Name: abhorsen (Signed) · Date: 27 Jun 2017 05:20 AM · For: In These Walls

Hey, I'm here for BvB!

The way you started this story was so eerie. The first few paragraphs after the italics left me feeling really confused and off-balance. I liked that all on its own, because I think it's an amazing way to put the reader in a character's mindset whose experience is far removed from most of us, but once I figured out quite what was going on, I loved it even more. The walls being too white and bare took on a new meaning and significance that was absolutely heartbreaking.

And her memories... oooh. Their being tortured is a really really charged, difficult thing to capture, you did an amazing job. And, as a sidetone, I loved the way you addressed why Alice and Frank were out together, and the pain at not only being subjected to violence yourself but seeing your spouse subjected to it as well, especially since the Death Eaters were clearly playing them off each other deliberately... it was so sad.

We obviously know immediately that she's not looking at Frank or baby!Neville - she's looking at Neville, Luna, and their child - but the way it took her so long to realize it was heartbreaking. It speaks to a real lack of awareness of the passage of time, which says more about how far she's fallen than almost anything else, even the disjointed nature of her thoughts.

The end literally made me tear up - you dangled a brief moment of lucidity in front of us before yanking it away. But while it was heartbreaking, I really appreciated that touch. I just... you can't snap out of 20 years of that such an extreme lack of awareness about your basic surroundings and the passage of time. Moments of lucidity, sure, but... I don't know.

Maybe it's cynical of me, but I just don't see true healing happening here. And while it's horrible to think of those raw wounds getting reopened over and over again by Alice's moments of lucidity, I think that that's a far more realistic take on it than either Alice or Frank really beginning to get better in a tangible, long-term way. I think this says a lot about Neville's character, and it makes his returning over and over take on a new meaning. He's hoping so hard to find his parents in a moment of lucidity to take whatever connection he can get, even though it will never be enough.

Yeah, I'm crying now. This was hard to read. But it was so good.Hey, I'm here for BvB!

 

The way you started this story was so eerie. The first few paragraphs after the italics left me feeling really confused and off-balance. I liked that all on its own, because I think it's an amazing way to put the reader in a character's mindset whose experience is far removed from most of us, but once I figured out quite what was going on, I loved it even more. The walls being too white and bare took on a new meaning and significance that was absolutely heartbreaking.

 

And her memories... oooh. Their being tortured is a really really charged, difficult thing to capture, you did an amazing job. And, as a sidetone, I loved the way you addressed why Alice and Frank were out together, and the pain at not only being subjected to violence yourself but seeing your spouse subjected to it as well, especially since the Death Eaters were clearly playing them off each other deliberately... it was so sad.

 

We obviously know immediately that she's not looking at Frank or baby!Neville - she's looking at Neville, Luna, and their child - but the way it took her so long to realize it was heartbreaking. It speaks to a real lack of awareness of the passage of time, which says more about how far she's fallen than almost anything else, even the disjointed nature of her thoughts.

 

The end literally made me tear up - you dangled a brief moment of lucidity in front of us before yanking it away. But while it was heartbreaking, I really appreciated that touch. I just... you can't snap out of 20 years of that such an extreme lack of awareness about your basic surroundings and the passage of time. Moments of lucidity, sure, but... I don't know.

 

Maybe it's cynical of me, but I just don't see true healing happening here. And while it's horrible to think of those raw wounds getting reopened over and over again by Alice's moments of lucidity, I think that that's a far more realistic take on it than either Alice or Frank really beginning to get better in a tangible, long-term way. I think this says a lot about Neville's character, and it makes his returning over and over take on a new meaning. He's hoping so hard to find his parents in a moment of lucidity to take whatever connection he can get, even though it will never be enough.

 

Yeah, I'm crying now. This was hard to read. But it was so good.