Name: prideofprewett (Signed) · Date: 06 Jul 2022 01:24 AM · For: Rejoining the Khalasar

Hi there! Here for our review swap! I am getting super into ASOIAF myself (again), so naturally I was going to check out this story, even though it appears to be an older one. 

 

I really enjoyed the opening premise of this! I always viewed Jorah Mormont as a tragic romantic figure from the series. I think the fact that he sought out companionship with a Dothraki woman and had a child with her is entirely plausible. He craves companionship and you definitely imply that with the way he fits in so well with the Dothraki.

 

It seems as though Laena's mother has died in the ambush, which is incredibly sad. Even though Laena does not remember anything, she does remember that the woman is her mother and the amulet she wears is meaningful. I wonder if she buried her or what became of her mother after she left her.

 

You include such meaningful details in the first few lines, like how Laena is riding in front of her father on her horse, which explains how she would have fallen and a separation might have occurred. I think some additional emotional explanation as to why Ser Jorah left his presumably dead wife and daughter after the ambush would enhance the story. Some description, dialogue, and scene breaks would also really enrich it.

 

Honestly, this is such a fascinating premise and has a lot of potential to be a fabulous story! I definitely am intrigued enough to want to read more of this. And I do hope that this one is on your list to revisit, since you mentioned that you would like to do that on the forums. :)

 

I look forward to seeing what happens with Laena and how the reunion with her father unfolds.

 

Thanks again for the swap opportunity!

 

<3 Courtney 

Author's Response:

Hi! Thank you for the lovely review! I really hope you read more. I need to rewatch Game of Thrones and finish the ASOIAF books before I update this one. I hope you enjoy the rest of this story. I tried hard to make this story realistic and plausible. Thank you for the advice. I will definitely keep that in mind. 

 

I will be reviewing something of yours here shortly. Thank you so much!!!

 

<3 Meg aka DanyFire

Name: Rachel Wilson (Anonymous) · Date: 17 Feb 2021 12:40 AM · For: Pieces of the Truth

This is so good! You should definitely update your chapters! So good 

Author's Response:

I do need to update it. I haven't had much muse to write lately. Thank you!!!

Name: Anonymous (Anonymous) · Date: 17 Feb 2021 12:38 AM · For: Vague Memories

I want more Meg! Glad they took her in! I love how you write as a writer very good!

Author's Response:

Thank you! I felt that this would be the best way to go with this story. I'm glad you liked that.

Name: Rachel Wilson (Anonymous) · Date: 17 Feb 2021 12:30 AM · For: Rejoining the Khalasar

Oh wow! This is so good too Meg! Love this!

Author's Response:

Thank you! I worked hard to make this a good story.

Name: Salazar's Caroling Sorceress (Anonymous) · Date: 16 Jan 2018 04:37 PM · For: Rejoining the Khalasar

Hello!

 

I can't even begin to imagine being ambushed by a horde of Dothraki and, with them being so accustomed to ambush, it makes sense that even Jorah didn't hear them. It's so sad to hear about Leana's mother, and it must have been absolutely heart-breaking for Jorah to believe that both Leana and her mother had died during the ambush.

 

In such a state of semi-amnesia, she must be terribly confused as to what's going on! It must be particularly terrifying for her to have seen her mother lying at the scene dead. Yeah, after the ambush I'd imagine that she'd be extremely thirsty and hungry--I'm really happy to see that Daenerys offered for her to travel with them, especially since her father is also with Khal Drogo's Khalasar.

 

I really hope that Leana regains her memory at some point--it must be so difficult for Jorah to have to witness his daughter still being alive but unable to remember even that he's her father.

 

Lovely job!

Author's Response:

Thank you for your kind review! I hope to be able to update this story soon. I plan to expand on the story. You'll just have to wait and see what happens. ;)

Name: victoria_anne (Signed) · Date: 02 May 2017 10:09 AM · For: Rejoining the Khalasar

Hey Leigh! Here to give this story some love!

This is actually the first Game of Thrones fanfiction that I've read, so I'm glad it's with characters that I recognize! 

I like the idea that Jorah had a child with one of the Dothraki women. It makes sense, since he was with them for so long (I think.) I love the name Laena, too! Tasha did a great job with that one!

So sad that she loses her mother so violently though! That's life as a Dothraki I suppose.

I could just imagine Daenerys helping a young girl, I think that's very sweet of her.

Poor Jorah having to let his daughter go! At least he knows she will be looked after, and he can watch her from afar, but that must be so so hard.

The only suggestions I have for you is to maybe add some more description; it's a lot of telling and not showing, and also some more character emotions. I have much sympathy toward Jorah and Laena, but still feel like an outsider.

Apart from that, I think you've done a great job, and I hope you do more with your original character, because you've set her up in a unique position within the Khalasar! 

Author's Response:

Thank you for such a kind review. I was nervous writing it which is why there isn't really much description. That will change with future chapters. I really hope you read my future chapters! :D I will be updating soon. Please keep an eye out for more. I appreciate your feedback. I will be sure to keep your tips in mind.