Name: Be My Badger (Anonymous) · Date: 22 Feb 2018 10:42 PM · For: August 1979: In Blood

Hello hello, I'm here to sprinkle a little love onto your story -- it was Valentine's this past month, don't you know? ♥

This story completely drew me in.  The title was great, and your summary, even for your chapter, was on-point.  The fast pace kept me on the edge of my seat the whole time, waiting for the character's name to be revealed, and why they were joining the Dark Lord's circle.  But I think it's far more effective that you didn't reveal who it was in this first chapter, only that the character is a 'she'.  It really adds to the mystery, and I'm so, so curious as to who she is, and what she's doing, and what her motives are.

I especially loved how you described her feelings throughout the chapter. Something is still not sitting right with her, the constant feeling of sickness and references to bile and being ill really drove the point home, but SO many questions! Why is she doing this? Did she have a change of heart? Is she a spy? I thought at first it might have been Pettigrew, when he first joined the service, but I don't think the timeline is correct for that to be the case. 

This was such a strong opening chapter; you really gripped me, and I'm super curious to see how you continue the different timelines in further chapters. 

Excellent job, your writing really impressed me ♥

Author's Response:

Hiya,

Thank you so much for reviewing this story. I have recently put in for the next chapter too if you're interested. I'm glad I got the mystery of the character and motives in this chapter. That is something the whole story is going to be about and slowly revealed as we see this character slowly fade into this decision as the years passed. I really hope the timelines work together. At the beginning of both timelines it seems like a different person/different story, but I wanted to explore what life could have been like for the average person in the first wizarding war and the decisions they made for their own survival. Cheers

Name: abhorsen (Signed) · Date: 31 Dec 2017 12:32 PM · For: August 1979: In Blood

Hey, Zayne! I've been looking forward to checking out this rewrite but haven't had time. Yay good excuse!

 

I really enjoyed this the first time around, but with this rewrite, you've definitely taken it to the next level. Your description is so vivid, and it brought both the setting and Eleanor's experience to life. A stark, harsh life, but I wouldn't expect anything else from this story. It's such a fascinating premise, and I loved it from the start - looking at how people fell to the dark side who weren't all "Grr Mudbloods, get off my lawn" (or whatever) is so fascinating, and I feel like it's a nuanced perspective we definitely don't get from the books and also tend not to get from fanfiction. You tackled it beautifully here, though, from the very first line. The "lost dog" comment in particular was really evocative, both on face value and in terms of Eleanor's relationship with Sirius. (I'm not sure if that's intentional on her part, but it's definitely where my thoughts went.) I really wanted to dislike Eleanor here - I mean, she's signing over to be an agent of incredible evil - but I didn't this time any more than I did in the first draft. I just felt sad for her and that she'd fallen this far.

 

This was really wonderful. Onward to the next chapter!

 

[transferred from HPFF]

Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 09 Dec 2017 04:16 AM · For: August 1979: In Blood

Hi!

 

What a wonderfully intriguing start to the story! Even your chapter title is really effective, and pulled me right in, and I thought you captured the sense of mystery and darkness really well in this chapter.  I have so many questions and I really want to know more about the protagonist from reading this.

 

It was so clear and strong at the start of this chapter that the main character didn't want to follow "them" into the house and go along with the Death Eater initiation process, but that they really felt like they had no choice in the matter.  Those first few lines were loaded with hints of something happening in the immediate past, and I was so curious to find out what it could be - especially because it seems like the protagonist was chosen to become a Death Eater when it wasn't something they aspired to, so I'm wondering if they did something they didn't intend to and that's why they've been chosen, or if they've been picked and made to do the things which are haunting them to go through with it.

 

There was a real sense of confusion here, too, which I enjoyed - the reader's confusion and unfamiliarity with the story mirrored it well, and I was asking a lot of questions.  The little hints about their past - the pumpkin juice, the name Amelia (Bones?) all crept in and have me wondering who this could be and if they're connected with the Marauders and the Order.

 

The actual initiation was so effectively written - I had chills because it was so creepy, and I loved reading it.  

 

One tiny thing - there's a bunch of code showing up at the start of this chapter that I think you might want to edit if you get the chance :)

 

I can't wait to be able to read more of this story!

 

Sian :)

Name: Rumpelstiltskin (Signed) · Date: 08 Dec 2017 10:30 PM · For: August 1979: In Blood

Hello!

 

The absolute dread and sickness the main character (the 'I', if you will) is feeling as they're led into the darkened house, preparing for the Death Eater initiation comes across extremely strong! You establish such an intense feeling, where she clearly doesn't want to be going through with this but obviously has very little choice in the matter. The way the darkness (the blood and the screaming and so on) penetrated through the main character's concentration on pleasant memories is thrilling and terrifying; it's almost as if she's battling a losing war with the darkness around her as it is tirelessly trying to consume her. The moment she looks into his face, the suspense built breaks into downright terror and it is amazing. The haunting way she's initiated to her new death eater family is perfect, you did a wonderful job. And I love the implication in the end, where nobody can hide from themselves.

 

Amazing job!

 

-Rumpels