Name: nott theodore (Signed) · Date: 16 Dec 2017 12:29 PM · For: Chapter 1

Hi!  I absolutely love microfiction, and I always think it's fascinating to see how different people use the short snippets of stories to explore different eras and scenarios, and this was no exception - I really enjoyed it.

 

I think that your concept for this story was a really clever one.  Using the idea of Lily travelling by Floo to get to see Siobhan worked brilliantly, because it told a clever parallel story: Lily and her relationship with Siobhan playing out against the backdrop of a bunch of other people's lives, and the snippets and glimpses of their conversations that we see.  I just thought it was a unique and intelligent idea and I loved the structure.

 

I also loved the way that you linked each of the sections of the stories together with just one word, which read to continue both paragraphs - otherwise it could have felt a bit jolted and disjointed but I thought this worked really well, and fit in well with the fast-paced nature of hurtling through the different fireplaces.

 

I thought you conjured up different scenes brilliantly, and from just the short snippets of conversation here I had very clear pictures in my mind.  I also thought you gave us a great insight into Lily and Siobhan's relationship - or rather, the end of it - and I'm so curious to read more about them now!

 

Sian :)

Author's Response:

Hi Sian,

thank you so much for your kind review!! I'm really happy that you enjoyed it - I personally think that it's hard to follow, and that's also the feedback I mostly got for this story. So thanks for your encouraging words :) And also sorry that I only replied now - I didn't notice that I'd received it.

-Shinicha