Xander was/is in this prologue. I mean the details – Harry checking Xander’s breathing, the weather, the way Harry saw himself in this little orphan – are just perfect. Same thing for his mother Anna gosh, this is a terrible thing to go through and I love your parallels such as “Lily Potter had once used her own body as a human shield to protect her only son; Anna Rousell had more or less done the same.”. I totally see how her backstories with Chapman and vaguely Xander’s father are a bit clearer now, and I am so excited to know more about well…everything regarding Xander’s family.
Now to talk about the Clarifiers, well FIRST, Rousell’s book “In the Clear” and the title being “In this Darkness” is something I absolutely bloody love. Very presumptuous to name a racist book “In the Clear” lmao, but oh well, I wouldn’t expect anything else from an ex death eater who “believed in the order of things. Purebloods living as “proper” families with magic as their birthright, and everyone else surrendering their wands to serve in their rightful positions in life.” – something I found very interesting, he clearly has some followers so again very interesting that wizards abided by his thinking - I'm just thinking out loud, but considering Rousell's magic, it'd make sense, that's how i would explain it in a way, if someone more powerful than you could do all sorts of powerful spells and wandless magic etc, he'd be convincing, wouldn't he? Anyways...There are some typos in the text like “Lewis scowled.” instead of Mason, etc (doesn’t take anything away from your beautiful writing, it’s just always easier to pick on typos as a reader) but I’m mentioning it honestly because I was suddenly curious to know if you thought about Harry and Rousell meeting (maybe in the past and Harry doesn’t even remember since Rousell’s much older or something like that) and what it would entail. Also, I think it’s very real to depict The Golden trio’s hopelessness and inaction about something that had happened overseas… I think your sentence “Evil continued but Harry had a red-headed little girl then, and when she looked his way, he didn’t dare look anywhere else. “ is one of my favorites, especially when I know of Harry and Lily’s father-daughter relationship. ??
Seeing Ginny alive and well, taking care of Xander will never not be heartbreaking when I know what happens next, and when I know Xander’s conflicted feelings about his own mother, and Ginny being the one motherly figure he remembers etc. I feel like I could write paragraphs about that but that would be me getting ahead of myself ahah. For now, I’ll focus on reviewing the next two chapters in the upcoming days, because I loved sinking back into the familiar friendship (love/hate for others) between the characters. So, will totally do that soon, again I so hope you’re doing well. I'm eternally grateful you're working on this story again, Gosh I'm so happy!!!!!!! ?? xx
Author's Response:It's definitely been a choatic time! Honestly so much has happened in real life and I was sad to lose the story in the other site, but it worked out because it gave me the courage to rewrite all the things I had stopped liking about it and upload it on here and one other site.
You're honestly so sweet and your words made my whole day. The essence of the prologue stayed the same but I felt like there was a lot of unneeded information in the first one. There was also information that I was holding off into later in the story but I felt like it would be better to just get in from the beginning. That's honestly a lot of what you'll see in the revision. There are a lot of scenes and conversations that I was postponing for later on, but I felt like it was making the story drag, so I erased "filler" scenes and fit in stuff with more content to hopefully give the story a bit more quicker movement. There were also a lot of chracters that I had developed in my head but I felt were shortcomed in the story, so I was hoping to do them more justice.
I love when people notice the parallels. That was something that I was definitely hoping to achieve between the two mothers. I think there are so many parallels between the mothers in the HP universe, so I had to include a bit of that myelf. They're different women with different stories, but they both did what they had to save their only sons. (Fun fact: Lily is the reason Anna also has a four letter name!)
With Rousell, I just think rhetoric is such a powerful thing, and it can convince people to do great things and people to do great evil. It's hard not think of how many real life narcisstic, racist leaders we've had throughout history that were able to rise to power without any magic at all. And yeah, international interventation is such a gray area - I wanted to show a bit of that with the golden trio and their reaction to Rousell.
Awe thank you for pointing that line out. I can't help but think Harry would have adored his only daughter and spoiled her in everyway possible. That's just headcanon for me. Lol
And thank you for pointing out the typos! I do try to read it a hundred times before posting but things inevitably escape me and it means so much that you take the time to point them out.
