Name: cambangst (Signed) · Date: 14 May 2018 07:07 PM · For: Anguish

Lookie there! It's an old review finding a new home!

 

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Selene! I've been meaning to read this for a while. Some nights, our free time catches up to our ambitions.

I love the way you've kicked off the story. I recognize the event that's playing out, even though it's seen from a completely different perspective. You did a great job of dropping us right into the action without any preamble or pretense. I was instantly caught up in what I was reading without even half a chance to get bored. I know very little about your leading characters -- at least the ones leading so far -- and that's FINE. I can't wait to learn more about them, but that's what future chapters are for. Right now, I'm captivated by the moment and that's what a good first chapter should do.

Your pacing for this chapter was excellent. A rapid, downhill ride, interrupted only by a couple of moments where the characters -- and the readers -- catch their breath.

I saw a couple of small typos, at least I think they're typos:

-- Time had not kind been to their children, and she felt each of their deaths keenly in the way only a mother, and a grandmother, could feel. -- Time had not been kind?

-- Surely not even to Gods were so cruel to give her hope. -- not even the Gods

Otherwise, excellent writing.

You crazy giraffe, you! I am really looking forward to seeing where this story goes, and what it is about Rebecca and Amadeus that Lily had to become accustomed to. Rock on!

-Dan