Name: pookha (Signed) · Date: 07 Nov 2020 04:29 PM · For: The Perfect Servant

 

I don't know how I never noticed the Judas Priest references in your story titles before. Obviously, this isn't one, but it does make me want to read the other stories and see what's up there.

 

The first two things I notice about are that she seems to suffer from a type of synesthesia that makes torturing people actually translate to ecstasy for her and that is creepy as fuck. We also see her complete psychopathy. It's not that she can't see their pain, she sees it and understands it, but it's more important for her because of what it does for her mentally, physically and psychically. Her account of the torture of the (unnamed, but pretty obviously the Longbottoms) gives understanding to what she is doing. That this is a dream/vision/memory brought on by her captivity in Azkaban doesn't make a difference; it makes it a type of memory that is no longer objective; it's her subjective interpretation filtered by her subconscious.

 

The description of colors/sensations/euphoria are all very well done. As you noted in your review of my story, description is spare and I love the contrast of your style to mine. You describe well without going into Anne Rice-ian descriptions of everything. You give a maximalist description without going overboard into needless description. What I mean is it seems like everything you describe has a purpose and a need in the story.

 

 The dream shifting from Voldemort's approval to Cygnus's disapproval is super well-done. Bellatrix was waiting for her reward, her approval from her master only to have it ripped from her and her father casting her into the black hole of the closet (Cygnus X-1 haha, black hole, now I gotta listen to that Rush song again).  It shows us how Bellatrix always had to be better, stronger than the men, stronger, better than anyone else; and combined with her psychopathy and just plain crazy, that is a recipe for ‘I do anything to achieve the goal of my master.'

 

At the end, her self-harm to show herself that she still has the fire, sets up the canonical parts of the books to come. She's still there mentally (at least as much as she ever was) and maybe the time in Azkaban actually made her worse by stripping away those last vestiges of memory. If she ever had any happy memories, they've been destroyed by the Dementors leaving only pain, and anger that she will use to power her actions the rest of the way.

 

This is a beautiful character study of a demented (haha again), twisted, scary as fuck person. You show what motivates her and give us an understanding of her without flinching from the things that are frightening about her.

 

 

Name: dirtydeedsdonedirtcheap (Signed) · Date: 10 May 2017 07:15 PM · For: The Perfect Servant

Transferred from HPFF --

 

A few hours ago I got home from work and I realized something was missing in my life. I read a book for the first time in many years. Not a textbook. Not someone’s research but a story, something that had a beginning, middle and an end. The wheels in my head started turning and that has not happened in such a long time. 

Somehow this led me to you. 

Only Bellatrix could truly see the beauty in the suffering of the unworthy. Only she had been granted the vision to know and to understand how their pain was glory to her master. 

The entire introductory paragraph is chilling but once I got up to this part it made me smile. Is smiling at the thought of torture healthy? No. Look what you do to your readers. I feel like this portion describes Bellatrix to a ‘t.’ If I didn’t know anything about her character beforehand this would reveal her soul to me. Bellatrix has soul, hers is just different than everyone else’s. 

It strained against her control, barely contained, screaming out in vengeance against the pathetic insects who would deny her master his rightful place. His absolute authority over a world where only the pure practiced magic.

She chaotic. The second paragraph gave me goosebumps because I could hear the yelling and it is too much to handle for a sane person. Jeez. She’s horrifying. Bellatrix would have been a great character in Silence of the Lambs. 

I think her and Lector would get along great. 

(Ugh)

“If you want something done right...”

Typical woman. Haha. 

bathing the entire world in a furious kaleidoscope of spinning, twisting screams.

Personally I feel like you could have used a different word regarding kaleidoscope. It was stronger when you used it in the opening paragraph and using it again later on kind of takes away the strength of the opening scene for me. 

When the Dark Lord “cleansed” her that freaked me out. I never realized how much of a God she really saw him as. I think when I was younger I saw Bellatrix as a crazed and desperate woman but I think my perception of her has changed over the years. Crazy? Yeah, I guess. But when someone has such a hold over you and you believe in them so much…it could drive anyone insane. 

I loved the transitions! I didn’t even see the changes coming and I like that in a story. I don’t want to know too much too soon but it wasn’t like whiplash so I could still follow along. I would have liked more to the scene with her father but any longer and the mystery between her former life and the present would have ruined it. I wanted more but I didn’t. I make very little sense.

Name: Jami (Anonymous) · Date: 21 Jan 2017 05:06 AM · For: The Perfect Servant

I don't think I've loved anything as much as I love the comparison of lights, colors,  beautifully choreographed dancing paired with the excitement that Bellatrix gains from causing pain. Taking something generally good (colors, passion, autumn, shapes all twirling together) and paralleling it with the darkest and cruelest actions of torture really created something amazing. She is crazy, absolutely insane... But she's also probably one of the only true followers Voldemort had. So many seemed to do his bidding for their own safety or to see a world where their own bigotry could feel at home, but Bellatrix served him because it was her only true joy. And I think you wrote that in such a twisted and amazing way, especially the pain she feels when she's switching from the nightmare of him vanishing from her, to the hell of her father's world. I mean, the phrase daddy issues does exist for a reason. And you show the small, tiny fraction of a human soul with her enduring that kind of abuse from the first person she'd probably ever tried to please, her father.

 

Then we're straight back in crazy land with her needing to inflict that pain to assure herself the fire is still in her. You've created such a beautifully messed up picture here. The child you want to pity twisted with the disgust and rage of the woman she turns into.

 

Amazing. I absolutely loved this.