I am working on get the chapters up as quickly as possible! Than you for all the love and all the support <3
Hi!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't know how I remembered to check this, especially here but your story's one of my forever open tabs. I'm squealing of joy!!!!!!!!!!! This has been a tiring day and omg i love you for not abandoning that story!!! I'll def take the time to read and review the revised version of the first few chapters but i just wanted to quickly (I'm on my phone sorry) let you know how loved and missed your story is!!!!!! ??”???
Talk soon, you made my entire month, thank you!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy!!!!!!!! ????
Author's Response:Ameera! Oh my gosh! It means so much that you remembered this story! I took a long hiatus to revise this story but I am hoping that it shows better character development and that plot holes have been filled. I can't wait to hear what you think. <3
Hi! I came from your request on the forum.
I felt happy to read you continue writing Harry and his children but... why did Ginny disappear? Did she die after suffering serious sickness or something? Or was she killed by the dark wizard? Or was she involved in a kind of unlucky Muggle incident? I am very anxious. So intriguing.
Your description about Lily seems to be very different from the others I've ever encounted. It's plausible that she is more selfish or imprudent compared with her brothers though, since she was the only daughter among Potters.
I wrote her in the similar way as you wrote as she is a forever little princess to Harry in my one-shot. So I could understand what you tried to depict her.
Xander seems to have more interest in Grindelwald as he grows up. As Lily pointed out, it's dangerous of him to be fascinated by the Dark Wizard. I wonder if Harry has already noticed that. If Xander wished to be like Grindelwald, it would annoy Harry and Ginny wouldn't allow him to follow Grindelwald's way of living if she were alive.
However, I was relieved to know he tried to comfort Lily after she felt depressed remembering her mother. On the contrary, two brothers, James and Albus are understandable for their father's happiness. They know his father needs a new partner (still, as a Hinny shipper, it's so shocking to find they lost Ginny...).
It seems you are trying to create Lily - OC, Xander ship, right? I am curious to know how you will develop their relationship from here.
K
Author's Response:Ginny does die. It's briefly mentioned in this chapter, but I do explain later on. It was a really hard decision to make, but I felt it necessary for the development of the plot. Y
es, my version of Lily is definitely a little more selfish and imprudent than she's typically portayed hehe but I've always sort of envisioned her this way. I have no idea why but as soon as I started writing her, I knew she was going to need a lot of growing up to do. Thank you so much for reviewing this chapter :) I appreciate all the detail! It really means so much that you take the time!
Hello! I'm here with your requested review. :)
This is a really interesting place to have jumped into the story - from the summary, I can tell that the entire thing it going to focus more around Lily and Xander when they're a little bit older, but establishing this backstory was a good place to start.
I'm really interested by the premise you've set up here - with Harry going after Death Eaters from the First War, and with various people going rogue from Voldemort once they realised his obsession with immortality outweighed his pureblood mania. Rousell sounds like a terrifying character - "Rousell did not fear death; he feared leaving this Earth with muggleborns still on it." That's an absolutely chilling description. Especially given that he's apparently wiped out whole cities on his crusade.
And Chapman.... well, he's definitely not a good guy either. I was right there with Harry in being super distrubed out by how he described Xander's mother - it definitely sounds like there was something very creepy going on there between the two of them - or, at the very least, on Chapman's side of things. And one has to be pretty damn immoral to essentially sell a child to someone. I think going back to wipe his memory is definitely the best move in this situation, because he definitely doesn't have the moral backbone to stay quiet about Xander's whereabouts under duress.
And then Xander himself. For a boy that young to have that much control of his power that he can use a spell that he's only heard used before as wandless magic, and to be able to direct it, is pretty impressive. I can only imagine how his magical abilities will develop, if that's what he's working with from the very beginning. I think Harry's definitely in the right mind in wanting to make sure he doesn't end up like Tom Riddle - because he's definitely got the potential to go that way, given what he's like at this point and all of the parallels between the two of them: the powerful and notably evil magical lineage, the intense power from a young age, and the traumatic childhood.
I loved seeing the contrast in how Harry treats Chapman and how he behaves around both Xander and Ginny - it's that hardened Auror exterior versus the more empathetic and emotional side. And Ginny herself is wonderful as well; I think it's very natural that she just wouldn't really question Harry bringing home this child, and that her primary concern would be for his safety.
My one last note is that there are a few typos here and there - nothing major though! The main one was this - "I know he Know he doesn't look like much..." which I'm assuming is meant to be 'I know he doesn't look like much..." And then in the very first paragraph, I'd suggest adding a comma after 'awake' - I stumbled on that sentence a little at first because it's a bit hard to parse out the meaning without that comma there. Once again, nothing too big, but I figured I'd flag it for you nonetheless. :)
This chapter did a wonderful job of setting up the story, and I'm very curious to see how Xander turns out as he gets older! Feel free to come back and re-request for the next chapter when there's a slot available.
-Taylor
Author's Response:Hi Taylor!
I was so excited to see your review this morning!
I'm glad you noticed the contrast in Harry's treatment towards Chapman and then towards Xander/Ginny. This is how I always visualize older Harry. He's been through so much, I can't imagine him not being hard with people he disagrees with and, for maybe the same reasons, I think he would be very sympathetic towards people who have been victimized by these people.
I've fixed the typos you suggested! Thank you for pointing them out :)
I really enjoyed reading this review! I'll be visiting you for another one as soon as one of your slots opens up!
Hi, I came from the review request thread. Finally!
I've been intrigued after checking the link and its banner.
As I expected, your story turned to be very interesting from the start.
The most impressive part is your description about the boy's attitude towards Harry after he cast Crucio. Readers are moved when they spot the very similar experience to Harry's. A nice plot and brilliant expression.
I also like how you set the first episode around British magical world compared with American's. Reading American one, I pondered the things happening in real life there these days. Describing dad Harry and Chapman is visually well done. Many kudos on that.
I was very excited feeling like I found canon Harry after a long time. Yours is one of the best stories so far.
It's generous and understandable of Ginny who sheltered Xander Harry took in.
You didn't finish the story there, you added Ginny's opinions and the conversations with Harry, too. I think it's great. Her words gave us bright future, a silver lining for the boy's future. You did a great start of a story connecting with Tom Riddle's past.
Keep writing and keep posting your request. I really enjoyed your story!
p.s. I noticed one typo: reincoroporate / reincorporate
Author's Response:Hiii :)
It's such a huge compliment that you find Harry canonical. I always shy away from writing the trio - or any canon characters really - because I find it so hard to do them justice, so it means a lot to hear you say that.
Oh and thank you for pointing out the typo! I have a problem catching those sometimes (all the time lol).
Thank you so much for your review! I really enjoyed reading it.I will definitenly be going back to request another one once you have slots open :)
In reviewing multi-chapters, I always do 2 chapters at once. Sometimes I like to review a chapter on one day and the second one on the next. Other times, like now, I'm so curious about the plot that I read one right after the other, and Merlin I'm so glad I did. I have so many thoughts!
I think what surprised me the most about this chapter was the way you managed to tell the reader so much information without it seeming like you were cramming info, which isn't so common to find, to be honest. I loved the way all the little pieces of information fell in with the discourse and the stortelling itself, and there are so many things I'd like to point out.
That Lily would try and make someone she likes jealous by going out with someone else goes along with the way I imagine her character, so it's easy for me to relate to her. That fierceness and boiling temperament of hers too. Also, I'm always a sucker for... I wouldn't say love triangles per se, but unnecessary drama that thickens the plot! Plus, it's a Next Gen story, so I was already a little bit in love.
I'm eager to find out more about how Lily and Xander grew to dislike one another so much, especially if it is because of their feelings for one another. Or well, at least Xander's feelings for Lily, which are definitely there. He mentions her beautiful eyes, knows her better than her family seems to, and obviously cares about her even if he isn't aware of his feelings for Lily just yet, or is and doesn't want to acknowledge them. I wouldn't blame him if that were the case, he isn't in the easiest position here.
I definitely wasn't expecting for Ginny to be dead! Lily's pain was palpable and understandable, and given the three years that have passed since Ginny's death, the prospect of Harry dating again has to be more and more likely, and equally terrifying for her. At least Xander knew how to make Lily focus on something else, and I can't wait to see what comes next!
Last but not least, and as a Scorose fan, I'm thrilled that Scorpius and Rose are dating in this story *-* I wonder if Lily liking Scorpius is something that will be recurring in the story and influence the plot, or if it something that, as she grows closer to Xander in time, will be left behind perhaps as more of a crush.
Great, great jobe so far with this story! Feel free to come back anytime I have a new slot open to request again :)
Susana
Author's Response:Thank you so much for reviewing this second chapter!
I've also imagined Lily this, and it was fun getting to write a character wasn't exactly unselfish, tbh Lol.
Xander is definitely very aware of her,a nd I'm interested to see what you think of the two of them as the story progresses.
I hated having to kill off Ginny, but I didn't see this story working out any other way. I feel like her death marked them as the characters I imagined them to become. I really love her as a character, so it was tough decision :(
Your reviews are so thoughtful, and I will definitely stop by to request another one next time you have an open slot <3
Quilly
Hi there. Here for your requested reviews! I'll double them as BvB reviews for Blue Team as well ^^
I absolutely loved this first chapter. I'm a huge sucker for backstories and I wasn't sure what to expect of your story at first (I was thinking you'd get right to Xander and Luna being teenagers or adults), so I was thrilled that you decided to start the story at its beginning, if you know what I mean. Already I am intrigued by Xander and his family, his powers, and all that will come of it as he grows older.
Of course Harry would take him in! Harry, as a character, has this calling (which I think can also be a bit of a flaw) of making everyone else's suffering his own. It can be a blessing that he does, with the lives he saves, but also a burden. With his intriguing past, I'm sure Xander will be a widcard at times, but I'm glad that Harry took him in and that Ginny was so understanding about it.
Can't wait to see how the kids will adjust to a new roommate and how the family dynamics as whole will change/be influenced by Xander's presence, and just how he will grow up surrounded by people he doesn't yet know or is aware if he can even trust!
There's also the matter of Chapman blowiing the whistle. On the one hand I hope he'll stay quiet, but on the other I live for a little bit of drama and I'm guessing that one way or another, the Clarifiers will be out ot get Xander :o
On a last note, I have to say I loved your writing. Not too expository, yet descriptive and clear enough to paint a vivid picture, which is very important to me. Your speech is clear and your writing flows really, really well. So kudos for this first chapter, I really enjoyed it and I will definitely follow your story!
Susana
Author's Response:Hi Susana!
I remember debating where this story should start and with what perspective, but as soon as I started writing, it felt natrual for it to start here. I definitely believe that this something Harry would do, choosing what is right versus anything else (even versus what is logical), and I feel like Ginny is the kind to be willing to break the rules as well.
I am glad you enjoyed the writing style. Balancing the descrpitive with the dialogue and everything else is something I have always struggled with. Even now, as I add the new chapters, I don't always feel liek I have it udner control.
Thank you for taking the time to review this first chapter,
Quilly
Hello hello!
Judging by the fact you want me to look at the characterisation of Lily and Xander, I`m guessing we get to see them a bit older and how they interact, and not gonna lie I'm really excited about it. I'm so intrigued by Xander especially.
AND YES! Tension straight away. They don't like each other, and I live for dat banter.
Ooh he`s fascinated by Grindelwald. Xander is so smol and cute but dang there`s a dark cloud hovering over him.
Ahh Lily. Who doesn't have a crush on Scorpius though.
I would literally take an earwax flavoured bean over a toad one any day.
Wait, Ginny died?! Aww no :( Lily's reaction to Harry potentially dating is so realistic though. It must be so hard for her to be in a house full of boys now.
The only bad thing I have to say about this chapter is that it's much too short! I need to see more of them! Xander clearly doesn't hate Lily as much as he might think, and I looove it!
I've favourited this story because I really really like where it's going, and I can't wait to read more!
♥ Bianca
Author's Response:
I'm happy you noticed the dark cloud ;) hehe Xander is a lot of fun to write because there are so many elements to him.
Ginny's death was hard to decide on, but it shapes my characters so fundamentally, it was impossible not to do so.
The next chapters are longer! I promise hehe
Thank you so much for taking to review this again, Bianca. Your reviews are always so helpful!
Hello Quilly! I've missed you! So I know that this story got deleted but I'm so glad to see it back up again, so I'm transferring my reviews over from HPFF! I also noticed there's two new chapters I haven't read so I WILL GET ONTO THAT STRAIGHT AWAY!!!
I'm in love with this from the first paragraph. It had a wonderful, original feel, and flows beautifully.
You say you struggled with this chapter, but trust me, it doesn't show at all. There's a lot of information presented, but it doesn't feel dumped at all, and that can be one of the most difficult things about writing.
Ooh I almost feel we have a new Tom Riddle on our hands. I love that Harry has thought about this, and it influences his decision to bring Xander back with him. Plus Harry knows what it's like to be an orphan and have no one. I like to think he hopes he can change the boy's future.
I'm intrigued by Rousell too, especially by the fact that he feared Harry, and you used the same words that described Voldemort's fear of Dumbledore. I wonder if anyone will come after Xander because of him.
I don't know how much of a future role Chapman will play, but he already seems like a real, thought out character. I think Harry is perfect too. Responsible, kind-hearted, but serious when he needs to be. And Ginny! Xander couldn't be brought up in a better household.
This really is an amazing start. I'm definitely sucked in!
Author's Response:Thank you for the wonderful review! There is a lot of information here -and more coming- so deciding how to present it in a way that feels natural is a constant struggle. I am glad you thought it flowed effectively for now. I'm also glad you found Rousell intriguing. When creating villains for this fanfic, I wanted to capture some of the darkness we found in the HP universe and still make it their own, so I hope it translates in that way laer on. In some ways, Chapman represented Xander's old life, and Harry is going to represent his new one. So, in that sense, he is a vital character, and I wanted to make sure he was constructed soldily enough to be one. Thank you once again for your review and all your insights!
The explanation of how Harry ended up in his old family home is perfect. I think both Harry and Ginny are perfectly characterized here in what they would want in a house.
Xander is reading about Grindelwald and finds it interesting... which sends alarms up because why does he find it interesting? Is he interested in what Grindelwald was trying to do, due to the dark magic that's dormant in him? Or, I suppose, he could just be reading it because he thinks Grindelwald's story is fascinating, which is true, so this motivation wouldn't be a problem. But I love that you introduced 17-year-old Xander in this way, because it continues the questions from the first chapter of whether he'll go one way or the other, whether he'll be swayed into dark magic or if his upbringing instilled different values in him.
Also I don't know if I mentioned in the previous chapter but it's SO like Harry to adopt/take care of a child in a tough situation - probably due to Harry's own childhood experiences, but it's very believable that he would have taken Xander in.
Her mother had passed away over three years ago, -- OMG. OUCH. I can't believe you dropped this so casually like BTW GINNY IS DEAD and my heart just broke a little. I was not prepared for that. What happened to her? I hope we get to find out in a future chapter!
Anyway I think this chapter works really well as a follow up to the first chapter. Xander is presented in a similar context where it's kind of interesting trying to figure him out, and given what Harry said about his kids who were Xander's age in the previous chapter, it's great to see this chapter of how things actually turned out.
I think you've done really well characterizing Lily, as well - I already have a fairly good idea of what sort of person she is. Her characterization is pretty consistent throughout the chapter, too, which is good. Also, this portrayal of her is believable - she's got a hotheaded streak that is reminiscent of both of her parents, and she's also kind of spoiled which is understandable as she's the youngest child and only girl in a rather wealthy family, and it makes sense that Harry would be prone to spoiling his children a little considering the miserable childhood he had with the Dursleys. And I like that you mentioned how she admires Teddy, as that ties in with what we saw of her in the DH epilogue.
CC:
Lily had, for years, treated Scorpius coolly, holding him at distance while she paraded her husband and popular boyfriend, Andrew Rogers, in front of him -- this line confused me a little. Husband? How would Andrew Rogers be Lily's husband and boyfriend at the same time? Also isn't Lily only 17 and still at Hogwarts? I mean, I guess someone could be married then but I don't think that's what you meant here?
This was a really good chapter though and I'm curious what happened to Ginny, and how does the rest of the family feel about Harry dating again? And though I've seen little glimpses into what Albus and James are like, I'd love to get to know them better in upcoming chapters. I do like the way you're developing the dynamic of the Potter family with Xander there and I like that Lily is so flawed. Basically this chapter has me very interested in reading more. :)
I enjoyed this chapter! This is shaping up to be a great story - wonderful work on this.
Author's Response:Thank you for transferring the reviews! I accidentally deleted this story from here a while back,and I just got around to reposting it in here, so it means a lot that you took the time to start transfering reviews.
Lily is definitely not married! Lol It was suppose to say handsome, not husband, and I have no idea how such a giant slip was made. Thank you so much for pointing it out! It's been corrected. :)
Transferring a review from HPFF (minus the bit about typos as it looks like you've fixed that)!
Hi! I'm here with your request from HPFT. Sorry about the delay!
Can I just say that I LOVE your first sentence. It's kind of quirky, much like the wizarding world itself, and in fact it kind of reminds me of the first sentence of the very first HP book in its matter-of-fact-ness.
“But you’re the chosen one,” argued Mason. “The only one Rousell truly feared.” -- This is interesting. There's definitely some similarities to Dumbledore and Voldemort here as well, and I'm wondering if Roussell is going to become the next big Dark Wizard. I guess it's been a while since the last one, so :P
Yikes, I did not expect the boy to suddenly whip an Unforgivable Curse out of nowhere. How did he even learn that - and especially to be powerful enough to actually cast an effective Crucio? That must be so scary - even despite that he doesn't like Mr Chapman Harry probably can't just sit and watch that. And then it turns out that the boy was just protecting Harry (or so he says). I'm not sure who to believe haha! But I don't think the boy would be so manipulative and evil at 6, so I'm inclined to think he's telling the truth. Though you never know. I bet Voldemort was still evil at 6.
I think the parallels you have here are really interesting. It seems like you have a lot of room to explore the idea of nature vs nurture, and I'm not sure if that's where you're going with this haha, but it's just what I was thinking about as I read. Xander comes from a family of dark magic, and as such he's got some natural talent at dark magic, but it remains to be seen what effect that will have on his personality. So far, all we've seen of him is that he's scared and that he's powerful, but being adopted by Harry and Ginny will definitely give him a more nurturing environment and I'm curious to see how he turns out. And how Xander's knowledge of his family and past will affect him, when he learns of it, and how he feels about the fact that a memory charm was used to erase part of his childhood memory.
Overall, this is a really great introductory chapter and sets up your story effectively. It definitely grabs the attention and makes me wonder what happens in the future!
Wonderful work on this. :)
I have validated a few of your later chapters and was intrigued enough to start at the beginning. I love how ominous and mysterious the beginning is. Chapman definitely seems like scum and I glad Harry was able to take Xander from there. I enjoyed all the rich world building you did in this chapter. It was impressive to explain so much background without it reading as an info dump.
Harry's empathy and care just hit me in the feels. I could tell he was connecting with Xander over the dead mom similarity and that Xander just seems to be good hearted. I'm a little curious about their travel - did Harry go from Detroit to London and back? That's a lot, even with magic. I was so glad that Ginny is accepting of them having another person to be responsible for and love. All around, really great start.
Author's Response:I'm so glad you enjoyed the first chapter. This was definitely hard chapter to write just because there was so much information to include - and so many questions that needed to made as well.
As far as their travels, the answer is yes. I tried really hard to find more on wizarding traveling, but I have found any definite answers, and I hope that that's a piece I can later revise if I get a clearer picture of how that works.
Thank you so much for this review! It was so sweet of you to stop by and thank you for all your help validating chapters. :)
XO, Quilly.
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